Promise To Keep

by Rainwater, Priscilla Poole

  He ran his hand through his hair, frustrated by her harsh words. They were true, but he didn’t needed to be reminded of the mess he had made. Shaking his head, he looked at her. “You’ve already made up your mind that you will never forgive me, haven’t you? Even if I tell you I truly regret leaving our marriage?” he asked. Reaching for her hand, he wasn’t surprised when she pulled away.

  She looked out the airplane window and said softly, “Some things…some things Max, will never be forgiven, or forgotten, by me.”

  She could feel his eyes studying her, and she refused to look at him. She had meant what she said, that she would never forgive him. The only reason she had called him was to get to Jenny’s side faster. At that moment she wasn’t worried about her failed marriage, all she cared about was seeing her friend. And in a cruel twist of irony, it was also a minor blessing in disguise that her mind was so preoccupied with her friend, because otherwise she feared she would find herself lulled by his silky-smooth voice and piercing gaze yet again.

  Lulled by the steady, faint roar of the jet’s engines instead, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep almost immediately. She never saw him stand to leave, never heard him cursing softly under his breath in his native Italian, and never saw him stalk off angrily.

  As she slept, she dreamed she was standing in the middle of a beautiful rainforest, all by herself, in a wedding dress.

  *******************************************************

  “Jenny, we need you to stay overnight so we can run a few tests, the nose bleeds are worrying me and your cell count doesn’t look good. I called Doctor Boyd and he agrees with me, we need to keep you under observation tonight.” the emergency room doctor informed her while he looked over the lab reports for second time, making sure he hadn’t missed anything.

  Jenny lay back on the examination table, her entire body engulfed in tides of weariness and despair. Connell had had to rush her to the hospital when her nose began bleeding and wouldn’t stop.

  Connell stood beside her, his brows drawn together in an agonized expression, silent. He had feared the worst when his mother had paged him from the house to come help. He had felt panic like he’d never known before. Frightened half out of his mind, he had immediately sprinted towards the house, completely forgetting that his truck was parked right outside the barn, only a few feet away. He had ran inside the house, afraid that he would find her on the floor, unresponsive. Even though he had been relieved to see her standing in the bathroom, he had gone pale at the sight of the blood-covered towel she had pressed to her face.

  “Can’t I come back later, doctor? I have company coming tomorrow, she’s coming from overseas. I want to be there when she arrives at our house.”

  The doctor shoved his hands in the pockets of his pristine white lab coat, his look of disapproval very clear. He shook his head and dismissed her like he would a child patient that didn’t want to be treated. He turned to Connell and addressed him instead, a hint of impatience in his voice. “I wouldn’t advise letting her go home, these tests need to be done. Doctor Boyd says she wants to deal with her illness in a very unusual way, but you have to make her understand that she cannot totally disregard the treatment options we have available right here, right now.”

  Jenny‘s gaze drilled into the doctor. She couldn’t decide what angered her the most, that he would totally disregard her wishes, or violating the patient-doctor relationship by refusing to accept her own decision.

  Connell looked at her, deciding he had to put a stop to this nonsense. Jenny seemed to totally dismiss any possibilities of beating the cancer. From day one she had resigned herself that there was no hope of the illness going into remission, or finding a treatment that could at least slow down the process, and give her more time to live. And at the moment she was more concerned about making sure she was home in time to see Aisha. Well, he was the man and the head of the household, and he was going to make the decision for her.

  Giving her a hard look as if daring her to object, he told the doctor, “Go ahead, have her admitted, I’ll sign the paperwork.”

  Sitting upright and glaring at him, she opened her mouth to protest, but he held up one hand to silence her. He had lost patience with her. Not caring that the doctor was standing there listening, he spoke with a harsh, demanding tone. “Jenny, I’ve heard enough. I’m putting a stop to this foolishness, and I’m putting my foot down! Put yourself in my place. What would you do, just let me give up without a fight?“

  Not bothering to answer, she simply sat in smoldering silence, glaring at him.

  Then, in a softer tone, he said, I’ll get you checked in, then go straight home and wait for Aisha.”

  Looking back and forth between the doctor and Connell, her annoyance increased when she saw the doctor give him a grim nod of approval. What gives them the right to tell me how I’m supposed to act and feel…? she thought in furious silence.

  When the doctor left Connell walked across the room and looked out the window, his back to her. “You should be doing everything you can to try to give us as much time as we can have with you, is that so hard to understand Jen? You can’t just sit around waiting for your time to come.” he said, his voice barely audible.

  “It‘s still MY decision what to do Connell.” she replied in an icy voice.

  He spun around and demanded in an angry voice, “Damn it, why won’t you fight?”

  Enraged, she jumped off the table, forgetting her splitting headache and dizziness. Stalking over to him, she looked up into his eyes, her own eyes blazing.

