Reason Is You (9781101576151)

by Lovelace, Sharla

“Hey,” he said, scooting his stool forward. He leaned on his knees and took my right hand, running his thumb lightly back and forth over my knuckles. “I’m not in a hurry; are you?”

  I watched his thumb, and had the most random thought that it was the most intimate gesture anyone had made toward me in a long time. That tiny touch had me more captivated than when his hands had my whole body on fire.

  “No.”

  “Then relax.”

  I smiled at the word and met his eyes again. He leaned in so I matched him, and his lips brushed mine, once, twice, then claimed them. His hand never left my hand, our bodies stayed where they were, but we kissed slowly, softly, tasting each other. I got lost in the sensation, in the intimacy of it. You should be kissed like that every day.

  I pushed Alex’s voice from my head.

  THAT afternoon after work, I was a useless mess. I tried to get gas; I flubbed up the credit card. I went to the grocery store and forgot a third of my list. I didn’t even make it into the house when I got home, I just flopped onto the porch swing.

  I could’ve kissed that man for days. And that wasn’t even counting the prior grope session that still made me tingle to recall.

  But behind all that fantasy was the reason for a mounting headache. I closed my eyes and hit rewind. What the boys had said about Riley. What Alex had said about my mother. And how to try to have what appeared to be a relationship without any of that coming to light.

  Riley skinny-dipping with Grady—oh, that just reminded my blood to boil, as my skin burned with it and my eyes flew open.

  Alex was in front of me.

  “Shit!”

  He didn’t flinch, just continued to lean against the railing, hands in his pockets as usual. His face was passive. You’d never think our last conversation was so volatile.

  “Seems we’ve got some unfinished business,” he said, his voice smooth and even.

  His eyes showed nothing. It made my stomach hurt, and a hand automatically went there. I had to look away from the hard stare.

  “How would you feel, Alex?”

  He said nothing, but I saw something flicker in his face. The hard resolve pulled back a bit.

  “I need answers,” I said.

  “You already have them.”

  “What?” I had nothing. What did he think I had?

  “You just don’t see it, yet.”

  He pushed off the railing and turned to gaze toward the river. I rubbed my throbbing temples. Too much. It was too much.

  “I don’t have the strength for word games; please just tell me what I’m too stupid to figure out. My mother clearly said something to you. Tell me whatever it is you’ve spent forty years not telling me.”

  He turned his head to fix me with the most heart-wrenching look. Something between torn and pissed.

  “Sarah died first.”

  It was blunt and not news. But that was supposed to do it for me, I guess, because then he turned back toward the river.

  “I know that.”

  “Then use that information. You can—”

  “Or the source that is standing here can just talk to me,” I said, interrupting. “Honestly, Alex, I’m sick of this. This isn’t some Nancy Drew mystery. Why won’t you just tell me?”

  “Because I made a promise,” he said, kneeling down in front of me with a loud sigh. “I keep my word.”

  His eyes were soft again, and I felt my irritation dissipate a little.

  “To whom?” But I knew that one. “My mother?”

  Behind him, car tires crackled on the gravel. Miss Olivia’s Caddy pulled in.

  “Crap,” I muttered.

  Alex didn’t turn; he stayed locked in on me. “You look different today.”

  “Don’t change the subject.”

  “Miss Olivia already has. It’s your lips, they’re kinda puffy.”

  That jolted my attention back to him, who was studying my mouth as Miss Olivia made her way up to the porch. Crap.

  “Hey there, Dani girl,” she said, taking the steps slowly.

  “Hey, what brings you back early? I thought you were gone for a week?” I asked, trying to give Alex a nod to leave. Or move. Or no, leaving would be better. “Please?” I whispered under my breath.

  “People getting on my last nerve,” she answered.

  She made it up the stairs and settled into a big cushiony chair to my right. Alex caved to my glare, only enough to back up to the railing again. I took a deep breath and turned sideways in the swing to talk, attempting to ignore him.

  “So you’re going to this thing next weekend, huh?” I asked.

