The Second Love of My Life

by Victoria Walters

  ‘No need to be nervous,’ Joe says as he picks up a painting ready to put into the van. ‘You already have one customer, remember.’

  ‘They look great,’ John assures me as he looks at one of them propped up by the door. I take a deep breath and follow them out, the cottage looking empty now all my work has gone.

  The blue sky and sunshine seem to be holding up and the field is already swarming when we drive across it towards my tent. Emma is already there with plastic mugs of coffee for us as we haul the paintings out of the van and on to the stands.

  ‘How did you walk across the grass in those?’ I ask, pointing to her four-inch heels.

  ‘I can’t possibly reveal my secrets,’ she replies.

  ‘I dropped her here,’ John says, which earns him a glare. I laugh, glad they’re here with me to keep my nerves in check.

  I arrange the paintings in the order they were painted, each one bearing my small signature in the corner, and stick a small price sticker on the frame. I couldn’t bring myself to charge more than I usually would, despite what Emma said. It’s never been about the money for me, and I don’t want it to be now.

  ‘Okay, tell me what you think,’ I ask the three of them as I step back to join them at the tent opening.

  ‘They look great,’ Joe says, putting his arm around me. ‘It will be a sell-out, I know it.’

  ‘It’s perfect,’ Emma agrees. ‘Although you’ve charged too little, as always.’ She wraps her arm through John’s. ‘This was the right thing to do.’

  John turns to me. ‘Lucas would have been proud of you.’

  I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat. I feel the sun warming the back of my neck and my scarf ruffles in the light breeze sweeping past us, and for a second I close my eyes and imagine that he’s with us too as he should be. He would have been proud; I know that John is right about that. I’d like to think he’s looking down on us right now. ‘You got this, babe,’ I can hear him whispering in my ear, ever confident about my talent.

  And I’m determined to prove him right.

  Chapter Seven

  Soon the Fair is underway. The field is now crammed with tents and stalls, some selling local crafts and jewellery, others with games for the kids to play. A band is getting ready to play on the stage at the back. The smell of food starts to envelop us – onions being fried and popcorn being popped. The hive of activity is an attack on the senses, a far cry from the usual empty, vast green space every other day of the year.

  There are people everywhere. All the surrounding towns turn out for this. I spot Mick and Joan leading a group across the grass, no doubt all the guests staying at the Inn. It would have been mandatory for them to come today. I spot Robert easily in the middle wearing light trousers and a polo shirt, Ray-Bans covering his eyes and his arms already looking tanned from the sun. He says something to Mick and leaves the group to head towards my tent. Emma comes to stand beside me and lets out a low whistle as she watches his approach. I shake my head and tell John over my shoulder that he has some competition.

  ‘I made sure I arrived as early as I was allowed to,’ Robert says as he comes over. ‘Wow, it’s heaving already.’

  ‘The highlight of the year around here,’ Emma says, only half joking.

  ‘I think I’ve been here before. My family came here once when I was little,’ he says. He glances at me and smiles.

  ‘I would have thought you were more the Caribbean type,’ Emma says.

  ‘Well, I have been . . . but you know what, I prefer it here.’

  ‘Seriously?’ I ask. I know that it’s home for us but it’s hard to believe that someone from Robert’s kind of background would take to it so much. Then again, with his skin glowing from the sunshine and a relaxed smile on his face, I think perhaps this place is going to be good for him. Talting is slow-paced and sometimes you need slow-paced. I imagine it’s a world away from his law office. And maybe that’s what he was looking for this summer.

  ‘It was one of my favourite holidays because my dad didn’t work, my mum was calm, which is rare, and they actually spent time with us. That meant more than any of the fancy holidays we went on.’

  ‘Us?’

  He looks at me. Through his sunglasses I can’t see his eyes. ‘My brother.’ He looks away again, telling me he doesn’t want to elaborate on him right now.

  ‘My sister ran off to join the circus,’ Emma declares somewhat dramatically.

  Robert turns to her with eyebrows raised. ‘Seriously?’

