‘So you still don’t trust me? Is that what you’re saying?’
‘I don’t know you well enough to trust you.’ Just for a moment his assurance wavered, as though he doubted the truth of what he was saying, then he managed to collect himself. ‘I’m sorry. I should never have come here tonight.’
He didn’t say anything else as he left the room. Rose heard the front door opening and closing again after he left but she didn’t move. She stood right where she was, listening to her own heart beating in the silence. Closing her eyes, she let herself remember the taste of Owen’s mouth, the scent of his skin, the texture of his hair; let herself create some memories. That was all she would have now: memories. He wouldn’t kiss her again, wouldn’t compromise Daniel’s safety by letting himself feel anything for her. He wouldn’t allow himself to enjoy what they could have had together because, despite what he thought, she knew they could have had something special.
He wouldn’t do anything to make this situation better because he didn’t trust her, and nothing had ever hurt as much as knowing that. Nothing ever would. Owen didn’t trust her and there wasn’t a thing she could do to convince him that he was wrong about her.
CHAPTER TEN
‘I SUGGEST you all concentrate on what you’re supposed to be doing. There’s no excuse for a mistake like this. A patient very nearly died!’
Owen strode out of Resus, ignoring the silence that followed in his wake. The day was turning into a disaster. It was still only ten a.m. and already they’d lost a patient. It was only through the grace of God that they hadn’t lost a second one, too. There was no room in the department for people who couldn’t make the right decisions and act on them.
He turned to Suzanne, hardening his heart when he saw the misery on his registrar’s face. ‘How many times have you seen a patient admitted with breathing difficulties?’ he demanded, refusing to think about the real reason for his bad temper that day.
His expression darkened when Suzanne murmured that she had no idea how many people she’d seen.
And that’s because it’s one of the most frequent problems we encounter. People stop breathing for any number of reasons. Pneumothorax, haemothorax, an obstruction in the airway…You’ve seen it happen time after time, so why did you need me to tell you what the problem was? Why didn’t you diagnose it and begin the appropriate treatment?’
‘I just worry in case I’ve got it wrong…’ She tailed off unhappily and Owen sighed.
‘None of us is infallible, Suzanne. The trick is to minimise the risks through correct diagnosis. You knew the patient had no air entry on the left side. You also knew that the odds on it being a pneumothorax or a haemothorax were greatly increased because of the nature of his injuries—broken ribs and severe bruising to the chest. Yet you still needed my say-so before you went ahead and requested an X-ray. That delay nearly cost him his life.’
‘I’m sorry. I wish I was more confident, but I’m always afraid of doing the wrong thing in the heat of the moment,’ she admitted.
‘Then maybe you should decide if you’re cut out for this work. You’re a good doctor, Suzanne, and far more capable than you give yourself credit for. But if you can’t make on-the-spot decisions then you should think about a change of direction.’
He left it at that. It was up to Suzanne to decide what she intended to do. The rest of the team had left Resus now that the patient was on his way to Theatre, so he went to the nursing station to see if there was anything urgent that needed his attention. Rose was there, talking to Angie, but she cut short their conversation when she saw him approaching.
Angie raised a questioning brow as she watched Rose hurry away.
‘Am I safe, or should I follow Rose’s example and find somewhere to hide?’
‘You’re perfectly safe,’ he replied shortly, checking the whiteboard. All the cubicles were full and there was someone in the treatment room as well—an average day, in fact.
‘Good. I don’t fancy being torn off a strip. I value my hide too much,’ Angie declared, picking up the board rubber to remove the last patient’s details from the resus slot. ‘Mind you, I’m not too sure what Rose thinks she’s done to incur your wrath.’
‘Nothing.’ Owen shrugged when he saw the sceptical look the charge nurse gave him. ‘I haven’t said a word to her all morning.’
‘I know. Odd, isn’t it? You’ve bitten off everyone else’s head but you’ve left Rose alone. It makes me wonder what she’s got that we haven’t.’