  Without realizing it, he took a step back.

  “Let me remind you of a few things, Connell. Let me tell you about fighting! Everyday, every God damned day, I get up and see you and my children, with the knowledge that I WILL NOT be here much longer. Everyday I have left; I want our children to remember me more or less the way I was, even the way I am now. I don’t want them to remember me the way I remember my own mother’s last days. She tried everything there was to try, and all it did was prolong her suffering, making her waste away until she barely weighed eighty pounds, Connell. EIGHTY POUNDS! What good came out of all of it? I’ll tell you what. More pain and suffering for her, and more pain and suffering for me, THAT’S WHAT. And in the end she begged me to put a gun in her hand and help her end it all. Just …just to end the pain. It was agony for her to even BREATHE, do you hear me? I was sixteen then, and could take care of myself, but Abby is just a baby for God’s sake! I don’t want her to hear me weeping from pain, or hear me pleading for the release of death. Or would you rather me be so medicated, so doped up that I just sleep until I take my last breath? WELL?”

  Connell stood in shocked silence, still as a statue, not knowing what to say or how to feel. In all the years he had known her, never once had she spoken to him in such a manner, and never once had he heard her use the Lord’s name in vain.

  Jenny’s shoulders sagged, and she slowly made her way back to the examination table and lay down, all the energy drained from her frail body. “Come on, let’s get me checked in.,“ she said, with a note of defeat in her voice.

  *******************************************

  After changing planes in London, then Cincinnati Ohio, Aisha thanked Max and told him she could handle the rest on her own. Not giving him a chance to say anything, she simply turned and walked away, leaving him standing there looking like a lost puppy.

  ***************************************************

  Halfway through the six-hour drive Aisha stopped at a small country café, her stomach growling. After being out of the country for several months, she wanted a good old‘ American artery clogging, swimming-in-butter-and-grease breakfast. She had lost several pounds in the sweltering heat of the jungle, and figured she could well afford a calorie binge. She ordered pan-fried potatoes, a ham and cheese omelet, sausage patties, grits swimming in butter, and a stack of blueberry pancakes.

  Although her eyes had been bigger than
her stomach, the mom & pop joint didn’t disappoint. Her meal was delicious.

  Finishing, she tipped the waitress, got up and paid the bill, and asked if there was a payphone, as her cell phone wasn’t picking up a signal.

  The sweet elderly woman behind the counter thanked her for her business, then pointed to a payphone in a far corner of the restaurant, near the restrooms.

  She walked to the phone and dialed Jenny’s number to let her know she was only a few hours away.

  “Hello?”

  She was surprised to hear Connell’s tired voice. She knew from things Jenny had told her that he was usually out working around the farm before the break of dawn.

  Getting over her surprise, she spoke. “Oh….hello Connell, it’s me, Aisha. Can I speak to Jen?” She could hear Abby in the background singing and banging on what sounded like a metal pot.

  Shouting over the noise, he told her, “She’s in the hospital for some tests. Where are you?”

  “I’m about three hours from the farm. Can you can give me directions to the hospital? I can drive there myself.” She waited patiently as Connell tried to calm a crying Shawn down while yelling for Abby to stop banging on the pots and pans.

  “Ummm…if you don’t mind, could you come here? Please? My mom usually helps with the kids, but she was feeling ill. I‘m a little….out of my element here…….”

  Holding the phone receiver away from her face and staring at it as if it had just transformed into a banana, Aisha thought, What the HELL? He actually said PLEASE? To ME of all people? And admitted he needs my help…..?

  “Uh…yeah, sure. I’ll be there as quick as I can. Just phone Jen for me, could you? Let her know I‘m on my way?” she asked, hearing the baby’s screaming intensify.

  “You bet. Gotta’ go, Shawn’s really starting to rock and roll now. See you when you get here.” he said, relief plain in his voice.

  She hung up with a thoughtful look on her face. The last time he had been this…nice to her, was back in college. Her mind wandered back to the incident, one she had over the years did her best to pretend had never happened. The images focused in her mind, and she could see them again clear as a crystal:

  She had been crowned court queen at the homecoming game. Six heavily muscled football players had carried her before her court after the game. Earlier that evening she had talked the guys into dressing in nothing but loincloths, their bodies heavily oiled. They had sat her on her throne, her wearing a beautiful, long, skimpy gold dress. After she was crowned, Jenny had thrown a huge party in her honor, for winning.

  She had been drinking and feeling a bit tipsy, then decided she needed some fresh air to clear her head, and had went outside. Concerned, Jenny had sent Connell out to check on her while she replenished the snacks.

  He had found her in a gazebo in a wooded area not far from her cottage. She was lounging on the bench, her legs crossed at the ankles, and she had kicked the strappy heels off her aching feet. She knew she must have looked a sight with her head resting against the wall of the gazebo, her eyes closed, enjoying the cool night air. She had been smiling dreamily, thinking it had been one of the most memorable evenings of her young life.

