by Lucia Franco
“Thank you.”
She did as the officer said and took a seat behind the prosecutor’s desk. Her heart continued to pound, her nerves pulled tight. She had no idea what to expect. Anxiety was hitting her hard. All she could pray for was that Ben wouldn’t be released anytime soon.
At that moment, the doors to the left side opened and a shackled Ben came in wearing an orange jump suit. Her heart skipped a beat and a knot formed in the back of her throat. Ben eyed her immediately, his dirty gaze tracking down her body. He made her skin crawl. How could she have ever been so stupid to be with him? What had she been thinking? She’d been fooled by his boyish, bad boy charm, and free spirit.
Bad boys were never the answer. Nothing good could ever come from them.
He took a seat, all the while keeping his eyes trained on her. She turned and felt the heat of his stare as she kept her gaze on the judge’s seat.
“How’s my kid doing?” he yelled across the room.
She ignored him.
“I know you hear me.”
She ignored him, again, but could hear the irritation in his voice.
“Alyssa—How. Is. My. Kid?” he said slowly, drawing out each word.
“Don’t give in,” the prosecutor whispered over her shoulder at Alyssa.
“Now rise! The honorable Judge Galloway …” She became tongue tied the minute she saw the judge. Her stomach climbed into her throat, but she told herself to buck up and get with it. She was going to need her voice to be heard loud and clear if she wanted to take a stand for her and her daughter.
She wasn’t going to back down now.
Alyssa hadn’t spoken to him in over a week other than a quick text, but John was the first person on her mind once she stepped out of the courthouse. She needed him.
“Hello?”
Alyssa slammed the car door shut. “It’s over.” How had she made it through that? She held the phone to her ear with a shaky hand, pressing her head to the steering wheel.
“Alyssa?”
“It’s over Johnny, he took the plea deal. I was so afraid he wouldn’t. Actually, I didn’t know what would happen to be honest. I was just hoping he wouldn’t get out.”
“Thank God.”
“The state prosecutor handed me a card afterward. She said this particular attorney works closely with the Victim Assistance Program and takes on cases like mine pro bono when there’s children involved. I’m going to give them a call when my nerves settle.”
“If he’s going to jail, what do you need them for?”
“Custody.”
“Oh,” he said, feeling stupid. “That makes sense.”
“I was shaking the entire time, I thought I was going to throw up. I don’t know how I did it.”
John stayed silent. “John?”
Clearing his throat, he said, “I’m here … I’m so proud of you, baby. You did well, and on your own.” He added the last part for good measure. John knew she wanted to do it by herself. And she had. If he wasn’t hours away, he would take her in his arms and hold her tight. He would kiss away her fears and shower her with love.
“I can’t believe it. I’m still in shock over it. My knees were rattling together. Have you ever had that happen where you can’t control the shaking? It was so bad,” she whispered. Alyssa was out of breath for no reason other than the adrenaline rush hitting her.
“How much time is he going to get?”
“Five years. Maximum sentence.”
“That’s it! Then he’s free?” John was enraged, his blood boiling. How could someone beat up on a pregnant woman and go free?
“Hey—in five years I plan to be hidden away so well he’ll never find me.”
“Alyssa … you can’t live in fear for the rest of your life.”
“I won’t.”
Not wanting to stress her out even more, he said, “Alright. So tell me about this custody thing. What do I need to do to help you?”
Alyssa softened, tears forming in her eyes. John was too good to be true. “You’ll have to give a sample for the paternity test,” she said hesitantly.
“No problem. Tell me when and where.”
She breathed loudly and closed her eyes. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
She felt so relieved. “I don’t know … Everything? For agreeing to take a test? For letting me sleep in your room? I don’t know, Johnny … just, everything,” she finished with a sigh.
He’d give her anything if she let him. “I’d do anything to help you, you know this.”
“I do …”
“Listen, Alyssa. I’m so proud of you for standing up on your own. I can’t imagine it’s easy in the least. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did.”
