Judge by the Cover_High School, Drama & Deadly Vices

by Melissa Abigail

  Gathering courage, she inclined her head, flicking her bangs away from her eyes. For some reason, even without the black hoodie, in just his beige button-down shirt and green striped tie, he looked tough. He seldom ever wore the blazer outside of class. She tried to imagine him as some other person, focusing on his tie and school crest rather than his face. She spoke, finally conscious of their extended silence.

  “We… need to discuss the assignment.”

  Ryu didn’t answer. His expression was fixed, his dark gaze unyielding. Unblinking.

  Irritated, Haruna crossed her arms. “I don’t know when you’re free, whether you want to do it right after school or something but…” Haruna paused, her confusion giving way to further frustration. Why was he just looking at her like that? Her thoughts must have been transparent for he tilted his head and answered.

  “You’re an odd one,” he said, his voice cool and unbothered as usual. “From the way you stormed away on Monday, I could have sworn you decided to work on it all by yourself.”

  Haruna felt the tiny hairs on her neck bristle. She laughed.

  “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course not. It’s a group assignment, so—so anyway, that’s not the point.” She fiddled with her tie. She had a feeling she didn’t sound too convincing.

  After giving her a discerning look fit for a patrol officer, he shrugged. “Okay, then I’m free right now.”

  “What—now?” Haruna blanched. Her mind reeled, conjuring up a Plan B at hyper speed, not at all expecting him to be so… accommodating. Problem was she couldn’t get Mani to meet with them on such short notice. Wednesday afternoons were his student council meetings. "I thought maybe a few days from now, at least?”

  Ryu shrugged once more, his hands in his pockets.

  “Whatever.”

  He turned to leave.

  “W-Wait! How about Friday?” Haruna was hopeful. Friday was the perfect day! It gave her an excuse to avoid recital practice with Sister Anne.

  He shook his head.

  “Nope. Fridays are no good for me. Most evenings aren’t. So the sooner we get this over with, the better for us both.”

  “Right.” Haruna sulked. So much for that. She thought harder. Mani’s meetings ended early sometimes. Maybe he could meet them afterwards? The only thing left to figure out then was a location. Haruna managed a weak grin. “I’m free today also. So, we can work, I was thinking, off campus—”

  “School’s fine. We can go to the study hall. They have work areas there.”

  He didn’t hesitate to cut her off.

  Haruna gawked, dumbfounded, as though he had actually slapped her. They were going to have to work on this assignment? Right now? This could not be happening.

  It was happening.

  The room’s silence was deafening, save for the steady hum of a ceiling fan needlessly left on, whirling above their heads. Arms-length apart, they avoided each other’s eyes, poring soundlessly over their dog-eared copies of The Merchant of Venice and blank leafs of ruled paper.

  It had to have been at least thirty minutes by now. Haruna stole a glance at Ryu who checked his watch for the second time.

  “It’s only been thirteen minutes,” Ryu grumbled as though he'd read her mind. He dragged his palms across his face, then dropped his elbows onto the table.

  Haruna sighed.

  “Okay, well I was rethinking the PowerPoint idea. Maybe we should do a drama thing based on the final acts. So maybe you can be Shylock and say a line from the court scene and then I can come in from off-stage and narrate.”

  Haruna gave an expectant stare. Ryu folded his arms.

  “Not going to work. A two-person group can’t possibly do it in that style. And besides, I’m not doing any stupid acting.”

  Haruna crossed her arms, dittoing him.

  “What do you mean it can’t work? Then what great ideas have you come up with, Einstein?”

  Ryu shot a glare. “We can just write a report, then do a PowerPoint like you said before.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Forget that. Lee told us to be creative. We do something basic, no matter how good it is and it’s a B grade, tops.”

  Ryu gave an exasperated growl, his voice a loud whisper.

  “You’re ridiculous! A ‘B’ is bad? Whatever—regardless, I’m not doing it.”

