The Second Love of My Life

by Victoria Walters

  ‘I think he’s chosen you, Rose,’ Robert says, reaching out to touch the glass too.

  ‘Let’s go and speak to someone,’ I say excitedly. We go back to reception and are shown into a small office where one of the centre staff gets me to fill out a form and asks me questions about where I live and goes through Taylor’s background and temperament. I’m extremely relieved when she says I am a match for Taylor and she takes us to meet him in a small room kitted out for cats, complete with comfy chairs, scratching posts and an array of toys.

  She brings Taylor into the room and he walks up to us, sniffing us curiously. ‘He’s a real character, this one,’ she says with a smile. Taylor stands up and puts his paws on my knee. I stroke his head and he starts purring really loudly. ‘Sounds like a train, doesn’t it? So, what do you think?’

  ‘I think it’s a done deal,’ Robert says, reaching out to stroke Taylor’s back. Taylor rubs himself against him. I hope Taylor is a good judge of character.

  ‘I’d love to take him home,’ I say, smiling as Taylor tries to attack a toy on the floor.

  After we’ve sorted the paperwork and I’ve paid the adoption fee, we go into the shop and I get Taylor a carrier, litter tray, scratching post and probably far too many toys. The lady brings Taylor out in his new carrier with the blanket he has slept on here and he gives a disgruntled meow at being stuck in the box. I peer in to try to soothe him and hand him a cat treat, which helps a little bit. The staff wish us luck and wave him goodbye, and Robert carries Taylor outside.

  Impulsively, I lean over the carrier to kiss him on the cheek. ‘Thank you.’

  He looks startled but pleased. ‘You’re welcome.’

  I climb into the back of his car to keep an eye on Taylor and we drive away from the rescue centre with one more than we came with.

  Robert stops off at a pet shop so I can hurry in and buy cat food and I can’t resist buying an igloo bed for him too whilst I’m there. With the boot loaded with cat things, we drive back to the cottage and I carry Taylor out into his new home. Robert brings in all the supplies as I take Taylor into the living room and place the carrier down, opening it up for him. The lady at the rescue centre warned he might be nervous and that it would be best to keep him restricted to one room today. He might not want to eat a lot, either, she said.

  Taylor bounds straight out of his carrier to do a circle of the room, sniffing his new surroundings with interest. We put his litter tray, some food and water in the corner and Robert sets up his scratching post and bed near the sofa whilst I make us both a cup of tea. I bring two mugs out with two slices of my lemon drizzle cake.

  When I sit down, Taylor comes straight over and jumps on my lap, sitting up and purring, staring at my slice of cake. ‘Um, what do you want?’ I ask, smiling at his ploy to get me to share my cake with him.

  ‘Didn’t take him long to settle in,’ Robert remarks, coming to sit next to me. He tries some of my cake. ‘Wow, you weren’t lying when you said you can bake, this is delicious.’

  ‘Thank you,’ I say, pleased he likes it. I look at Taylor and shake my head. ‘Fine, here you go,’ I say, giving him a small piece that he eats enthusiastically, still purring.

  ‘He has good taste,’ Robert says, sipping his tea.

  Taylor gives himself a quick wash then circles on my lap, flopping down with a yawn.

  ‘It’s been a big day for you, hasn’t it?’ says Robert. He gives the cat a scratch behind the ears and we watch as Taylor drifts off, curled up on my lap.

  I realise then this is the first moment in a long time that I want to share. I carefully grab my phone from beside me and take a photo of Taylor asleep on me. I post it to Facebook with the caption ‘Say hello to Taylor’. I watch it appear on my page and I feel an immediate sense of achievement at having taken this one step forward.

  I don’t realise I’m crying until I see a tear fall on Taylor’s head.

  ‘Rose?’ Robert says gently, noticing it.

  ‘Sorry, I was just thinking how happy I feel right now. It’s been a long time since I felt truly happy.’ I look over at him. ‘I thought at one point I’d never make it out of the dark days. Thank you for giving me a day that’s been full of light.’

  He looks away and I can’t make out his expression. ‘You deserve every day to be full of light,’ he says and I hear his voice break a little at the end.

