The New Owners

by Marilyn S

  It was SO hard to make myself go to answer the doorbell. It was like I had to just turn off my brain and do it because if I had let myself think I would not have been able to turn the knob. As it was I couldn’t actually talk to him. I just kept my eyes down and let him go past me. I know I was beet red.

  When I came into the living room with his beer she was telling him that my new maid’s uniform makes me self-conscious. Like duh! Then as if wearing that horrible dress was not enough, she asked me if I had thanked him for the magazines. I was so embarrassed I couldn’t talk and just stood there shaking. She kept asking until I managed to get out a little “thank you”, but that was all I could do. She said she wanted me to go and get them so I could show Kevin my favourite pictures, but then she said that maybe I had had enough for a while and maybe after dinner would be better. I think she must have seen the look on my face. Instead, she let me go work on dinner. I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin.

  When Gwen knocked on the inside door somehow it was not as hard as with Kevin. Maybe just because I had done it once, or maybe because I don’t like her. I don’t know which is harder, a man or a woman. I feel like a woman is going to look down on me more, but a man is going to stare more and think how unsexy I am compared to other women. Maybe I am just starting to accept that I seriously disgust Gwen so what does it matter if she sees me in a stupid dress and hates me even more.

  Anyway, they talked, I hid in the kitchen cooking. Setting the table was hard because I was constantly aware of them looking at me. When Mr Barnabas got home I served them dinner. Being dressed like that sure helps my posture because I don’t dare bend.

  The only really bad moment was when Gwen was going on about something and Kevin asked me which I enjoyed more, the pictures of women or men. It was embarrassing to talk about that with him. I tried to explain that I liked them both but for different reasons. He wanted to know what the reasons were so I was only trying to answer his question when Mrs Barnabas interrupted Gwen to ask me very crossly, what I thought I was doing. I didn’t even know what she was talking about. She said I am just the maid and she did not want me bothering her guests. When I am in her house I am only allowed to speak when she or Mr Barnabas speaks to me first. Do I understand? Well, do I? And again, I just could not speak. I nodded and she accepted that.

  It was SOO mortifying to have her treat me like that in front of her guests. Kevin was smiling and Gwen rolled her eyes and shook her head like she can’t believe I let her talk to me like that. Yeah, well I guess it is pretty unbelievable. I guess what is way more embarrassing is not that she talks to me like that, but that I just stand there and take it. No wonder Gwen is disgusted by me, I am disgusted with myself.

  Monday, June 12, 2000

  Oh my G_d, I got to suck Mr Barnabas’ cock last night! It was my reward for being good on Saturday, for promising I would not say “no” to her and for choosing to wear the maid’s dress even though she knows how much I hated it.

  I can’t believe she let me.

  I don’t think I did it very well. I mean, he did come but I kept choking whenever it went in very far and I really do not know what I am supposed to be doing.

  It has been so long since I was with a man that I guess I have been feeling like it was a bit of a second virginity, and this sure wasn’t how I thought I would lose it. All those years wanting a boyfriend and look at me: blindfolded and on my knees, with my hands behind my back and my landlady telling me to lick her husband’s balls. It was all so totally dirty.

  And hot.

  Thank you, Mrs Barnabas. Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you.

  It felt...

  totally awesome to have a cock in my mouth. Dirty, but totally awesome. Talk about self-esteem. I feel very very proud. Is that something I should feel proud of? That I suck cock? That I let someone tell me to suck her husband’s cock? Well, I do.

  It feels very...

  more. The other day when I said I wanted more? Well this really feels like a huge step more. I told her I would do what she told me and the next day she told me to give a blowjob. And I did it. Of course it will be harder when she tells me to do something I don’t want to do, but still, I let her control me sexually, to decide that a penis would go into my mouth. That is pretty huge!

  And hot.

  _____

  Driving home today I was thinking about what I wrote at lunch. Isn’t it funny that I thanked her and not him? I still don’t understand why she would let me do that. Doesn’t it make her jealous?

  Tuesday, June 13, 2000

  Last night after she read my journal she told me that tonight after work I had to go to the sex store where we got the maid costume and buy a life-like dildo about the size of Mr Barnabas. It was horrible. I hate looking at all those things and having everybody know what I am going to do with it. It is like there is a huge sign over my head that says “Needs a dildo! Loser can’t get a real man!”

  It is kind of difficult to get one the same size since I never saw his or felt it with my hand. So I just picked one that seemed the right size around. I just hope it is not smaller than him because men are so sensitive about that.

  Before dinner she made me practice on it. She told me to swallow while I put it in my mouth so I don’t gag and that actually worked pretty good. I still gagged, but not as bad. I feel totally obscene with the thing stuck in my mouth. It is so life-like and yet so fake looking and the balls just make it look so gross.

  Wednesday, June 14, 2000

  I just finished doing my “cocksucking practice” in front of Mr Barnabas. It is way more embarrassing doing that on a rubber cock in front of him than it was one his real one. Of course, that might be because I could see him looking at me this time, but I don’t think so. I think it is just way more stupid having a big chunk of rubber in my mouth. He said it was hot, though.

  Thursday, June 15, 2000

  Last night at bedtime they made me put on my blindfold and do cocksucking practice again so that they could watch while they were having sex. It really sounds as if it really turns him on watching me. I like that. It feels the same as when he and Kevin are watching me in my maid’s uniform. I guess maybe this is what other women feel when men look at them sexually. I just have never had it before. Sure is different to the feeling I get from Gwen.

  _____

  I think I am already getting a little better at not gagging. Tonight I asked if I could also practice while I was sacrificing my orgasm. I liked that. What I was picturing was what Greg would think if he could see me like that.

  Greg and I still talk and do lunch sometimes, but I am so glad I picked Mrs Barnabas. I really like him, but I don’t think he is the sort of person who would send me to his basement to masturbate and practice sucking a dildo hahaha.

  Mrs Barnabas' parents were here when I got home. They seemed very nice. I was glad they did not stay for tea, though.

  Friday, June 16, 2000

  She is going to go to her family’s cottage next weekend. I asked where I was supposed to go because I can’t go to my apartment and she says I am supposed to stay here and take care of the house for Mr Barnabas.

  And sleep on the bedroom floor with just him in the bed? I think that would feel really weird, but I am okay with it if they are.

  I had my doctor’s appointment today for my first shot of Depo Provera. It is hard to imagine not having periods, but I sure won’t miss it.

  Saturday, June 17, 2000

  Gwen came for lunch and I was wearing my maids uniform and while I certainly felt embarrassed and ugly, I did not feel I had to run away like I did last week. It's funny how last Saturday it was impossible and today it is just unpleasant. I guess I am getting used to looking like a retard. It does make me glad that I am able to do what Mrs Barnabas wants.

  I had to finish my housework while they sat around talking which really makes me feel like her maid. Then when I was done, right in front of Gwen she told me I had done a good job so I could come downstairs and look
at my dirty magazines as long as I didn’t come.

  I didn’t even look at the magazines. Just thinking about how pathetic Gwen must think I am, that she was upstairs thinking I WAS down here looking at girly magazines was enough to turn me on. I just picture what she sees when she looks at me and part of me wants to die and yet it also turns me on. It's sort of like when I pinch my nipples harder and harder, I keep imagining how stupid she thinks I am worse and worse.

  Sunday, June 18, 2000

  When I went back upstairs yesterday Mrs Barnabas told me to go to the sexy store and buy a pair of handcuffs. That felt different than buying the dildo. Embarrassing, but like I am kinky, not a total loser.

  After dinner, she blindfolded me and had me do my cocksucking practice for a long time while Mr Barnabas went down on her until she came. Then she handcuffed my hands behind my back and told me to suck him. She grabbed my by the hair and pulled me over to the couch and handed my hair to him. It feels very...

