Caught In A Jam

by Lila Felix

  “Are you sure? It’s not just me now, darlin’. I’m a packaged deal. Scout and I are not sold separately. And I’m gonna say something that might hurt your feelings here. Scout is my first priority. And I can’t have you skipping in and out of our lives. You’re either all in or you’re not. I can’t be that friend who you just run to in between your boyfriends, taking a piece of my heart with you every time you leave. I won’t put myself through that again, because putting myself through that; puts her through that. She’s very perceptive and wouldn’t miss a second of what was going on. She needs stability and someone who loves me and her. And I know that’s a lot to ask of someone as young as you. Hell, it’s a lot for me, and it was my mistake that brought her here in the first place. But I can’t play Russian roulette with you like I used to. So, yes, I would love nothing more than to be with you and love this beautiful woman in front of me as I loved the girl she used to be. But I can’t and I won’t be your rebound guy. And I won’t be just some guy you date for a good time. You’re either all in or you’re all out. But damn, I hope you’re all in because I think I need you more right now more than I’ve ever needed anything in my life.”

  A gasp broke free from my mouth—I was stunned—and angry—and hurt. How dare he think I would ever harm his precious child. I jerked my hands from his and shot up off of the couch.

  “Don’t be mad, Journey. I just need you to think about this long and hard, for me. Believe me; this is as hard for me to say as it is for you to hear. I’ve wanted you to want me all my life. But I’m basing it on who you were, not who you are. I don’t know you as you are now. But I’d very much like to. Just think about it, please.”

  I nodded, it was all I could give him.

  I turned to walk out and before I reached the door he laced his warm, calloused fingers in mine and I turned around, startled by the feel of him, even though I’d just been holding his hands seconds before.

  “If you never come back—if you decide I’m not worth it—I have to kiss you just once. I’ve needed your mouth on mine for almost my whole life. Please…”

  My body swayed towards his at once, there was no way I could resist this, even if I didn’t come back. He grabbed my face in his hands and ran his thumbs over my cheeks, memorizing the feel of me. He smiled the slightest bit before closing his eyes and touching his lips to mine, softly, gently at first. The heat from his kiss seared my lips and then branched out through the veins in my face and down in my neck. Nixon walked us back until I felt my back against the wall behind me. His hips rocked against mine as his tongue nudged my lips open. My mouth opened to accept it and it plunged into my mouth, exploring the cavern of my mouth. Our chests rose and fell as one. I could feel the pounding of his heart against me.

  He pulled back once and moaned, “I knew you’d taste like heaven.”

  He sucked and nipped at my lips until I broke away hastily, ducked under his arms and left. If I stayed any longer, there would be nothing to think about. I would give in without any sound thought or judgment. And it was obvious I’d done enough damage to him for a lifetime.

  Chapter 9

  Nixon

  She tasted like coffee covered passion.

  I stayed there for a few minutes, just collecting myself from our encounter. I thumped my head against the wall I’d just pressed her against. I didn’t regret my words for one second—they were all true. But I wished we’d had more time before I had to lay it all out there like that. But I also wouldn’t take the chance with Scout. She was worth sacrificing my love life for. And Journey’s mouth—I’d never forget how she tasted or how she pressed against me. I’d waited for that moment forever.

  I took a cold shower and went to bed. The next morning I drove through the Starbuck’s drive through for a shot of wake-me-up. I went to the gym and rubbed out five miles and an hour worth of weights before picking up Scout. Mad and Storey were supposed to meet her parents for lunch.

  I would have to keep my encounter with Journey under wraps until I knew what her decision would be. I didn’t want Scout to get too excited or too attached.

  We spent the rest of the day at the park. She was a real peach the rest of the afternoon since she was exhausted and didn’t get her regular nap. And when I looked to the right after bringing her for pizza, she was sound asleep in her car seat.

