Ain't no hitta like the one I got: part one

by Chocolatebosschick

  When Paper and I got back home, I took off my sweater and got right into bed with my dress on. I didn’t want to fight with Paper or anything, I just wanted to be left alone, and I guess he picked up on the hint because he slept in the living room that night.

  Like five months have passed since Paper’s grandmother died, and he and I were like passing ships in the night. I was feeling more sick and depressed, and lazy but I didn’t tell him. Hell I barely even saw him like that, he probably was staying at some bitch house, I don’t know. I was feeling so weird and my body was changing so much, I was gaining so much fucking weight, I just really began to hate myself and I started to feel less attractive. One evening I was up looking for jobs on the computer, when Paper came in late and slammed the door.

  He stuck his head in the door, bitch did you cook?”

  “Excuse me I looked up from the computer.

  “You heard me; how the fuck are you getting so fat if you are not even cooking shit? And what the fuck are you doing on the computer, emailing that high school nigga, because you dam sure ain’t been fucking me.”

  “Paper get the fuck away from the door, you are the one that is never home, where the fuck you been?”

  “Bitch don’t ever question me, I have been, where ever the fuck I been.”

  I got up and slammed the door and begin to cry. What is happening, I never envisioned life after high school to be this way. I was beginning to think to myself that since Paper and I weren’t getting along that maybe I should leave, and I decided to do just that the next day after he left out. I packed all of my shit, up in a garbage bag, and I left a note on the kitchen table that said, “I left, don’t come looking for me.”

  And then I hopped on the bus and I took it home to my mother house. When I knocked on the door, and she opened it, I started to cry and she held me in her arms, “Let me look at you she said, “Oh shit, you are pregnant.”

  “What are you talking about mama, I am not, I have been getting a period.”

  “Oh my fucking goodness, who did this to you, tell mama.”

  “Nothing happened ma, I just wanted to come home, everything is ok, I am not pregnant, and I graduated”, I said reaching into my bag and handing her my diploma.

  “Oh my goodness, look at this”, she had showed her boyfriend who had come down the stairs, “My baby graduated, I knew she could do it, and she did it without me. Go on upstairs and put your bags on down, shit are you sure you ain’t pregnant, look how big she done got, I knew she was fucking,” I heard her say as I opened my room door. I looked around and everything looked as the day I had left it. I picked up my iPod and Bryson tiller’s album was still selected. Everything seemed so surreal, almost like a dream. Did Paper even exist? Right on queue, he texted me, “Willemena, where are you?”

  “I am home”, I texted back, now leave me alone. Now you can be with whoever you were with in peace.”

  “Willemena, I want you.”

  “Leave me alone, bye.”

  And I left it just like that, and I laid down in my bed and fell asleep.

  The next morning, I woke up to a bunch of texts, but they weren’t all from Paper, some were from a girl named Tiffany, How did she even get my number? She said that she had been fucking my man and that he was hers now. I replied back, “So fucking what, then have him.”

  Then I texted Paper, to tell his girl to stop texting my fucking phone, and then he called me,

  “What the fuck are you talking about Willemena, I don’t have no girl.”

  “That bitch Tiffany is saying you do.”

  “Don’t pay attention to that bitch, she’s bugging and you are real fucked up Willemenia, how are you going to leave me like that?”

  I hung up in his ear; I wasn’t ready to have that conversation. I put my phone down and I started to cry, and I mean real hard, I really loved Paper but I know that I made the right decision by leaving, things were over between us, I can tell by the way that we acted towards one another. My mother came into my room and rubbed my head, “I am sorry about what I did to you Willemena, My head was just really messed up and I took it out on you, do you forgive me?”

  “Yes mommy, I love you.”

  “I love you too baby, whatever it is that you are crying about, you can stop because I am here now, so just leave all of those other problems outside the door.”

  “Ok, “I said wiping my face. She left out of my room, and I fell into a deep comfortable sleep. That morning, I woke up with sharp pains in my stomach, they were so painful that I sat up in agony, and held my stomach. What the fuck was happening to me. Just my luck that Paper was texting me saying that he was on my block and wanted to talk to me.

  “Go away, Paper, I already told you what it was, go back to Tiffany.” I put my phone down, and I tried to go to sleep, but there was that sharp agonizing pain in my stomach again, this time it was followed by a wetness in my panties, I touched it and I thought it would be blood, but it was mucus and clear, and then I had another pain but this time, I had the urge to push. What the fuck was happening to me, “Mama! Please help me, Come quickly something is happening.”

  She rushed in the room, just as I pushed again,

  “Oh my God, what is wrong Willemena?”

  “I don’t know, my panties are wet.”

  “Let me see, take them shits off, and lay back.” And I did.

  “Oh my fucking goodness, you are having a baby, push Willemena, the head is right there, Lord Jesus Christ help me!” she screamed, “Call an ambulance, my baby is having a baby.”

  I pushed one last time, and it came out, when I leaned up and looked down, she was red with a lot of hair, and she was crying. My mother was crying too. I picked her up in my arms with the umbilical cord still attached.