  The sun is setting outside as we talk in low voices whilst Taylor sleeps, until I hear my stomach rumble. ‘Do you want to stay for dinner?’

  ‘I’d love to.’

  I lift Taylor off me on to the sofa, which earns me a cat glare, but he jumps up ready for action. I leave Robert playing with him whilst I go into the kitchen to cook us a stir-fry. I bring in two plates and a sachet of cat food for Taylor. We watch as he goes straight to the bowl to wolf it down. So much for him not being able to eat. I’m happy he seems to be settling in so quickly here. I curl my feet under me as I munch on the stir-fry. Robert pours us both a glass of wine and the room feels relaxed and cosy with the three of us here.

  Robert takes a bite from his plate and watches in horror as a piece of courgette goes flying across the room. Taylor turns to see it land near him and races over to it, but after a sniff, he decides it’s not as good as cake and goes back to his own food.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ Robert says, rushing over to pick it up, his face a flaming red as I chuckle.

  ‘I’m very relieved I didn’t ask for your help in the kitchen,’ I tell him.

  ‘I really am a walking disaster, aren’t I?’

  And that sets me off laughing again.

  When I’ve finished eating, I switch on some soft music in the background. It feels chilly so I light the wood-burning stove in the fireplace, which Taylor is immediately drawn to, stretching out in front of it.

  ‘Top marks, chef,’ Robert says, putting his plate down. ‘Did you ever think about taking up cooking professionally?’

  I go back and sit next to him, leaning against the sofa and tucking my legs up to one side. ‘No, to be honest I only ever thought about painting. I enjoy cooking but it doesn’t get into here like painting does,’ I say, touching my heart. ‘What about you? What did you want to be when you were growing up?’

  ‘I was obsessed with space when I was little. I wanted desperately to be an astronaut. My brother told me that I had to be able to hang upside down for an hour to become one. So I tried it out. We managed to hang me upside down by my shoelaces over the banister. But my mum came in and thought I was trying to hang myself. She was hysterical and couldn’t get the knots undone. Our gardener had to cut them with garden shears. Needless to say, I lost my passion for all things space after that.’

  ‘She must have been terrified.’

  ‘She was, I have never forgotten it. My brother was younger but somehow he was the one who teased me. I guess as we grew up, I took on the more protective role. I have always been the sensible one, I suppose.’

  ‘So you gave up dreams of wandering in space for the law.’

  ‘I think I just gave up dreams full stop.’

  That sentence stings my heart. I look at this gorgeous and seemingly self-assured man and just see someone really lost underneath. And I don’t know how to help because I feel just as lost too. I touch his hand with mine and he turns cautiously to me.

  ‘Don’t you deserve to go for your dreams?’ I ask him in a voice barely above a whisper.

  He hesitates before leaning in and brushing my lips with his. Our second kiss lasts for just a short moment but once again I feel warmth spreading through me at his touch. I lean my head on his shoulder and he wraps his arm around me, pulling me so I lie against his chest. I can hear his rapid heartbeat close to my ear. He strokes my hair and I close my eyes.

  I open my eyes briefly to look at Taylor fast asleep on t
he floor in front of the fire and a contented feeling washes over me. I let myself feel it. I close my eyes again, thinking that my cottage finally seems like a home.

  Chapter Sixteen

  When I open my eyes, dawn sunlight streams in through the patio doors. Pain instantly hits me from my neck. I sit up and rub it as Robert moves his arm and groans from the stiffness after I slept on it all night. Oh wow, we fell asleep on the sofa together. We look at one another, startled. Taylor jumps up from where he fell asleep and comes over to us, stopping to stretch out and use his scratching post on the way.

  Robert gets up quickly from the sofa. ‘I’m so sorry, Rose. I should never have fallen asleep.’ He runs a hand through his hair and I want to take hold of his fingers to stop him. I recognise his stress movement now.

  ‘It’s okay, don’t worry,’ I say, confused at his sudden panic. I reach down to stroke Taylor, who starts purring instantly.

  ‘No, I shouldn’t have, we shouldn’t have . . .’ He looks outside at his car. ‘Everyone will know I’ve stayed here.’

