His mother had gently lifted Shawn out of Jenny’s arms and silently left the room, to give the three of them time alone.
Still holding their crying daughter in his arms, he had sat down on the edge of the bed. Jenny had sat up painfully, and wrapped her frail arms around both him and Abby, and for the first time, wept.
“Baby, mommy doesn’t want to leave you. I’ll still be there for you, you just won’t be able to see me, is all…” she had sobbed, desperate to calm her down any way she could think of.
As terrible as the ordeal had been, he knew that it was the right thing to do, preferable to the terrible shock that Abby may have felt when that…day finally arrived, a day that would have surely traumatized her.
After a while she had calmed down somewhat, seemingly reassured by her mother’s insistence that she was going to be one of God’s Angels, and be looking after her everyday. She had allowed her mother to take her in her arms.
With red, puffy eyes, Jenny had looked at him and said, “Go see about Aisha, let me talk to Abby for a while.”
Aisha felt Connell’s hands on her shoulders, then he pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her gently. She stiffened involuntarily for a moment, then put her head on his shoulder.
He rested his chin on her head and said, “I don’t know what we’re going to do. I wish to God I could trade my own life for the woman I love, so that Abby and Shawn could have their mother. I would do it in a minute. I don’t understand why God would give me such a good woman, just to take her from me. From us.
They were both silent for several minutes.
I’m going to go get Abby, get her something to eat, we’ll be down in the cafeteria. Oh, and Jenny wants to speak to you, alone.” he said. He gave her one last hug and then let her go, leaving and giving her a chance to pull herself together.
Stepping out of the waiting room she looked around, searching for a restroom. Spotting one, she went inside, went to the sink, and looked in the mirror. With her fingers she wiped away her smudged mascara. Turning on the cold water she wet her hands and ran them over her face and neck. Grabbing a paper towel, she dried her hands as she tried giving herself a pep talk. “You have to hold your self together, for her. She needs you now.” she mumbled. Taking a deep breath, she left the bathroom.
*************************************************************
Jenny sat on the edge of the hospital bed, dressed and ready for her discharge. The doctor had given her a new prescription for her pain medication, simply being a higher dosage than she had been taking before, along with a prescription for nausea. She steeled herself for what she had to do, there was no more putting it off.
Aisha walked into the room, still visibly shaken despite her best efforts to appear otherwise.
She smiled and patted the bed, indicating she wanted her friend to sit beside her.
Aisha sat, stiffly, her eyes vacant and dazed
Jenny leaned on her shoulder and took one of her hands in her frail one.
Still silent, Aisha laced her fingers with Jenny’s. She looked down, seeing the stark contrast of their skin. It had never mattered to her, they had always been sisters, no matter what. Since the moment they had first met the bonds of their friendship had been unbreakable, until now. And it would only be broken by death.
“This isn’t easy to say, and I wish things were different, Aisha. But I’m going to die, soon. But before I go I want you to promise me something.”
Aisha bowed her head as the tears began to flow once more. “Jen…..nooooo…“ she wailed.
Reaching out, she gently turned her face to meet hers. “Aisha, I want you to be there for Connell and the kids, when I’m gone.”
Aisha sniffed and wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand. “You know I’ll be there for them, always. All they have to do is call me and I’ll be there,” she said hoarsely.
“No, Aisha honey, you don’t understand. I want you to take my place, I want you to live there on the farm, raise my children, and be there for my husband.”
Chapter 5
Jenny looked closely at Aisha as she slowly emerged from her stunned silence. She blinked several times, her mouth started to open and close, and then something within her seemed to snap. She burst out laughing, actually doubled over, and held her flat stomach with both hands. Putting her hands in her lap, she twirled her thumbs as she waited patiently for her to regain her composure.
Finally getting herself under control, she wiped tears of mirth from her eyes for a change, instead of those of sorrow. “Jenny, really hon, you don’t have to try to cheer me up, I’ll be alright, I promise. But thanks anyway, that was too funny. You almost had me there for a second, I almost believed you were serious. Oh man, what a roller coaster of a day.” she finished, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. Still chuckling, she wrapped her arm around Jenny’s slight shoulders and gave her a peck on the cheek.
Jenny said nothing, just sat there staring at her, and something about the look began making her very uncomfortable.
“Jen… you, you were kidding, right?” she said with a lopsided grin on her face. “Oh my God, it’s the illness, the tumor. It’s finally affecting her thought process..she thought as the grin vanished from her face completely.
“No, I assure you, I’m serious.” Jenny replied, her eyes never leaving hers.
“Jen, I don’t know how to say this, but are you feeling alright? I…I can’t help but wonder if you being sick…may be affecting the way you’re thinking right now. Do you realize what you’re asking me to do?”
