Hold On to Me

by Lucia Franco

  He needed more.

  He always needed more when it came to Alyssa.

  John reached down and grabbed her hips, feeling the terrycloth material in his hand. He needed to feel her skin against his.

  He broke the kiss and laid his hand at the opening of her robe near her neck. With his forehead pressed against hers, and their eyes never leaving each other’s, his fingers glided down her damp skin and a heated sigh rolled off her lips. His fingers danced over the plumpness of her breast until he met the material. He pushed her robe aside baring her chest and it caused his blood to stir at the sight of her pointed nipple. Her breathing was shallow, the outline of her collarbone showed with each breath. Goose bumps were visible on her chest and he reveled inside knowing it was from his touch.

  John untied her robe, dropping the tie to the ground. His hands met her silky skin and she flinched, trying to close the robe.

  “Don’t,” he begged.

  “You don’t understand …”

  Rejection showed in his eyes. “Then make me understand, please.”

  Alyssa tried not to pull away, but she wasn’t the same Alyssa she was before she got pregnant. She was worn, and used, with stretch marks embedded in her skin. She wasn’t tight and elastic like she had once been. Not to mention she was absolutely terrified of sex again.

  She took a deep breath and sighed. “Holding back and questioning you repeatedly about being here for Brooke goes back to my childhood. My father walked out when I was born and shows up every once in a while. I’m not on his mind or was ever his priority, and that hurts. How do I know you won’t do the same thing?”

  “The difference is that he walked out once you were born, I walked in after she was born. I don’t want to leave, Alyssa.”

  At that, Alyssa burst into tears and John held her to his chest. “It’s taking everything to open up again. I’m afraid of being hurt as badly as I was, so I pushed you away, and I’m sorry for that. I didn’t want to, I just didn’t know what to do.” She was truly sorry and hoped he believed her.

  John placed both hands against the wall near her head. Leaning down he said hoarsely, “I’m not going to force you, Alyssa, you know that, but know that I want you so bad. I have from the moment I saw your swollen belly. Even then I wanted to take you and make you mine. You were so beautiful, soft and round with my baby. Brooke is mine in every word. And so are you.” John finished, planting his lips to hers and taking her in a breathless kiss.

  Alyssa grabbed his neck, clutching John to her. She needed him as much as he needed her. She devoured his kiss as he gripped her hips, his hands roaming and kneading every inch of her backside as if he needed to touch every part of her. Heat flooded her core and a groan escaped her lips.

  Alyssa fought hard to stifle her moans, but it was pointless. John’s touch ignited a heat inside of her that she thought had long been extinguished. His fingers changed tempo and grazed her naked flesh then cupped her ass, right next to her sex.

  Her wet sex.

  Fuck yeah … John thought at the little sounds she was making. Her fingers dug into his neck and his dick strained against his jeans. She felt so good against him that it took all of John not to take her right then and there.

  “Johnny.”

  A guttural groan vibrated in his chest. He fucking loved when she called him that. “Don’t worry, honey. I’ve got you.”

  John scooped Alyssa up and carried her into her darkened bedroom and laid her down. Her legs parted, and then closed up quickly.

  “Don’t, baby. Let me see you.”

  Alyssa gulped. “It’s hard, Johnny. I’m not like how I used to be.”

  “I know.”

  Alyssa’s eyes rounded in surprise. Before she could say anything he shook his head and said, “You’re even better than before. Don’t worry about how you used to be. I want you now and that’s all that matters.” He said, placing his hands on her knees and slowly opening her up. “I want you,” he repeated, looking in her eyes, forcing her to believe his words.

  Alyssa sucked in a breath and John’s eyes widened. Damn. If he thought Alyssa was beautiful before, well, he was dead wrong.

  The post pregnancy Alyssa was stunning. She had small, lush curves and weight to her bones that he wanted to feel all night long.

  “Fuck yeah,” he grumbled, arching into her. His dick was rock hard and ready to sink into her. Alyssa struggled to keep herself together, he could tell as she chewed on her lip. But John couldn’t resist. He leaned down and took her mouth, capturing her kiss. She made a little sound, wrapping her arms around his neck. She held him tight. His chest ached knowing she was holding back by the touch of her trembling fingers.