  “Oh hell, girl, that’s the only time you can see everyone at once.”

  I grimaced. “That’s not a selling point.”

  Miss Olivia chuckled and adjusted her hat. “True. Sorry. So, what’s going on with the girl?”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Why?”

  “Because I asked, young lady.”

  I smiled. “Try again. What have you heard?”

  She winked at me and pulled a roll of Certs from her giant bag, popping one in her mouth after I declined. “Grady’s smitten with her.”

  “I’m pretty sure that’s mutual.”

  She dropped her big purse on the porch with a thud. “That’s what I hear.” At my questioning look, she continued. “You know, being an old woman, I just tend to blend in sometimes, and so I get things without people knowing.”

  Alex actually chuckled, and I couldn’t imagine Miss Olivia ever blending into anything, either, but I just nodded. “And you got what?”

  She shrugged. “Girl talk. Jealousy, mostly. Riley’s new and gorgeous and she’s snagged the new boy in town. But there was a comment about whether she was as crazy as her mother.”

  I took another breath on that one and fought back the burn. Riley was just destined to pay the price of being my daughter. I looked at Alex. “It never ends.”

  He was back behind them again, his eyes. Compassion and depth radiated from them. My voice shook as I said the next sentence, locking eyes with him.

  “She knows now.”

  “Really? How did that come about?”

  “She saw Alex disappear into a wall.”

  I watched his jaw flex and he averted his eyes. I blinked back the tears that wanted to come and focused back on Miss Olivia, who was wide-eyed.

  “Well, that’ll do it.”

  “I was telling her anyway, but that sort of hit fast-forward,” I said.

  “How did she take it?”

  I snorted. “Not well. And she’s pissed that I kept it from her, too, which I understand too well.”

  Miss Olivia turned sideways in her chair to get into the conversation. “Meaning?”

  “Oh, that’s right, I haven’t told you.”

  “Dani,” he said, his tone suggesting that I stop.

  I refused to look in his direction. If he was going to stay, then so be it.

  “I found out that Alex died the same day my mother did, and he didn’t tell me. He spoke to her and didn’t tell me. Oh, and then there’s that—she could see ghosts, too, and my dad knew and didn’t tell me.”

  Alex started to pace the porch in front of me. Miss Olivia looked stunned. “Holy smokes, girl, how long have I been gone?”

  I rubbed my forehead and blew out a breath I felt like I’d been choking on. “Yeah, sorry. Didn’t mean to unload all that.”

  She reached across with her speckled old hand and squeezed mine. “No, you need to or you’re gonna fall over.”

  I laughed. “Well, enough of that. What brought you over here?”

  She chuckled. “An old lady’s curiosity, originally. But it seems you’ve got bigger fish to fry than a new romance.”

  My smile faltered as Alex stopped pacing. My peripheral vision registered every move he made as he came back to kneel directly in front of me.

  “What romance?” I attempted, sounding weak even to me.

  Miss Olivia guffawed. “Save it, Dani girl,
I went by the shop first, and asked where you were, and Jason Miller lit up like a Christmas tree.” She pointed at me. “And you’re doin’ the same thing.”

  I scooped back my hair and fanned the front of my shirt out. Not from the muggy, mucky air. No, that would be the heat from the scrutinizing eyes of Alex Stone.

  “Your lips,” he said again, his voice soft and faraway sounding. I sucked my bottom one in between my teeth.

  “Dani girl, it’s a good thing, you and Jason. He’s a good man.”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “Bullshit,” she said, working her way back up out of the chair. “People always say that when they’re chickenshit. It’s what you make it. Don’t be a fool.”

  Alex stood and backed up to the rail, and as I got up, I took a quick look at him. I wished I hadn’t. His gaze was directed back at the river, but there were tears in his eyes. My breath caught in my chest, and it was everything I could do to not say something to him.

  I walked Miss Olivia to her car instead, just as Riley walked up the drive.

  “Hey, Miss O,” she said, giving her a hearty hug. “How was your trip?”