Sighing, Jenny continued to look her straight in the eye and replied, “No, Aisha, I may be in pain, but I know full well what I’m saying at all times. And believe me, I’ve given it a great deal of thought from the moment I found out I was dying. I just didn’t know how to broach the subject, that’s all, and to be honest, I still don‘t. But there it is, blunt, in the Queen’s English. Listen, deep inside, I feel my time is a lot shorter than the doctors believe, it’s a feeling I’ve had deep in my heart from the moment I woke up this morning. I’m not imagining it. So that’s why I decided to ask you today.”
“But..I don’t…I mean, I can understand why you would ask me to look after Abby and Shawn, but why Connell? He’s a grown man. I mean, you’re the dearest friend I’ve ever had, the only friend, in the truest sense of the word, and I’ll gladly quit traveling to move here, if that’s what you want me to do. I’ll go to your house everyday, cook all of them breakfast, get Abby off to school and baby-sit Shawn during the day until he’s in school, cook them dinner, help clean the house.. I’ll help them and Connell any way I can. I just don’t understand why you want me to..take your place, completely..”
Finally tearing her eyes away Jenny looked down, took Aisha’s hand in her hers once more, and looked back up. “Aisha, you can’t possibly imagine how difficult it is for me to try to explain my reasons for asking, but..well, I know, I’ve always known rather, exactly why it is you and Connell have always avoided one another.”
Suddenly numb, Aisha looked at her, eyes wide, as icy fear gripped her heart.
“Oh no…please, don’t let it be…that..she thought.
“Aisha, I know you remember the night of the homecoming, while we were in college, the night you were crowned queen? The party afterwards?”
Still looking at her with panic in her eyes, Aisha’s lower lip began to quiver ever so slightly.
“That night, I saw the two of you kiss. You had disappeared for awhile, and I got worried about you, since there were so many drunk frat guys around, so I sent Connell out looking for you. I waited a good while, and when he didn’t come back, I went looking for the both of you.”
In a strangled voice she didn’t recognize, Aisha said, “Oh God Jennny, that..that was just a mistake, a one time thing, it didn’t mean anything! I love you and think the world of you, I always have, please believe me. It was the booze, for both of us! I don’t know how in the world the whol
e thing started, I...”
With a small, sad, knowing smile, Jenny reached out and touched her lips with her index finger, silencing her. “Shhhh, calm down honey, I’m not telling you this because I want an explanation, I’m telling you because, well, I’ll get back to that in a moment. What I do want you to know right now is that I do believe you, neither of you ever intended for it to happen. We all make mistakes, every one of us. But I remember this also, I remember the look on both your faces when you realized what you had done, and that alone spoke volumes. Whether you realize it or not, neither you or Connell could look me in the eye for days, and more importantly, began avoiding each other like the plague. That said a lot about how much both of you cared about me, my feelings.”
“Jen..I’m so sorry, I never meant to deceive you, I didn’t want to lose your friendshi…” she tried to say as Jenny once again put her finger to her lips.
“Aisha, this may be difficult for you to believe, because most women in my position would have flipped out and hit the roof, but even though it hurt me, I still put on my best game face and went back to the party, because I knew it was a mistake, and I knew that both of you still cared about me. Like I said, the look of horror on your faces spoke volumes.”
At that moment an older nurse poked her head through the doorway and said, “Your discharge papers should be here in about thirty more minutes. You Ok hon, can I get you anything?”
Jenny smiled and shook her head, then they were alone again.
“Where were we? Oh yeah. Aisha, I’m no fool, I wasn’t then, and I’m not now. There had to be underlying feelings between you and Connell for something like that to have happened to begin with, because, well, neither of you were ever the promiscuous type. You were, and always have been a lady, and Connell has always been as old-fashioned as they come. And I’ll tell you another thing, over the years I came to look at the incident this way: Even though you’ll never convince me you didn’t have feelings for him, you did choose my friendship over any potential happiness of your own. And honey, if that isn’t a true friend, I don’t know what is. Both of you never, ever acted on those feelings again, I know you both treasured me above all else. I’ve had a wonderful life. Not as long as I would like to have had, but wonderful nonetheless. And while I’m at it, here’s another way of looking at the whole thing. I can honestly say that I may have been the selfish one, because I don‘t believe I would have ever given Connell up for anyone. I swear, if he had ever tried to leave me, I would have hung on to his ankles if he dragged me from there to China and back. I‘ve always wanted him for myself, I love him.”
The look of panic in Aisha’s eyes had slowly transformed into a look of bewilderment, as Jenny continued.
