Promise To Keep

by Rainwater, Priscilla Poole

  Cautiously, and with a neutral expression he had asked Jenny where she was, to which she had replied, “Oh, I saw her go into her room a few minutes ago, thanks for checking on her.“

  He had then told her again that he was feeling a little woozy from all he had had to drink, and that he was going to walk back to his dorm room. Promising her he would come bright and early in the morning to help her clean the place up, he had kissed her on the cheek and left.

  He had been thankful Ben was out of town to see his sick mother for the weekend. Not thankful because his mother was sick, but thankful he would have the room to himself. He had been certain his guilt was tattooed on his forehead, for God and the entire world to see.

  After showering and laying down, he had tried to get some sleep, but every time he had closed his eyes, Aisha would appear. Then he would remember how wonderful her lips had felt, remember her intoxicating scent, and feel himself getting aroused once more.

  Finally giving up on ever getting to sleep he had cursed, jumped out of bed, got dressed, and left the room. He spent the rest of the night walking aimlessly around the small college town, trying to get his head straight.

  By morning he had found himself sitting outside the library. He knew he had promised Jenny he would come by and help clean, but he didn’t have the heart to face her. And he was still convinced she would be able to see right through him, especially since he had sobered up. He had been truly conflicted. Jenny was all he had ever dreamed of in a girlfriend, but there was something mysteriously alluring about Aisha, some base, nearly animalistic attraction he felt towards her.

  He had looked across the courtyard and saw her walking his way, with a guy, and wasn’t surprised to see the big blond trying to pour on the charm, presumably asking her out for a date. She had stopped, smiled at the guy, but shook her head no, then began walking towards him, leaving the big blonde behind looking crestfallen. And he himself had breathed a sigh of relief.

  She had walked right by him, actually turning her head in the other direction, as he was about to speak. Unsure of just what to do, he had followed her inside the library, found her, and confronted her, out of the hearing range of fellow students.

  She had behaved nervously, vehemently denying anything between the two of them, even going so far as to say, “It meant nothing, it was just the booze.” Or something along those lines. It was difficult remembering what she had said word for word, because all the while he had been feeling two emotions. One, relief that she apparently wouldn’t be telling Jenny about the incident, and two, at the same time feeling his heart sink as she broke his heart. He had wanted to tell her how much it had meant to him. But instead he had just stood there and listened, wondering how she could be so callous. Swallowing a lump in his throat, he had mumbled something, nodded, then walked away, resolving to never put himself in that situation again…

  The sound of Shawn crying over the baby monitor brought his thoughts back to the present. Looking around the kitchen, he was thankful he had made the decision to stay away from her all those years ago. No matter what, he loved his wife, and he knew he wouldn’t have traded the time they had had together for anything in the world. “Daddy’s coming Boo Boo.” he called to Shawn, then headed in the direction of his room.

  Chapter 4

  The blue dress and jacket was simple, it was something Aisha liked wearing whenever she wanted to dress casual, maybe spending the day shopping. But today it would do for church.

  “You look nice. I think you’ll enjoy the services.” Connel remarked.

  Glancing at him, she was relieved he hadn‘t seen her look of contempt at the at the mention of the word “services”, as his full attention was on the winding country road that led to the church. Her only answer was a nearly silent snort. It was about all she was capable of at the moment, her stomach had been in knots since they had left the farmhouse, and she hadn’t stepped foot into any house of worship, of any type, ever since she was thirteen.

  When they finally pulled into the parking lot, she saw several groups of people standing around socializing before the services, and she was mildly shocked to see an almost equal mixture of blacks and whites. But when she finally stepped out of the truck, she felt like a germ underneath a microscope. Everyone had turned their heads in their direction, whispering amongst themselves. Churchies, they’re all alike, and that will never change…she thought bitterly.

  “Daddy, Aunt Aisha!” a child’s voice cried out.

  Turning her head in the direction of the child’s voice, she was relived to see Abby. Scooping the little girl up in her arms, she peppered her tiny face with kisses.

  Placing the still-giggling girl back down on her feet, she spotted Ben and Helen headed in their direction, with a small black woman accompanying them. Taking the lead, Helen introduced them. “Aisha, this is Beth Sun, the wife of our pastor. Beth, this is Jenny’s best friend.”

  Reaching out to shake the woman’s hand, Aisha was surprised when she shooed her hand away and gave her a hug instead. Stepping back, she smiled up at her and said, “Welcome to New Hope. Jenny has told me so much about you, I’ve wanted to meet you for a long time, but she also told me that with all the traveling you do, your visits were always so short. God bless you for coming, it‘s a pleasure to finally meet you.” she finished as she finally took her hand, shook it, and walked away to greet more people.

  Megan took Aisha by the arm, and leaning close, said, “You’ll like it here hon, the spirit is strong.”

  Still a little off balance from the friendliness of the pastor’s wife, she simply nodded stiffly.

