The Way Back to Erin

by Cerella Sechrist

  The next day, she’d given Connor her two-week notice at the restaurant and began working at the inn full-time. She booked the reservations (though there were fewer than there once had been), made the morning breakfast (and lamented how much food was wasted), kept up with the piles of laundry that a B&B generated and cleaned the rooms, all while raising Kitt on her own and keeping an eye on Aunt Lenora.

  The older woman had reluctantly given over much of the B&B’s maintenance to Erin, but that didn’t mean she’d retired. On any given day, Aunt Lenora could be found outside in the garden, tending to vegetables and flowers or crawling up into the attic to go through the expansive mementos stored in its rafters.

  Erin had found her there just last week, after hours of searching. She’d fallen asleep in the attic’s drafty environment, curled up in a pile of blankets with her arms wrapped around an album. After waking Aunt Lenora, Erin returned to the attic to restore order and found the album lying open.

  It was a scrapbook of Gavin’s life with pressed clippings of his high school wrestling career, a copy of his graduation program, the Findlay Roads Courier’s article about his time in the army and then, at the back, his obituary.

  Erin hadn’t needed to read the words. She knew each one by heart.

  Sergeant Gavin Daniels passed into eternal rest this past week at the age of thirty-two.

  She and Aunt Lenora had decided to leave the specific details of his passing out of the paper, for Kitt’s sake more than anything. It had been bad enough that her son had lost his father. She wanted to shelter him as much as possible from the senselessness of Gavin’s death by a drunk driver.

  The obituary had gone on to list Gavin’s various accomplishments in the army before detailing what Erin considered the most important part of his life’s summation.

  Gavin leaves behind his wife, Erin, and his son, Kitt, as well as a great-aunt, Lenora, and a brother, Burke, along with many friends who will forever miss his spirit, laughter and kindness.

  In the stifling air of the attic, Erin had started to cry, and even now, recalling the words, she had to blink back tears. That final statement had been truer than she might have known. She missed Gavin more with each passing day.

  Her grief was cut short as Burke groaned in his sleep, and Erin turned back toward him. His face was lined with emotion, his brow furrowed in slumber.

  She bit her lip, her feelings a tangled mess. On the one hand, she felt sympathy for the way the day had gone. He and Tessa had seemed like the perfect couple. She was petite and blonde, cute and sweet, and a lovely foil to Burke’s tall, muscular physique, brown hair and blue eyes. They were easy around each other. Burke would often drape an arm around Tessa’s shoulders as she leaned into him. The sight had always pierced Erin with a pang of envy, and she told herself it was the residual grief of losing Gavin.

  But after today, she was forced to admit she wasn’t so sure that was the only reason. Because at the root of her jumbled emotions about this day, there was one she hadn’t expected to feel.

  Relief.

  She was relieved that Tessa had fled, pleased that she wasn’t going to be Burke’s wife. And that feeling frightened her. She had buried whatever she once felt for Burke. She’d convinced herself her feelings for him were long dead. She had loved Gavin, had married him, borne him a son, had been faithful during his years deployed overseas with the army and had grieved him every single day since his death.

  And yet...she couldn’t ignore how her heart had thumped with joy when it became apparent that Tessa had bolted.

  Burke stirred, curling his fingers into the afghan she’d placed over him. She felt herself flush as she watched him.

  She shouldn’t have felt relief. She shouldn’t have been happy about what he’d lost. She shouldn’t be feeling anything for Burke at all, except to think of him as Kitt’s uncle, her brother-in-law. She had loved Gavin. She still missed Gavin.

  But as Burke sighed in slumber, she felt that same rush of relief once more. Biting her lip in frustration, she quickly turned and hurried from the room, down the hall and refused to look back.

  CHAPTER TWO

  BURKE SURFACED FROM sleep slowly, some elusive memory chasing him toward wakefulness. He kept his eyes closed, trying to orient himself. The bed beneath him was soft, much more comfortable than the flimsy mattress he was used to on the boat.

