Promise To Keep

by Rainwater, Priscilla Poole

  Ben watched in horror as she calmly did her best to work the axe out of the door, and after a few pulls, got it out.

  Several whacks later, and there was a hole big enough for an adult to stick their head through, which she did. “Honey, I’m HOME!” she shouted,

  In spite of the seriousness of the situation, Ben nearly burst into hysterical laughter. She’s mimicking Jack Nicholson’s character from “The Shining!…he thought.

  Pulling her head back out, she went to work with the axe once again, this time taking out the doorknob.

  Her frenzy was interrupted when Ben said, “Uhhh, if that was what you were after, we could have kicked the door in, you know. There would have been less damage.”

  She smiled, and just to prove that she was open to all suggestions, she reared her leg back and kicked the door open.

  Connell was standing against the far wall, mouth agape, breathing like an angry bull.

  Turning to Ben, she smiled and said, “There now! And this was great for my stress level, too! Thank you, I won’t need you any more.” she finished, and made a shooing gesture like one would with a four-year-old child.

  Ben’s gaze was ticking back and forth between her face and the axe.

  With an even brighter smile she handed it to him, and said, “Would you take this back outside, please? Go on now…“

  With a doubtful look, he turned and left.

  Her smile disappeared as she turned and stepped into the room, her nose wrinkling in distaste at the smell.

  “What-the-hell-do-you-think-you’re-doing?????” Connell screamed, his face a crimson mask.

  Aisha locked stares with him, and he flinched involuntarily and took a step back.

  Striding up to him, she looked up and poked a finger in his chest. “What the FUCK is your problem? You act like you’re the only one hurting!” She screamed, and began to slap his chest painfully. “What about Abby??? Your daughter, REMEMBER HER??? She’s totally out of control, she won’t listen to anything I say, and she’s crying all the time, missing her mother! “

  Tears began streaming down her cheeks, and she turned away, furious at herself for allowing it to happen. His silence seemed to anger her even more, and she spun back around and began pounding on his massive chest with her tiny, balled-up fists. “You big, dumb, BARE ASSED BABOON!!!” she screamed, nearly hysterical. “I HAVE PEOPLE SAYING I’M LIVING IN SIN WITH MY BEST FRIEND’S HUSBAND! I have to go town and see them look at me like I’m some WHORE, and where are YOU? In this room drinking like a fucking fish!” You, you….don’t you know what it’s been like for ME? Or do you even CARE???? Jenny was the onl…. only family I had, NOBODY ELSE EVER CARED WHETHER I LIVED OR DIED!! You still have people that love you, you’re ignoring them and shutting them out, and I have NO ONE!”

  Her emotions spent, she dropped to her knees slowly as her sobs took on a deeper, more despairing tone. It was a sound devoid of all hope. She sat down, looking as if she would never have the energy to rise again.

  Staring at her, still speechless, Connell felt a sudden stab of guilt so deep, it felt as if someone had pierced his heart with a dagger. My God, how much more despair must we endure? He thought.

  He slowly lowered himself next to her, and fearing she would lash out once again, tentatively held his arms out.

  Leaning into his arms, the floodgates opened as she cried so hard he felt the tears running down his shirt, soaking through.

  He began slowly rocking her back and forth, like an infant, whispering, “Shhhhh, shhhhhh. It’s ok. I’m so sorry, I’ve been selfish. Since the funeral I never took into consideration how hard everything’s been on you. Go ahead, let it all out.”

  They remained on the floor for quite awhile, Connell still rocking her back and forth. When her sobs quieted down, he realized she had fallen asleep

  Gently lifting her in his arms, he rose to his feet and carried her to her room. He laid her on the bed and covered her with a quilt Jenny had given her years before, then turned out the lights and quietly left the room.

  ******************************************************************

  Chapter 7

  Connell stood looking at his mangled bedroom door, and chuckled to himself in embarrassment. To be honest, after the way he had been behaving, he was thankful she had taken the brunt of her anger and frustration out on the door, before she had ever reached him. Rubbing his still-sore chest, he thought, Yep could’ve been much worse, for ME.

  Wanting to clean the mess before she woke up, he turned and hurried down the stairs, and was surprised to see Ben had already cleaned up most of the debris in the kitchen.

  Sweeping broken glass into the dustpan, Ben looked up and quietly asked, “She alright?”

  Connell felt another stab of guilt and shame when he saw how tired his friend looked. He had selfishly dumped all his responsibilities on everyone else, and had wallowed in self-pity. Clearing his throat awkwardly, he looked down at his feet and said, “She’s asleep. Listen, Ben, thanks man. Thanks for everything. I‘m sorry I put you all through this. I was a selfish asshole. I’m gonna get my act together.”