  My mother just started at me, “She’s beautiful, how didn’t you know that you were pregnant?”

  “I was still getting my period mama,” She wouldn’t stop crying and she was tiny and beautiful. I heard banging on the door, my mother ran to it, and after she answered it, I heard her tell the person, to get the fuck away from the door, and she slammed it, and then I heard banging, weakly and I got up holding the baby in my arms that was still attached by umbilical cord.

  “Willemena, come to the door, I love you.” I started crying, momma just let him in.

  “After what he did to you? Fuck outta here no”, my mother said stubbornly folding her arms at her chest.

  “Mamma, he didn’t do nothing, let him in.”

  “I said fucking no, now lay down until the ambulance come. Go handle that nigga,” She told her boyfriend and I could hear him say to the door, “Yo duke, if you don’t want no problems, I suggest you step away from the door.”

  The baby was crying and I was crying, and I was crying, and I heard the ambulance sirens outside. Before I knew it the EMT men, were rushing upstairs, and putting me and the baby on a blanket and rushing us outside, I caught a glimpse of Paper, “What happened to her? Is she ok? That’s my girl.”

  “She just had a baby”, an EMT told him.

  “A baby? But how?” We locked eyes and I began crying.

  My mother hopped in the back of the ambulance with me and the baby, and we sped off. I still couldn’t believe that I was holding a baby in my arms, a baby that belonged to both me and Paper.

  You got me fucked up

  Paper

  Yo I really couldn’t believe that I just saw Willemena being reeled into the back of an ambulance. This shit seemed so surreal, was I dreaming? That shit is wild, how did that shit happen? I mean, I know we were fucking but, she didn’t look pregnant, yeah she was getting thick but I never suspected this. And then her mom and them was dumbing out and asking crazy like they wanted to fight me, this was all too much. I took a cab over to Kings County Hospital, and I told the nurse at the desk that my girl just had my baby, they told me her room number and when I found the room, everything wasn’t going as planned, her mother was trying to prevent me from seeing Willeme
na and my child. “You did enough by knocking up my young daughter to begin with, she doesn’t need your help we got this”, the dark skin lady was telling me.

  “Miss if you don’t move out of my way and let me see my child there’s going to be a problem, I need to see my baby.”

  I tried to look at Willemena, but the lady with her thick frame was blocking the way.

  “Mama, it’s ok, let him in. I want him to see her”, Willemena said weakly from the bed. Reluctantly the mother moved and I went in. “Where is she? Wow, I have a daughter, where she at? Is she ok?”

  “Yes, the doctors are running test on her, and checking her out, they are going to bring her back though.”

  I took Willemena’s hand, and I took the seat beside her. “Listen I am sorry for the way that things turned out between us, I want to give us another chance and be there for my daughter, if you will allow me.”

  “Yes Paper, I want you there for our baby, I would never deny that. I want us to be a family.”

  I looked towards Willemena’s mother and she had a sour expression on her face. I never understood why a mother would try to stand in the way of a father trying to do the right thing, it was beyond me but I didn’t want to argue anymore with her because at the end of the day that was her mother and my child’s grandmother.

  A couple hours later they bought in the baby so that Willemena could feed her. She was beautiful and had a head full of hair. When she let me hold her, I left like the proudest person in the world.

  “Thank you for giving her to me, you made me the happiest person in the world”. Willemena just smiled with a tired look on her face. When the nurse came to take the baby back to the nursery, I decided to leave the hospital and let Willemena sleep. I went back home wishing that my grandmother was alive to see her great grand baby.

  The next morning, I realized that I wanted to buy the baby a crib, clothes and shit like that but I didn’t have no money but like fifty dollars, so I knew what I had to do, I got my gun out of the closet, and I took the train down to 42nd St. and scoped how who I thought looked like they had some cash on them. I saw a middle aged woman, walking by herself so I followed her down a quiet and secluded block. When the coast was clear, I got up behind her and put my gun to her back, “Don’t move, remain calm,” I snatched her bag, and I ran up 40th street and 8th avenue, but this time things weren’t as easy as before because, I went no more than a block and there were cops on my ass, and they caught me in no time and had my face on the ground hand cuffed and shit. I spent a day in that crummy ass jail cell with them bums, and low lives. I sat in there feeling sorry for myself. I definitely didn’t want to be a jailbird like my father. I never was really the type to pray, but today I was praying that God would give me another chance, to raise my daughter and protect what was most important in my life and right now it was Willemena and my baby girl. I didn’t have much else but them. The only thing I wanted to do was feed my daughter, and provide for her, but I learned today that there are other ways to go about doing that; now it looked like I done fucked up my life. I was about to see the judge the next day, and since I was a first time offender, I was able to get bail. I called my friend and he posted it for me, fuck around I should of just asked to borrow money for this nigga to begin it, but I definitely learned my lesson because I dam sure wasn’t about to make that mistake again. When I got released from jail, the first place I went to was back to was the hospital, but I found out that Willemena wasn’t there and that she had already been released. I hopped in a cab over to her mother’s house, when I knocked on the door, she opened it. “I want to see Willemena,” I told her.