  That’s when he remembered. He’d sold the boat, the most permanent home he’d had in the last fifteen years, because he’d planned to move in with Tessa after the wedding.

  But there had been no wedding. And he no longer had a place to call home. He was surprised to feel a twinge of disappointment at this realization. He’d never settled before in his adult life. Moving back to Findlay Roads and buying the boat had been the closest he’d come to putting down roots. He’d convinced himself that roots were overrated, and he’d done his best ever since his high school graduation to stay on the move, never lingering too long, never growing attached. Because he knew what happened when you grew attached to things.

  Tessa was proof of that.

  Why had she bailed on their wedding yesterday? He thought back on the last few weeks, leading up to their big day. She’d been distracted and perhaps a little moody, which was unusual—Tessa was one of the sweetest people he’d ever known. She was kind and encouraging, warm and welcoming. But he’d chalked it all up to stress over planning the wedding. Now he realized that she must have been having doubts, feeling the pressure of committing to him. And clearly she’d decided a lifetime as his wife was not for her.

  He felt a pang of disappointment at the thought. He could have loved Tessa for the rest of his life. He did love Tessa, he quickly amended. But now there’d be no forever for them.

  As he wallowed in this realization, he eventually began to prickle with awareness. The room around him was silent, but he sensed sunlight filtering through the windows. He had yet to open his eyes, blocking out reality for as long as he could. But he began to feel there was someone in the room with him.

  He thought of Gavin, his older brother, who had lived in this house, the same as he had, during high school. And after Burke had moved on, Gavin stayed, marrying Erin and making his home here at the inn, in between his stints of army deployment.

  For a fleeting moment, Burke wondered if maybe Gavin was here with him, if his spirit still walked the halls of the B&B. But he knew better. Wherever his brother was, it wasn’t here.

  Still unnerved by the sense that someone was in the room with him, he opened his eyes. His nephew, Kitt, sat at the end of the bed, his blue eyes intent on Burke. He smiled at the little boy. Kitt ducked his head and didn’t smile back.

  It bothered Burke. He’d only met the kid once before he’d moved back to town. Gavin’s son had been all of three years old at the time, but Burke remembered him as a round-faced, smiling child. That little boy had slight resemblance to the one before him now. This Kitt was subdued, his face already losing its cherubic roundness. He was far too serious for a six-year-old.

  Then again, Burke could relate. His and Gavin’s parents had died in the fire that had destroyed their home when Burke was ten years old. After that, he’d also lost his ability to laugh. It was Gavin who had kept him afloat, Gavin who had remained optimistic despite years of being shuffled from one family member to another. Burke had survived only because of his older brother.

  But Kitt had no older brother. The thought pained Burke, both in his grief for Gavin and sympathy for his nephew.

  “What’s up, little man?”

  Kitt shrugged and scooted farther down the bed. Burke couldn’t quite make out his nephew’s expression, both from his lowered head and because of morning shadows in the room.

  Burke didn’t press him to respond. He remembered his own childhood, the dual experience of self-inflicted isolation and the longing for someone to care.

&nb
sp; He glanced around the room. This had once been his bedroom, long ago. But after years of being absent, Aunt Lenora had converted it into the Galway Room. He found he liked the changes. He hadn’t had many mementos growing up. When he’d lived here, the room had been sparse, the way he preferred it. But now it had a homey, lived-in quality that made him homesick in a contradictory sort of way.

  “Is your mom around?” He didn’t know why he asked the question, other than the fact that thinking about his years in this house always led his thoughts to Erin.

  Kitt gave a half nod and wiggled off the bed. Burke thought maybe he intended to leave, but he only moved a few feet away and settled on the floor.

  Burke sat up and rubbed the pads of his fingers against his eyes, trying to focus. He sniffed the air and smelled the tantalizing aroma of coffee. At first, he thought maybe the inn was entertaining guests today, but then he remembered that Aunt Lenora had closed the B&B this weekend in order to attend the wedding without distractions.

