Picking up the glass beside her, she poured another healthy shot of from a bottle close by. It was a bottle of Stroh rum, something a colleague of hers, now a news anchorwoman, sent her every year for her birthday, it had become sort of a tradition. Once, several years earlier (on her birthday) they had shared a couple of bottles as they both huddled together in a bomb shelter in Israel. It had been one of her first assignments, and she and her friend had been out taking pictures in the West Bank when all hell had broken loose. The fighting had been so fierce that they had both decided it would be wiser to seek shelter than to risk life and limb for a few photos. Her friend had hurriedly grabbed a case of the stuff out of their Jeep as they sprinted for the shelter. The bombings and ground fighting had lasted for days, but thanks to the rum, they spent most of their time drinking and playing cards, and sharing the liquid courage with other news crews.
“I thought you would be asleep, it’s been such a long day.”
Surprised, she looked up to see Connell standing several feet away. His clothes were dirty, and there were dark bags underneath his eyes. She shrugged her shoulders, then looked down and played with the glass in her hand. “I needed to unwind, and decided to sit out here, enjoy the fresh air, have a drink, and do my best to forget for a bit. Hell, maybe even get a bit plastered.”
Both were thinking about Jenny’s request, but neither made an attempt to address the issue.
Walking over, he took a seat next to her and grunted as his knee popped. Leaning back, he looked up at the night sky, relishing the beauty of the twinkling stars. He was quiet for a moment, then asked, “Mind if we share that drink?”
She smiled, knowing what would happen when he took a drink. Handing him her glass, she began chuckling even before he took a big swallow.
Tossing the shot back in one gulp, he coughed, sputtered, then turned beet red, his eyes watering. In a strangled voice he said, “Jesus, what the hell is that? You don’t mess around with your drink, do you?”
She laughed and gave his shoulder a playful shove. “You’re a lightweight, Connell! It’s Stroh rum, 180 proof. Well, you’re no drinker, and never have been.”
Taking the glass from him, she poured herself another shot. Sighing deeply, she decided to talk to him about something that had been weighing on her mind. “Connell, you really should spend more time with Jenny, you’ll regret it later if you don’t.” she said quietly.
Downing her drink in one gulp she poured another, then hesitantly offered the glass to him.
“Thanks, I think it’ll go down a little easier this time, I’m already feeling the effects from the first.“ he said as he took it, then downed it with little trouble. Handing the glass back to her he said, “I thought we were trying to get numb. It just.. hurts so bad. Every time I look at her, I want to die too, I don’t think I’ll be able to make it, Aisha.”
Lowering his head, he began to weeping quietly.
Putting her glass down, she got up and wrapped her arms around his neck. Taking a deep breath, she rested her chin on his shoulder as she quietly wept along with him.
Several feet away and unnoticed by them, Jenny stood just inside the doorway, watching and listening to them through the screen door. Though her heart was breaking for both of them, she also felt a sense of relief. Her hope had been that her best friend and husband would be there for one another when they needed it the most, and it looked as if they would.
Quietly, she turned and left them alone, her head hurting worse than ever.
**************************************************************
Jenny‘s low moans roused Connell and he bolted upright from the chair where he had been sleeping. Since her condition had worsened, someone had to stay with her at all times, so he and Aisha took turns sitting with her at night. During the day there was a home-care nurse present, and of course Helen and Megan came at different times during the day to help.
“Honey, what’s wrong?” he asked fearfully, his heart thudding in his chest.
Turning, she looked at him with a pained expression. “Hurts..really bad” she gasped, obviously struggling to get the words out.
He could her breath rattling in her small chest. “I’ll get your injection!” he said, starting to rise.
He stopped as she grabbed his hand weakly, and said, “Aisha, go get her, now….not much time…hurry…you need to hurry…” she gasped once more.
“Oh God, no….” he said weakly, feeling his body instantly grow numb with premature shock.
He didn’t want to leave her side, but he knew she would want Aisha with her. He ran to her room as he choked back a sob. Not bothering to knock, he threw the door open and rushed inside, yelling her name.
Aisha half screamed and jumped, eyes focusing on Connell in confusion. Her confusion lasted all of two seconds. From the wild look in his eyes, she knew something was wrong. “Oh God, it’s Jenny, isn’t it?” she asked as she threw the covers back, got out of bed, and pulled her robe on.
He nodded and rushed out of the room, with her following closely behind.
Jenny’s breathing was labored to the point of wheezing. Reaching for Aisha she said, “I’m going, I want both of you to be with me.”
Connell took her other hand gently, kissing it tenderly as tears welled in his eyes once again. “Jenny, please don’t go, I love you….please don’t.” he sobbed. Please Lord, anything, anything…he prayed desperately. He had thought he was prepared, but he had only been fooling himself. There was no way he could have prepared for this, literally watching the life drain from the woman he loved.