  Ben nodded and smiled, knowing it took a lot for him to swallow his pride and apologize to anyone. “Hey, that’s what friends are for, right? Besides, I’m not sure anyone has the right to judge you. I mean, sure, I can understand why she was so upset, but that was only because she was, well, really really worried about you. As for everyone else, unless they’ve walked a mile in your shoes, I feel they have no right to cast stones. How could they possibly know how painful losing a spouse is? I can’t even imagine losing Helen, I don’t even want to think about it. But one thing’s for sure, I’m positive if I ever lost her I wouldn’t want to go on living. Man, believe me, I’m so broken hearted for you. I’ll always be here for you, if you need me.“

  With a heavy sigh he started helping pick up the last few pieces of the shattered kitchen table. “Guess I need to go to the furniture store, then get a new bedroom door from Fred’s hardware. I’m going to shower and shave, put on some clean clothes. Uh, would you mind driving me to town? I’m still a little fuzzy headed.” he asked, hanging his head in shame once again.

  “Sure thing, buddy.” his friend replied as he dumped the contents of the dustpan into a cardboard box he had found in the laundry room.

  Mumbling his thanks, Connel turned and jogged up the stairs. He stopped at Aisha’s door, cracking it open just far enough to peek inside. She was still asleep, curled up in a fetal position with the quilt up around her chin. She looked childlike, quite different than the hellcat she had been earlier. Quietly, he closed the door.

  From there he went into his room and gathered some clean clothes from the dresser, then, glancing around, reminded himself to give it a good cleaning when he returned from town. Tucking the clothing underneath his arm, he went to the bedroom window and pulled back the heavy drapes that had blocked sunlight from the room for the past several months. He raised the large window, allowing the fresh, cool air to come in and circulate.

  Going into the bathroom he started to undress, but stopped when he saw Jenny’s favorite pink fluffy robe hanging on the door. He smiled, remembering all the mornings he would come down for breakfast and she would be wearing the robe as she cooked, hummed to herself, and talked with Abby. He felt overwhelmed again and wanted to cry, knowing he would never see her in this world again. He hadn’t packed away any of her things, the few rare times he hadn’t been drinking he couldn’t bring himself to do it, or allow anyone else to. He had felt packing away her things would be like letting go of what little he had left of her, besides Abby and Shawn.

  He closed his eyes, willing the tears to not fall, and thought, Careful there, it would be so easy to fall back into that funk…..to start feeling sorry for myself again…..and you’ve neglected Abby and Shawn long enough..

  Tearing his gaze away from the robe he stripped and stepped into the shower. He closed his eyes and let the hot water
hit his face, leaned his head back, and offered up a silent prayer to Jenny, promising her he would get himself together. The tears did come after all, and they merged and became one with the water as he wondered if he could ever piece his life back together.

  *****************************************

  Ben and Connell loaded the new table and chairs into the pickup, Connell wondering in silence if he should have let Aisha pick out a replacement, something that would suit her tastes. Frowning at the thought, he shook his head in dismay. Why should I care what she thinks about the new one? It’s MY, house after all.

  Several people stopped and spoke, inquiring about him and the children, and the looks of pity on their faces made him uncomfortable.

  They then made the short drive to the hardware store, Fred’s Hardware, a family-ran and owned business that had been open for well over sixty years, a business that had been passed down from son to son. The store wasn’t like modern, upscale hardware stores, it only offered the basics needed for any typical farmer. The building itself was one of the oldest in town. Wooden floors, old fashioned ceiling fans that circulated slowly regardless of the time of year, an old RC Cola cooler that held cold drinks, and even a couple of old, relatively obsolete “Lance” vending machines that were still stocked weekly by the ailing company. The store’s inventory was as straightforward and simple as the owner. Along with the nuts-and-bolts hardware, it carried feed for livestock, small farming tools, a few racks of durable boots, socks, overalls and coveralls, gloves, thermal underwear, and any vaccinations needed for the care of various farm animals.

  Stepping inside, they were greeted by Patty Miller, the daughter of the owner. She greeted them with a warm smile, Connell in particular. The pretty redhead let her hazel eyes drink in the sight of his hard, defined body, enthralled by what she saw. Many a sleepless night for her (in between various boyfriends she would leave high and dry) had been spent with Connell as the object of her steamy, lust filled fantasies. She had never made it a secret she was hot for him, she had always thought he was gorgeous, and always flirted with him when he came in. But, being one of the most rare types of married men, he had never acknowledged her that way, just the customary, polite hello and goodbye.

  But now that he was without a wife, God rest her soul, she planned on getting her meat hooks into him, and was even willing to put up with his brats. Of course there was a rumor he was living with some black woman. She didn’t believe it though, she knew he was too good for one of them, and would never ruin his good name by turning his back on his own kind. Her father had met the woman, once, when she came in to buy something-or-other, and had said she seemed very nice. Oh well, nice or not, I’m gonna’ get em’ he’s mine.. she thought with a secretive smile.

  Sashaying directly into his line of sight, she licked her lips and smoothed her shirt, making certain the already low-cut garment showed even more skin. “Connell, what can I do for you today, hon?” she purred.

  Connell cast a sidelong glance at Ben, having to fight to keep from rolling his eyes at the woman’s blatant sexual innuendo. It wasn’t anything new that Patty had wanted him for years, she had always went out of her way to drop hints, which he ignored. “Hi. I need a door for a bedroom, I have the measurements.”