  I carried her in stealthily and put her in bed. I was reminded when her feet touched the footboard that I needed to buy her a new bed that week—one more thing on my plate. I was so tempted to text Journey but I refrained. She needed to think and I found myself feeling like I did as a teenager, waiting for her to decide my fate—always waiting for her.

  I tucked my angel in and then tucked myself in after her. I was glad for the exhaustion. It kept me from pining over Journey too much. I fell asleep fast and welcomed a busy week.

  True to its promise, the next week was frantic. Between juggling work, school, derby practice and Scout’s new pick up schedule, by the time Friday rolled around, I was ready for it. I got a text as I walked Scout into school but ignored it until I got back in the car.

  I checked it when I got in the car and it was from Journey—I nearly lost my breakfast.

  Can we talk?

  I answered her right away.

  Yes, name the place and time. Not over the phone.

  She asked me if now was a good time and asked if she could come to my apartment. Like I would ever say no.

  I went home instead of running my usual errands and got the laundry started. I was sorting through tiny jeans and the smallest Ramones shirt known to man when there was a tap on my shoulder.

  “Son of a bit…” I turned, startled out of my mind and almost my bladder. Journey was there and I thought I’d scared her more than she scared me.

  “I’m sorry. The door was ajar a little bit and I heard you humming in here.”

  “No, I’m so sorry. Sorting Scout’s laundry freaks me out. She sometimes puts worms and frogs in her pockets and one time I reached in and there was a sharp rock that cut my finger—and I’m rambling.”

  She giggled and then sat down on the floor beside me and started sorting clothes. She wasn’t ready to talk and I didn’t want to push her. The fear of what her decision would be wrestled with my stomach. Right then it just seemed normal to sit with her and scatter whites and darks this way and that. I imagined this must be what most couples are like—partners in crime—and laundry.

  “Look at these, they’re the cutest bad ass little pants I’ve ever seen.” She held up a pair of Scout’s jeans with holes in the knees, courtesy of rough grained sand paper and her need to match her Aunt Reed’s wardrobe. I took them from her and showed her where Scout had written her name on the tag.

  “She saw Reed, Falcon’s wife, with some jeans like that on one day and all but demanded that she have a pair. So Falcon brought her to the store, because he spoils the kid rotten, and she and Reed sat in the floor and gave them a make-over. And she has to wear them with…” I raccooned through the dark clothes until I found the Ramones t-shirt again, “this shirt or else gauntlets will be thrown. She can be pretty demanding about her fashion choices.”

  She laughed a little and cooed over the tiny punk shirt. “She’s the most precious thing I’ve ever seen. And not just because she’s my spitting image. She’s so smart. We talk during recess. I help her identify birds and insects. And we talk about you.”

  “Do you? Oh God, there’s no telling what that kid tells you. She can’t keep water on her stomach.”

  Her eyebrows pinched together, “You don’t give her enough credit, Nix. She didn’t tell you we’d been talking. Besides, she thinks you put the stars in the sky.”

  Maybe Scout was good at keeping secrets after all. But I couldn’t figure out what I feared more, her keeping secrets, or spilling her guts to everyone.

  “Was it hard on you?” She asked.

  “What?” I thought she was referring to my mother’s death, or her absence.

&nbs
p; “Being a single father. I can’t imagine. Especially when she was a baby. Big strong Nixon changing a little girl’s diapers. I wish I could’ve seen that.”

  I stopped sorting to think about it for a minute. “I felt like a zombie all the time. I worked, I took care of her. There was nothing in between. Then one day she didn’t wake up in the middle of the night after we finally figured out she was lactose intolerant. And then it seemed like the next day she started crawling. And then Storey and Aunt Sylvia worked with her everyday and she could read words at nine months. I honestly don’t remember having time to think about it. But, I wouldn’t change a thing.”

  That wasn’t the whole truth. I did have those moments where I wished Journey was there with me, sharing those middle of the night feedings and her first smile. But maybe we still had a shot at making that happen.

