“Quick in-and-out. No problem,” she mumbled. She could do this. She stepped out of her car and walked over to Sierra, who had parked behind her and was waiting patiently with her window down.
“Nice house.”
“Thanks,” Kara replied. Her lips pressed thin into a forced smile. This entire situation had her neurons in a steady state of hyperactivity. “I brought home some of the lab results to analyze. Let me grab them and then we can get lunch.”
“Great.” It was one word that could be uttered a million different ways, but the sparkle in Sierra’s eyes when she dipped her dark Oakley sunglasses spoke volumes.
Yet again, Sierra had managed to send Kara’s heart to the races. Her enthusiasm was contagious, causing her tightly pressed lips to ease into a warm smile. Three steps toward her house, Kara stopped, looked back, and offered as casually as she could, “You can come in if you’d like.”
What am I doing? This was not the plan.
Sierra’s grin widened. With a bounce in her step, she was out of the car and hot on Kara’s heels in a second flat.
All concerns were tossed into the wind. Feeling free and easy with Sierra by her side, Kara unlocked the door and shoved it open. No sooner had they walked through the door than Kara stopped short, sending Sierra crashing into her back and nearly knocking her over.
“Jamie? What are you doing here? I wasn’t expecting you until four?” It was only one-thirty and yet, here was Jamie standing with a bouquet of roses awaiting her arrival. Moments earlier, her heart had raced with the prospect of spending time with Sierra. Now it pulsed erratically with the dread and anxiety of the shit show about to unfold.
How am I going to fix this mess?
“I didn’t think I needed an appointment to see my own girlfriend, but apparently, I should’ve checked your book since you appear to be occupied,” Jamie snarled, directing her eyes around Kara to cast a heinous glare at Sierra. She was half-Hispanic and that fiery temper reared its head as she moved with slow, steady steps, closing the gap between them like a tiger on the hunt.
Kara wanted to step in, but her mouth had gone dry and her voice was non-existent, as if a giant hand had wrapped around her throat, suffocating her.
“Girlfriend?”
The hurt in Sierra’s voice hung heavy in the air. Kara was glad to be facing Jamie so the look on Sierra’s face wouldn’t be burned into her memory. Her chest ached for causing such pain, but her blood boiled at the sadistic smirk occupying her soon to be ex-girlfriend’s face. Kara turned, ready to face the music and explain everything, but Jamie grabbed her wrist, demanding her full attention.
“What the hell, Kara? I’ve been waiting for you for weeks and you’re out with another woman?”
“I’m not out with anyone. I’m allowed to have friends, Jamie.”
Searing dark brown eyes looked Sierra up and down with blatant disgust. “Yeah, she looks like your usual type of friend. When did you start slumming it, Kara?”
“Bitch! I don’t know who you are, but that shit won’t fly,” Sierra growled and tried to push past Kara.
Stuck between the two and desperate for a resolution, Kara spun and pushed Sierra back by the shoulders. Sierra’s eyes never left Jamie’s. Her fists balled tight as she continued to try and bull her way through. She was strong, damned strong. Kara had to widen her stance and brace her core to keep from getting run over. An image of the running of the bulls flashed through her mind. Good thing she was fit, but she couldn’t keep this up all day.
“Please, Sierra, this is between me and Jamie. I’ll handle it.”
“Fine.” Sierra relented and stepped back abruptly. Kara nearly fell to the ground as the brick wall of a body she had been fending off moved away. “Don’t worry about me, Kara. I’m fantastic. Enjoy your time with your precious girlfriend,” she spat and rushed out the door.
The screech of tires on pavement sent Kara’s heart plummeting through the floor into the basement. Stupid. I told Nicole I was out of my element. The plan had been food and research. Kara was a smart woman. She could have come up with something to tell Sierra instead of bringing her to her house. Now, there was more drama she had to deal with, but that couldn’t be her focus. She had to settle things with Jamie first.
Love’s imminent cascade of misery had begun.
