‘I hope you’re right.’
He didn’t seem convinced, but Rose didn’t say anything else. It wasn’t up to her to deal with the junior medical staff’s worries. She went back to her own patient and assisted Suzanne until the woman was ready to be transferred to a ward. Marion had been sent for a CT scan, so Rose helped to clear everything away then went back to the cubicles. She was just about to fetch her next patient when Owen appeared.
‘Thanks for stepping in so smartly. I appreciate your help.’
Rose looked at him in surprise. It was the first time he’d said anything positive to her since she’d started working in his department. ‘It’s what I’m paid to do.’
‘I know. I just wanted to thank you. That’s all.’
His tone was brusque now, and she realised how ungracious she must have sounded. ‘I’m sorry. I was just surprised that you said anything.’
‘Meaning that I don’t go handing out compliments very often?’ he replied somewhat wryly.
‘Well, it did seem a little out of character…’
‘I bet it did.’ He suddenly chuckled, his whole face lighting up. ‘You don’t need to worry about being tactful. I know my reputation for being a slave-driver!’
She laughed at that, delighted by the change in him. He looked so much more approachable when he laughed. ‘I wouldn’t go quite that far.’
‘No? Then you must see me in a different light to everyone else.’
It was the kind of throw-away remark that people made all the time, yet Rose knew that she couldn’t let it pass even though it might be a mistake to respond to it. Did she really want him to know how confused she felt—knowing he mistrusted her yet still attracted to him?
‘I find it hard to separate your public persona from your private one—the loving father who does everything in his power to protect his son.’ She shrugged, hoping that she hadn’t said too much, but she felt too strongly about the issue to hide behind the accepted social mores. ‘So, yes, maybe I do see you in a different light to everyone else, Owen.’
An expression of surprise crossed his face, but before he could reply, Suzanne appeared with a query she needed him to answer. Rose excused herself and hurried away. There were patients needing her attention so there was no excuse for wasting time. However, as she escorted her next patient into a cubicle, she realised that she would love to have the opportunity to get to know Owen better, and not just for Daniel’s sake either. Now that she’d glimpsed the real man behind the forbidding exterior, she wanted to learn more about him.
Owen thought about the conversation he’d had with Rose on and off for the rest of the day. The fact that she seemed willing to forgive the way he’d behaved towards her had affected him deeply. He was also surprised that she’d dared to tell him the truth, although maybe he shouldn’t have been after what Daniel had told him.
She had told Daniel the truth about the circumstances surrounding his birth, and not tried to put a gloss on the facts, as many other women might have done. He realised all of a sudden that he admired her honesty, and it was strange to feel such a positive emotion for a change. By the time Owen left work he knew that he needed to sort out his feelings with regard to Rose. Daniel was spending the night with one of his friends, which meant he didn’t have to rush home, so he decided to treat himself to dinner and a film afterwards. It had been ages since he’d had a night out, and it might help to restore some balance to his life.
He had dinner at a restaurant near the hospital, then went to the early showing of the latest blockbuster movie. It was just gone nine when he left the cinema, and he still didn’t feel like going home. He collected his car and drove across the city, but it was only when he found himself outside the block of flats where Rose lived that he finally admitted there had been nothing aimless about his journey. Everything he’d done that night had been leading up to this point: he wanted to see Rose and find out why she made him feel so confused.
Rose had just poured herself a glass of wine when the doorbell rang. She put the glass on the table and went to see who it was. She rarely had visitors in an evening, because most of her friends worked the same kind of unsocial hours she sometimes did. Pressing the speaker button, she asked who it was, and was stunned when she heard Owen’s voice asking her to let him in.
She unlocked the main door, then went back to the sitting room, wondering what he wanted. Something to do with Daniel, probably, although she had no idea what. By the time he tapped on her door she had worked herself into such a state that it was hard to hide how nervous she felt as she let him in.