  “She ain’t here, but let me tell you this; you better take care of my daughter.”

  “Of course.” I told her as I hurry to the bus stop to catch the bus that was already coming. By the time I got to my building my heart was racing, and when I got inside the apartment and went in my room, Willemena was sitting on my bed, breast feeding the baby.

  “Paper, where were you? I haven’t heard from you in like two days.”

  “Long story, but I got locked up.” I sat next to her and the baby and I touched my daughter’s head. What did your name her?”

  “Corrina, after your grandmother.”

  I couldn’t believe she said that, I just sat there quietly with my eyes watering, now a nigga never cried before, but that right there was some shit that dam near had a nigga in tears. That night we slept with the baby in between us.

  The next morning, I decided to take the little fifty dollars that I had and buy little Corrina some diapers, and teddy bear and for me a bag of smoke, I love have a baby but shorty had us both up at all hours of the night, shorty wanted to breast feed like every hour and a half. I turned on my phone and I saw like fifty texts from Tiffany, just when I was about to read one the texts, the phone rang and I answered it.

  “Paper why haven’t I heard from you in like four or five days what’s good. You ain’t been taking my calls and shit.”

  “Hold up for one, if you don’t want to me to disconnect this call in your ear, I suggest you stop cursing and act like you have some sense.”

  “Whatever Paper, listen when are you coming over here to see me?”

  “Listen Tiffany on some real g shit, I can’t fuck with you like that anymore, I got a baby now and a girl, and I am trying to do what I gotta do, so don’t call my phone no more.”

  “Hold up, so you mean to tell me that you made me kill my baby, just so you could go out there and make another one with somebody else? You got me fucked up if you think shit is going down like this. And you had your baby? That bitch you be texting in your phone?”

  “Listen, I don’t have to explain shit to you, and don’t be calling my girl a bitch, you are the bitch.”

  “I got your bitch.” Click.

  The bitch hung up on but I didn’t really care, I made my way up to gateway mall Toys r’us, and got my baby a box of pampers, and then I caught the bus back up to the block to cop me a bag of weed and chill with my niggas. As I stood in front of my building and burned an L, I watched the world go by in front me and realized the true meaning of life. Life wasn’t just about getting money and bitches; it was about forgiveness, and learning from your mistakes. It was about loving someone in their weakness, and helping someone other than yourself. I seen cars roll by in the street with the booming systems and the rims, and drug dealers with the shiny chains, but these were the same niggas that never learn. They are going around in one big fucking circle, they go to jail and come back out and do the same fucking thing as if this time it’s going to have a different outcome. I took a pull from my blunt, and I thought to myself, that I I knew I can’t change the world, but I am just going to start by changing myself and being a better man. Just then my man Larry started telling jokes, and I started to turn around but something caught my eye, and it was at that moment that my life started flashing before my eyes and I thought about my daughter. POP POP POP POP, gunfire exploded everywhere as a car rolled by and sprayed up building 1759. Paper’s body hit the ground. Women cried out and men shouting echoed everywhere.

  Is this the end?

  Willemena

  I heard gun fire, but just like any of woman I am sure, you wish that it was happening somewhere far away from the ones that you love. But the banging on the front door told me otherwise, God please let Paper be safe; I silently prayed as I laid the baby down on the bed and answered the door.

  “Someone shot Paper,” one of his boys told me hysterically, “We already called an ambulance and they are on their way.”

  “Is he dead, God please don’t let him be dead!” I yelled franticly getting my baby and holding her closely to me, she started to cry because she heard me scream.

  “No, he was breathing when I was last checked, look I gotta go, here is his phone and stuff, I am going to the hospital with him.”

  After I closed the door, I went and sat back down on the bed with the baby and started to cry, not just a
regular cry, but one with my whole heart and soul. “Lord, if you could just let him live, I promise that I will be a better person, and help people more, I will even start going to church. I love him lord, please don’t take Paper away from me and my daughter”, I prayed aloud.

  I looked down at my innocent baby, and I kissed her forehead and wiped the tears that had fallen from my eyes and onto her forehead. Just then, I got a text on my phone and I rushed and picked it up. It was from Tiffany, the girl that Paper used to fuck with. The text said, “Who shot ya man?” and it was followed by a whole bunch of smiley faces.

  I responded back, “Nobody scared of you or the sorry ass nigga that you got to pull the trigger. I know you didn’t do it because you are a scary ass bitch that hides behind a phone, if I knew where you lived at, guarantee, I would come and beat dat ass.”

  “Bitch you ain’t say nothing but a word, “ Tiffany texted back, “1290 Rutherland drive, long island, NY 11510, now what’s good?”

  The bitch fell right into my trap; little did she know she had just signed her own death certificate.

  To be continued…….

  Coming soon, “Ain’t no nigga” Part two

  Follow my Facebook page at

  Follow my twitter: