A car scrunched slowly up the gravel drive. Her mother was home. Sierra darted to her bedroom pulling off her clothes as she ran, frantically put her pajamas back on, and jumped into bed. She wasn’t ready to explain anything to her mother tonight. She would tell her tomorrow, after she had a chance to sort out her thoughts.
She heard whispered voices and then the door closing and a few moments later sensed her mother hovering at her bedroom door. Sierra feigned sleep until she heard her mother’s soft footsteps as she went to her own room.
*****
“Did somebody come to our house last night just before I got home?” Pam asked the next morning as the two of them were getting ready for school.
So Dean and her mother had passed each other in the driveway, as Sierra feared would happen.
“Yes, Dean came by. I was going to tell you about it tonight because it’s kind of involved.”
Pam looked up with a quizzical expression. “Nothing bad happened, did it?”
“His cat got run over by a car. I’ll tell you everything tonight.”
“Okay, tonight.” Pam slipped on her jacket over her scrubs, grabbed her bag and kissed her daughter on the cheek as she passed her on her way out the door. She did not like the seed of worry that settled in her stomach about what Sierra might be going to tell her.
At school, Sierra told Allison what had happened.
“How can you have any doubts that he is playing games with you?” Allison asked, sounding incredulous.
“I know it sounds strange, but if you could have seen him; I mean he really did seem very upset,” Sierra said, trying to defend Dean’s behavior.
“Hmph,” Allison snorted. “He’s a very good actor.”
“That’s unfair, you didn’t see him.”
“Tell you what; why don’t you ask his sister about their cat the next time you see her?”
“Okay, I will,” Sierra said belligerently, not liking how Allison’s suspicions enhanced her own doubts.
Sierra’s mother was equally skeptical about Dean’s excuse for coming when Sierra explained everything while they were eating supper.
“You could have called me to at least let me know he was coming over,” Pam said after hearing Sierra’s story. “Ron and I were just lingering at the restaurant. We could have come home right away.”
“Mom, I’m sorry,” Sierra said for about the tenth time. “I didn’t think of that and I knew you’d be home soon anyway. I thought he would still be here when you got home.”
“Okay, enough said, but don’t let it happen again. If you ever have doubts as to whether I will mind or not, you should call me.”
“I will, I promise.”
After supper, they cleaned the kitchen together, and then settled onto the sofa to work on homework.
“Momma,” Sierra said in a pensive tone, shutting her biology book that she was getting nowhere in reading; too many distracting thoughts whirling in her head. “Give me reasons why I shouldn’t have sex now.”
Pam sat bolt upright and gazed at her daughter with a look of panic.
Sierra quickly assured her, “I’m not having sex and I don’t want to either; don’t worry. I just want to hear reasons other than you can get pregnant or a bad disease, because everyone knows there are ways to have safe sex.”
“This boy is putting a lot of pressure on you, isn’t he?” Pam asked softly.
“It’s nothing I can’t handle,” Sierra proclaimed boldly. “It’s just that everyone at school talks about sex and I know some girls even younger than me who are already having sex with their boyfriends. They talk like it’s no big deal.”
Pam thought for awhile before replying. “First of all, there is no such thing as safe sex and I’m not talking about pregnancy or diseases. Sex is powerful. It is an act of such intimacy where your physical body is literally part of another. Both men and women use and abuse sex to get things they want; you know, things like status, money, power over other people. When sex is part of a loving relationship, it is the most pleasurable and ecstatic experience. Sex at its worst will give some a distorted sense of dominance and superiority and others will feel degraded and dirty, or will even suffer physical harm. There are good reasons why societies develop moral and religious rules about sex.”
“So when is it okay to have sex?” Sierra persisted.
“That’s a good question. I guess I’m kind of old-fashioned, but I believe first of all you should be in love and ready to commit to your partner. I don’t know about men, but for women, sex is very tied up with emotions. You need to be mature enough to examine your own feelings honestly and not mistake physical attraction for love. I don’t think most high school girls are ready to deal with the emotions tied to sex. I am sorry there is so much pressure on girls today to do something they are not emotionally prepared for.”
“I guess that makes sense.”
“Sierra, could you make me a promise?”
“Probably…it depends on what you ask.”
“When you think you might give in to a boy, could you try to at least put him off until you can talk to me?”
“What if I talk to you and my feelings are that I still want to. Are you going to say no?”
“I will probably try to talk you out of it,” Pam said honestly. “If you can promise me this, I promise not to get mad if you disagree with me. I promise to talk to you woman-to-woman.”
“Okay, that’s fair. I promise.”