  Helen kept looking at Connell. She sensed something was different about him, but couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Then it hit her. “Where did you get your haircut? There’s no way, no way Blind Bob did that.” she said, unable to believe how nice his hair looked. And dressed in his suit, he looked almost….dashing. Although she had always thought Connell was nice looking, she also knew he wasn’t vain. Never in a million years would he drive the two hours it would have taken to find a good stylist. All of the men in the small community, her own husband included, endured “Blind Bob’s” terrible cuts, and covered them up wearing baseball caps.

  Connell blushed and ran his hand over his new cut, mumbling “Aisha cut it earlier.”

  Helen’s eyes lit up. “You think she would cut Ben’s?”

  Connell gave her a surprised look. Under the best of circumstances, she usually didn’t like women touching Ben, even female church members hugging him. And now she wanted Aisha to cut his hair? I’m going to hear the theme from “The Twighlight Zone” start playing any second now….he thought.

  Hearing the church bell ring, everyone shuffled inside, Aisha settling in the pew with Connell, Abby, and Megan, who was holding Shawn. She sat stock-still as she watched the choir sing about the joy of knowing the Lord, while many members of the congregation waved their hands above their heads, eyes closed, some with tears rolling down their faces. She studied the faces as she would any of her subjects in her photographs. As sacrilegious as it seemed, she found herself wishing she had her cameras with her. She thought the shots of different people would look amazing in black and white. Turning to face the front as the choir finally sat down, a tall Asian man approached and stood at the podium.

  “It‘s a glorious day to worship God, brothers and sisters!” he shouted, his voice rolling like thunder. The congregation answered with various shouts of “Praise God,” “Amen,” and “Glory be to Jesus!”

  He smiled as he stepped down from the podium to the floor, to be closer to his flock. .

  “If we have any visitors here today, welcome bothers and sisters in Christ! I’m Pastor Neal Sun, and by the grace of God I’m here to tell you that God is GOOD! God is in me, he’s in YOU, and YOU, and YOU, and YOU” he shouted as he ran back and forth between rows, pointing to various congregation members. “He’s in ALL OF US!!”

  This brought the congregation to their
feet, clapping, stomping, and shouting their praises. The choir leaped to their feet and began singing once more as the lovely organ music blended right in with the singing and shouting, even in rhythm with the clapping.

  Connell, who was on his feet swaying, clapping, eyes closed and a smile on his face, suddenly glanced at Aisha, who seemed to be on the verge of bolting. Her eyes were darting back and forth, wide open, almost as if it was the first time she had ever witnessed such a spectacle

  But Connell’s assumption was completely off base, she didn’t want to run. She was actually watching in wonder, feeling herself want to get “caught up in the spirit,” or whatever it was these people called it. She had never been to a church quite like this. The only “church” or “worship” she had ever known was her family’s “group,” as she was growing up. Sitting in a cold barn for hours on end as their so-called ’leader’ condemned all of humanity (except themselves, of course) to a burning, fiery fate. Their leader reading select scriptures from the bible, lecturing the male followers on how to rule their households with an iron fist, and admonishing the women to be subservient and obedient at all times. No one was allowed to leave during these ’services’, and no one was allowed to have a voice (besides their leader) during these sermons, unlike the people she was watching in here.

  After finally setting down, the pastor got back behind the podium and began his sermon, and in a departure from what she had been used to so long ago, actually preached about love for everyone‘s fellow man, forgiveness, and kindness.

  When the services finally ended, the Pastor’s wife introduced her to her husband, who greeted her in the same manner she had earlier. “We went to see Jenny last night, we talked for a very long time, and prayed.” he said, and much to Aisha’s surprise, took her hand gently in his. “We don’t always understand why such things happen to such good people, but, like Jenny, I believe everything happens for a reason, it’s all part of God’s plan, whatever that may be, and wherever it may lead us. Take strength and comfort in God‘s love, sister, he’s always there, you just have to ask, and seek. I’ll be praying for you too, and I want you to know you’re welcome here anytime. And please, if you ever need anything don’t hesitate to call me or my wife, we’re always here for anyone, anytime, day or night. Praise God.”

  Smiling, he turned to leave, but stopped. Turning to face her once more, he looked closely at her, almost as if looking deep within her soul. He nodded his head as if hearing someone whisper his ear and said, “Sister, the good Lord, at times, blesses me, or burdens me, with certain…..knowledge. Things will be hard in the days to come for you, but you’re strong. Just have faith, and let your heart lead you. Let your heart lead you. Please, trust in God. He knows what‘s best for all of us.”

  Not knowing what to say, she smiled and thanked him. A part of her wished she could have the faith that he, Jenny, and the others had, but at the moment it was lost on her.

  *************************************************

  Jenny’s head felt as if it was clamped in a vice. She had been examined by the specialist that the herbalist was working with, vial after vial of blood, and a never-ending stream of the doctors and nurses coming in the room, and still it came down to what she already knew, her time was running out. She had wanted to take her time working on Aisha before she revealed her request, but had decided she better not waste any precious time. She would talk to her today.

  At that moment another nurse came in with a look of pity on her face, and Jenny looked away, bothered, but was grateful as the medication the nurse put into the IV slowly started to taking effect.