  “It’s okay,” he mumbled against her mouth. “I’m here, honey.” His fingers slid along the crease of her breast and ribs, his thumb rubbing in circles.

  “Sit up,” he ordered. He slid the robe down and took it off, flinging it over his shoulders. “Alyssa,” he groaned, staring at her. John cupped her much fuller breasts and he almost came in his pants. Fuck, he wanted her more than ever. He needed her so bad he ached.

  “Alyssa. I want you.”

  “You do?” she asked with doe eyes. “Even with all my stretch marks? I look terrible.” Her heart pounded against her ribs at John’s admission.

  John’s eyes were filled with arousal. He cupped her face and said, “So. Fucking. Bad. Your body after pregnancy doesn’t bother me. If anything, it makes me want you even more. You’re so incredibly sexy that it pains me to hold back when you tell me to stop. I want you, stretch marks and extra weight and all. Just know every time …” he said, looking away shaking his head. “I want you. Even when you were pregnant, I wanted you so fucking bad it hurt, but I knew you weren’t in the right frame of mind so I held off, but knowing you need me now, and you’re refusing it, it kills me. You have no idea how bad it kills me inside. I want to make everything better for you.”

  “I’m sorry …” she sniffled.

  Sitting up, she reached for John. She cupped his cheeks in her palms and whispered, “Truth is, I’m scared, Johnny. I’m truly scared to open up and allow you into me, into my body, but into Brooke’s life as well. It’s hard. I don’t want to push you away, but I can’t stop it from happening either. I’m petrified you’re going to leave. Tell me that I’m wrong. Fight against me. Push and shove and tell me no, that no matter what I do that you’ll be there. Just be there, Johnny. Even when I say no over and over. I’m stubborn and hard headed. I don’t want to push you away, I swear, but it’s a defense mechanism that I can’t stop. You want us, both of us so bad? So fight for us and show me I’m wrong. Just. Be. There. Can you do that? Please?”

  Alyssa trembled inside. Her jaw quivered and her eyes watered.

  “Alyssa, I promise I’m not going anywhere, but you’re asking for so much. To go against you like that? How will I know when I’ve pushed too far?” Her shoulders dropped. No, that’s not what he wanted to happen. He got his words wrong. “I meant you’re asking for a lot, meaning for me to push your boundaries. You’re putting your trust in me, and I have to hold the responsibility. I don’t want to hurt you, Alyssa, because I think I could.”

  She swallowed. “Maybe I need you to push me. Even when I say no, just do it.”

  “Alyssa …” he kissed her tears away. His nose grazed her cheek then along her jaw and back up so their lips would touch. They hovered in front of each other, breathless, waiting for the next move.

  “Just do it … I want you,” she confessed. Deep down she knew he would never truly hurt her the way Ben did.

  “There’s no going back once I start. Are you sure?” his voice sounded like gravel. He almost didn’t recognize it.

  She nodded. “Positive.”

  “Get the monitor and bring it into the room just in case Brooke wakes up.”

  Alyssa’s heart melted knowing Brooke was on John’s mind. She grabbed the monitor from her bathroom and headed back into her room. The sight be
fore her stopped her in her tracks. He was on her bed naked, his perfectly honed body made her mouth water.

  “Uh uh. None of that. Get your ass over here.”

  As she tilted her head to the side, John said, “I see the look in your eyes, and I know what you’re thinking. Come here, honey. Don’t shy away from me.”

  Step by step, Alyssa placed the baby monitor on her dresser then made her way over to the bed. She pressed a knee onto the mattress but before she could take another step, John reached over, grabbed her by the waist and hoisted her to him. She yelped, surprised by how fast he moved. Gulping hard, she looked into John’s eyes as she lay naked on him. His knees where propped up, her ass pressed against his thighs where his cock cushioned her sex. Alyssa’s cheeks flamed, heat rose to her face knowing John could feel how wet she was. One hand was on the small of her back, the other holding the back of her neck, trapping her on him.