Her eyes rolled shut. She felt like a weight had been lifted.
“I need to go, class starts soon, but I should be seeing you soon, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Text me later,” he requested.
Alyssa nodded to herself. “Bye, Johnny.”
It was two weeks later and Alyssa had a meeting with the attorney, but she hadn’t gone for the paternity test yet. All she could think about was how invasive it would be, like she was letting go of a piece of her being, and she didn’t like it one bit. Not only would they be sticking a long cotton swab in her mouth, but they would be doing the same to her daughter.
Alyssa swaddled Brooke to her chest. She sat, staring at the serene lake before her. With all the chaos in her life, she needed this peace. She needed a place she once found joy and happiness in. She needed to go back to where it all started and know she hadn’t lost it completely. She had no music playing, just the harmony of the woods at her fingertips. Trees swayed, an occasional flying fish made an appearance as she took in the environment in front of her. This … now this was bliss.
Placing a kiss to her forehead, she stared at her little miracle. Creamy soft skin with dark lashes and blonde hair. Each doctor was flabbergasted that she hadn’t miscarried with the amount of injuries she obtained. Maybe it was due to her placing herself front and center as much as she could to brunt the extent of the injuries to her stomach. Who the hell knew. All that mattered now was that her daughter was happy and safe.
The sound of crinkling leaves and branches caused Alyssa to stiffen. She tensed, scared to look over her shoulder.
“I had a feeling I’d find you here,” John drawled.
Her mouth dropped open, ice cold shock ran through her veins at the sight of him. He’d told her he was coming home in the past but never showed. She didn’t think he’d actually keep his word this time.
John sat down next to her. Looking over at the baby bundled in Alyssa’s arms, he said, “She’s beautiful. Has your blonde hair.” He bobbed his head and turned away. The look of hurt that plagued him was instantly felt.
John crossed his arms over his knees and stared at the lake not making contact with her. He knew something had been going on with Alyssa, but he never would’ve guessed it was the birth of her child … a daughter to be exact. John didn’t know what to do or say. He was upset, devastated, and full of happiness all at the same time. A mixed bag of emotions he didn’t know how to control. He was not expecting this.
How could she have not told him? He needed to tread lightly and not jump to conclusions, which wasn’t easy. John had been looking forward to the birth only to be stripped of it.
“When was she born?”
“I went into labor a little early. She was born two weeks ago.”
“Huh,” he huffed, shaking his head in denial. “So everyone knew but me? Unreal. No matter what I do, I never seem to win.” John reached down and picked up a stick, crushing it between his fingers. “Nothing is ever right. Or enough.”
Her jaw burned from holding back the tears. “John, I’m sorry … I just wasn’t ready yet.”
His shoulders rose, then dropped. He kept his voice even, monotone. “I’m trying to put myself in your shoes right now. I really am.
I get where you’re coming from, I do, it’s just hard to accept it at the moment. All the times I asked you about your pregnancy, the pain you had, and you’d already given birth. You lied. I thought it was something I did, so I was giving myself headaches trying to figure it out.” John shook his head. He was beyond hurt that it was hard to form words without going off on her.
“I’m sorry … I didn’t do it intentionally,” she said quietly.
“Yeah, you did.” John clenched his jaw, keeping his temper reeled in. It wasn’t easy, but he would do it. For her, and her daughter. “You purposely kept it from me. You could’ve told me the next day, three days, whenever, but you didn’t. I had to come home to a house full of baby gear to find out.”
Alyssa sniffled and even though he shouldn’t feel bad that she was upset, he did. What was wrong with him?
“What’s her name?” he asked, staring at the lake.
“Brooke Elyse.”
John cracked a small smile. “Elyse is my mom’s middle name.”
“It is? I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah,” he said, looking at her finally. “It is.” John noticed the dark blue circles under her eyes, the hollowness in her cheeks, it all tugged at his heart telling him to take it easy. She looked completely and utterly drained. As much as he wanted to lash out at her for lying and refusing his effort to be part of her life, he just couldn’t find it in him. It wasn’t fair to her or Brooke.