Aisha held her other hand and began moaning, eyes closed, a river of tears streaming down her cheeks.
Slowly, Jenny looked at one, then the other. She smiled weakly at Connell and spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. “Take care of my babies, and each other. Let them know I love them, please don’t let them forget me. I love you, Connell, you‘ve made my life so complete. Thank you. Don‘t close yourself off, Connell.”
Turning to face Aisha, she said, “Take care of them, they need you, and I know you are strong. I love you so much, Aisha, you always were my sister.”
Closing her eyes, she coughed once, and her eyelids began fluttering.
“Jenny? JENNY!!! Oh God, Jenny, how am I supposed to go on! What am I supposed to DO? JENNNNNYYYYYY!!!” Connell wailed as Aisha continued to weep in silence.
With one last tremendous effort, her eyes fluttered open and fixated on him. “Sure you know what to do. Just take one step at a time…..one step…”
Her eyes closed, and she took the next step…
*********************************************
On a sunny, crisp fall day Jenny Riley was laid to rest. On the trees fall colors were displayed in their full glory all around, and a slight breeze was blowing. It was the kind of day she would have enjoyed.
Most of the town, and all of their neighbors came to pay their last respects, knowing the small community had lost a very special member. All agreed that heaven now had a new angel. Her good deeds, which were many, wouldn’t be forgotten by the people that had known her and worked with her. Jenny had been the most rare of people, one who had literally no enemies in life.
Jenny’s father however, never responded to the messages Aisha had left him about the funeral arrangements. Her brother had sent flowers and his condolences, but didn’t leave his duty station to say goodbye to a sister he had barely known.
Aisha stood at the side of the grave as people filed by and whispered condolences to her, Connell, and Abby. Some hugged her and reassured her she would get through this bad time. Blinking back tears she nodded, but in her heart doubted she would ever get over it.
Her eyes drifted to the grave, the white casket draped with cannas lilies, Jenny’s favorite. Seemingly for the first time, a painful realization hit her like a ton of bricks. She was alone in the world. Her friend, her sister, was gone. She closed her eyes and willed herself to not lose her comp
osure in front of Abby.
Connell still looked like a man shell-shocked, a look Aisha was very familiar with, she had seen it many times in war-torn areas abroad. People who didn’t know any better would say he was being stoic, the way a man should be. But she knew he had simply shut down, something in him had died along with Jenny.
Connell himself would say he just wanted oblivion, to stop being. He had been raised with a strong sense of right and wrong, and that kept him from taking his own life, but it didn’t stop him from praying for death. Blinking when he felt the brush of a tiny hand on his face, he looked down at his infant son, and was shocked to realize that he had forgotten he had been holding him.
His tiny little hand still trying to grasp his father’s chin, the infant smiled and squealed when Connell looked down at him.
I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this. How can I take care of these children? Connell thought. Never in his wildest nightmares had he dreamed his world would come crashing down around him like this.
“Connell, we should leave.” a voice interrupted his thoughts.
Turning, he saw Aisha standing beside him, her dull brown eyes red from crying. Idly, he wondered how she could be so strong, he had never felt more weak and helpless himself.
He simply nodded, and she took his free hand in her own, and along with the rest of the family, led him away from Jenny’s grave.
Chapter 6
Aisha finished putting the food on the plate, hoping that Connell would eat something, he had had no appetite since Jenny had passed away.
Making her way through the house, she nodded and thanked several people as they voiced their condolences.
Going upstairs, she hesitated in front of the master bedroom door and knocked lightly, knowing it was futile to even try to open it. Connell had locked himself away every day since Jenny‘s passing, very rarely even coming out to eat. After a moment he opened the door just a crack, and she detected the unpleasant odor of alcohol. “I brought you something to eat.”
Opening the door a bit wider, he leaned against the doorframe and looked at the plate as if it was something he had never seen before. He looked terrible. Even though he had cleaned up for the funeral he looked ran down.
Oh well, I probably don’t look much better….she thought.
“I’m not hungry, thanks. I think I’ll lay down for a bit.“ he said with a weary sigh. “Ben said that he would feed the stock today. I just don’t feel like doing much of anything, to tell you the truth.”
That said, he stepped back and closed the door, and she heard a click as the lock engaged once more. She knew she wouldn’t hear anything from him until the next morning, and that would only be to come down and eat barely enough to keep a sparrow alive, and then back up to his room once again.
Sighing, she peeked in on Shawn and Abby, who were both fast asleep. Satisfied, she made her way back downstairs, relieved to see the last of the mourners had quietly left.
Guess they thought I went upstairs to lie down too..she thought. And it was just as well, at the moment she just wanted to be alone with her thoughts.
Wearily she made her way back to the kitchen and sat down at the table, where she brooded in complete silence.