  “You know, it's too bad if a Pass is all you’re aiming for in life, but as far as I’m concerned some of us have a future to look forward to. Who knows why anyone thinks I should give you a chance. Working on my own would have been a better decision, after all.”

  The tension in the room thickened, and Ryu’s face hardened. Haruna slapped her hands over her mouth. She watched as he uncrossed his arms.

  “Here’s an idea. You do the acting. Seems you’re already pretty damn good at it.” He pushed back his chair. “I need a smoke.”

  Haruna averted her gaze downwards as Ryu snatched up his hoodie from off the chair back and left. Okay, so she had confessed more than she had intended, that she planned to work on her own. But everything she had said just then? It was the truth! He was being difficult for no reason whatsoever, shutting down every idea she proposed. It wasn’t wrong to care about her own success. Why should she feel guilty? Even so, she couldn’t soothe the discomfort in her chest. Telling him he had no future? To his face? He did have a right to be angry.

  Haruna stared down the table.

  There wasn’t so much as a scribble on either of their sheets of paper. They hadn’t agreed on how to do the assignment, let alone the meaning of it. If they didn’t work out their differences soon, they were both doomed. There was no other choice. She had to find him and apologize.

  Leaving everything but her messenger bag behind, Haruna slipped through the study’s doorway. She didn’t have to go far to find the nearest exit, and Ryu standing several metres beyond it. A haze of grey spilled upwards in tangled wisps from his nostrils. He paid no mind to her as he hovered at the curb, shoulder eased against a brick wall. He returned the cigarette to his lips. Whether it was the solitude or the nicotine, he was thoroughly enjoying it. His thoughts, maybe they were miles away from the things they had said to each other just minutes ago. But what was it about him? Just before, he was upset. Now he was so detached, uncaring, unfeeling, and all of a sudden, not even appearing angry at all.

  Haruna wondered how someone could let go of such strong emotions so quickly.

  She wasn’t at all like that.

  And though she had come to apologize, something about all of this, watching him like this bothered her. He wasn’t intimidating at all now. He was disgusting. Living in apathy? In so many ways he was throwing his life away.

  “Do you really have to do that right now?” Haruna asked.

  He didn’t turn to acknowledge her, but it was clear he had heard from the way his brows furrowed together. His mouth drew into something of a sneer.

  “Actually, yeah. Helps me deal with stress.”

  Once he’d spoken, he crooked his head towards her, deliberately blowing smoke through his mouth.

  Haruna glowered at the cigarette in his left hand, every atomic particle in her body urging her to retreat, but some small part of her conscience telling her to be brave and resist in spite of herself. She obeyed her mind and approached. Once face-to-face, she could feel the smoke sting in her nose. She coughed.

  “Oh, yeah?” she managed. "You have stress? What stress?"

  He regarded her beadily, not at all hesitating to further puff in her direction. “You.”

  “Oh, I’m stress? Fine. If you want to do stupid things and kill yourself, go on ahead. Just know second-hand smoke is more dangerous than—” The smoke hit her hard. Haruna clutched the base of her neck and shut her eyes. She tried not to inhale, but suddenly her lungs were screaming for air. She stepped back and gasped. The hacking cough started again. She felt her chest throb.

  “What’s up with you?”

  H
aruna glanced up, blinking slowly, barely hearing Ryu’s voice. He had moved closer, arms at his sides. He looked at her strangely. Again she glared at the cigarette pinched between his fingers, in her mind cursing the putrid cloud that enveloped them, brought him relief and suffocated her.

  “N-Nothing, just—” she wheezed and backed away. She’d been stupid. Stupid to follow him here.

  “Hey, are you by any chance… allergic?”

  Ryu was still asking things. Ridiculous things. She didn’t have time to think about anything. She dropped her bag from her shoulder to the ground, rifling through it in desperation, searching for the L-shaped pouch. The pouch he had—in her mind—so shamelessly chucked onto the floor. She clutched it in her hand, ready to open it, but she hesitated. For some reason, she thought to look at him. Maybe he figured it out because his face showed some kind of emotion at last.