“Please don’t be upset with your parents, I asked them not to tell you yet. I know it wasn’t fair for me to ask that, but I was a mess. I still am …”
“I wanted to be there for you, Alyssa. I looked forward to her being born. I just can’t believe I missed it and not from lack of trying.”
A tear slipped free from his honesty. She never meant to hurt him. Alyssa flattened her lips, trying to fight the feelings streaming through her. “If it helps, your mom was by my side the entire time.” A weak smile plagued her face. “I don’t know how I could have done it without her.”
John’s heart cracked at the sight of her hollow blues. The last thing he wanted was to see her cry, especially with her daughter in her arms. So he sucked it up.
Extending an arm, he wrapped it around her shoulders and pulled her to him. A cry broke free from her lips as she rested her head on his chest. He knew she was trying to fight the tears by the shaking in her back. “Shhh,” he said, and wrapped his other arm around her, cocooning her to him. John would deal with his emotions later. He wanted to make sure she felt safe in his arms. He rested his head lightly on hers. “It’s okay, Alyssa.”
“It’s not. It was wrong of me.”
“Hey—I’m happy my mom was there for you, that you weren’t alone. Did you have an easy delivery?”
“Wasn’t too bad. Your mom kept reminding me to breathe.” She chuckled.
John picked his head up. “Did you forget or something?”
“Kinda. When the contractions hit, the pain was so intense that I held my breath wishing them away. She said it happened to her.”
John cursed under his breath. He wanted it to be him who was there for her.
“I’m really sorry. I know my apology means nothing and I can’t take back what I did, but just know you were on my mind. I just … I don’t know what I was thinking. It’s a lot of me to ask, but please try not to be mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you, Alyssa. Not one bit. I want to be mad, but I just can’t bring myself to that level. I understand why you did what you did. Did I want to be there? Hell yeah I did. Does it hurt that I wasn’t? More than you can imagine, but I’ll get over it.” He looked at her. “I like that my mom was there for you.”
John wiped away the tears under her eyes with the pads of his thumbs. She looked down when he finished. “Hey.” He pulled her gaze back to his. “Are you happy?”
Alyssa shrugged. “As happy as I can be, I guess.”
John’s eyes traveled her face from her sunken cheeks to her chapped lips. He couldn’t tear his eyes from them, so he leaned in and tilted his head. He was going in for a kiss, but she stiffened under him and he paused.
“Congratulations on your baby girl, Alyssa,” he looked deep into her eyes. He wanted her to know he meant every word. “I was wishing for a son, but knowing she’s healthy and happy is just as good, if not better,” he whispered so close to her lips.
“Don’t.” She wasn’t sure if she could handle his kiss.
“I’m trying not to …” He fought with everything in him. The blood in his veins roared, igniting a fury of want inside him. It was stronger than ever. He needed more with her, more of her kisses, her touch. It didn’t matter what, he would take anything she was willing to give him.
“Please … don’t,” she begged. She wasn’t ready for it.
“Can I hold her?” he asked.
Alyssa gulped. She’d been so nervous with anyone holding or touching Brooke. “Or not …”
“You can!” she said. “Do you know how?”
“Kinda, but it’s been a long time since I held my brothers. Can you show me?”
Alyssa smiled. “Sure. Put your arms out like you’re carrying a watermelon and I’ll place her in your arms. Make sure you hold her head up.”
Alyssa knelt down in front of John and placed Brooke in his hold. Leaning over, her shirt fell open and her heavy, much bigger breasts appeared in John’s vision. His mouth watered at the sight of them.
“Hold her like you’re running with a football.” John looked up with the biggest smile on his face. Her cheeks heated when she smiled back.
“Now hold her head,” she said, and lifted his elbow slightly. “See how she’s elevated? Keep her like that.”