  “Shhh … Just relax, baby.”

  “I am relaxed,” she lied, and he grinned. A panty melting kind of grin.

  “You’re such a liar,” he chuckled. His fingers moved seductively across her lower back and she shivered in his hold. John flicked his chin up then captured her mouth with his. Their tongues wrapped around each other naturally, warmth seeping through and connecting them. John began slowly rolling his hips up, his cock sliding up and down her wetness. His fingers threaded through her hair and gripped the back of her neck. John lapped at her lips slowly and methodically. If she wanted him to fight for her, then he would break her down with his touch and make her beg for him.

  Pulling back, Alyssa asked against his lips, “Am I too heavy for you?”

  John’s brow arched and a smile tugged at his lips. He brushed the damp strands of hair away from her face. “Are you serious right now? No, Alyssa, you’re not too heavy for me.” He chuckled. “In fact, you feel perfect in my arms.”

  “Okay.”

  “Now give me those lips.”

  Alyssa’s half smile flashed before she kissed John. As he thrust his hips into hers, heat coursed through her blood and she found herself moving at the same tempo as John. It was sexy, and it was hot. It was what she needed. They held on to each other while their hips rocked slowly back and forth. Heavy breathing and deep breaths were the only sounds in the room.

  Nibbling on her bottom lip, John wrapped his arms around her back and then rolled them over. A startled Alyssa stared up at him and he grinned. Her skin glimmered from the bathroom light that dimmed the room. Her rosy nipples puckered. They were much pinker and larger than he remembered.

  “They grew,” she said softly, answering his question.

  “I know that, Alyssa. I just didn’t know they’d go from light pink to dark pink or so big.”

  Alyssa’s smile faltered. She brought her arms to her chest to cover herself. She told him she wasn’t the same as before …

  John sat back on his heels. “Stop.” He reached for her wrists and gripped them.

  “No. I told you I wasn’t the same,” she pulled away.

  “And I told you I like you the way you are,” he reminded her. John laced his fingers through hers and placed their joined hands by the sides of her head. She wanted him to push? He was going to.

  He slanted his mouth over hers and stretched out down her body. One leg was bent under her knee while the other was laid out by her side with his hard cock nestled in her sweet folds. He kissed her senseless until she held still. John leaned down and traced his tongue around her areola until every part was wet from him. Alyssa groaned so seductively that his cock twitched. He tongued her nipple with no reserve, nibbled and pulled on it until she was pushing her hips into his. She fought under his hold, but he wasn’t letting up.

  “Johnny …” she moaned.

  But he didn’t answer, he just switched to the other side and showed her other breast the same attention.

  “Oh God.”

  Carefully, he loosened his hold on her wrists and slid down her body, his tongue leaving a trail of wetness on her stomach.

  Alyssa tried to sit up on her elbows, but John pushed her chest down. “Lay still,” he ordered.

  Gulping, Alyssa did as he said. John got comfortable between her legs. He spread her wide, as wide as her hips would allow and stared down at her center. She was exposed, bearing all to John in this position. Alyssa held her breath and squeezed her eyes shut. It was erotic and freeing at the same time.

  Not only did she have stretch marks on her stomach and hips, but she had them on her legs as well. Instantly, her John high was gone. Surely he did not like to look at the scaring on her once supple body? She needed to stop him from doing anymore. As much as she was enjoying the moment, it couldn’t go any further.

  Yeah, no way would he want her baby weight carrying body anymore.

  Just as she was about to close her legs to end the night, John bent his head down and ran his tongue up her slit. Goose bumps broke out over her skin as he did it again from top to bottom. Alyssa sighed, her body turning soft and billowy under him, forgetting about her insecurities. John’s tongue delved deeper, slipping past the crease and touching her more intimately than ever before. Alyssa’s hips rolled up, her hands fisting the sheets as she lost all train of thought while John lovingly lapped at her. Never had it felt this good. He pulled and manipulated her inner lips, sucking and licking all around. A shiver broke out across her body, and her thighs tightened around John’s shoulders.

  “Mmmm …” she moaned.