  “It’s your inhaler,” he said quietly.

  So he finally realised it.

  Haruna latched onto her bag. Case in hand she retreated back through the school entrance.

  CHAPTER four

  a knock at heaven's door

  Suffocating, even though there’s air all around you. Drowning, even though you’re not underwater.

  Feeling so small and vulnerable, reliant on a simple device, a stupid inhaler, for what was just basic survival for everyone else.

  These were feelings Haruna hadn’t felt in a long time. She returned her inhaler to its pink case and tucked it back into her bag. That awful, bitter taste at the back of her throat? Haruna didn't miss this one bit.

  The girl’s washroom was vacant and so the mirrors were all hers. She adjusted her collar, which had become uneven, and smoothed her creased blazer. Her ponytail had slumped again. She pulled it out of its elastic and allowed wavy strands she had fried straight to cascade along her back and graze her waist. As she drew it up and secured it into a bun she became lost in thought. It had been years since she had needed to use her inhaler. Until now. And her symptoms were getting worse. What had she been thinking? Exposing herself to one of her worst triggers, cigarette smoke? She heaved a weary sigh and turned to leave. Sure enough, working with this kid might actually kill her.

  When Haruna found herself back in the study hall she saw that Ryu had returned to their table, his pen tapping against it and his eyes gaping at nothing. Haruna retook her seat opposite from him, as though nothing had happened. He looked up. She hastily avoided his eyes and reached for her book. She wondered what he’d say this time—“you’re always pretending to be perfect, but you have a condition like that, how ironic, must be karma”—but she didn’t want to give him a chance.

  “So, about the themes in the play—”

  “You have asthma.”

  Haruna froze. Asthma was common. Lots of people had it. And it wasn’t really a secret; she just never told anyone. But Haruna didn't want to tell anyone… and now Ryu knew. She dipped her head, wondering why her eyes had chosen this exact moment to become damp. It was dampness, of course, not tears. But why? Why did he of all people have to find out?

  She heard his sigh.

  “Not going to admit it, eh?” She detected a brief pause, as though he struggled with something. His voice was quiet, the words barely audible, “Sorry. I didn’t know.”

  Haruna didn’t look at him. Those words were difficult to hear. How had what begun with her setting out to apologize to him end like this? Was it possible that Ryu was capable of being a decent person, speaking the two-letter words she herself couldn’t manage to say to him? Maybe that was his strategy. Instilling her with guilt. Well, she wouldn’t let a guy like him shame her with his false humility. No. She would apologize too—and do it better than him.

  “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have freaked-out about being partners. It could be a… good thing.” She bit her lip. She didn’t mean any of it. She decided to transition from full-on-lie to half-truth, “In fact, it’s not you—it’s me. You see, I just don’t like group activities because I’m often stuck with people who never do any work, then I have to do it all. So, I mean, we don’t know each other well. I guess I, um, assumed you’d be the same—not that you are.”

  She met his eyes and added a close-lipped smile.

  Ryu stared with eyes like x-rays boring into her skull. He scoffed. “Maybe they would do the work if you didn’t always assume you knew the best way to do everything.”

  “What?”

  He shrugged. “You’re sure you don’t just take charge all on your own? No one made you do all the work, right? It was your choice.”

  Haruna felt her jaw slacken. She sputtered, gesturing with an open palm, “Well, how else can I be sure to get a good grade?”

  His eyebrows drew together as though frowning but then his mouth tugged into the usual smirk.

  “You can’t. But that’s the problem. Your obsession with perfection is exhausting. No one wants to deal with it. Or I guess, you.”

  It was like being hit with a tonne of bricks. The nerve of this boy! She was exhausting? She was hard to deal with? He needed one good look in the mirror!

  “You know nothing about me! Oh, what about you? You're no freaking saint, that's for sure,” She crossed her arms, sneering at him. "Never mind. I take back my apology now."

  Ryu groaned. He shut his book with a heavy thump.