“She seems pretty upset for someone you’re not doing anything with,” Jamie remarked accusingly before walking to the fridge and grabbing herself a cold beer.
Jamie was angry. She should be. She had been on a break for what felt like forever with little to no communication from her. Kara had thought some time apart would make her realize how much she missed having Jamie around, but she didn’t miss her at all. It came as only a small surprise that she already missed Sierra. The fact would’ve been more shocking had she not already accepted that the woman had a vise grip hold on her.
Sierra. Was it too late to go after her? Yes, it was. Besides, she needed to turn her focus on the woman burning a hole through her with bitter disdain.
Avoiding her girlfriend’s glare, Kara walked to the kitchen, pulled a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water. Already exhausted from the last few minutes, she sighed and gathered her resolve. It was only the two of them now and there was much to be said.
“She’s a rider I treated at the last race. I recruited her to participate in one of my research projects. I haven’t been doing anything with her.”
Jamie’s brow arched. “Seriously? Look Kara, when I told you to take all the time you needed I never expected you to be out hooking up with patients.”
Still ignoring the set of blazing eyes staring her down, Kara made her way to the dark leather sofa in the living room and replied with sarcasm, “You’ve caught me, Jamie. That’s all my projects are, one good fuck after another in the name of research.” She plopped down onto the cushions and propped her feet up on the cherry wood coffee table.
“Fuck you, Kara. I deserve better than this.”
Kara’s frustration grew. Jamie did deserve better. That was what she had come home to tell her, but the woman didn’t want to hear the truth. Kara’s head lolled back against the top of the couch. She may as well have slept with Sierra. It would’ve been so easy. Well, that part would have been easy, but this day would’ve been a whole lot uglier. The last thing she needed was even more reasons for everyone to despise her.
When Dr. Kara Davies did something, she went big. Today was no exception. She had managed to turn both her break up and her attempt to move forward with Sierra into epic disasters. Was there any kind of Guinness Book achievement for failed relationships? Had other people failed as miserably in similar feats? Surely, she wasn’t alone in sucking at relationships. Hopefully, when she returned to Bend, Sierra would let her explain. Then maybe there would be a chance to give a relationship a try. That was, if she could even handle dating again when it was all said and done.
She rolled her eyes, unable to believe she was in the middle of calling it quits with her current girlfriend and all she could think about was Sierra. If she had given Jamie as much thoughtful consideration, they may have been a happy couple. But there was a reason it hadn’t worked out. Jamie wasn’t the one for her. Kara had long come to believe that there would never be any person she would care to spend copious amounts of time with, but one interaction with Sierra, and that hypothesis was blown to shreds. Now, only one person stood between her and the woman who might possibly be her future. It was time to move on.
Kara lifted her head and regarded her girlfriend, who had taken a seat at the other end of the couch. There was a time she had enjoyed running her hands through those short, honey-brown curls that framed searching, deep brown eyes. She had gotten lost in the sensations that talented curvy mouth could dish out. But that seemed like ages ago and even then, it was on a whim and not filled with the need to connect with a lover. With a deep breath, she released the words she’d been holding in for far too long. “I’m not happy. I haven’t
been for a long time."
“What? Kara, I—”
“No.” Kara tore her gaze away from the tears welling up in Jamie’s eyes. If she crumbled now, she would never get the words out. “You’re right. You deserve more, Jamie, but I can’t give it to you. We aren’t right for one another.”
Jamie slid forward, her hands finding a soft landing on Kara’s knee. “Kara, I know we’ve had our problems, but we just need to spend more time together to get back to where we used to be.” Jamie fought back tears as she pleaded her case.
Kara shook her head. More time together was not the answer. As much as her heart was breaking at the distraught look upon Jamie’s face, she otherwise felt nothing. If more time had been all they needed, she was certain she would’ve felt some kind of twinge or nudge to try again. But there was nothing. Her heart only ached for another. “That won’t help and you know it.”
“It’s that woman, isn’t it?” Jamie sat back. Her eyes swirled with pain and betrayal—a heady mix that would often send a person off half-cocked. “You needed a romp on the wild side. Now that’s out of your system and I forgive you.”
“No!” Kara shouted, desperate to make Jamie understand. “It’s not about her.” A little lie. It was, but their relationship had been over long before Sierra had ever entered the picture. She was merely the catalyst Kara had needed to grow a set and make the change. “And I haven’t slept with her. I haven’t even kissed her. I haven’t done anything with anyone, Jamie. There is no reason other than I don’t want to be with you anymore.”
Ouch! That had come out more harshly than intended.
Jamie’s eyes bolted wide open. Her body flew back hard into the corner of the sofa as if a superhuman kick had struck her dead in the chest. “But I love you, Kara,” she whispered, realization finally taking hold.
“And I did love you, Jamie, but this isn’t working anymore and it’s not fair to either of us. I’m sorry, but we’re done.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Knocking on Harley’s door was a return to the cycle of shame that would leave Sierra hating herself later. She knew it. She had done it before—three times, actually. Four, if she counted the one when they’d broken up and then had sex an hour later. Yet, she couldn’t find the strength to break herself of the habit. Ronni would have some choice words for her later and deservingly so, but none of the negative after effects were enough to deter her from repeating the mistake.
There had been assorted reasons over the years for Sierra’s trips to Harley’s to screw herself happy, but of all of them, this one had hurt the most. More than the time she was passed over for a team endorsement. More than when that other chick, whose name she had since forgotten, trashed her bike because Sierra told her she wasn’t looking for a girlfriend after they had spent two days shacked up together.
No, this one ached deep into her bones. She had fallen for Kara and fast. She had trusted her. She had even been ready to try the relationship thing again—something she had sworn off for good. With Kara, she had wanted to reach for that happiness so many people bragged about having.
She knocked again and then leaned wearily against the deck railing. She wiped her lip and winced. The pain from her bike crash a few hours ago was setting in, but the scrapes and bruises were no match for what Kara had done to her heart.
Harley opened the door in a sweat-soaked pink spandex tank top and a matching pair of tiny compression shorts, looking none too pleased to see her. She looked Sierra up and down and shook her head. There was no concern for her injuries. A labored breath escaped her lungs and she wiped her brow. “What the hell, Wiley?”
“My bike and I had a disagreement.” Sierra shrugged with indifference and moved into her personal space until mere millimeters separated them.
“Since you’re at my door,” Harley began unfazed, “I’d say the disagreement wasn’t just with your bike. I told you I wasn’t going to do this anymore.”
Sierra ignored her protest, answering with a light peppering of kisses down her neck. “Come on. You know you want to, for old times’ sake.” Her finger followed a drop of sweat as it tumbled free and easy from Harley’s chin, down her neck, and into the valley between her breasts. She continued her path around a spandex covered nipple that was quick to stand at attention.
A guttural growl rumbled through Harley and Sierra smiled in victory before ending the standoff with a ferocious kiss. Succumbing to the advances, Harley parted her lips and deepened the kiss. Her hands slid down to squeeze a nicely-toned ass as she pulled Sierra in tight. There was no passion between them, no worshipping of flesh, only raw carnal lust as they ripped the clothing from one another’s body, leaving a trail from the deck to the bed.
Sierra moaned with pleasure, but silently cursed herself once more for running back to her ex. Why did she feel the need to punish herself even more? Was the pain of crashing her bike and careening twenty feet off the side of the trail not enough? She had done nothing wrong. It was Kara who had lied, but she was the one crushed and miserable. She needed to forget, to feel numb, so she shut down her thoughts and let the physical pleasures serve as an escape—however brief it may be.
The moment they finished, Harley rolled out of bed, walked across the room, and slipped on her robe, never once looking at Sierra. “Feel better?”
There was something in her tone that cracked open a world of realization for Sierra. Feelings were at stake. Feelings she never knew existed. What a jerk she had been. How had she never known? “Harley…”
“No. I’d kept hoping you’d change your mind, but…I just…I can’t do this anymore.” She paused, half-turning as if tempted to catch one last glance of a naked Sierra lying on her bed, but then mustered her strength and strode away.
Lying alone in a room still awash with the thick scent of sex, a wave of shame crashed over Sierra, leaving her flailing among a sea of tears to catch her breath. She had screwed up in so many ways. She felt bad about what she had done to Harley, she truly did, but mostly, she hated that she had taken the leap and put her heart out there for Kara. No wonder she not only threw herself down the mountain, but doubled up the shame spiral with sex with an ex. Sex that also made her ex feel like shit.
That would never happen again. It was time she found a new outlet for life’s disappointments. Heartbreak would not be one of them though. As of this moment, her heart was officially on lock down.
She quickly dressed and rushed out without so much as a word. Sierra knew she had to make some changes in her life, and she would, but right now she wanted a shower, a beer, and a good, long sleep.
***
Slamming the front door behind her, Sierra muttered one profanity after another as she limped up the stairs to her room. She was so done with this day. Her bed would be her salvation. No sooner had her body hit the mattress than Ronni burst through her bedroom door.
“What’s all the…Whoa!” She stopped on a dime. Her eyes widened at the cuts and scratches adorning Sierra’s arms and legs. “Oh shit. You all right?"
“Fantastic.”
“What the hell happened? You wrestle a mountain lion at the trails today?”
Sierra groaned and shut her eyes tight. She wasn’t in the mood for a trip down memory lane. Ronni slid into bed and brushed away the wild hair covering Sierra’s eyes, refusing to let her hide.
“I was jonesing for a rush. Guess I lost control and it ended badly. At least there’s no dead bodies.” She let out a gingerly chuckle.
“Looks like you tried pretty damn hard though. You want to tell me what really happened?”
Sierra sighed deeply and considered her options. Ronni would never let her rest if she held out. Her only choice was to spill her guts. Then she could hole up under her covers for the next eight hundred years or so.
“Kara has a girlfriend.” Saying the words aloud brought a lump to her throat. Tears nipped at her eyes and emptiness consumed her heart and mind.
"Wait, what?”
“She has
a girlfriend,” she repeated, feeling the hurt burrow even deeper into her heart.
“I knew she was bad news. She tried to buy me with video games and free food. I should have given her the speech.”
“Not the speech, Ron.” Sierra opened her eyes, fixing Ronni with a hard look. “Threatening people is not the way to wingman me.” She shook her head and then stared up at the ceiling.
Sometimes her best friend could be a little overwhelming to new comers. So far, Kara had handled her well, and that was one more reason Sierra had become so enamored with her. Kara had an easy confidence when dealing with people, even if she was a bit socially awkward.
“So, there was a little anger in there with that adrenaline rush, huh? You didn’t go running to Harley, did you?” Ronni asked casting a sideways glance, but her furrowed brow and growing frown said she already knew the answer.
Sierra remained silent and refused to meet her stern gaze.
“Dammit, Sierra!” Ronni shoved her shoulder hard in frustration. “You know that only makes you feel worse.”
“I know,” she muttered. “I know.”
“How did you find out about the girlfriend?”
Sierra pushed herself up to a seated position, resting her back against the large aspen headboard. She quickly detailed her day, how she drove to Kara’s office, and how their stop at her house turned into a lovely stroll through a hornet’s nest. Even hours later, the stingers were still stuck dead in her chest, burning her insides with each breath.
Ronni stared at the wall and pondered the new information in silence. Sierra knew the drill. She folded her arms across her chest and awaited her opinion, because Ronni always gave her one. And she was usually right. If only I had such clarity of mind. But she didn’t.
Camryn, in all her wisdom, had once said that Ronni had an old soul, that she was wise for her age, even if she was a “massive bitch.” Sierra smiled at the memory of a drunken evening with their biggest rival.
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