  ‘It’s not a circus – it’s a dance company,’ I tell him.

  ‘I still don’t believe a dance company needs to travel as much as they do. Anyway, this one’s more like a sister than she is,’ she says, gesturing to me. I know she gets hurt about how little she sees her sister, though. She has the wanderlust we never felt.

  ‘Friends are the family you choose,’ John chips in with a sage nod. Emma and I roll our eyes at him.

  Robert chuckles. ‘That is very true. I must admit that I’m enjoying being away from my family this summer.’

  I sense his flippant tone is masking the sad truth. I wonder what the story with his family is – and if I’ll ever find out.

  ‘So, what do you think?’ John asks, gesturing to my work, and I’m pulled away from my musings.

  Robert dutifully steps forward to look at the paintings. Emma and John move back next to me and we watch as he looks at each one in turn, slowly taking them in as if they’re hanging in an art gallery somewhere. I find myself chewing on my lip as the silence ticks on. I haven’t been so nervous to find out what someone thinks of my work for a long time. I realise I want his approval, and I’m not entirely sure why.

  Finally, Robert turns around to face the three of us. ‘I love them, as I knew I would. I’ll take them all.’

  I stare at him and then look at Emma and John, who seem just as stunned. ‘All of them?’ I repeat, to check I heard him correctly.

  ‘Yes, all of them, and you’ve underpriced them. I’ll pay double,’ he says, pulling out his wallet. ‘You prefer cash, I presume?’

  ‘Um . . .’ I seem to be unable to do anything but watch as he counts out the notes in his hands and then holds out the bundle. There must be about two thousand pounds there. John lets out a long whistle and Emma digs her finger in my back. I stumble forward. ‘This is too much,’ I tell him, but he shakes his head, takes my hand in his and transfers the money into my palm, closing his fist around it and shaking on it. ‘Are you really sure?’ I raise my eyes to meet his.

  He meets my gaze for a moment and then smiles. ‘Absolutely.’ He lets go of my hand. ‘I wonder if Mick will let me keep them in the Inn until I can arrange for them to be taken to my flat.’

  ‘I can’t see why not, and I still have the van, so we can drive them over now,’ John says, sweeping him away to find Mick and Joe.

  ‘Oh my God,’ Emma says slowly once they’ve gone. ‘Did that just happen?’

  I stare at the money in my hand. ‘He’s actually serious, isn’t he?’

  ‘Of course he is. Um, why don’t you put the money away? I trust most people here, but . . .’

  I nod and put the money safely in my purse in my bag. ‘Well, looks like my tent is closed for the day.’ I meet Emma’s eye and we start giggling a bit hysterically at the turn of events. When John, Joe and Robert come back, we put the paintings back in the van and I watch them climb in and drive across the grass towards the Inn in wonder.

  Just who is this guy who’s swept into town and bought all of my work?

  Emma rushes off to fill the town in on the news. I watch her find Mrs Morris and tell her what’s just happened. The Fair will be buzzing with the story in no time.

  I go back inside the now-empty tent and sit down on the grass to look around the blank space. I did it
. I have no art left. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but at the same time scared that the empty space will never be filled again.

  When Emma comes back, she pulls me up and we go for a stroll around the Fair. It’s packed now and it’s difficult to weave our way through the crowds, especially when people keep congratulating me. ‘Did you make the announcement over the loudspeaker?’ I hiss at her.

  She grins. ‘Good news travels fast.’

  ‘You mean bad news.’

  ‘Well, any news in Talting really.’

  ‘Unfortunately, true.’ I see John and Robert walking towards us, and we wait for them to catch us up. ‘That was quick.’

  ‘Mick said to leave them in his van and he’ll drive Robert into Plymouth tomorrow to his flat. He wouldn’t take no for an answer.’

  ‘Sounds like Mick,’ Emma replies. ‘So, now we don’t need to man your tent for the rest of the day, let’s all have a look around.’ She puts her arm through John’s and starts walking again, leaving Robert and me no choice but to follow them.

  I feel unsure what to say to Robert, still feeling surprised and a little embarrassed about him buying all my paintings like that. Thankfully, we don’t have to walk very far before someone grabs our attention.

  ‘Fancy a game, guys?’ Dan calls out from his games stall where you shoot tin cans off shelves. He runs it every year, but on the other days of the year he’s a butcher. The two things could be related, I don’t know.

  ‘I’m up for it if you are?’ Robert says to me.

  ‘You’re on.’

  ‘Good luck,’ Dan says with a smile at me.

  I’ve been playing this for years. Lucas taught me how to play it when we were teenagers, being typically patient with me as I missed the cans by miles my first few tries. He also taught me to play pool when we were old enough to go to pubs and, most importantly for him, he taught me how to surf. I shoot and knock all my cans off. Robert’s eyes widen as he watches, then he tries, lifting off his sunglasses and concentrating so hard I want to laugh. He only manages to knock down one.

  ‘Bad luck,’ Dan says, handing me a giant panda teddy bear. ‘Well done, Rose.’

  ‘I feel like I’ve been hustled,’ Robert complains as I take the big bear from Dan and wonder how I’m going to carry it around all day.

  ‘We should have placed a bet on it,’ I say, turning around and realising that Emma and John have melted away in the crowd. Huh. I hover for a second awkwardly, unsure if Robert and I should stay together now or not. I see one of the kids from the town walk past and offer the panda to her, which she accepts with a shriek of delight. Robert watches the girl walk away with the panda and gives me a funny look. ‘What’s the Farm?’ he asks, looking away from me to the sign ahead of us.

  ‘Ah, this is cute,’ I say, leading him over to it. There is a pen covered with straw and filled with various small animals – a goat, a pig, some chickens and sheep. The kids are allowed in to pet and feed them. ‘Do you have any pets?’ I ask as we lean on the fence to watch.

  ‘We have a dog called Bertie, he’s a Labrador.’

  ‘I always wanted a cat when I was growing up but my mum was allergic, and Lucas and I spent so much time doing up our house, we never really got around to it.’

  ‘What is it about cats you like?’

  ‘I guess they are calming, plus easier to look after than dogs. I liked the idea of one curled up beside me whilst I painted.’ I try to smile. ‘Emma’s always saying my house is too lonely, so maybe I should get one.’

  ‘Is it lonely?’ He looks at me with those searching eyes of his and I hear the unasked question – are you lonely?

  ‘It’s peaceful, quiet – I like that. But I guess it would be nice to have someone there when I come home.’

  Robert reaches out to pat a goat on the head. He seems to hesitate then glances across at me. ‘Is it ever hard living here, you know, with all the memories of him? Of Lucas?’

  I pause in patting the piglet snuffling at my feet. ‘Sometimes. We came to this fair every year together. But sometimes it’s nice too. I’m still close to him here. Mostly, I can’t imagine living anywhere else.’ I pull myself off the fence, feeling that this conversation has become too sad and too deep for me to deal with right now. Robert follows me. ‘Do you think you’ll always live in Plymouth?’

  ‘I don’t know. My father lets me run our South West office whilst he looks after everything in London. To be honest, I think he set up a local office just for me to run. He knows I hate the city. I’m still working for him, though.’

  ‘You don’t enjoy that?’

  ‘I’m only just starting to decide what the answer to that question is. So, how about a ride on the Ferris wheel?’

  ‘Sure.’ I’m curious as to why he doesn’t want to talk about his family but then I remember how hard it is sometimes to talk to people about Lucas. Especially at the beginning. We try to avoid pain if we can. Plus I mustn’t forget that we’ve only just met. I’m so used to being with people I know inside out. I wanted to enjoy today, not open up wounds, and I should respect that he probably feels the same. So even though I’m burning with curiosity, I queue with him for the Ferris wheel, climbing into one of the swinging chairs when it comes to a stop in front of us.

  The wheel moves slowly and the view we get as we climb up to the sky is amazing. The wheel freezes for a few minutes at the very top. Everyone on the grass below looks tiny and it feels like we’re flying over them in our own private bubble.