She was startled when the kitchen door opened, then saw it was Ben and Helen, with Megan right behind them.
“We finished feeding the animals.” Ben said quietly. “Connell still asleep?”
She simply nodded, suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude. She was so thankful for Ben and Helen’s help, they had both worked exceptionally hard, not only keeping their own place running, but helping her around the house, and keeping Connell’s responsibilities covered as well. And Megan had been there every day to help with the cooking, cleaning, and babysitting. Without their help, all of them, she knew she would have been completely overwhelmed/
Sensing that she was close to tears, Ben said, “Want me to try to talk to him?”
She shook her head, still unable to speak for the lump in her throat. She had known Connell long enough to know that he was as stubborn as a Missouri mule, and damn well wouldn’t do anything he didn’t want to do, even if it was good for him. And if she was honest with herself, she didn’t have the energy or the will to make him try.
“Give him some time, he’ll come around.” Helen said as she sat down at the table and poured a cup of coffee from her thermos. “We’ll take the children for a few days, give you and Megan a rest. I’ll be over to get them first thing in the morning.“
“Thanks, all of you, for everything.“ Aisha finally managed.
Studying her closely, Megan had to admit that Jenny’s friend had been a great help to her grandchildren, and she seemed committed to making sure her son’s farm stayed in the black, while he mourned. But something about her living in the house with Connell bothered her, and she would be glad when he finally pulled himself back together and began raising his children like a respectable widower.
Rising from her seat, Helen began covering and storing all the food that people had brought over, and was joined by Megan.
Turning her head, Aisha looked at Ben and said, “Ben, you think you can give me some names and numbers of people who are looking for work, men you know personally and trust? I’m going to be needing some help.”
He shook his head and replied, “There’s no need for you to do that, we’ll be here everyday, helping you any way we can, as long as you need us. Don’t you fret about a thing, hon.” Ben knew Connell was very particular about the way the farm was ran, and he knew he was the only person Connell would trust to do the job.
“Well, thanks Ben, but…I can’t ask you and Helen to neglect your own place much longer, you’ve both done more than enough already. I…we…can’t take advantage of you two any longer. I just need someone dependable, someone you trust, like I said, someone who won’t end up hacking me to little bits and pieces and stuffing me in the freezer.” she said, chuckling at her own morbid joke.
Before he could answer, Helen said, “Who did Jenny know that has a chauffeur driven limo?”
Both Ben and Aisha turned to see Helen staring out the window.
Helen watched with great interest as the chauffer stepped out and opened the rear door.
Getting to her feet Aisha went and stood next to her, unable to believe her eyes. “That’s just great, that‘s all I need right now, my ex-husband, Max,” she said with a heavy sigh.
Everyone tuned and looked at her in surprise.
Helen looked back out the window, completely unaware she was gawking. The man was gorgeous, and decked out in what looked to her like an Armani suit, a black one. The man oozed class and confidence as he made his way to the door. Before she could stop the words from coming, she blurted, “Man, your ex looks amazing”, then clapped a hand over her mouth as she turned and looked worriedly at Ben.
With a pained expression, he merely cleared his throat, but said nothing.
Aisha struggled for a moment, doing her best to not laugh. She knew all too well the effect Max had on most women. “Excuse me,” she said as she headed for the door, then stepped outside, closing the screen door behind her.
Negotiating the front steps briskly, Max smiled and engulfed her in his arms, his woodsy cologne tickling her nose. She remained immobile as he kissed her on the forehead, letting his lips linger just a fraction longer than necessary.
Finally taking a step back, he looked her in the eyes and said, “Are you alright, my darling? I would have been here earlier, but I had to wrap up some business.”
She didn’t want to know how he had found out about Jenny’s death, since they were practically half a world apart. But, knowing Max, she suspected one of his intelligence buddies had been keeping tabs on her. She knew one thing about him for sure, he didn’t go out of his way like this unless it was in his best interests, despite his admiration for her deceased friend.
“Max, really, you didn’t have to come, but thank you,” she said quietly as s
he looked away from his piercing gaze.
“I came to get you, to offer you comfort, and you won’t even invite me in?” he said, then took her hand and led her into the house, not waiting for an invitation
Aisha almost wanted to laugh, she knew he had lost his mind. She caught a glimpse of Helen, Megan and Ben, peeking at them from the living room.
Turning her attention back to him, she crossed her arms over her chest and muttered, “Max, I’m sorry, but you wasted your time coming here. I’m not leaving.”
He waved his hand in dismissal, as if she really didn’t mean what she was saying.
Her eyes drifted to his hands, where he had began twisting the family ring on his finger once again. What’s up with him? she wondered, knowing full well that nervous habit, one he had always seemed to be completely unaware of, usually meant he was up to something.
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