  I follow his gaze and know that he’s right – this will be news, but I don’t want to feel guilty about a man staying over. ‘It’s okay, we know what happened. I mean, it’s not like . . . it’s not like anything did happen.’

  ‘I shouldn’t have put you in this position, I’ll go.’ He turns to leaves me but I grab his arm. I hate to hear the pain in his voice. I don’t want the loveliness of yesterday to be ruined like this.

  ‘I don’t mind that you stayed. We both fell asleep, we didn’t do anything wrong.’

  ‘Are you trying to convince yourself or me?’

  Taylor meows at me so I bend down and scoop him up in my arms, his warmth and purring helping to calm my anxiety down. I wish Robert didn’t look so uncomfortable. I thought this was what he wanted. I step forward and meet his gaze. I could look into his eyes forever and not get bored, I think. Electricity crackles between us. I don’t want him to go. I reach over Taylor and lean towards him, searching for his lips. But he moves backwards and my heart drops. ‘What is it?’

  ‘This was a mistake. I’m not good for you,’ he says, his voice gruff and unsteady.

  ‘Please, Rob, don’t say that. This is hard for me, this is the first time I’ve spent the night with anyone since . . .’ I trail off, hoping I won’t start crying. Taylor struggles in my arms so I put him down. ‘You’re the first person I’ve even kissed . . .’ My voice breaks this time and Robert steps back towards me, looking pained.

  ‘I don’t want to hurt you,’ he whispers, wrapping his arms around me. I lean into him as he holds me, remembering how good it can feel to be held.

  ‘Then don’t say it was a mistake,’ I whisper back.

  He runs a hand through my hair then pulls back, lifting his fingers under my chin and tilting my face towards his. He leans down and kisses me. My hands move around his neck and his pull me closer on my waist. This kiss is deeper and lingering; it touches me from my lips down to my toes and I don’t want it to end.

  All too soon his lips part from mine. He gives me a tentative smile.

  ‘You are such a beautiful woman.’

  My heart flutters a little. It’s maybe the first moment I’ve actually felt like a woman and not a girl trying to grow up. Taylor meows at us so I go into the kitchen and bring out his breakfast. He skips in after me, eager to explore the kitchen, so I give him his food in here and put the kettle on. ‘Do you want a coffee?’

  ‘I should get going back to the Inn. I have some phone calls to make this morning, so I better go and have a shower, and Mick is no doubt wondering where I am, why I’m not out on the terrace for breakfast,’ Robert says, speaking quickly as if he’s nervous.

  ‘It’s okay to tell him you were here,’ I say, not wanting him to think I’m worried about what the town will say about this. We haven’t done anything wrong. Robert smiles and gives me a kiss on the cheek before letting himself out of the back door.

  I sit down at the table with a coffee, watching Taylor wolf his breakfast down beside me. I don’t understand why Robert freaked out like he did. If either of us should have freaked out, it should have been me.

  I think back to him saying he’s not good for me and I frown, trying to work out what he meant by that. Maybe he’s nervous of being the first man I’ve been with since Lucas. I touch the rings on my hand, wondering what lies ahead for us. It all felt so promising yesterday coming home with Taylor. We seemed to fit together somehow. But today, it seems uncertain again.

  All I know is, I am drawn to him and I am happy when I’m with him. He is making me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time. He’s made me feel alive again.

  I wrap my hands around my mug, trying to make myself as warm as I was when Robert was holding me. Should I feel guilty about another man making me feel like this? It’s only been two years since I lost Lucas; is it too soon to want someone else? Will it ever feel like the right time, though?

  Taylor runs past me into the living room, jumping on a toy. I follow him and open one of the toys I got yesterday – a mouse on the end of a wand. I drag it across the floor for him to pounce on as my phone rings. I tuck it under my chin to answer Emma’s call.

  ‘Okay, Mrs Phillips from across the road told me Robert stayed over last night when I saw her in the Post Office,’ she says without saying hello.

  I sigh. ‘We just fell asleep. That’s all.’

  ‘You don’t have to explain anything. I told her off. I know we gossip, but come on.’

  I murmur agreement but then I freeze. ‘I can’t believe I didn’t think . . . What about Gloria and Graham?’ I ask her.