  “Peachy, how was the swim?”

  Riley’s jaw dropped, as did mine. Although I don’t know why I was surprised. Leave it to Miss Olivia to know everything about everything and usually before the body was cold. And then not mince words about it.

  “Um—what?” Riley attempted, giving me a this-old-woman-is-off-her-rocker conspiratorial look. I just smiled sweetly.

  “People talk, sweetheart. And in this town, if you aren’t one of the chosen ones, they don’t talk nice. Think with your head, child. Not your hormones. And if I hear more crap like that, I’m cuttin’ you both off.”

  Riley turned as red as a tomato, eyes and everything. Her chin even quivered. She wasn’t used to that kind of bluntness, and I loved it.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Okay, love y’all. Gotta go.”

  Bing! Change of subject, and she was gone. Riley walked straight to the house and up the stairs. I decided to let Miss Olivia’s words work their magic and give Riley the shock effect she needed. Let her sweat out me knowing, with a little cold shoulder. I totally sounded like I knew what I was doing. How hysterical was that?

  Miss Olivia was gone. Riley was upstairs. And I stood in the yard, facing the porch. Facing an empty porch. Alex was gone.

  Chapter 14

  NO guilt there. The man of my dreams—literally—can only stand by while another man steps in. That sucked. Alex had always been my soul mate. It was palpable from the moment we met. Granted, I was a bit young then, but I knew him. I knew him instantly.

  But reality was reality. Alex and I could never be together. Not until I died. Which made me wonder why he wasn’t with Sarah. Sarah died first. Why did he come here? Not like there was a choice.

  So if he came directly here, did Sarah and Alyssa do the same? Did they cross over or go somewhere else? And then what did he promise my mother? And why?

  I lay on my bed that night, staring at the ceiling fan again. Asking my mother things I knew I’d never get answers to, but I’d done that for so long, it was just rote. The questions had changed, though. It used to be about why she never came. Why everyone else in the world came but her. Why she didn’t want to see me, talk to me, help me.

  Those were the standard questions of my life. Now it was just—why? Why anything? I swung my legs down and went to the computer, telling myself I’d surf around and check e-mail that no one would send. But I knew where I was going.

  I pulled up the site off of history and quickly scrolled directly to the photo. All three of the Stones smiled at me through their grainy window.

  Alyssa’s mischievous grin drew me in, making me smile. The warmth and love spread through me as her laughter bounced off my ears. Knowing she had peanut butter crackers in her pocket struck a funny bone and I felt the giggle bubble up as Alex poked her in the ribs. The laugh fell out of my mouth, loud in the quiet room, and I sucked in air with such a violent start that I felt dizzy for a second. I blinked and gripped the desk with hands that were suddenly sweaty. My breaths came in short bursts.

  “What the hell?”

  I stared at the picture, Sarah smiling. I’d felt that smile. Inside me.

  “Jesus Christ,” I muttered, scooping back damp hair.

  “Mom?”

  I jumped a mile and sent a cup of pens and pencils flying. At Riley’s alarmed look, I held up a hand.

  “Sorry, I was just—somewhere else.”

  “God, Mom, you look sick.”

  I felt sick. “I’m fine. What’s up?”

  She pointed at the computer screen. “That’s Alex.”

  I looked back at it, still gripping the desk. “Yeah.”

  She walked forward. “His family? He was married?”

  “Yeah,” I repeated.

  She frowned. “What happened?”

  “They died in an accident.”

  She turned to meet my gaze. “The little girl, too?”

  I nodded, looking from Riley to the mottled image of Alyssa.

  “That sucks. Where are they now?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I mean, why aren’t they—” She gestured in circles. “Hanging out with him?”

  “I don’t know.”

  She turned her frown to me. “What do you know?”

  “Not nearly enough.” I got up and walked to the bed, flexing my fingers.

  “What got you all wigged out over here?”

  “Nothing, Riley.” I sat down and tried to refocus. “Did you need something?”