  I don’t know, like I am not a person, just a mouth for him to use.

  I like feeling like that.

  While I was doing it, she told him that he could use my mouth as much as he wanted when she was up at the cottage next week but only if I was blindfolded and my hands were handcuffed behind me. He seemed happy about that. It totally made me feel like a complete slut to be given away like that.

  After he came in my mouth they went to bed but she told me I was allowed to go down to my masturbation chair for an orgasm. I was not very tired and since I was allowed to orgasm I thought I would make it last a while, getting myself really turned on and then use Kendal to keep myself right on the edge.

  I thought about sucking his cock. I love the way they talk as if I am not there. With the blindfold I feel like I am sort of not there. I like the way he grabs me by the hair and shoves my mouth on and off of him. It makes me feel like just a thing he is using.

  Unfortunately, thinking about that made me too excited and I started coming sooner than I wanted. I tried to stop by taking Kendal away but it was already going and I couldn’t stop it and this thing happened. The tension was released, the buildup was gone, the need was gone, yet there was no enjoyment. It was this kinda non-orgasm. It totally sucked.. it was...

  pure disappointment. I was only allowed one orgasm and it technically qualified, and yet I really got nothing. I don't even have the pleasure of being sexually cranked up and desperate. no. I was simply...

  neutral. Totally disappointing. Massively worse than being denied one. And who knows how long it will be before I get another.

  Today she said I could go visit mom and dad. It was a good visit. It's funny, but they don’t make me as mad as they used to. Everything seemed so very important before and now I feel like I am just a little removed from it.

  Monday, June 19, 2000

  Had lunch with Nancy and Luisa, but basically it was a “cucumber day”. I think this is the first one since she said I could say that so I guess there is usually something to write about.

  Tuesday, June 20, 2000

  Gwen is staying. I was not even asked. Mrs Barnabas just announced it when I got home and sent me upstairs to pack the rest of my stuff up to store in the basement. I packed all my nik-naks and the dishes and my books but Gwen does not have a bed, couch, or TV so she gets to use mine! And my fricken sheets! I feel like I am being raped.

  This really scares me. It feels really...

  final. I mean, being here for the past couple of weeks has been fine. I like it. I don’t really feel like I would want to go back to my apartment on July 1st, but it freaks me out to not have an apartment. It's like I am a prisoner because if she does something I really don’t like I have no where to go.

  On the one hand, I guess when I think about that I kinda like the feeling. It is just really scary, too. It is that same falling feeling of being forced to trust that she will take care of me. Maybe it means I don’t completely trust her or I would not feel scared. But I think that is a lot of trust to ask of someone And I was Not asked so it is not surprising that I am a little scared and besides, I think I kind of like this out of control scared feeling.

  Does she really expect me to sleep on the floor forever?

  Wednesday, June 21, 2000

  Mrs Barnabas told me that she wants to surprise Mr Barnabas when he gets home Friday night. Every night when he gets home from work I am supposed to be kneeling on the living room carpet with my blindfold on, my handcuffs on, and my mouth open! At first when she told me I kept expecting her to say she was joking but I knew she wasn’t. It is like something straight out of one of my fantasies, except it was supposed to just be a fantasy and now she wants me to actually do it. I think it will be really hard to make myself do it, but of course I will. Maybe that is one of the best things about being...

  whatever it is that I am to her, I don’t have to worry about so much. I just have to do what she tells me and if he thinks I am totally sick – or worse if he just laughs at me and doesn’t want me – then in a way it is her problem not mine.

  It was Mr Barnabas’ day off and he was in my apartment - Gwen’s apartment doing construction. He is taking down her side of the bedroom wall to put in sound-proofing. I feel kind of hurt that they do it for her but didn’t for me, which I know is stupid since I liked being able to hear. But it means that Gwen is sleeping on their couch for the next couple of days which makes me really uncomfortable.