  “Have you had breakfast yet?” Burke asked Kitt. The little boy shook his head, though he still didn’t look up.

  Burke sighed, wishing there was some way to draw his nephew out of his uncommunicative shell. Then, to his surprise, Kitt spoke up.

  “Mom’s making blueberry pancakes. She said they’re your favorite.”

  Burke was startled, not only by the sound of Kitt’s voice but also that Erin had remembered, after so many years, that blueberry pancakes were his favorite breakfast food.

  “She’s right. I love blueberry pancakes.”

  “So did my dad.”

  This soft announcement, barely whispered into the stillness, gave Burke pause. “Yeah, I had to eat fast whenever our mom made them when we were kids.”

  He hadn’t thought about that in years, family breakfasts gathered at the table. Those days had passed lifetimes ago. And to remember them brought more pain than pleasure. But he noticed that Kitt had lifted his head to watch him after this statement.

  His little face was as somber as ever, but he looked curious now. “What else did he used to do when you were kids?”

  Burke experienced a tug of grief. He didn’t allow himself to go back to these days. His childhood had been a precious, beautiful thing, and then it had been his greatest source of pain. But he hated to refuse the rare question from his nephew, so instead, he changed the subject.

  “Tell you what? How about we go get some of those blueberry pancakes, and we can talk about what it was like growing up with your dad some other time?”

  Kitt hesitated but then seemed to decide this was a fair offer. He nodded his head and stood to his feet, padding toward the door. Burke swung his legs over the bed and quickly realized he was still wearing his dress shirt and tux pants from the day before. He frowned, but a glance around the room revealed no other clothing. He’d have to find out what happened to the luggage he’d planned to take on the honeymoon.

  And then he supposed he’d have to make time to collect the belongings he’d moved into Tessa’s house over the last couple of weeks. He wondered if she’d be there.

  It was strange. Though he felt regret and disappointment in Tessa’s defection, he wasn’t experiencing the heartache he should have felt at the loss of his fiancée. Shouldn’t he be more devastated? Unable to sleep or eat?

  But he’d just woken from hours of uninterrupted slumber, and his stomach was rumbling loudly, prompting him toward the blueberry pancakes. Of course, he was sad about Tessa as well as feeling the sting of rejection. But heartsick? No, he didn’t think he felt quite that badly.

  He wasn’t sure what this said about him, nor his relationship with his former fiancée. Maybe he was still in a state of denial, numb to the reality of what had not taken place.

  Or maybe Tessa had seen something he hadn’t and broken things off because she realized he didn’t love her as well as he should.

  * * *

  ERIN LICKED A stray splatter of pancake batter from her knuckle and then focused on pouring more of the thick liquid into the skillet. She reached for the container of blueberries, sprinkled a few juicy orbs onto the wet dough and waited.

  “Are they ready soon, Mom?”

  Erin jumped at the sound of Kitt’s voice. She hadn’t heard him enter the kitchen. But then, he moved like a ghost these days. Just the sound of his voice was a rare and precious thing.

  “Almost. Did you wake up your uncle?”

  “He did.”

  Burke’s voice startled her more than Kitt’s had. But then, it had been a long time since there’d been a man in the inn’s kitchen. Not since Gavin...

  “Do I smell coffee?”

  She turned her attention back to the pancakes and gestured in the direction of the coffeepot. Burke passed by her, stirring the air. The hairs on her arm stood on end from his proximity. The reaction left her uneasy. She’d spent years learning to temper her emotions where Burke was concerned. She was not prepared to give up that hard-won control just because he had spent one night at the inn.

  It didn’t help, though, that he looked a little like James Bond in his rumpled tux.

  Erin resolutely kept her back to Burke as she finished cooking the pancake and put it on a plate. From the corner of her eye, she saw Kitt find a seat at the table. There was a large dining room off the kitchen for guests at the B&B, but this smaller table was reserved for family meals.