  She ignored me. Nothing like normal. “Do you think he misses them?” she asked, pointing at the picture.

  I let out a long sigh. “Yeah. If something happened to you, I’d miss you every minute.”

  Riley let a small smile tug at her lips. “Even when I’m being an ass?”

  “No, but I’d focus on the good times.”

  She threw a stray eraser at me. “Nice.”

  I flopped backward onto the bed, and she slung herself down next to me. I turned to study her as she picked at old fingernail polish.

  “This is weird,” she said after a bit. Her voice sounded soft and childish.

  “Which part?”

  She widened her eyes. “That’s what I mean. Everything is so bizarre now. We talk about dead people like that’s normal. What happened to the real normal?

  I pulled a pillow to me, feeling the regret burn inside my chest. “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. I wanted you to have a normal life as long as possible. I never had one.”

  She looked at me then. “If we wouldn’t have come back here, would you have ever told me?”

  I gnawed on my bottom lip on that one, knowing the answer. “I don’t know,” I lied. “Probably, if I’d noticed you doing it. I always thought it was just me.”

  She frowned. “You said your mother did this, too.”

  “Which I found out last week. By accident.”

  “Whoa.”

  “Yeah.”

  Her blue eyes narrowed and reality dawned across her features. “That photo album—”

  “Yep, that’s what did it.”

  She nodded and turned her interest back on her fingernails, and I watched the haughty little mask settle across her face.

  “You know, what Miss O said earlier—all we did was go swimming, I don’t know what she’s making such a fuss about.”

  “I’d say it’s about stripping down to your underwear and dry humping a boy in public.”

  Riley’s eyes flew to mine, wide and startled. And busted. “What the—”

  “There’s not too much you can sneak by with in this town, believe me, but that little gem came straight from somebody who watched and is on a mission to be next.”

  Disgust replaced the defiance, as she fixed me with an expression of repulsion. “Oh God.”

  “Yeah, so think of all the horny eyes
out there getting a thrill next time you decide to put on a show.”

  “Mom! God, there was no show.” At my raised eyebrows, she added, “That I knew about.”

  “So you want to tell me now that you and Grady aren’t doing anything?”

  “We’re not, Mom. I swear.” Riley looked me square in the eyes, and I knew that look to be the real thing. The before-she-was-an-alien look. “Making out is as far as it’s gone.”

  “In your underwear.”

  She closed her eyes. “Yes.”

  “That trend won’t last.”

  “I know.” She sighed and rolled onto her back. “That was stupid. I guess I thought I was being all responsible because everyone else was getting naked.”

  “Okay, in that situation—other than coming home—” I said with a pointed look. “You made the smart call, boog. But making out like that took the smart away.”

  “It just kinda got away from me.”

  I nodded. “It’ll do that.” I paused. “Were you drinking?”

  She waited a beat too long. “No.”

  “Riley Anne.”

  Her whole body reacted. “I hate when you do that.” She fidgeted with her cord necklace and then her hair, staring at the ceiling as if it could rescue her. “Okay, yeah, there was some beer.”

  “How much?”

  “I don’t know. It was just in this big ice chest in the back of somebody’s truck.”

  I shook my head. “You, sweetheart. How much did you have?”

  She shrugged. “A couple, I guess,” she said, her voice trailing off. Which meant probably more.

  I stood up and walked to the window and back again, my stomach propelling me around the room.

  “Half naked and beer doesn’t go well together, Riley. You’re damn lucky you weren’t raped.”

  She perched on one elbow. “Grady wouldn’t do that.”

  I scooped my hair back, breathing in and out slowly. “I don’t mean Grady. But even with him, that makes it a lot easier to let things get away from you.”

  She averted her eyes. “I know.”

  “You know.” I was frustrated and my stomach went acidic. I flopped into the big chair. “Riley, I need to be able to trust you better than that.”

  Defensiveness boiled back up in her face. “Okay, I get it. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking clearly that night. I’d just seen a man vanish into a wall and was a little pissed. I wanted to be like everybody else.”