  I look out at Talting below us and marvel at how different everything seems up here. For a moment I wish I could stay here, far away from any pain, with the sun on my face, and then everything would be okay again. Then Robert’s leg brushes against mine for a moment, bringing me back to reality. ‘I wish I could paint this feeling right now.’

  ‘How do you feel?’ he asks me in a soft voice. I feel his eyes on me again but I carry on gazing at the light, fluffy clouds hanging above us in the blue sky.

  ‘For the first time in a long while, I’m starting to feel like the world is full of possibility again. Does that make sense?’

  ‘Yes,’ he whispers. ‘I feel it too. I’m glad I came here.’

  With a start, I realise I’m glad he did too. I look across at him and he holds my gaze steadily with his own. Everything around us seems to fade for a moment, as if the world is on mute except for us two. My heart starts to speed up inside my chest. I wonder if he’s one of the possibilities.

  Then with a lurch the wheel starts moving again and the moment, whatever it was, is broken.

  I don’t know whether to be disappointed or relieved.

  Not until the wheel touches back down and Robert has taken my hand to help me climb out, does my pulse slow to a normal pace again.

  Chapter Eight

  ‘Are you hungry?’

  A delicious waft of burgers and onions reaches my nose and my stomach rumbles on cue. I realise my shorts are starting to fit snugly on my waist now, when last summer they were hanging off me. ‘Sounds great,’ I reply to Robert.

  We each get a burger and can of Coke from the stall and then find a spare patch of grass to sit down on to eat. A folk band is playing on the stage near us and their music suits the sunshine, making it feel as though we’re at a Californian music festival rather than an English town fair.

  I bite into my burger; the greasy goodness tastes amazing and I murmur appreciatively, earning a raised eyebrow from Robert. I let out an embarrassed laugh and dribble ketchup on my chin. He leans in and wipes it off with his napkin. I freeze and he pulls away quickly like he just realised what he was doing. We exchange shy smiles and I polish off all of my burger in record time. It’s another thing I lost after Lucas – my enjoyment of food. I am relieved that it’s slowly returning.

  ‘There you
are,’ a voice calls out. I squint in the sun to look up and see Emma and John picking their way through the people sitting on the grass to join us. I give her a look that tells her I was not amused they ditched us, but she cheerfully ignores me and asks how Robert is enjoying himself.

  ‘Rose is an excellent tour guide.’

  ‘I bet she is.’ Emma winks at me and I want to throttle her. John saves me by talking about the band and we relax into the afternoon. The grass fills up with people coming to listen to the music having spent too much on the games and stalls. I lean back on my arms, stretching my legs out, and look around us. I feel how I always feel here – part of something special. It’s rare to live in a tight-knit community like this nowadays.

  I had dreaded today and Lucas hasn’t been far from my mind for most of it, but I think he would be proud of me for coming here, for doing something I’ve always loved again, and for my sale being such a success.

  I’m glad I came here. I feel as if I’ve taken a big step forward. It’s as I said to Robert on the Ferris wheel – I can taste possibility again. As though the wind has slightly changed direction.

  A future without Lucas still scares the hell out of me, though.

  Emma and John move closer and he wraps his arms around her. I watch them, and I can’t help but think that’s how Lucas and I would be sitting right now. A sharp pang hits my chest. I realise I ache to be held like that again. I wonder what it would be like to hold Robert’s hand. Guiltily, I raise my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them to make sure I don’t reach out to him. Not that I know he’d want me to. I may have dreamt that moment between us on the wheel. Plus he’s just here for the summer. He likes my art, that’s all.

  And that’s all I want.

  I think.

  The band starts playing a love song and I close my eyes to listen to it. I never thought I would ever be with anyone but Lucas. But I am attracted to Robert. That much is clear. I’m not sure how I could not be. I think even Emma is. Hanging out with him today has been really fun and more relaxed than I could have imagined. Adam wanting to come here as my date freaked me out, but being with Robert doesn’t. And I don’t know how to handle it.