Hold On to Me

by Lucia Franco

  John thought for a moment and tried to remember if he saw marks on her arms, but he wasn’t sure. “I’m having her come over tomorrow. When I told her I would stop by, she freaked. Jesus,” he said grabbing his head, “if he’s hitting her while she’s pregnant, dad …”

  “Wait … you said she’s pregnant?”

  “Yes.”

  “And there’s a possibility it’s yours?”

  John nodded.

  Clark, stared at him. His weathered eyes held a small glimmer of hope hearing about Alyssa’s unborn baby, but it quickly fled.

  “Alright son, let’s try and calm down. I know you’re worked up right now, but let’s think about who’s at the center of all of this. Alyssa. You can’t be jumping down her throat tomorrow or stressin’ her out. I know you’re upset and angry, but carrying a baby takes a lot from a woman’s body. Their emotions are all outta whack. Lord knows I watched your mother go through it enough. Be easy on her tomorrow.”

  Clark was right, John needed to simmer down. But how could he? If Alyssa was being physically abused, he wouldn’t be able to function knowing she was in Ben’s house under his hand.

  “First things first,” Clark said, handing John a sandwich, “Let’s not tell your mother about this just yet. Talk to Alyssa first then we’ll decide from there.”

  Nodding, he bit into his sandwich. His dad was right once again. Mom didn’t need the extra stress. She was doing well with her new medication that he didn’t want to tire her out.

  “Next,” Clark pointed at John. “If Alyssa is pregnant with your child, we will be more than happy to help her out while you’re training. Got it? We’ll treat her like our own and take care of her until your placement is sorted out.”

  John swallowed. He only hoped he could be half the man his father is one day.

  “Thanks, dad. I really appreciate that. So, ah, how long do I have to wait to see if it is my kid?”

  John was absolutely clueless on anything that had to do with pregnancy, or babies. Google was about to become his best friend.

  Best friend …

  Jace. In this moment he wished Jace was here to talk about this with. He needed his friend right about now.

  “I know a paternity test can be done once the baby is born, but that’s court ordered most of the time, I think? To tell you the truth son, times have changed since your mother and I became parents. We’ll have to get on the internet to see if there are any tests that can be done sooner. I’m a little rusty on this stuff.”

  Wiping his mouth with a napkin, he crumpled it and dropped it on his plate. John asked, “What am I supposed to do? I’m twenty years old.” Shaking his head, he was so confused.

  Clark reached across the table and rested his hand on John’s shoulder. His father’s touch comforted him. “Don’t worry, son, we’ll get you through this. Together. I promise.”

  “Do you think, ah, tomorrow, maybe, you could have mom and my brothers out of the house so I can talk to Alyssa in private? I want her to be comfortable with me.”

  “No problem. I’ll take her out to lunch with the boys.”

  Damn. His father was a Saint. No one compared to him.

  “Thanks, dad. I really appreciate it.”

  Clark smiled. “I know you do, son.”

  John stood and grabbed both plates and brought them to the sink. He rinsed each one and then put them in the drying rack. He hadn’t craved a beer in months and suddenly he wanted one. Instead, he was going to taking a steaming hot shower to calm his nerves and call Ford.

  “You know it was pretty fucked up that you up and left without sayin’ a word,” Ford stated without sympathy. “No one had any idea what happened to you.” He offered John a beer, but he declined.

  “I know it was, but at the time I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. I knew if I didn’t leave that I‘d be doing the same damn thing night after night and hurting the people around me. I mean, I tried to swing on you, one of my best friends.” John’s face fell and he turned silent.

  He only had one best friend now. Swallowing the emotion, John was ashamed. He couldn’t believe he tried to hit Ford.

  “That was fucked up of me, and I apologize for trying to hit you.”

  Ford shrugged it off. “I wasn’t the one who got roughed up in the end,” he grinned and John returned the smile. Ford had nailed him to the floor that afternoon—and with good reason.

  “Touché.”

  John and Ford were catching up after he’d been gone for the last four months at Ford’s house. Normally when they came out here, it was the three of them riding their ATV’s or just hanging around shooting the shit. However, today, they were sitting in Ford’s guest house that had been turned into a full gaming sports room many years ago.