*****
Later that night after Sierra had gone to bed, Pam stayed up alone, working on homework until her eyelids drooped; but also mulling over her worry about this boy Dean. She did not have good feelings about him; even before the unlikely excuse he had given Sierra last night. She did not trust him one bit, even though she had never met him. Well, that was part of the problem, why hadn’t she met him? In her opinion, a decent boy always took the trouble to meet the parents of a girl he was genuinely interested in and respected. She had been trying to give her daughter warnings; that it was unusual for a senior to be interested in a sophomore and to take with a grain of salt all the compliments and sweet things he said to her. “Actions speak louder than sweet words,” she had cautioned, but couldn’t help regret it when she saw the strained look on Sierra’s face. It broke her heart to see how her face fell when her phone rang and it was not Dean, but it was just as hard to see how her eyes lit up and her smile shone the few times he did call. Her daughter was infatuated with someone taking advantage of her! She felt so helpless as a mother. She could forbid Sierra to see him, but she knew how fruitless that could be and certainly wasn’t going to change the feelings in Sierra’s heart. All she could do was set and enforce rules that she prayed might protect her. She thought of all the worst things that Dean might have tried to do last night with Sierra, and bitterness filled her mouth as so many unpleasant images came to her mind. She could not suppress the animosity she felt toward him; this boy she feared was going to destroy Sierra’s faith in love, and her innocence.
With an aching heart, she shoved her books aside and got up to go to bed. On the way to her room she quietly opened Sierra’s door and peered in at the shadowy outline of her daughter sound asleep, cat and dog snuggled next to her. So innocent! The love that welled up for her daughter at that moment brought a painful ache to her heart, accentuated by the fact that she could not protect her from the evils of the world. She gently pulled the door closed and quickly got ready for bed with tears falling unhindered from her eyes.
*****
26 The Ball
Dressage training is exactly like the tango. It’s an entirely improvised form of dance in which the rider needs to listen to the horse and understand exactly what the horse is feeling. – Richard Weis
*****
Peter’s parents, with Allison and Peter in the backseat, picked up Sierra and drove them to the country club. Sierra’s mother would pick them up at midnight when the dance ended.
Sierra, Allison, and Peter walked
into the ballroom of the country club, and all three stood in awe of the beautiful room – a room out of a fairy tale. Crystal chandeliers hung from the cathedral ceiling that rose up into a glass-sided dome. Gilded floor to ceiling mirrors were mounted at intervals on every wall, and reflected the light from the chandeliers and wall sconces. Marbled alcoves leading to small balconies broke up the exterior wall, and a highly polished hardwood dance floor in the middle of the spacious room was surrounded by many long tables loaded with refreshments. All the décor, the table linens, flower arrangements, and other accessories, were in bright red and snowy white.
“Where is Dean supposed to meet you?” Allison asked as they scanned the milling crowd.
“He didn’t say. I really don’t expect him to be here yet; he’s not the kind of guy who shows up early or even on time.” She laughed, hoping it sounded light and amused. “I’ll just find a place to sit where I can watch while I’m waiting.”
Allison and Peter walked with her to a row of cushioned chairs along one wall, and Sierra settled herself on one with a view of the entryway. She declined Peter’s offer to bring her refreshments. “It’s too early. I’m fine. You two go dance.”
Sierra watched couples arrive, mill around, and move onto the dance floor or stand around in groups at the refreshment tables. Most of the girls wore red or pink dresses and the boys wore suits; some even in tuxedos. Sierra’s own dress was light pink in a silk-like fabric. It had delicate white lace trim around the neckline, waist, and hem, and the flared skirt swished in what she thought was a very feminine way when she moved. Her shoes were flat, black ballet-style slippers. She didn’t want any heels to trip over when she danced with Dean.
Crystal arrived; the princess of the evening. Her friends flocked around her as if they were her royal court. She was dressed in a strapless sheath in bright red satin, its shape hugging her slim figure, and the hem at mid thigh. Her high-heeled pumps matched the same shade of red of her dress. Stuart wore a white tuxedo, a pink ruffled shirt, and red cummerbund.
Billy was there with Charlene. He looked even fatter, stuffed into a gray tuxedo with a pink cummerbund. Charlene wore a pink dress printed with bright red hearts and a bright red velvet sash at the waist. Sierra thought it was probably the only dress that was more little girlish than her own. But Charlene’s face beamed in a constant smile and Billy grinned from ear to ear. They were on the dance floor and Charlene giggled every time Billy stepped on her toes as they awkwardly danced in their own space. A wave of envy spilled over Sierra watching them. They looked so absorbed in each other and obviously were having a very good time.
The minutes dragged on. Allison and Peter joined her when the band took a break, their faces glowing and damp with perspiration.
“Dean still hasn’t shown up?” Allison asked the obvious.
Sierra shook her head and smiled weakly, afraid her voice would give away her hurt and trepidation that Dean might stand her up.
“Let’s check out the food.” Allison grabbed Sierra’s arm and propelled her toward the refreshments.
In spite of having no appetite, Sierra picked out a few hors d’oeuvres to place onto a small red paper plate, and picked up a bottle of water. Allison and Peter loaded their plates, sampling and exclaiming over the delicious assortment.
The three walked around; greeting friends, exclaiming over each others’ dresses, the food, the band, and what a great party it was.
Sierra pasted a smile on her face, feeling alone and miserable. He’s not coming.
When the band started to play again, Allison told Peter to dance with Sierra while she went to the ladies’ room.
“It’s okay,” Sierra protested, feeling like a wallflower receiving a charity dance.