  “You alright?”

  Startled, she had looked up to see Connell standing a few feet away from her, his tall frame leaning causally against the gazebo entrance. She had felt her stomach flutter as she looked up at his handsome, rugged face. Putting her legs down she had nodded, “Yes, I was feeling a little too buzzed and thought I should get some air. Guess I got carried away celebrating my coronation. I’m surprised you came to the party.”

  He had stepped inside the gazebo and took a seat next to her. Even in her state, she could tell that he had had a few drinks that evening as well.

  “Jenny wanted me to come, and I couldn’t miss seeing you get crowned. Seeing all those snobby sorority girls’ faces when you were announced the winner was priceless. I hate snobs. Everyone BUT them knew you were gonna‘ win anyway.”

  She had actually felt herself blush and smile, completely flattered. He had always been so shy……

  Feeling bold and playful, she had batted her eyes at him and said, “Everyone? Does that mean you thought I would win too?” She had then chuckled and leaned against him when she saw her question had made him uncomfortable.

  But not for long. She had stopped giggling when he leaned down and rested his forehead against hers. “I’ve always thought you’re beautiful, since the first day I laid eyes on you.” he had said, his voice nearly a whisper. “So many times I’ve wanted to tell you, but never had the…had the…”

  That’s when it had happened. Not finishing what he had been trying to say, he lowered his lips onto hers. That kiss had been so slow and passionate it had left her mouth burning. Up till that point no one had ever kissed her like that. She remembered not wanting to break the kiss, wanting the moment to last forever. Then the thought of Jenny had shaken her back to reality.

  Reluctantly she had pulled away, at the same time he had apparently snapped back to reality also. Hearing a noise, they had jumped apart and looked at one another in horror and guilt.

  Connell had started to say something, looking as if he was going to apologize, but she hadn’t stuck around to hear it. She had snatched her shoes up and ran back to the party barefoot, feeling completely ashamed. She remembered seeing Jenny in the kitchen pouring drinks, for a party she had thrown in her honor, and felt such overwhelming guilt that she had ran to her room and locked the door, spending the rest of the evening there. Jenny had knocked on her door twice, calling to her, but she had feigned sleep.

  The next morning she was on campus in the library when Connell had cornered her. “We need to talk.” he had whispered, looking a complete mess. His eyes had been bloodshot and his clothes rumpled as if he had slept in them. Upon closer inspection she had realized they were the same ones he had been wearing the evening before. She knew instinctively that he felt just as bad as she did for betraying Jenny.

  Stepping back she had shook her head, looking around frantically for an exit. She was ashamed at what they had did, but was sure if she or Connell confessed to Jenny that she would lose the dearest, closest friend she had ever had.

  “Look, there’s nothing to talk about. I have to go.” she had said, trying to step around him. His huge hand had caught her arm, pulling her further back into aisle and closer to him, so close she could feel his body heat. Or it could have been the heat of her shame.

  “You deny that something happened last night?” he had asked her.

  “Look, I was drunk and so were you, so it was nothing. Things happen sometimes when you’re not in full control of your faculties, so it was nothing, alright? Besides, it’s not worth me losing my best friend, and you losing your girlfriend. So let’s just forget it ever happened.” she had hissed, looking around nervously.

  He had looked so closely at her that she couldn’t meet his gaze. “Nothing happened? You’re sure about that?”

  Unable to answer, she had simply nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat.

  He had released his grip on her arm, and with a blank look on his face said, “You’re right, it was nothing. Just wanted to hear it from you, straight.” He gave her a curt nod of farewell, spun on his heels and walked away.

  For some strange reason, maybe guilt, the incident had over time made both of them resentful towards one another, to the point of mild contempt. The rest of their days in college had been spent avoiding one another, never speaking, never even making eye contact.

  When he and Jenny had gotten married, of course there were times when they had to speak, but it was only for Jenny’s benefit.

  Snapping back to the present, she felt a sense of sadness wash over her at the thought of all the wasted time. So much more time she could have spent with her best friend over the years, had it not been for that one incident so long ago. Had that never happened, over time perhaps she could have developed a lifelong friendship with C
onnell as well. In spite of their little verbal jabs at one another, she had never doubted he was a good man. Just….backwards and mule headed.

  She drove in melancholy silence. Three hours later she was pulling her SUV in front of the farmhouse, blowing the horn as she parked, letting them know she had arrived.

  Abby was the first to come running out of the house, bouncing around excitedly. “Aunt Aisha, you’re here!“ she squealed in delight. She launched herself off the steps and into Aisha’s waiting arms and giggled as her “aunt” twirled her around and peppered her face with kisses.

  When she finally settled down Abby asked the question that was foremost in her mind. “What did you bring me this time, Aunt Aisha?”