“But Aisha, the reason I want you to look after my children, and Connell, is because I’ve always known deep down that the two of you could have had something special, if it hadn’t been for that wonderful man falling in love with me first. And the possibility of him meeting some no good heifer and marrying her after I’m gone is a thought I simply cannot bear. Who better to look after my precious family than two people I know care about one another, deep down. Honey, you’re the only woman on the face of this earth who I would trust with my life, and my family is my life. Please say you’ll do it. Please, for me?” she finished.
Feeling more confused than she had ever felt, she stammered, “But..but..that kiss, it was such a long time ago, surely don’t think I still..”
“I know it was a long time ago, but my intuition tells me it’s still there, for both of you. Deep, hidden, and denied, but it’s still there just the same.” Jenny interrupted.
“But..living with your kids and your husband..what will people think, what will they say? I’m sure you don’t want your daughter hearing whispers about her father.” she shot back in desperation.
Laughing for the first time since the conversation had began, Jenny said, “This coming from a woman, who on assignment, stripped buck-ass naked on a nude beach just so she could snap some photos of a married congressman who had a weakness for young college-aged blondes. Oh, and you hadn’t shaved your legs for over a month too, remember? Besides, since when have you ever cared what anyone else thought, except for me?”
“But Connell, he hates me and you know it. I mean, we can’t even agree on the time of day. He’s so..I hate to say it, hardheaded and stubborn.”
“Well, I hate to say it, but so are you.” Jenny smiled.
Giving up for the moment, she sighed and said, “Jen, I don’t see this ever working, I really don’t. No matter how much you want it to happen, things like this simply can’t be forced to happen, I think you know that. I can’t promise you what you’re asking. But I love you, and want you to have peace of mind, so I’ll promise you this: I’ll move here, I’ll even move into your house, provided you can talk Connell into this madness. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but that’s the way I see it, madness. I’ll move in, and take care of their needs, but “needs” does not include, and will not include, taking your place as Connell’s wife. Ok?”
Well, that’s all it will take, it’s all I needed for peace of mind. I know, eventually, they’ll connect…Jenny thought in satisfaction. Smiling brightly, she placed both her hands on her cheeks and kissed her on the forehead. “That’s good enough for me, thank you so much Aisha.
Thank GOD that’s enough to make her happy. Connell will kick me out of the house in record time anyway. Two days, tops, and he will toss me out on my ass and I won’t feel like I’ve let her down. But at least she will leave this world content..Aisha thought.
“Oh, by the way, I’ve already spoken to Connell, and he agreed.” Jenny said, and laughed with genuine pleasure as she watched her friend’s jaw hit the floor.
************************************************************
Connell sat in the hospital cafeteria, looking at Abby’s sad, distant expression. He knew she was trying her best to be what she thought was a brave girl. Shawn was sleeping soundly, face nuzzled in his chest. He thought about Jenny. She looked so pale and was so weak, it seemed her health had began deteriorating more rapidly than the doctors had first believed it would. He could see it with his own two eyes, he could see it in her doctor’s eyes as well.
He looked up to see Aisha coming in, and judging by the thousand-yard stare, he correctly guessed that Jenny had sprung the question on her. Silently he prayed she wouldn’t broach the subject, feeling she was just as lost as he was at the moment.
Avoiding eye contact, she sat heavily in the chair across from him. “The doctor is with Jenny, giving her her discharge orders.”
He grunted, but said nothing.
Wondering what he might be thinking, she looked up and into his gray eyes quickly, then looked back down, hoping the inner turmoil she was feeling had went unnoticed.
After a few moments of silence he cleared his throat and said, “I guess we better head home. I’m falling behind on the chores, and I’m sure Abby’s had enough of this place for one day, haven’t you, sweetie?” he said as he reached over and ran his large hand over the top of her head.
The little girl nodded listlessly, then yawned.
Aisha stood and reached for Shawn. Taking him from Connell, she began cooing softly to him.
“I’m gonna’ have a word with mom, then the doctor, be right back. Abby you stay here with Aisha, Ok?” Connell said wearily.
“We’ll wait outside, I need some air.” Aisha said.
Nodding solemnly, he turned and left.
“C’mon honey, let’s go wait in the truck.” Aisha said as she slowly walked away, holding the baby closer. She wished she could be like little Shawn, blissfully unaware of the pain and impending loss that was going on around him.
****************************************************
Aisha sat watching the stars twinkling overhead, glad she finally had some time to be alone with her thoughts. She had finally gotten the kids settled, and Jenny’s medication
had put her to sleep not long after returning home from the hospital. Connell was off somewhere by himself, she didn’t know exactly where, doing some late chores around the farm. She found the peace and quiet here pleasant, because she had rarely taken the time to just sit and do nothing. Suddenly she frowned, wondering why she had always felt the need, the urge, to constantly be on the go. But deep inside, she knew the answer. Truth be told, she had never liked having time to sit and think, her thoughts always drifted to painful memories.
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