by Lucia Franco
As she stood in the kitchen of her new apartment–a small two bedroom that John found for her outside his base–with boxes surrounding her and a fussing Brooke on her shoulders, bright lights blazed through the window. Her heart kicked up, skipped a beat and lodged in her throat as she patted her daughter’s back while she bounced her. She hadn’t been alone since leaving Ben and she suddenly found herself frightened.
Knocking twice, John pushed the knob down and then entered the apartment. “Alyssa?” he yelled. Big eyes and pale skin, Alyssa stood in the kitchen with Brooke, who was gnawing at her tiny fist and drooling everywhere. John’s brows furrowed.
She breathed a sigh of relief. “It’s only you.”
“Who did you think it was?”
“No one … I just got nervous when I saw the lights.”
Walking toward her, he said softly, “You can’t worry like that every time, Alyssa. He’s locked up and can’t hurt you. Plus, you’re hours away and he doesn’t know it.” John leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
He stood in front of her, tall and strong. He made her feel safe, like he would throw himself in front of a train before he let a thing happen to her. His presence commanded attention. Strong, fearless, powerful. And in that moment, Alyssa wanted to wrap her arms around John and never let go. They hadn’t had any contact and she needed to feel secure, whole, one … and John had always given her that.
“You alright?” he asked, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear.
Alyssa nodded. “I am now.” She couldn’t stop herself from leaning into John. She needed his touch no matter how much she told herself she didn’t, or couldn’t have it. Resting her head on his chest, she sighed quietly. In this moment, life was just right.
Until Brooke started fussing again.
“What’s wrong with my little cupcake?” John cooed, pulling back. Her body screamed for him to not let go.
Alyssa pulled Brooke off of her shoulder when her daughter tried to turn around at the sound of John’s voice. Her eyes widened and she began crying incessantly. Alyssa looked confusingly at Brooke, then to John who shrugged his shoulders as if he didn’t have a clue. Brooke extended her little arms toward John and reached for him. Without a second thought, Alyssa handed her daughter over to John who began laughing and crying at the same time. The mixture of sounds caused Alyssa to chuckle. She didn’t know whether to cry or laugh herself.
“Huh.”
“Huh, what?” John retorted, rubbing Brooke’s back.
“It’s just that she stopped fussin’ the moment you held her.”
“I must have the special touch.” If he only knew …
“Maybe she just wanted you,” Alyssa emphasized.
John pursed his lips for a moment. “Maybe,” he said with a grin. “Is she hungry?”
“I could nurse her … she’s always hungry.”
“Do you have a bottle I can give her?”
“I do. Let me thaw the milk and get it ready for you.”
John left the kitchen to sit on the couch. Sitting back, he viewed the room before him. For someone who didn’t have anything, Alyssa sure had a lot of boxes to unpack.
Holding Brooke, John bounced her on his knee while she laughed, slobber going all over him. He didn’t care. She wasn’t able to sit up on her own yet, so he held her under her arms. It was adorable, and he couldn’t help but laugh at her round, dimpled face. Brooke was the world to him. She had been since the moment he met her.
“Hey, baby girl. What’s goin’ on with you?” he cooed. “Why are you so fussy for your mama? Can’t you give her a break?” Brooke reached for the silver ball chain around his neck, feeling the beads slipping through her wet fingers. He pulled the chain from his shirt and she stared at it trying to figure out what it was.
“Got nothing to say?” He angled his head playfully to the side and stuck his tongue out, but she was much more interested in the tags hanging from the ball chain. Her aqua colored eyes glanced up at John and she smiled brightly, pulling him in and wrapping him around her finger. His little cupcake was the cutest thing in the world. He loved her and wished he never had to leave her side. There was something about her soft expression that caused John to fall more for her each time. She made him forget all the little things, and all that mattered was her and her mother.
“I guess she just wanted you …” Alyssa trailed off.
John kissed Brooke’s cheek and laughed. “Maybe she did. Everyone wants me except for you.”