  “So, you’re a Marine now? Active?”

  John bobbed his head. “Just graduated from boot camp. Crazy, huh? I can’t believe it myself.”

  “It’s pretty fucking crazy actually. I bet your pops is happy about it.” John nodded with a big smile. Clark was overjoyed. “I assume you’re done with college then? That’s it?”

  “I have school in the Marines, but it’s to train for my job. Maybe one day I’ll go back to college, but for now we’ll see where the road takes me.”

  Ford took a sip of his Coke. “So was boot camp as bad as they say? Man, I feel like I’m interviewing you it’s been so long. Next time drop a line so we don’t have to go through this.”

  A laugh escaped his throat. “A lot of guys couldn’t hang and left. I ain’t gonna lie, that shit was hard as hell. I was sore in places I didn’t even know I could be. It tested me at every corner and some days I hated it, wondering what the fuck I signed up for, but I refused to give up. I’m no quitter. Once I’m in, that’s it.”

  Ford chuckled. “Yeah, that doesn’t sound like you. You’re hard headed as fuck.”

  “In hindsight, joining the Marines after Jace passed probably wasn’t the best move for me mentally. I was shattered, we all were, but then I think I needed that kind of mental distraction to help with Jace’s death.”

  He nodded to John’s head. “Where’s all that pretty boy hair of yours?”

  John ran a hand over his head and smiled. “Had to shave it. This is much easier to take care of anyway. Enough about me, what’s going on with you?”

  Ford shrugged. “Nothing. Same old … School and working on my family’s farm. I’m going to leave when the semester is over and head to Tennessee. We have a farm up there that needs tending to pretty badly.”

  “No way. So in the new year?”

  “I mean, it’s not the same here … you know?” Ford looked around. “You’re gone now too, not that I need you to hold my hand or shit,” he laughed. “But it’s just strange. My folks need the help, so why the hell not? They have tons of acres up there. Sounds like my kind of thing.”

  John’s throat tightened. “Yeah.” John didn’t know that by him leaving would affect Ford as it had.

  “Maybe I’ll pick up some pretty cowgirl who likes to get down and dirty in a barn. And then at the end of the day she’ll cook me a fat burger and bring me an ice cold beer,” he joked.

  John shook his head, laughing. “Why don’t you cook her dinner?”

  “Can I eat it off of her?”

  “You’re going to eat a greasy burger off of her?”

  Ford chuckled. “Maybe not. Maybe I’ll have her for desert.”

  “Oh, Jesus. So …” he eased into the topic. “I’m sure you heard about Alyssa.”

  “I’ve been waiting for you to bring that up. What the fuck is going on with that shit?” John shook his head in disbelief and told Ford everything Alyssa had told him.

  Ford whistled. “Sure you don’t want a beer?”

  “I’m good.” He was trying not to drink. If anything he’d force himself to go for another run.

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know … I just don’t know. She’s in a tough place right n
ow. I want to be there for her and help, but how can I when she’s with that scum?”

  “Ben Jones,” Ford spat. “Of all guys? I’ve never liked him.”

  “I’ve been asking myself the same question, man. Something is going on and I’m determined to find out.”

  “You know, come to think of it, I’ve barely seen her since you left …” Ford trailed off.

  “Like I said, something isn’t right. I can feel it in my gut.”

  Alyssa was a bundle of nerves when she went to bed the night before. She thought if she went to sleep early, that it would help ease the tension in her shoulders and the emotions running through her.

  Instead it only backfired on her.

  She tossed and turned all night long. She couldn’t sleep with so much on her mind. Her baby. Ben. John.

  Not to mention, Ben’s rapid mood swings.

  It was all so stressful for her. Some days the stress was so high her stomach ached with anxiety and tightness. She didn’t know what mood he was going to be in when he walked through the door each day after work. Some days he’d come in smiling, hugging on her and kissing her neck. Other days he would come in with a scowl on his face, hating everyone around him, including her. That’s when Alyssa knew to keep her mouth shut and do whatever Ben demanded. The last thing she wanted to do was piss him off. Her tummy was growing so she could only fight off so much. She had to be careful.