  His finger entered her as his lips wrapped around her clit and ran in circles. A shot of heat whipped down her spine and into her toes. Her hips bucked off the bed and she grabbed Johns head. It had been a while since she had any kind of penetration, and his finger was slowly stretching her out, working the walls of her sex. The tightness combined with his sinful mouth relaxed her body and allowed her legs to fall open. It felt so incredible …

  “Johnny … so good …”

  Picking his head up, he grinned. “Just wait until I slide into you.” Alyssa’s eyes widened. “Don’t give me that look, baby. You want me in you just as bad as I want to be in you. Just let me touch you a little more. You’re really tight and I need to stretch you out first so it doesn’t hurt,” he finished, then ran his tongue down her again and pushed at her opening.

  Alyssa’s eyes glossed over. “It’s been a long time …”

  “I know. I can tell,” he answered against her.

  “John,” she groaned “As much as I do want it, I don’t have a condom.”

  “You don’t?”

  “Well, no. Why would I? I don’t need them since I’m not sleeping with anyone.”

  “As much as I love hearing you’re not fucking anyone else again, because that would really set me off, I just figured you had some sort of protection. Are you on birth control?”

  “No. There was no reason to be on it.”

  John sat up. “Wait. When was the last time you had sex?”

  Alyssa cringed thinking about the last time they’d had sex.

  “Well …” her eyes drifted past John’s shoulder, tears forming. She really didn’t want to tell John, but she didn’t want to lie either. He’d been so good to her, and she needed to do the same.

  Crawling up her body, John placed his elbows next to her shoulders putting some of his weight on her. “Honey, what are the tears for? Am I hurting you?”

  Alyssa’s jaw quivered as tears began forming in her eyes. She told no one what she was about to tell John, not even the nurses in the hospital. She was scared and embarrassed. Taking a deep breath, she wrapped her arms around John’s back and held on to him. She latched onto his strength and used it to get it all out.

  “He was livid, I had never seen him so angry before. It was right after he was arrested and the first time I was truly terrified because my stomach was growing bigger and I didn’t know what he was capable of anymore. Ben went absolutely insane the moment I walked into the house. I had no idea he would be there. H
e was breathing so hard that I was scared for my life and my unborn baby’s life. He just kept yelling and screaming at me, calling me names for having him arrested, saying I was trying to take his son away from him. He said he wouldn’t allow it. He raised his fist and struck the first hit he had in a long time.”

  A cold shiver flitted across her arms as she remembered that dreadful day. John noticed and pulled the comforter over them. While the heat of the moment was gone, she had never felt so safe in all her life. John on top of her, his body nestled between her legs and his arms circling her head listening to everything she was saying.

  “He hit me so hard I saw stars. I couldn’t believe it. I thought he was better because he hadn’t hit me in months, but I guess I should’ve expected it since I had him arrested. I thought he was through with that phase, but apparently he wasn’t. And I was too stupid and naive to think he could get better on his own.

  “When I looked up, I was about to yell for him to stop but then I feared he’d go after my belly knowing it was the one thing that would break me. So I took the next hit, and the next, and the next until I was on the floor where he began kicking my ribs and back. All I could think of was my baby and protecting my stomach, so I took each blow. I didn’t cry out, but I couldn’t stop the tears. My body ached all over. I was in so much pain, but I dealt with it. He grabbed me by the hair and dragged me into the bedroom and threw me to the floor. Then he shut the door and locked it. My blood ran cold because I didn’t know why he needed to close and lock the door. No one was in the house but us.”

  Tears streamed down the side of her face and John wiped them away. The next part was going to be hard to confess to John. She was scared of his reaction and what he’d do. She didn’t want him to leave, but she couldn’t imagine him staying either. She thought she could go through with sex again, but that just wasn’t the case. Mentally, she wasn’t ready like her body was.

  “I … I don’t think I should keep going. You’re not going to like what I have to say.”

  “Alyssa, sweetheart, I told you, I’m not going anywhere. I want to hear it all, don’t be afraid to tell me, please. Remember, I’m here for you,” he kissed her tears away, which just made her cry more. His sensitivity and kindness broke her on the inside.