‘I’m sorry to drop in on you without phoning first,’ he said politely, following her into the sitting room.
‘It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I was just about to have a glass of wine—would you like one?’
‘I’d better not. I’m driving so I’ll give it a miss.’
‘Tea, then—or coffee, perhaps?’
‘No, thanks.’ He flashed her a smile as he sat down on the sofa, but she could see how tense he looked, and it simply increased her own nervousness. ‘I treated myself to dinner out tonight, and I think I might have over-indulged when it came to the pudding. My culinary repertoire doesn’t run to puddings, so Daniel and I usually make do with fruit.’
‘Far more healthy, although not so much fun,’ she observed lightly, sitting down in the chair. She picked up her glass and took a sip of the wine to give herself something to do. She had no idea what he wanted, and wasn’t sure what to do now that the usual pleasantries had been exchanged.
‘I expect you’re wondering what I’m doing here?’
Rose flushed when she realised how transparent she was. ‘I was, actually,’ she admitted, knowing it would be pointless to lie.
‘To be honest, I’m not sure myself. I don’t know what I hope to achieve by seeing you.’
She frowned when she heard the frustration in his voice. ‘Are you still worried about Daniel? I understand if you are. I’d probably feel the same if our positions were reversed. All I can do is repeat that I won’t do anything to hurt him.’ Her voice caught. ‘He’s just as precious to me as he is to you, Owen, even though you find that difficult to believe.’
‘I don’t know what I believe any more!’ he exploded. He ran a trembling hand over his face and she was shocked to see that his usual poise seemed to have deserted him.
‘I never meant to cause you any problems,’ she said urgently, willing him to believe her.
‘So you keep saying. But the fact is that you have caused problems, and ones I never imagined either.’
He stood up abruptly and paced across the room. Rose could tell that he was struggling to regain control of himself and waited in silence. What could she say, anyway? That she didn’t want to hurt him or Daniel? She’d told him that already, and it was true, too, so it was all the more painful to know that she was causing him so much anguish.
‘Daniel told me about his father,’ he said suddenly, swinging round. ‘He also told me that your parents refused to help you after he was born.’
‘That’s right.’ She wasn’t sure where this was leading, but if it would help then she would tell him anything he wanted to know. She had nothing to hide, and the sooner he accepted that, the sooner he might learn to trust her.
It was surprising how important it seemed to gain his trust. Rose wasn’t sure why it mattered so much and didn’t waste her time speculating. She took a fortifying sip of her wine, then placed the glass carefully on the table.
‘My father was very strict and he had stringent views about how people should behave. He was horrified when he found out I was pregnant. I think Mum might have come round to the idea eventually, but Dad was adamant and she chose to side with him. He refused to have anything to do with me after Daniel was born.’
‘What about after you had Daniel adopted?’ he asked, sitting down. ‘Couldn’t you have resolved your differences then?’
‘I’m afraid not. I’d already do
ne the unthinkable by having a baby, so the fact that I ended up having Daniel adopted made no difference. Oh, I did try phoning my parents at first, but they used to hang up as soon as they knew it was me so I gave up. Mum died ten years ago. We never spoke again after I left home, although I wrote to her occasionally. She never replied, though, so I’m not sure if she even read my letters.’
She bit her lip, trying not to let the painful memories overwhelm her. ‘Dad never told me that she’d died, in fact. If it hadn’t been for a friend from the village whom I’d kept in touch with I wouldn’t have known. I went to her funeral, hoping I might be able to make my peace with him, but he refused to acknowledge me. Then, a few years ago, I heard he had Alzheimer’s disease. He’s in a nursing-home now and he has no idea who I am.’
‘So you visit him?’ he asked in surprise.
‘Yes. I go every month,’ she explained briefly. The fact that she paid the fees for her father’s care had nothing to do with anyone but her—she certainly didn’t want Owen thinking that she was trying to curry favour by telling him.