Alyssa chuckled and rolled her eyes as she plopped down next to him. She handed John a warm bottle and realized he was wrong. It didn’t help that he cared for Brooke so much, that he cuddled her like fine crystal making sure not to hurt her. Something as simple as John feeding her daughter was all it took for Alyssa to let down her defenses. Not to mention, he looked pretty damn hot all buff holding a baby.
“I had an extra set of keys made to my truck. I want you to have something in case of an emergency and figured you could use my truck during the week since I really don’t need it.”
She melted at his thoughtfulness. “John, you didn’t have to do that. I was going to get a job soon and use the rest of my savings to get a car.”
“I know I didn’t have to, I wanted to.” He winked.
John was so content with everything that she couldn’t help but wonder what was going on inside of his head. She didn’t understand his way of thinking, or why he was so eager to help her. And as much as she wanted to poke, she didn’t. A single, hot, young marine willing to step in and be the father of a daughter that could possibly not be his? That never happened. And if it did, it took a special kind of person to step up to the plate.
Alyssa rested her head on his shoulder, snuggling in close. He leaned over and dropped a kiss to her head.
“You’re hard not to fall for, Johnny.”
John smiled to himself, feeling great. So his plan was working. Be one step ahead and show her that he wasn’t going anywhere. Most of all shower Brooke with love, which wasn’t hard at all. He was pretty sure he loved her the moment he met her.
“Look …” John whispered.
“You’re not allowed to ever leave,” Alyssa whispered back. “That was the quickest she’s ever gone to sleep.”
“Deal.” He said, looking down into her tired blue eyes. If she only meant it …
“You look exhausted. Why don’t you get some sleep too?”
Her eyes were heavy. “I’m so tired, but I have a lot to do still.”
John pressed his lips together. And that’s why he was there. He was going to do her unpacking while she rested. “Let’s put her to bed. You go shower and I’ll take care of the boxes.”
Alyssa stood, and at the wave of her hand he followed her to Brooke’s room. His tiny little girl was secured in his arms now sucking her thumb. Was this how all dad’s felt? Like they never wanted to let go of their daughter, give her the world and protect her all at the same time? Hell, there was a chance she wasn’t even his daughter yet he couldn’t control the feelings he was dealing with. She was everything to him. He was wishing to God she was his.
“You’ll always be my little cupcake …” he mumbled in her ear, giving her a tender kiss before he laid her down.
It didn’t take long to settle into her apartment. Soon after she did, Alyssa dug deep and took the paternity test like she should have three months ago when Brooke was born. It was exactly how she thought it would be, intrusive and disturbing. She hated the whole thing.
Most of all, she hated Ben. Her hands formed into fists just thinking about him.
A long, giant cotton swab invaded her mouth, as it did her daughter’s and John’s. Her foot bounced wildly up and down on the linoleum as Brooke sat on John’s leg. Alyssa’s nerves were shot, her stomach in knots as the nurse rubbed the swab against her cheek, saliva coating it as she fought the urge to gag. Alyssa felt dirty, trashy, and it was the last thing she wanted her daughter to feel. She didn’t want it and
despised the thought of it happening to her baby regardless if Brooke knew what was happening or not.
John laced his fingers through Alyssa’s and squeezed, not looking in her direction. He just stared straight ahead until the nurse finished up with them. He could feel the anxiety coming off of her in waves and wanted to put her at ease. When the nurse left the room, John finally glanced her way.
“It’ll be alright … You just have to have a little faith.”
Wide-eyed, Alyssa said nothing. Fear swirled in her eyes and her skin was taking on a pale hue. Cupping her face, John kissed her forehead. “Nothing will change,” he reassured, looking deep into her eyes. He meant those words and prayed she believed him.
The results would be back in about two weeks. Was he prepared for them? Hell no. Not in the least. Who would be? His heart hammered against his ribs every time he thought about it, which was a lot over the past few months. He wanted to push Alyssa for a test earlier but decided to wait until she was ready. He said nothing would change for him regardless of the results and he meant it, but would it for her?