  ‘No one would say anything to them about this. I mean, they wouldn’t, right?’ She says it like a question. There are a whispered couple of words before John comes on the phone.

  ‘We’re all going to the bar tonight for a drink, Robert too, okay? There’s nothing to be worried about.’

  I wasn’t worried before but now I feel a prick of guilt set in. I should have been honest with Gloria and Graham – I told them Robert was just a friend and now they might hear he stayed over from someone else. They will think it’s much more serious than it is. ‘But—’

  ‘Tonight then,’ he says cheerfully, ignoring my concern and passing the phone back to Emma.

  ‘I hate it when John’s right, but he’s right. You know what happened – that’s all that matters, anyway – and everyone here knows you deserve something good. There was nothing mean about what Mrs Phillips said, I promise. People just want to look out for you.’

  ‘The thing is, I don’t even know what it is yet, it’s so . . . new.’

  ‘Of course it is. It’s all going to be okay, I know it. We’ll see you tonight.’ She hangs up before I can say no.

  Maybe they are right, though. I can’t hide away because everyone knows Robert stayed over; that just says I feel like I’ve done something wrong and I don’t think I have. Although I’m nervous about what Gloria and Graham will think. I don’t want this to come between us. I should talk to them, but I don’t know what I would say.

  Emma and John pick me up on the way to Joe’s bar, popping in to meet Taylor first. He received a lot of likes on Facebook. He basks in their attention, rolling on his back to show his tummy and play-fighting John when he strokes him there. Tonight is cold and grey, a perfect night to huddle in the pub close to the fire, but I’m nervous about this group date as I feel like all eyes will be on us. We leave Taylor to his dinner and head off to the bar, which is busy with mostly regulars making the trip on such a grim evening.

  I’m met by a wall of hostility from Adam – the look he gives Robert makes it clear he still hasn’t forgiven me for turning him down and he blames Robert for it. There are a couple of whispers about the four of us settling down in a booth with beer and wine, but I get a lo
t of kind nods and smiles, so maybe Emma and John are right that everyone here just cares about me. Not Adam, though; it’s obvious he’s heard about the two of us and every time I look up he’s glaring at either Robert or me. I hate knowing I’ve hurt someone, even though I didn’t mean to. The thought of going out with him filled me with dread, but with Robert it just came naturally.

  That’s not my fault, is it?

  Robert is quiet and the conversation is carried on mostly by Emma and John. Joe brings us some food and joins us for a bit. I see him make an effort to ask Robert a couple of questions, and I know his opinion means a lot in here so I’m grateful he’s being friendly towards him.

  Adam comes to the table to snatch two empty glasses and I’ve had enough. I follow him behind the bar and ask what’s wrong.

  ‘Nothing.’ He starts stacking the dishwasher, slamming the glasses down.

  ‘You’re making me feel like I’ve done something wrong. That’s not fair.’ I turn to go, wishing I hadn’t bothered to clear the air, when he stops me.

  ‘I’m sorry, I just . . . I just don’t trust him.’ He jerks his head to where the others are. ‘And I know you’ll think I’m just bitter about us but I’m not, I think you’re vulnerable and—’

  I put up a hand to make him stop. ‘You didn’t think I was that vulnerable when you asked me out.’

  ‘I’ve known you forever,’ he protests. ‘You hardly know this guy.’

  ‘If you genuinely like me, you’d want me to be happy.’

  Adam leans closer and lowers his voice, as we’ve attracted some attention at the bar. ‘I do want that but I don’t think you’ll get it from him. Who is he? Why is he here? I just don’t get it.’

  I shake myself free and go back to our booth, wishing Adam’s words hadn’t made any impression on me. I try to ignore what he said – he’s jealous, after all – and believe that Robert’s doubts come from worrying about me.

  I take my mind off it by telling Emma and John about Heather and her offer for me to go on an art retreat. I feel Robert watching me nervously but I’m not as angry as I was about him going to see Heather. I understand him better now, maybe. I think he was genuinely trying to help me. He likes my art and he wants me to find success at what I’m passionate about, something I think he lacks. But I explain my nerves about going and the fact it would mean four weeks away from home, plus the fact that I could get there and not be able to paint anything.