  He sure looked sexy when he came down for dinner all dirty and smelly.

  I got to be their fluffer tonight. That is the girl in a porno movie who gets the men hard so they can fuck the actresses. I liked it. It makes me feel used. After they were asleep I was awake for a long time grinding my wrist. It is the cycle where I am horny so I can’t sleep so I grind but that just makes me hornier and I know I should just stop but I don’t want to.

  Thursday, June 22, 2000

  She is leaving tomorrow for the cottage so they wanted to be alone for a while so I had to sit with Gwen on the couch watching some stupid lawyer show. I am not allowed any orgasms while she is gone so I hoped she would let me have one tonight but she didn’t. I hope it was deliberate. I like suffering for her if it is deliberate but if she just didn’t think about it it feels like “why am I doing this?”

  Mr Barnabas says he will have the bedroom ready for painting by Saturday, but he will be working so I am supposed to paint it on the weekend. I sort of feel like Gwen should be painting her own apartment but I don’t really care as long as she gets out of here. Anyway, she is going to be at her boyfriend’s all weekend so I just have to have it done by Sunday night.

  Oh, Gwen has started ordering me around a bit. I don’t like it, but I do what she asks. I figure that if I am Mrs Barnabas’ maid then part of my job is serving her guests, too, whether I like them or not.

  Friday, June 23, 2000

  Mrs Barnabas left yesterday so the house was empty when I got home. It felt weird to be alone, and that felt weird since I used to always come home to an empty apartment.

  But all day I was nervous about when Mr Barnabas got home. Well, nervous and horny. I am already aching so this may be a really long week.

  It was actually easier than I thought it was going to be. The only problem was that I didn’t know what time he would be home so I was ready for 6:45 which is the earliest he gets home but sometimes he gets home after 9:00. I ended up waiting a long time. I don’t know how long, but maybe an hour. I actually liked the waiting. It was very calming. Like I said, I had been nervous all day but once I was blindfolded and I clicked the handcuffs closed there was absolutely nothing I could do but sit there and relax. I thought I would be bored if I had to sit too long, but it was like my brain stopped doing it's normal racing and I...

  I don’t know how to explain it. I want to say I felt like I just “was” but that doesn’t really even mean anything.

  Then I heard the key in the front door. I quickly got up on my knees and opened my mouth which felt stupid, bu
t sexy-stupid if that makes any sense.

  As soon as the door opened he started laughing. I thought that would be the worst thing that could happen but I could tell by his laugh and the way he said “yeah” after it that he was just really surprised. He didn’t say anything else. He just walked over to me, unzipped his pants, and stuck his hard cock in my mouth. It felt great. I loved that he did not talk to me and just stuck it in. It felt so nasty, but so...

  “right”?

  So often when I am trying to describe how things feel the words that feel right don’t seem to make any sense. Just now I wanted to say I felt like I was "falling", but I don’t really know what I mean by that.

  Anyway, he put his hand on the back of my head and held it while he basically fucked my mouth. I kept gagging so he had to keep stopping but eventually he came and I swallowed.

  Then he took off the blindfold and unlocked my hands. I thought it might be awkward then, but it wasn’t. I just said “I better go make dinner”.

  It felt a little weird serving just him alone at the table but it would not have been right for me to eat at the table with him. But we talked while he ate.

  Then he went to work on the apartment and I ate my dinner and cleaned up and by the time he came back it was almost eleven. He was all dusty so he went to shower but then he called me and told me to bring my blindfold and handcuffs. He was already in the shower so I couldn’t see him, but it felt weird. He told me to put on my blindfold and then to take off my uniform. This made me really uncomfortable and I am not sure how much of it was because of my problems with anyone seeing my body and how much was because it felt wrong to be naked with Mrs Barnabas’ husband when he was naked, too. But I just told myself not to think and just do what I am told and hope that he would not do anything that would upset her. So often lately I have learned that I just have to not think.