Now they were playing the waiting game. He wasn’t going to be able to sleep for the next two weeks. He desperately wanted cupcake to be his, but she’d been with Ben around the same time, so he truly had no idea.
If Brooke turned out to not be his, would Alyssa’s feelings change toward him? The thought cut through John harder than usual. He prayed to God she wouldn’t change. He was in too deep to back out, not that he would.
Knocking on the door, John could hear Brooke squealing inside and he wondered what she could be giggling at. He smiled to himself, excited to see her. He’d been separated from her for a week, and he was having withdrawals. He needed his baby girl.
The door unlocked and Alyssa swung it open. At first glance, she looked like a hot mess. Her blonde hair was wild and messy at the top of her head and she didn’t have a stitch of makeup on. She wore an oversized white t-shirt with shorts just peeking out. Did she ever wear anything else? And yet, she looked so beautiful.
He grinned. “Surprised to see me?”
Alyssa nodded … if he only knew.
“Can I come in?”
“Oh! Yeah, I’m sorry.” John stepped in and she locked the front door. “What are you doing here?” she asked.
He shrugged walking toward Alyssa. Brooke’s chubby arms flailed as she bounced on her mother’s hip. “Just felt like seeing my two favorite girls.”
John scooped Brooke up from Alyssa and placed her against his chest giving her a hug.
“Hey cupcake. Did you miss me like I missed you?”
Brooke leaned into John with a slobbery, wet mouth. Her mouth was wide open and her tongue hung out as she went for John’s nose. He scrunched his face and huffed out a laugh. “Nice to see you too, cupcake.”
Alyssa chuckled, covering her mouth. “That’s Brooke’s way of giving you kisses. She learned it this week.”
“I can tell,” he said, wiping his nose. Brooke did it again, this time holding the sides of his face with her little hands. “Who taught her how to give kisses like that, though?”
Trying to stifle a laugh, it came out as a snort instead. “She must’ve missed you if she did it again.” Alyssa couldn’t stop laughing at the sight of Brooke trying unsuccessfully to kiss John.
“You think this is funny?” Alyssa nodded. “Could you imagine if people went around kissing like this?” John asked.
“No! That would be too weird.”
“I agree … You gotta teach her the right way, honey. Like at least how to kiss cheeks and not noses. Her drool could’ve gone up my nose,” he chuckled.
Looking at Alyssa, John tilted his head and then walked over to her, stepping over toys on his way. “You okay?”
Alyssa flattened her lips and nodded.
“Are you sick? You look pale.”
She shook her head. “I’m good, just exhausted.”
“Alright … But if everything is good, why are you chewing on your lip?”
She stopped immediately. “Just surprised to see you. Hungry? I was getting ready to cook dinner.”
Rubbing Brooke’s back, he drew out, “I can always eat …”
“Good!” She perked up and busied herself in the kitchen. She needed to take her mind off of the envelope that could potentially ruin everything. Hands trembling, Alyssa pulled out steak fries from the freezer.
The results were back much faster than she anticipated. She thought she would be able to rip them open, but the truth was, she couldn’t. It was a hard reality. One she wasn’t ready to face. The results would undoubtedly change everything.
And in the end, one would hurt, the other wouldn’t.
“Need help with anything?”
“Nope! I’m good! Just watch Brooke for me please.”
Sitting on the couch with Brooke in his lap, she went straight for his dog tags like she usually did. At four months old, her curls had gotten a little longer and her aqua colored eyes had gotten more vibrant if that was possible. She played with the tags in her hand, turning them over and inspecting them before shoving them into her mouth like she did with most things she got her hands on these days. John laughed. Each day his little cupcake got prettier and prettier, just like her mother. Speaking of her mother, John looked at Alyssa while she cooked. Worry was written all over her gorgeous face.
“What’s your mama up to?” he asked Brooke. “You givin’ her trouble today, missy?”
Bright eyes stared back at him as Brooke continued to chew on his tags. Bringing her in close, John hugged his cupcake and then stood.