But Peter did not give her a choice, pulling her onto the dance floor. She moved her feet and smiled, trying to look like a person having fun. The last thing she wanted right now was to dance with Allison’s boyfriend, but at least it was less conspicuous than sitting along the wall… alone…stood up.
When the dance finished and Allison rejoined them, Sierra excused herself to go to the ladies’ room herself, not that she needed to, but to pass the time. A crowd of girls filled the small space, chattering and laughing as they lined up for the stalls and touched up make-up at the mirror.
“Sierra,” one of her classmates called over the heads of several girls. “Are you here with Dean?”
“He’s going to meet me here later,” she replied, hoping it would turn out to be the truth.
“He is so hot,” the girl exclaimed before stepping into the next open stall.
Sierra finished in the bathroom and made her way back to her seat. Halfway around the room, she caught sight of a couple from the corner of her eye. When she looked their way, her heart seized up in her chest. Katrina and River! She sucked in a deep breath, and her heart pounded painfully as her stomach knotted.
Katrina looked so beautiful in a red print dress, her rich brown hair cascading down her back with red ribbons interlaced through her thick tresses. Her face glowed radiantly, her eyes focused on her partner.
But River! She almost didn’t recognize him. He wore black jeans and a long-sleeved white shirt (probably his show shirt) open at the throat without a tie. He had combed his hair back away from his face, and its rich blackness shone in the crystal light, framing his face. Less dressed up than all the others boys, he stood out, and in Sierra’s mind, he stood out as the most handsome of them all.
She watched, mesmerized as he danced with Katrina, holding onto her waist and her hand rather than apart, even though it was a fast song. Of course he would be a good dancer; why wouldn’t anyone who rode harmoniously with a horse not also move in harmony to music? He danced gracefully, moving shoulders, hips, and feet rhythmically in time with the music but with some interesting steps thrown in, as he guided Katrina around the floor. Sierra noted how the couples around watched him with sidelong glances; the boys looking envious and the girls in admiration. Katrina wore a gloriously happy expression.
Sierra watched River’s face as he listened to Katrina chattering, and occasionally smiling at something she said. He likes her!
A sob rose in Sierra’s throat and hot tears pushed at the back of her eyes. She turned away and fled back to the hallway leading to the restrooms, finding a quiet nook where she huddled alone until she managed to regain control of her emotions.
To see Katrina in River’s arms had slammed against her senses as so not right. It shocked her that her first thoughts had been, that’s my place! That’s where I belong. She recalled the many times River had held her against his chest while she cried, comforting her. She could imagine the feel of the cloth of his shirt against her face and the scent of him. With her eyes closed, she saw very clearly his dark brown eyes looking deep into her own. She remembered how once she thought he was going to kiss her, and that she had wanted him to kiss her. It’s River I want! It’s River ‘s kisses I want!
She was such a fool; a blind fool! It was as if blinkers in front of her eyes had been suddenly torn away. How could she have been so naïve and stupid to become infatuated with someone like Dean? His self-centered, inconsiderate behavior suddenly seemed so transparent…so cruel! He was a jerk, just as Allison had been trying to tell her…just as River had tried to tell her.
Breathing deeply and swallowing down her anguish, Sierra returned to the ballroom, her outward appearance serene and calm, and a stern look on her face. She looked at the gilded clock; just after nine; three hours before her mother came to pick them up. Dean was an hour late, if he was even going to come.
The evening dragged on painfully. Peter danced with Sierra once each set. She sat, she walked around, she drank water and punch, counting the minutes until she could escape this purgatory and go home.
It was after ten and the band had just returned from a break, and Peter took her hand for the first dance of the set.
“Thanks, Peter, but I’ve had enough dancing,” Sierra decl
ined his polite insistence. She shooed Allison and him back to the dance floor. “I’m going to walk around some more.”
“Sierra,” a girl’s voice called behind her. Sierra turned to find Crystal waving at her with one arm, the other looped through Stuart’s as she dragged him along with her.
“Hi, Crystal,” Sierra greeted her in a flat tone; dreading the inevitable question about where was Dean.
“Dean just called me. He says to tell you something came up but he’s on his way.” Crystal smiled at her with a crinkle of her nose, and then turned, pulling Stuart back to the dance floor. “You are so lucky,” she added over his shoulder.
It was like the final clue in a mystery. Dean had been playing games with her and somehow, she knew Crystal was in on the game; perhaps even the one making the rules. What else could it mean that Dean had called Crystal and not her?
“Sierra.”
River! Sierra froze with her heart in her throat. How can I turn around and face him?
The touch of fingers, light on her shoulder, impelled her to turn. “Do you want to dance?” River asked, his dark eyes shadowed, and his expression unreadable.
“Uh…” How she wanted to fall into his arms. Comfort me! Care for me!
“Come on.” He cupped her elbow, not waiting for an answer, and guided her to the dance floor. With fingers lightly on her waist, he turned her to face him, and picked up her right hand; leaving her no choice but to place her free hand on his shoulder. The hand that held hers was warm, rough with calluses, strong, and held hers within a firm but gentle grip. How unlike Dean’s soft hands that had never known work.
The Boy Who Loves Horses (Pegasus Equestrian Center Series) Page 27