  “Why take back a half-assed apology like that? You never meant it in the first place." He glimpsed at his watch then got to his feet. “Yeah, I don’t have time for this. Maybe some other time.”

  He made a sideways peace-sign. Books and book bag under his armpit, he pivoted and trudged out the door.

  For the entire evening, Haruna was left to wonder.

  Ryu had been thoughtful enough to apologize for triggering her asthma attack, maybe even for dropping her inhaler. But then in the next breath he was back to criticising her as usual. A lunatic. That's what he was. Obviously. At the same time she wondered: could he, maybe, be partially right? Maybe the reason why she never enjoyed group work was because she always believed she had to do everything, rather than giving others a chance to prove themselves.

  Haruna paused.

  Yeah right. What did he know, anyway? Why was she taking anything he said seriously? It was like Mani had said on the phone. What was someone like Ryu doing at a place like Shady Glenn Academy? He wasn't concerned about their assignment; he walked away like a child for the slightest thing and didn't care at all whether they got a decent mark or not. His parents must have been the type to spoil him, so he really couldn't care less about anything. He must have been an only child. Or worse—the responsibility-free lastborn, with older siblings that had long since moved out. In all likelihood while his parents were away at work, he was left in the care of hapless, spineless servants who succumbed to his every whim. Haruna shuddered, imagining what life serving the Debiru household must have been like. He was precisely the type of kid that gave hard-working kids like her a bad name. At the very least, she still had chores to do even though the help came by to clean or prepare meals now and then.

  Haruna was pulled from her thoughts by a light chirping sound.

  Her eyes rested on Harriet and Alice as they twittered among themselves in their tall, rectangular cage. Back to reality and there she was. Perched on a stool in the living room of an empty house, the sheet music on the stand before her. In her stillness, she took in those two birds, imagining the extent of a silence that would remain without them. She recalled the instrument in her hand and sighed. Focus. Haruna returned her chin and a slender bow to her violin. She shut her eyes, blanked out everything, and proceeded to play.

  The Friday that followed was windy, plagued by a steady downpour and a sky marred by clouds. Clouds that gave the appearance of extended nightfall. It gave no comfort to a day Haruna all but looked forward to. A day that included an afternoon of rehearsals with Sister Anne. The one good thing was that after school, Mani had come to get her, dr
iving up and impressing onlookers in his red Mercedes-Benz, plastered with loud decals from his favourite hockey teams.

  “Hey, babe,” Mani said with a suave grin, his arm slung suggestively around the headrest of the passenger seat.

  “Hey. Thanks for coming all the way out here in this stupid weather,” Haruna said as she graciously took a seat and drew the door shut. She gave him a light peck on the cheek and the car was off with a screech, puddles spraying as he zipped past bystanding students. Haruna lowered her head, evading their sour faces.

  “Yeah, you know you really don’t have to thank me. Anything for my girl,” Mani said, perfect smile gleaming. He didn't seem to notice at all what had just happened.

  After several minutes, they slipped through a drive-thru where they ordered sandwiches and coffees to go. They figured it would be better to just get something quick and simple, opting to park and eat in Mani’s car to evade the rain. Haruna noticed Mani was a little quieter than usual. Troubled by the silence, she decided to talk, talk about anything, including talk of her eagerness for November to end and early Christmas shopping to begin… even if it wasn't actually November yet. Mani didn't seem interested. He coughed. Haruna fell silent.

  “So, you never called me. What happened with the guy?”

  The nausea hit.

  Ryu.

  “Oh, right,” she murmured. It was her turn to cough, biding time, pretending as though she had choked from swallowing too quickly. Mani regarded her with alarm, looking ready to render first aid. She waved him off and faked a cheerful tone, “Well, we worked on it after school. As it turns out I may not need you to join us anymore. The thing is, well, he seems to be a bit friendlier now so I think things will work out just fine.”

  Haruna peered sideways for her boyfriend’s reaction. When he didn’t respond right away, she faced him straight-on and saw that he had an oddly serious look on his face.