Angie bustled away before he could deny that Rose had been singled out for special treatment. However, it was worrying to know that people were speculating about the way he behaved towards her. He would have to be more careful in future, treat her the same way he treated everyone else…
Oh, yes, a small inner voice jeered. So he’d be just as grumpy with Rose as he was with the rest of the staff? He wouldn’t even think about the fact that he’d kissed her last night and enjoyed it?
Owen cursed under his breath. He knew there was little hope of him sticking to the decision. Rose wasn’t just one of his staff—that was the trouble. She was more than that, a lot more, far more than he wanted her to be. He might regret his lapse but it didn’t mean he would forget how wonderful it had felt when he’d kissed her, so help him!
Rose made a point of keeping out of Owen’s way for the rest of the morning. Fortunately, Angie asked her to work the cubicles, so she was able to avoid him until it was time for her lunch-break. She went to the canteen with Ellen and Sharon. The other nurses seemed to have accepted her now, and she had to admit that she enjoyed not feeling like an outsider for once. Angie had dropped several hints about her taking a permanent post in the department, but she’d had to reject the idea. Not only would it be financially impractical to give up her agency job, there was the problem of Owen’s reaction. And after last night she knew how much he would hate the idea.
‘So there you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you lot.’
Rose looked up in surprise when Rob appeared. ‘What are you doing here? I thought you were on nights this week.’
‘And so I am. I dragged myself out of bed just so I could bring a little joy and happiness into your lives.’ He pulled over a chair and sat down. ‘I’m having a party on Saturday and you’re all invited!’
Rose laughed as everyone cheered. ‘Sounds like a popular idea. What’s the big occasion?’
‘There isn’t one. I just feel like having a bit of fun after working my fingers to the bone on night duty…Hang on a second. Didn’t you say something about it being your birthday this week?’ He grinned when she reluctantly admitted that it was. ‘That’s it, then—we’re going to celebrate your birthday. So that means you’ll be my guest of honour!’
‘Oh, no, really, I couldn’t,’ Rose protested.
‘Of course you could!’ He wagged his finger at her. ‘Don’t be such a spoilsport. I’ll cancel the party if you don’t agree to come.’
‘That’s blackmail!’ she accused him, as everyone laughed.
‘I know,’ he agreed without a trace of shame. ‘So does that mean you’ll come?’
Rose groaned. ‘I don’t have much choice, do I?’
Rob promised to let them have the details before Saturday and left. As soon as he’d gone everyone started discussing what they were going to wear for the party, and by the time they’d sorted it out it was time to return to work.
The afternoon was even busier than the morning had been, although thankfully there were no more disasters. News of the party soon spread and several people offered their congratulations when they found out it was Rose’s birthday. The only person who didn’t say anything was Owen. He remained aloof from the proceedings, although what had she expected? It didn’t make any difference to him if she was celebrating her birthday.
Owen tried not to think about the forthcoming party for the remainder of the week, but it was difficult to ignore what was happening when everyone was talking ab
out it. Rob had put up a poster in the staffroom, inviting them all along, so it wasn’t as though he could claim ignorance of the event. When Angie asked him if he was going, he told her very firmly that he had made other plans. It wasn’t true because he wasn’t planning on doing anything. He just knew it would be a mistake to spend any more time with Rose after the last disastrous occasion.
Saturday was showery, the rain drenching the city streets. Daniel had arranged to see Rose again that afternoon, so Owen was left to his own devices. He spent the time pottering around the house and trying not to think about what they were doing, but it was impossible. He kept picturing them having fun together and it was very unsettling to be left on the outside.
Daniel was very buoyed up when he came home, and Owen’s spirits sank even further as he listened to him praising Rose to the hilt. According to Daniel, she could do no wrong and it worried him to know how attached to her Daniel was becoming in view of what he’d heard about her reluctance to make a long-term commitment. If anything happened to ruin their new-found relationship, he would be left to pick up the pieces. He couldn’t bear to imagine what such a rejection might do to his son.