  She turned her head as she heard Abby’s voice, then saw the rest of her family coming into the room. Her heart swelled as she saw Aisha holding a very relaxed and content Shawn in her arms. From the looks of it he was ready to either sleep, or poop, one of which he always did after just eating. His face was nuzzled in her neck, one of his tiny hands playing with her locks. From the manner of their dress, she knew they had went to church. She was a bit surprised that Aisha would go, knowing she had a strong dislike for religion in general. She was tempted to ask, but didn’t want to put her on the spot.

  “Did the specialist come?” Aisha asked as she gently placed Shawn in Jenny’s waiting arms. “I was hoping to talk to him in person. I talked to a friend of mine last night, one who wrote a few articles for the American Board of Physicians. He did an interview with a doctor in West Virginia who has gotten some really good results from home homeopathic treatments that his clinic has been doing. I was thinking about calling him too, maybe getting him to look at you.”

  Jenny sighed, laid back against her pillows, and kissed Shawn tenderly on the forehead. She had had an awful morning. Waking up in blinding pain, she had had to give in and ask for pain medication, and she wasn’t in the mood to explain once again that there was no use in wasting money or time on unnecessary doctors. Everyone knew it was hopeless. She knew, the doctors knew, but her friend and husband would be in denial up until that day finally came. It wasn’t that she herself had no faith in miracles, or God, she just knew in her heart that no miracle would be forthcoming in her case. Somehow, she just knew.

  “Jen…?” her friend prodded in a gentle voice.

  “Aisha, there’s nothing to talk about, there‘s nothing that can be done. They know they can’t operate, and using chemo isn’t going to help. It was discovered way too late.” she said quietly. “Right now I’m waiting on the charge nurse to come with my discharge papers.”

  Aisha opened her mouth to disagree, but little Abby hopped on the bed, looked at her mother and asked, “Mommy, are you all better now?”

  Everyone in the room froze. No one wanted to tell Abby her mother was very ill, that she was dying. No one knew how to make a child understand that one day soon her mother wouldn’t wake up, and wouldn’t be there for her.

  Taking a deep breath, Jenny cuddled Shawn closer, and pulled Abby to her side with her free arm, then kissed her on the top of the head.

  Connell closed his eyes, feeling numb, unable to look.

  “Jenny, please…” Aisha whispered, her lips trembling as her vision blurred.

  “Abby, honey, do you remember when your friend Tammy’s daddy went to heaven?” she asked softly as she rubbed her daughter’s shoulders.

  At the mention of that, the little girl’s eyes grew wide, remembering how her friend had cried a lot, missing her daddy. She gave her mother a grim nod and waited.

  “Honey, mommy is going to heaven soon, but I will always watch over you and your brother.”

  Aisha felt empty, her stomach knotting up. What could she do? She felt the same way she had when Max had left, she had no control, no say over what she wanted, and now she didn’t have control over stopping this. Deep down she knew it was the best thing to do, slowly, yet gently, preparing Abby for the inevitable. But it didn’t make it any easier to watch. Her face burned, she could feel the tears threatening to fall, and she didn’t want Jenny to see it. She was supposed to be there to support her. “I’m…I’m, going to go to the cafeteria, I need some coffee,” she stammered, and rushed from the room. She simply couldn’t stay and hear the child ask her mother why she was leaving.

  Walking blindly to the waiting area, she thankfully spotted a full box of tissues on the table. Sitting down she doubled over and sobbed, her face in her hands. She wanted to know why this was happening to Jenny, she deserved so much more. She deserved to watch her children grow and have children of their own, she deserved to celebrate a lifetime of anniversaries with the man she loved, and there was so much more they could have done together themselves.

  After a long time of sitting quietly, crying, she stopped but still held her head in her hands.

  “You ok?”

  She looked up to see Connell standing there, his hands stuffed in his pockets. He had a sad, hangdog look that made her want to cry again.

  Her lip trembled as she looked away from him. “How c
an I be ok? My best friend ..your wife… and those baby’s mother, is dying. And there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it.”

  Having no answers himself, he just stood there, silent.

  She leaped to her feet and screamed in frustration, “WHY DON’T YOU MAKE HER SEE THESE DOCTORS?” She immediately regretted it. The helpless, lost look in his eyes nearly tore her heart from her chest. “I’m sorry Connell, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I know you’ve tried.” she said quietly. “ What am I going to do, she’s all I have? Besides my grandfather, she’s the only one in my life who’s ever truly cared about me.”

  She looked down at the floor, twisting the tissues in her hands as she fought a new round of tears. She had never liked crying in front of anyone. When she had found out she was unable to have children, and Max’s betrayal, she had only cried in the shower, letting the shower spray camouflage her tears. The only person who had ever witnessed her pain, and comforted her as she cried like a baby, was Jenny.

  Connell wasn’t upset at her outburst, she was hurting as much as any of them. He had always known they were closer than most biological sisters, after all. He had never seen her like this, she looked almost as vulnerable as Abby had when Jenny had tried to explain to her what was going to happen. He had had to listen helplessly as his little girl cried, begging her mother to not leave her, then becoming angry as she ran to him, hands held up, as he reached down and lifted her into his arms. She had wrapped her arms tightly around his neck as she sobbed, “Please daddy, don’t let her leave. Make it stop….“