  She sensed more than saw Burke carry a mug of coffee to the table and sit.

  “Where’s Aunt Lenora?” he asked.

  “Lenny’s sleeping,” Kitt said, using his nickname for the old woman.

  “Yesterday took a lot out of her,” Erin explained.

  Burke didn’t say anything as Erin poured more batter on the griddle and then carried the platter of finished pancakes to the table. Burke reached for one of the plates she’d laid out earlier and stabbed a pancake, serving Kitt first and then taking three for himself. She moved to the pantry and retrieved some syrup before returning to the stove.

  “Kitt, after breakfast, it’s time for chores.”

  Her son didn’t respond, nor had she expected him to. Kitt didn’t make a fuss about things like most kids. If she told him to pick up his toys, he immediately obliged. If she said he had to eat all his vegetables, he nearly licked the plate clean. While many mothers might brag about such deferential obedience, Erin found it concerning. What kind of kid didn’t balk, at least occasionally, about setting the table, putting away their clothes or brushing their teeth?

  She glanced over her shoulder and caught Kitt watching Burke intently as his uncle made short work of his pancake stack. She frowned as her son practiced holding his fork the same way Burke did, his index finger spread along the length of the utensil’s spine. He tried cutting into his pancake in an imitation of Burke and then shoveled a too-large bite into his mouth.

  “Slow down, Kitt. There’s plenty more here.”

  Kitt didn’t acknowledge her, but he chewed his food with concentration. Burke cleared his throat, as if the admonishment had been directed at him.

  “Sorry, I just forgot how good your pancakes are.”

  Erin turned back to the stove. “They used to be your favorite.” She spoke the words before she thought better of them. Burke was quiet for a beat too long.

  “Gavin’s, too,” he finally said.

  Erin didn’t respond. After another minute, she scooped two more pancakes onto her spatula and moved to slide them onto Burke’s plate.

  “Thanks,” he murmured as he reached for the syrup.

  The kitchen was silent for another few minutes as Erin scraped the last of the batter from the bowl and flipped the final pancakes on the griddle. When she was finished, she joined the guys at the table. Burke was already halfway through his second stack of pancakes as she began her first.

  “So...” She kept her gaze low
ered as she carefully drizzled a stream of golden syrup across her plate. “How are you feeling this morning? About...everything?”

  He didn’t speak a word, and Erin soon grew uncomfortable with the quiet. She looked up and found him staring off into the distance. His mouth was quirked downward, but he didn’t appear...heartbroken. Not like she thought he would.

  “I don’t know. It’s a lot to process, I guess.” His gaze fell to Kitt. She slid a glance toward her son, following Burke’s eyes. “I guess if Tessa didn’t want to spend the rest of her life with me, it was better to find out now rather than later.”

  Erin slipped a bite of pancake into her mouth as she contemplated this outlook. The buttery flavor of fluffy dough and blueberries melted on her tongue.

  “It might have been more convenient if she’d decided that just a little sooner,” Erin said. But she didn’t really intend any malice in the words. She didn’t imagine Tessa Worth had a single selfish bone in her body. The younger woman was one of the nicest people she’d ever known.

  Erin had found it hard to be jealous of Tessa’s engagement to Burke, when they both seemed so suited to each other. After all, Tessa had done what no woman before had been able to since high school—she’d anchored Burke to one location for more than six months at a time. That in itself had proved to Erin that Burke must really love Tessa.

  As a traveling photojournalist, Burke had lived in dozens of places over the years, including a few exotic destinations, as he built up a successful career. He’d been published in some of the world’s bestselling publications. But he’d taken a small hiatus from his career once he moved back to town and became engaged to Tessa.

  So she couldn’t quite be jealous, except for deep down, where she felt the sting of resentment. Tessa had managed to keep Burke in Findlay Roads. So why would the other woman abandon the possibility of becoming his wife? Erin found it hard to understand.