The thought plagued him all through dinner and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to rest until he’d spoken to Rose about it. When Daniel announced that he’d invited some friends over to listen to some music, it seemed like the ideal opportunity. Owen certainly didn’t want to discuss the issue with her at work, neither did he intend to risk another visit to her home so he would drop into the party and have a word with her there.
The festivities were in full swing when he arrived. Rob had taped a note on the front door, telling people to go straight in, so he followed the instructions, wincing when his ears were assaulted by the sound of music being played at full volume. Angie was sitting on the stairs with her boyfriend and she did a double-take when she saw him.
‘I thought you couldn’t come?’
‘Change of plans,’ he explained briefly. He held up a carrier bag. ‘Where’s Rob? I’ve got a couple of bottles for him.’
‘He’s gone upstairs to invite his neighbours so they don’t complain about the noise.’ Angie pointed along the hall. ‘Drinks are in the kitchen, so you can leave them in there.’
‘Thanks.’
Owen made his way through the crowd that had gathered in the hall. There were a lot of people there from the hospital and most looked surprised to see him. It made him realise how long it had been since he’d socialised with his colleagues.
The crush in the kitchen was even worse than in the hall, and he had to wait until a few people came out before he could go in. His heart seemed to leap right up into his throat when he spotted Rose standing behind a makeshift bar. She’d dressed up especially for the occasion and he couldn’t drag his eyes away from her as he made his way to the front of the queue. She looked so beautiful in a sparkly little green top with her blonde hair curling around her face that it would have needed a harder heart than his not to feel anything. Just for a second he allowed himself the pleasure of looking at her before she glanced up and saw him.
‘I brought these as a contribution to the festivities,’ he said hurriedly, handing her the carrier bag.
‘Oh…thanks. That’s really kind of you.’ She took the bag from him, fumbling a little as they passed it over the table so that he had to grab hold of the bottom to stop her dropping it.
‘Thank you,’ she murmured, avoiding his eyes as she placed the bottles on the worktop behind her. He saw her shoulders straighten before she turned, and something warm and tender seemed to flower inside him when he realised that she was strugging to get a grip on herself. In that moment he realised something that he should have realised sooner—that Rose was experiencing just as much difficulty sorting out her feelings as he was.
The thought made him gasp and she looked at him in concern. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Fine. Just a bit overwhelmed by all the noise,’ he said quickly, trying not to make too much of the fact that she seemed worried about him. It was impossible to stop his mind spinning off on yet another track: Rose cared about him after the way he’d treated her?
It was just too much to take in. He dredged up a smile, needing to ease himself out of a situation he wasn’t ready to deal with. ‘I wouldn’t mind a beer if you’re on bar duty, though.’
‘Of course.’ She expertly flipped the cap off a bottle of beer and handed it to him. ‘I’m afraid we’ve run out of glasses.’
‘Not to worry.’ He took a swallow out of the bottle, then looked round when someone behind him asked for a glass of wine. There was quite a queue building up again and he realised that he couldn’t keep hogging her attention. ‘I’ll go and join the fray. Thanks for this. I’ll catch up with you later.’
He left the kitchen and made his way into the sitting room. Charlie was acting as DJ. He waved when Owen passed him, heading for the corner where he could wait until Rose had finished her bar duties. All he wanted was a quick word with her about Daniel, then he would leave, but she didn’t appear to be in any hurry to join the other guests.
Charlie put a slow track on the deck and people started to pair off. Owen was about to refuse when Ellen asked him to dance, then suddenly decided that he might as well make the effort to enjoy himself, seeing that he was there. Rob had reappeared and was dancing with Suzanne, their two heads close together. Owen felt a little stab of envy as he watched them. It had been a long time since he’d held a woman in his arms and let the music carry him away.