Walking to the kitchen, he leaned against the doorframe and watched Alyssa. Mail was strewn across the counter, a few empty bottles and her purse. Nothing seemed wrong until the red writing caught his eye when he glanced around again.
Mail …
John’s heart nearly skipped a beat. Trying not to make it obvious, he stood tall and tried reading the front of the envelope discreetly. Had she gotten the results back and not told him? No, she wouldn’t do that … Would she? Did she know the truth of Brooke’s paternity? John had been so busy with training and conditioning that he was too worn out to think of the test at night once his brain stopped running.
Flipping the burgers, Alyssa turned to grab the cheese from the fridge and almost jumped out of her skin.
“Jesus, Mary and Joseph!” she yelled, clutching her chest. “You scared the crap out of me standing there like that so quiet. How long were you there?”
Once her heart stopped skipping beats, Alyssa got a full view of John. Standing tall and large in her kitchen holding a baby, she gulped. There were no other words to describe him in that moment except. Hot. As. Fuck. Her lips parted as her gaze traveled the length of his body, over his muscled thighs, his narrow waist, to his solid chest that filled out his tight white t-shirt. Alyssa had gotten a glance of his body months ago. Goose bumps broke out across her skin thinking of John holding her in his bed … the way she felt, secure and loved in his arms. She hadn’t experienced that in a long time and she suddenly missed it. What was it about guys and babies that caused her to stir with desire?
Alyssa could only imagine what his chest looked like now, probably much larger judging by the size of his biceps. Brooke was pretty chunky, but in John’s arms she looked so small and petite. Alyssa had kept her distance for the most part and not ogled John, but holy hot damn how had she missed his body?
“Alyssa?” Her eyes flashed to his and John grinned. “Checking me out?”
John stepped into the kitchen, reached behind her and turned off the stove. “Burgers are done.” She followed his movements, speechless. “I just caught you checking me out.”
Mortified, Alyssa’s cheeks reddened. She totally was and got caught. But seriously, how could she not? Between his well-defined hot as sin body and backwards hat, John’s strong jaw stood out and those damn dimples made an appearance.
Propping a hand on her hip, she looke
d into his gleaming eyes and lied. “No, I wasn’t. You just scared me.”
“Right,” he drawled. “Here, take cupcake and I’ll finish since I rendered you speechless … and motionless it seems.”
Alyssa puckered her lips together trying not to laugh. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, country boy. Now go sit down, I’m just about done.” As Alyssa shoed Johnny out of her kitchen, she noticed where his eyes drifted before leaving to fasten Brooke into her highchair.
Alyssa’s heart dropped and her blood ran cold.
He knew.
Alyssa thought she could get away with not revealing the results until the weekend, but it looked like she was going to be opening the letter tonight. Maybe it was a good thing since the letter had been taunting her for the past week.
God, please give her strength. She was going to need it.
Turning the water off, John dried his hands with the dishtowel. Alyssa had just wiped the table down and was now leaning against the counter.
“Where’s Brooke?”
“In her playpen.”
“What time does she go to sleep?”
“Pretty soon.”
John bobbed his head. “When she does, do you want to open that? Or have you already?”
She didn’t need to turn around to know what he was talking about. She’d seen him looking at it a few times. “I haven’t opened yet. I was going to wait until the weekend with you to do it.”
“How long have you had it?”
Alyssa looked away. “Last week.”
John huffed in irritation, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Why didn’t you tell me? Were you not going to tell me? Or did you think I would forget?”
A stinging pain slashed through her chest and her stomach tightened. Alyssa was insulted. “How could you think I would do such a thing?”
He shrugged. He was working really hard to keep his composure. “I don’t know … maybe because you didn’t tell me you got the results and were going to wait until the weekend? I expected you to tell me the minute you got them.”
“That’s because I don’t normally see you during the week. I also didn’t want to stress you out while you’re training either. I just figured I’d wait until the time was right. I was just thinking of you.”