  Last night when he walked through the door her heart beat wildly. There was no way he’d find out she saw John, but she didn’t want to take the chance either. She’d managed to cook dinner and have it plated just in the nick of time. She played nice and sweet, waited on him hand and foot and gave him what he wanted. If he was happy, then all was good in the world.

  Turning on to her right side into a fetal position, Alyssa readjusted her pillow and pulled the blanket to her chest. Glancing at the clock, it was a little after six in the morning.

  Ben turned over, his warm body held her tightly to him as he nestled behind her, his nose burrowing in her hair. This was the side of him that she liked. Soft. Sweet. Gentle.

  “Mornin’ honey,” he said groggily, nudging her with his obvious erection.

  Her stomach dropped. She wasn’t in the mood for sex this early in the morning, especially after a long restless night. In fact, she hadn’t been in the mood for a while but that never mattered to Ben. She was exhausted and wanted to go back to sleep. Alyssa sighed deeply, pushing all thoughts and emotions from her mind.

  Time to put on a happy face.

  Alyssa sat up and wrapped the sheet around her chest. Yawning, she watched Ben dash around the room in an effort to get to work on time.

  “Damn it, Alyssa. Haven’t you done any laundry lately? I can’t find any clean work jeans.” Walking out of the closet, he said, “They’re all in the hamper still.”

  He was starting to get revved up and it was making her jittery. Why hadn’t she just thrown in a load yesterday? Oh, that’s right. Her leg was still aching from the day he took his belt off and hit her with the metal buckle.

  “I work so you can stay home. I dropped out of college for you. All you have to do is make sure my fuckin’ clothes are clean. Can’t you even do that?” He growled.

  She swallowed. “I’ll make sure they’re all done today. I promise,” she said shakily.

  Ben walked around the bed and leaned down into her face. “You will make sure all my clothes are cleaned and put away by the time I get home from work. You ain’t got nothin’ else to do but sit on your fat ass all damn day. The least you can do is make sure my clothes are clean? Do you understand me?”

  She nodded her head furiously. “I do. It will be done, Ben. I just wasn’t feeling well and my leg was still hurting.”

  His lips lifted into a sneer. “Don’t fuck up again, or I’ll make the other leg hurt, too. Don’t try using that pregnancy as an excuse around here. You got me?”

  Her eyes widened. “Yes.”

  “Good.” He leaned down and smashed his lips to hers. Pulling back, Ben shoved at her head. Alyssa fell back onto the bed, her head hitting the wooden head board in the process. She flinched, squeezing her eyes and grabbed for her head.

  Fuck, that hurt.

  The sheet she had been holding dropped from her chest and exposed her enlarged breasts. Ben’s eyes turned dark, his tongue slipping from his mouth to lick his lips.

  “Damn, you are so beautiful. Even fat and pregnant,” he muttered, staring at her chest. Ben readjusted his pants and she prayed that he wouldn’t demand sex again.

  His eyes softened when they met hers while she lay there in fear of his next move. His knee indented the mattress as Ben crawled over her, a tear slipping from the corner of her eye from the pain throbbing in her head.

  “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to yell at you,” he said, using the sheet to wipe her tear away. “Forgive me?” He pleaded with puppy dog eyes. The guy was bipolar.

  Alyssa stared into Ben’s eyes trying to figure out what caused such a drastic change in him. Or had he always been so … physical and she just had not known it? He had never really laid a hand on her before she was pregnant. Only a few times playfully, but those didn’t really count.

  Right?

  Alyssa pulled her hand away from her throbbing head. Gently, she cupped his stubbly face and brought her mouth to his.

  “Of course, baby,” she whispered before she kissed him as if she meant it.

  “See you later.”

  Alyssa breathed a sigh of relief. The next nine hours were the highlight of her day.

  John stood under a tree waiting for Alyssa. When he offered to pick her up, she declined saying she’d rather walk because she needed the exercise. Just standing under the tree he was hot. He couldn’t imagine her walking miles to his house in this heat. He should’ve just ignored her plea and went to get her. What would his father have done? Luke?