‘Not many people would bother after what he did. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for you, Rose. Having to go through your pregnancy and Daniel’s adoption all on your own.’
‘It wasn’t easy, but I did what I thought was best. I suppose if I’d been a bit more worldly-wise, none of it would have happened.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I led a very sheltered life when I was growing up. Far more sheltered than most of my schoolfriends. Daniel’s father was my first boyfriend, in fact. He’d just finished his finals at Oxford, and he and a group of friends had rented a house in the village where I lived so they could spend the summer surfing. He was such fun, and so different to everyone else I knew—I was totally smitten.’
‘So it was a holiday romance?’ he said gently.
‘For him, yes. To me, it was a lot more than that. I fell head over heels in love with him and it never occurred to me that he didn’t feel the same way.’ She sighed. ‘Which shows you how naïve I was, doesn’t it?’
‘You were just a kid, Rose—a young and very vulnerable teenager.’
‘I was, although according to my father it was my lack of morals that got me into such a mess.’
‘Hell!’ He reached out and covered her hand with his. ‘There’s nothing immoral about falling in love, no matter what age you are. It’s the most wonderful experience in the world when you find the right person.’
‘Like when you met your wife?’ she said softly, hoping he couldn’t feel how her pulse was racing. His hand was so warm and strong that she wanted to hold onto it for ever and never let it go. If she had Owen to hold onto then she could cope with any problem, and the thought stunned her. It was a relief when he released her because she doubted if she could have pushed him away.
‘Yes, just like when I met Laura. I fell in love with her the first time I saw her, although it took me a while to convince her I was serious.’ His voice echoed with the memories and her heart contracted when she realised how painful it must be for him to think about what he’d lost.
‘But you managed it in the end?’
‘Oh, yes. I was determined, you see. She wasn’t going to escape even though she kept putting all these obstacles in my path.’ He glanced down and there was a wealth of emotion on his face when he looked up again. ‘Laura knew she could never have a child of her own, you see. She’d had cancer before and the treatment had left her sterile. She was afraid our marriage wouldn’t work if we couldn’t have a family, but I talked her round.
‘When we found out that we’d been accepted by the adoption agency we both cried for joy. And when we were allowed to adopt Daniel it felt as though life couldn’t get any better. I think Laura loved him even more than she would have loved her own child because he was so special, so precious.’
‘I’m so glad Daniel had you for his parents,’ she said huskily. ‘I could tell by the way he spoke about you the other day how much he loves you.’
‘I love him, too, just as much,’ he said simply. ‘You gave Laura and me the most wonderful gift anyone can give another person. You gave us your son, Rose, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. When Laura knew she was dying, she told me that having Daniel had given meaning to her life. Oh, she didn’t want to die, and she fought until the end, but at least she died knowing that she’d left behind a son who would always love her.’
He buried his face in his hands, overcome by emotion. Rose went and knelt in front of him, putting her arms around him while he cried out all the pain and anguish. Tears were pouring down her own face, too, but her feelings didn’t matter. It was Owen who was hurting, his pain that needed healing, and she would do everything she could to help him.
‘Shh, it’s all right. Everything’s going to be fine,’ she murmured, stroking his hair. The crisp black strands seemed to have a life of their own as they clung to her fingers and she felt a jolt of awareness run through her which she tried very hard to ignore.
Drawing his head into the crook of her neck, she murmured to him—soothing little sounds that had no meaning yet which obviously calmed him because she could feel some of the tension seeping from him. Encouraged by her success, her hand moved to the nape of his neck and she stroked that, too, wanting only to comfort him, yet she couldn’t pretend that she didn’t feel the surge of electricity that suddenly arced between them.
Owen raised his head and she could see the same awareness in his eyes that must have been in hers. He studied the tracks the tears had made on her cheeks and his voice was full of wonderment. ‘You’re crying for me?’
‘Because you’re hurting,’ she whispered, unable to lie.