The track ended so he thanked Ellen and had started to go back to the corner when he realised that Rose had come into the room. He wasn’t even aware that he was moving until he found himself standing in front of her. ‘Dance with me?’ he said softly.
‘If you’re sure it’s what you want?’ she said, looking up at him with solemn eyes.
Owen didn’t say a word as he took hold of her hand because he wasn’t sure about anything any more. He led her to the centre of the room and took her in his arms, and it felt like a homecoming. When someone lowered the lights it was as though the very last of his defences had been lowered, too.
He drew her to him as they swayed in time to the seductive rhythm. He could feel her body brushing against his as they moved, smell the fragrance of her hair, and senses which had been reawakened that night at her flat came surging back to life. Bending, he rested his cheek against her temple, allowing himself the licence to enjoy the moment. Maybe he was making another mistake, but he couldn’t believe that what felt so right could be wrong. He was trusting his instincts now, and his instincts were telling him that he had nothing to be scared about, that Rose wouldn’t hurt him.
The music came to an end and someone turned on the lights. Owen smiled wryly when everyone booed. ‘I know how they feel.’
‘Do you?’
He could hear the uncertainty in her voice and his heart contracted when he realised that she had every reason to doubt him. He had behaved very badly towards her and he had a lot of ground to make up if he hoped to gain her trust.
‘Yes. I enjoyed dancing with you, Rose. I didn’t want to stop.’ His voice was very deep and he felt the shudder that passed through her before she quickly stepped back.
‘I’d better check that everyone’s got a drink.’
‘I thought it was supposed to be your party?’ he parried, reluctant to let her leave him.
‘It is…well, partly. But I offered to help and I don’t want to let Rob down.’
‘He doesn’t look too bothered to me,’ he observed dryly, glancing over at where Rob and Suzanne were standing, still entwined in each other’s arms. They seemed unaware that the music had stopped, something that was causing great amusement amongst the other guests.
‘Maybe not, but I’d prefer to do what I said I would,’ she said, edging away.
‘I understand.’ He took a deep breath but the truth had to be acknowledged. ‘You aren’t someone who goes back on your word,
are you, Rose?’
‘No. I always try to keep my promises.’
She looked into his eyes and he saw the dawning hope in hers. Reaching out, he touched her cheek. ‘I think we need to talk, don’t we?’
‘Yes. But not here. It’s too noisy.’
‘It is.’ He gave her a slow smile, surprised at how easy it was now that he’d taken the first, difficult step towards trusting her. ‘We’ll leave it till later…after the party is over.’
‘I’d like that.’
She smiled at him, then hurried from the room. Owen let her go because he was confident that they would have that talk and that it would resolve a lot of problems, too. Now that he could see Rose for the person she really was he was no longer afraid of the harm she might cause. Rose wasn’t a threat to his son. She was a warm and caring woman. A woman he could very easily learn to love.
‘Thank you all so much. I never expected this!’
Rose blinked back her tears. Unknown to her, the staff had organised a collection and bought her a birthday cake with the proceeds, and she was really touched by everyone’s generosity. Coming on top of what Owen had said to her earlier in the evening, it was little wonder that she was feeling so emotional.
Her eyes sought him out of the crowd and her pulse leapt when she saw him watching her from the far side of the room. Even from that distance she could see the warmth in his eyes, and it felt wonderful to see it after the way he usually looked at her.
‘Come on, now, no weeping all over the cake and melting the icing! We all want a slice, don’t we, guys?’
Rose laughed when Rob handed her a scalpel. She was just about to cut into the cake when Suzanne stopped her.
‘Wait! You’ve got to blow out the candles and make a wish first!’
‘Oops! I nearly forgot.’ Rose took a deep breath and blew out all the candles, shaking her head when Suzanne demanded to know what she’d wished for. ‘Sorry, that’s a secret.’
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