  John stared at the glistening mirage. It looked like gasoline shining on the dirt road. Screw this. He knew where the prick lived. He was going to get her.

  Jumping into his truck, John sped out of his driveway and hooked a right onto the street. Not even a half mile up the road, he spotted Alyssa walking … in jeans in the midst of an Indian summer? Shaking his head, he pulled to the side of the road and rolled down his window.

  “Alyssa,” he motioned for her, “hop in.”

  She looked stunned. For a moment she was paralyzed. “Alyssa, get in,” he demanded.

  Alyssa pulled the truck door opened and plopped down onto the cushioned leather seat and wiped her forehead. Looking over at John, his grim face worried her.

  “Why the hell are you wearing jeans in this heat? Are you out of your mind?”

  Alyssa flinched.

  “Nothing else fits me right now. Okay, John? I’m in between sizes so I wear what I can at the moment.”

  John’s eyes scanned the length of her swollen belly. “Alright, Alyssa,” he said softly, believing her. Shifting the truck out of park, he said, “Let’s get you some ice cold water when we get home.”

  Reaching over, John couldn’t control himself when he grabbed her hand lacing his fingers through hers. He caressed Alyssa’s palm with his thumb, circling her heated skin. Surprising him, she leaned over and rested her head onto his shoulder, sighing. John let go of her hand and brought it to her face, cupping her face as he drove.

  Rubbing her cheek, he said, “You’re burnin’ up.”

  “Well, it is hot outside, Johnny.”

  He loved it when she called him Johnny.

  He wanted to argue with her and say that she could’ve called him or that she should have worn different pants, but he didn’t. John remembered what his father said about stressing pregnant women out. It was the last thing he wanted to do. Rolling onto his driveway, John put his truck in park then turned toward Alyssa. “How long do you have with me?”

  “Not long … maybe two hours at most.”

  John nodded. “Al
right let’s make the most of our time.”

  Pushing open the front door, John walked into an empty home. His father had kept his word and took his brothers and mom out for lunch. Looking over his shoulder, he asked, “Hungry for some lunch?”

  “I can always eat.”

  John smiled. “Good. Follow me into the kitchen.” He pulled out a chair at the island for Alyssa. As she walked over, he couldn’t help but stare. Even with the sadness that lingered around her eyes, her skin was positively glowing and her hair looked like silk. He had the urge to run his fingers through it, but he held back. The jeans hugged her body and the tight shirt was low cut showing her beautifully larger chest. Either she was wearing a push-up bra or her boobs grew because his mouth began to water at the sight of her creamy, plump skin.

  He went to the cabinet and reached for two plates, then the fridge and pulled out some cold cuts and condiments. He slapped two sandwiches together and handed her one. Alyssa dug into her sandwich before he did … and John grinned. He couldn’t help it, but seeing her eat like that made him feel good. He finished right before she did, but he was still hungry and assumed she was probably too.

  “Thirsty?” Alyssa nodded, and he stood to pour two glasses of sweet tea. John decided that he would quickly whip up another two sandwiches for them.

  He placed it in front of her and said, “You just devoured that sandwich in record time, I know you’re still hungry. Eat up.”

  Alyssa blushed, embarrassed that she had eaten so fast in front of John. She hadn’t eaten much last night and definitely not this morning.

  “Hey,” John said, “Don’t be shy about it. I want you to eat. You’re eating for two, remember?”

  Alyssa took a sip of her sweet tea. “How could I forget? I’m getting fatter by the minute.”

  His eyes darkened. “You’re not fat, Alyssa. You’re pregnant.”

  Alyssa nodded and then took a bite of her sandwich. John was right, but hearing Ben call her names did something to her self-image. Words hurt. It was that simple. They planted deviant seeds in your brain that spread like wildfire, sinking deep and latching on to your most vulnerable part forcing you to believe them.

  “Take a seat. You can sit on my bed if you want or the loveseat. Either one is yours.” John’s room was big enough for a small loveseat. As much as he wanted to be near her, he couldn’t. He wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of her if he sat next to her. Her growing belly was adorable, he wanted to touch it.