Brooke sucked away at her thumb as he cradled her. John couldn’t believe he was holding his daughter. Biologically, there might be a chance she wasn’t his, but when she opened her eyes and looked up at him he was done. In that moment, regardless of blood type, she was his in every sense of the word.
“She’s like a tiny little cupcake. I want to take a bite out of. Her curls are the icing and the rest is the yummy, fluffy cupcake part.”
The belly laugh that came out of Alyssa had John smiling. It was the first time in many months he’d heard her laugh.
“What? She does! She’s so cute.” John was in awe holding Brooke. “I can’t believe I’m holding our daughter.”
Alyssa’s smile faltered, her laughter fading away. “Uh huh. No more tears, you got that?” John cupped her face. She leaned into his touch and nodded.
Brooke was his daughter the moment he laid eyes on her. Screw that fucker Ben. Brooke was his. He knew it in his gut the instant he held her. “She’s mine. I know it.”
“What makes you think that?”
John shrugged. “I don’t know … Her skin coloring … her hair … her eyes. It’s a gut feeling I have.”
“Her eyes are grayish blue, John. I hate to break it to you but a lot of babies are born with eyes that color.”
“Oh. Well, Ben has brown eyes if I recall correctly.”
Alyssa shivered thinking about his eyes and the power they wielded. “They’re brown.” She confirmed.
“Yeah, so I’m thinking Brooke would have been born with brown eyes since it’s a dominate gene if she was Ben’s, right? Anything else would either be green or blue coming from either parent if they both had those colors, right?”
Alyssa shrugged. What John said made sense, but the hell if she knew. “I guess.”
“I haven’t gone for the paternity test yet …” she trailed off, looking away when she sat down.
“Understandable. You have a lot on your plate right now.”
How was he so understanding? “I’ll go soon. I promise.”
John looked at her. “I know you will.” He was so happy he was beaming from ear to ear. Brooke was the cutest, most adorable baby he had ever laid eyes on. He already wanted to give her the world.
“Oh, shoot … she’s fussing.
”
Alyssa leaned on John’s shoulder, feeling the heat beneath his shirt. “It’s okay. Just give her the pacifier.”
“Does she sleep at night for you?”
“Oh heck no, but your mom has been a blessing. During the day I’ll sleep and she’ll watch her. I can’t complain.”
“That’s good, Alyssa. Real good.”
She smiled softly.
“I know you told my mom two months and then you’d leave. I was thinking, what if you got a place by me?”
Alyssa looked at the lake. Aside from some heartbreaking memories, how could she ever leave South Fork? She had grown to love the small, homey town.
“I don’t know … I would be all alone with a newborn.”
What the hell was he? Chopped liver? “There are places all around my base in South Carolina. We wouldn’t be far from Georgia … and I can come and help on the weekends, maybe even on my days off.”
Alyssa stayed silent.
“All I know is that I want you near me, and I’m willing to do what it takes. I miss having you around, Alyssa. I miss our friendship … I miss us.” He looked deeply in her eyes when he said us. “So, I’ll pay half the rent, you pay the other half because I know you won’t have it any other way.”
“There is that.” No one was going to call her a mooch. She didn’t have much money saved, but she had enough to get her by.
“What do you have here? What’s holding you back?”
“Nothing, apparently,” she responded dejectedly.
“So just think about it, you have time. All I know is that I have to be near this little cupcake,” John raised his chin at Brooke. He had only been in her presence for an hour and he already hated the idea of having to leave her.
The choice had been an easy one to make.
Their friendship had grown strong, much stronger than she anticipated considering all the strife both of them dealt with. He could do anything he wanted, yet he was with her as many weekends a month as his training permitted him. John was slowly working his way under her skin, weaving himself through her emotions and latching on to her heart. It was a big step for Alyssa, one she was hoping wasn’t a mistake as she gradually let him in. She tried to push back her emotions, the feeling in her heart when he was around, but it wasn’t easy.