  Leaning forward suggestively, she placed both of her forearms on the wooden counter, displaying ample breasts that were in danger up popping out of her tight shirt. “Well, I have some measurements too.” she replied, leaning forward even further, “Or haven‘t you ever noticed? So, that‘s all you want…?“ she finished as she licked her lips and pretended to pout.

  Embarrassed, he turned and walked down the aisle where the doors where kept. He knew Ben would have something smart to say, he always did, and he didn’t want Patty’s father overhearing it.

  Catching up to him, Ben snickered and said in a low voice, “Man, she may as well have “hammer me” tattooed on her forehead.”

  “Shhhh!“ Connell said as he looked back to see her staring at him like a starving woman looking at a T-bone steak. He wasn’t interested in any women at the moment, not in the least. But especially not her, because of her less than stellar reputation. Even before he met Jenny he would have never hooked up with her because there had always been something about her he simply did not trust.

  Chuckling again, Ben couldn’t wait to tell Helen about everything that had happened that day, and started helping Connell pick a replacement door.

  A moment later Harry Miller, the owner, stepped out his office, limping. He had suffered a stroke three winters prior. He still looked strong though, he was what Connell considered “old-time tough.” Men like him were rare. He worked hard, six days out of the week, and even had a plumbing business on the side, to supplement his income from the hardware store. Even at his advanced age it didn’t seem he would slow down anytime soon.

  Spotting the two of them he waved. “Connell, good to see you!” he said as he approached, then greeted Ben with a friendly nod. Patting Connell on the back he asked, “Are you holding up Ok, son?“ His sharp green eyes displayed empathy and understanding, as he had lost his own wife years earlier.

  Connell smiled and reached to give the man a firm handshake. “I’m alright Harry, hanging in there.”

  “Good, good, glad to hear it. I…I know how rough it can be.” the older man replied, his eyes misting slightly. To him it still felt as if he had only recently lost his beloved Olivia. He didn’t think the pain would ever lessen, they had been with one another for well over thirty years. Clearing his throat, he continued. “Your order will be in Friday, the lumber truck should be here before noon, and I’ll deliver the stuff to your place myself at, let’s say, four in the afternoon? That’ll be the soonest I can get out your way. The young man I hired to help around here, Ray and Elaine Sartch’s boy, won’t be able to come in until early afternoon Friday.”

  Connell’s brow furrowed, and he looked at Harry in confusion. He glanced at Ben, who appeared to be nervous. “Uhhh, delivery? What delivery?”

  Shuffling past them, Harry grabbed a copy of a receipt from a clipboard off the counter, then handed it to him. It was a very expensive order. “You know, your nice lady friend? The one from out of town? She came in not long ago, ordered the stuff, and paid for it? Said you were going to build a new barn? I tell you, that particular transaction was a big boost for me, business being as slow as it’s been lately. Speaking of your friend, you know, she kind of reminds me of the little lady from the old Star Trek show, the one that wore that short red dress? The black lady-officer? YOWZA!!!” he said, as he winked and wiggled his eyebrows.

  Ben burst into laughter as he saw Connell’s face redden.

  A few feet away and unnoticed, Patty rolled her eyes and looked at her father like he was insane, her upper lip curled in disdain. “I’ll be in the back!” she snapped, and left her father to his customers.

  Connell said nothing as Harry stared at the retreating form of his daughter, muttering, “What’s gotten into her?”

  Turning his attention back to Connell he said, “Well, the young lady knew exactly what she wanted, and said price wasn’t an issue. Real business lady, that one.”

  Connell stood listening, his face still burning, hoping his embarrassment didn’t show. No doubt the entire town knew Aisha was paying for things on his farm. He liked Harry and he respected the man, but also knew that if Harry knew, everyone knew. And he didn’t like people knowing his business. And he damn sure didn’t like Aisha ordering and paying for things that had to do with his farm, it didn’t look right. And without his consent, too. He had always been the kind of man who paid his own way. He made up his mind then and there to have a long talk with her, tell her the way things would be done on the farm. His way.

  ******************************************************************

  Aisha woke with a start, her throat and eyes sore from the screaming and crying she had done earlier. She was surprised to find herself in her room,
the last thing she remembered was crying (in Connell’s bedroom) as he held her in his arms to comfort her. She laid there in silence for a moment, listening for any activity in the house, and got up when she heard nothing. She decided to take a quick shower, to clear her head.

  After she got dressed she decided to go clean up the mess, figuring that Connell was somewhere getting toasted again. Why can’t I get him to understand what he’s doing to himself, and to people who care about him? she thought sadly.

  Making her way downstairs, she was surprised to see the earlier mess had been cleaned up. “Ben, bless his heart, I’ll have to call him and thank him.” she mumbled.

  Going to the phone, she dialed Ben and Helen’s number, and smiled when Helen answered in her down-home, friendly tone. Helen had become a good friend, and while she doubted she would ever meet anyone she could be as close to as she was with Jenny, she did enjoy Helen’s company a great deal. “Hi, Helen, it‘s me. How are the kids?” she asked, mainly curious about Abby. Naturally, she had become very concerned for the girl in the past weeks, and was going to speak to Connell about taking her to a grief counselor.