His eyes darkened and Rose held her breath. She had no idea what was going to happen next…Then all of a sudden he was bending towards her and she was reaching up to him until their mouths met in a kiss that seemed to strike to the very core of her being. It was as though the shape and taste of his lips had been imprinted in her mind the first time they’d kissed in the lift. Now all it needed was the touch of his mouth to unlock the memory so that she knew exactly what to do—how to tilt her head so that their lips could achieve the most perfect fusion.
Desire seared through her and she gasped, heard him gasp as well when he felt its effects, too. When she felt his tongue probing her lips she opened her mouth for him, and when she felt his hand caress her breast she didn’t push it away. She wanted his touch just as much as she wanted his kiss, wanted it for herself and for him—to help him heal. Owen had given her a chance to show him the kind of person she really was, and she wasn’t going to waste it on foolish doubts!
She cradled his face between her hands and kissed him back. She could feel the blood drumming through her veins, feel his blood beating with the same urgency as their passion soared. When he started to unbutton her blouse she helped him, not wanting anything to get in the way. His jacket came off next, then his tie, and all the time their mouths were melded together, giving and taking what they both so desperately needed. His shirt was a little more difficult—the buttons were so small and so difficult to unfasten. Rose murmured in frustration but she refused to be deterred. One, two, three…they slid out of the buttonholes and she sighed in triumph. Now there was just his belt to tackle…
Her hands went to his belt at the same moment as his went to the snap on her jeans. Owen drew back and grinned at her—a wolfish grin that was laced with male arrogance as well as desire. He knew that she wanted him, but there was no point pretending when he wanted her, too.
‘Ladies first.’
‘Thank you,’ she retorted primly, reaching for the clasp at the end of the leather. Her fingers started to work the leather strap through the buckle, then paused when the telephone suddenly rang.
‘Let it ring,’ Owen ordered as he bent and plundered her mouth again. Rose didn’t argue. She didn’t want to. She just wanted to get rid of this wretched belt…
The answering-machine cut in, asking the caller to leave a message, and then Daniel’s voice echoed around the room. ‘Hi, Rose. Obviously you’re not in, so I’ll try again tomorrow. I was hoping we might be able to meet up again on Saturday. Oh, it’s Daniel, by the way. I nearly forgot. Bye!’
The line went dead, and in the silence Rose could hear her heart beating. She was already prepared when Owen dragged himself away from her and stood up.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said hoarsely, tucking his shirt back into the waistband of his trousers with angry, jerky movements.
Rose felt sick as she stumbled to her feet. They had done nothing wrong but she could tell he didn’t believe that from the way he refused to look at her.
‘There’s nothing to apologise for.’
‘Maybe not in your eyes but there is in mine!’
He snatched his jacket off the sofa and dragged it on. His face was taut with anger but she knew it wasn’t aimed at her. She wished it was, because this was so much worse. He was angry with himself for lowering his guard. In his heart he still saw her as the enemy, and it was unbearably painful to know how he felt after what they had just shared.
‘Then I must apologise, too.’ She stared back at him, refusing to let him see how wounded she felt. ‘If I forced you to compromise your principles, Owen, I’m very sorry.’
A wash of colour ran up his face, but he didn’t attempt to use the excuse she had offered him. ‘You didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to do. The fault was mine, and I shall make sure it doesn’t happen again.’
‘And is that what you decided last time after you kissed me?’ she taunted, hating herself for hitting back at him yet unable to stop. Why wouldn’t he accept that she didn’t want to harm him? Surely he should have known that after what had just happened?
‘Yes. I made up my mind that I would never put myself in this position again, but obviously I underestimated how vulnerable I am where you are concerned.’ His gaze grazed over her and she flinched when she saw the self-contempt it held. That he should feel such self-loathing reflected on her. ‘You are a very beautiful woman, Rose, and I won’t deny that I want you, but I won’t put my needs before Daniel’s happiness.’
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