  “How can I say this?” She whispered.

  “Let’s go in the other room. Don’t tell me something important on the floor surrounded by dirty laundry.”

  She turned to me, sitting back on her feet, “No, actually this is the perfect place. Because I want this with you. You asked me to let you know if I was all in or I was all out—no middle ground. And I want to be all in Nixon. If I can, I want to make you love me again. And I want to know your daughter. I want to get to know who you are now. I mean, I never stopped loving you, but there’s so much that’s different about you now.”

  “Are you sure?” I had to ask her because I was seriously beginning to think I was hallucinating.

  “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. But I don’t want to change Scout’s schedule or confuse her. I think we should maybe—it sounds stupid after all we’ve been through—but I think we should date without her knowing for a while. And then we can tell her later.”

  I couldn’t help what happened next. Tears broke free and puddle between my cheeks and the edges of my glasses. I pulled them off and wiped them away with my other hand. And when I replaced them, Journey was suddenly in my lap, arms and legs wrapped around me.

  “Why are you crying?” She whispered, her face nuzzled in my neck.

  “I thought I’d never see you again. But this—this is beyond anything I’d ever hoped for.”

  We embraced for a while before she let out a yelp and scrambled off of me. “I’m late for work! I’m sorry, I have to go. But when can I see you?”

  “Scout’s spending the night with Owen and Nellie tonight. Do you have plans?” I walk-ran with her to the door.

  “I do now.” She ran out and jumped in her car.

  My phone rang and I ran back into the other room to catch it. It was Maddox. Rex’s lab had gone longer than he expected and Storey needed to get home. I grabbed my keys and made the route to Loyola in no time. I didn’t see Storey, so I immediately got scared. I called her cell and she didn’t answer. I parked and called Rex’s phone while I walked. He told me she should be by Wilmington Hall and I headed that way. When I rounded the building between Wilmington Hall and the library, I saw her, and my blood boiled at the scene I became witness to. Simon had her pint sized body pinned to the wall and he was in her face, spouting vile words. She was terrified but still fighting back the best her tiny frame could. The worst of it was there were people in range, just standing there not doing anything. I grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him away from her.

  “Call Mad, Storey,” I yelled to her at the same time my fist and his nose met for the first time. I landed a second blow to his chin and he was out cold. I ran over to Storey and she latched onto me as tight as she could. There were several people on their phones around us so I didn’t need to call the cops. They were already doing it for me. I never knew what he did to her until Mad told me.

  “His Dad’s a cop.” She whispered to me and I knew, whether I was helping her or not, I would be spending the night in jail instead of with Journey. I looked her over while I held her and Simon had made bruises on her arms. I prayed the cops got there before Mad or we’d both be going to jail.

  The cops arrived and of course Sergeant Melancon didn’t waste any time putting me in handcuffs, reading me my rights and not so gently stuffing my head in the cruiser. Of course, Simon left the scene on a stretcher before Mad even got to the scene.

  Lucky bastard.

  I got put in a holding cell by Simon’s father. He barely asked me what happened and I wouldn’t have answered anyway. My dad showed up a few hours later and tore the whole place a new asshole. He was the best lawyer I knew. He was the best lawyer in town—period. He asked why there wasn’t an officer at Storey Black’s house and why none of the officers had checked the restraining order that Storey kept on her at all times banning Simon from being within five hundred feet of her. And then he accused them of being impartial because Simon’s father was the Sergeant.

  After they gathered up their jaws from the floor, they let me out. By the time all the paperwork was filed and they let me out, it was well past six in the afternoon. I was still safe because I knew that someone would get Scout no matter what and Journey didn’t get off work until seven but I was exhausted and behind on everything I had to get done that day.

  I went back to my apartment and though I really wanted to make our first date count I had an apartment full of family members and felt like dirt.

  Storey latched back onto me as soon as I entered the door. They’d taken care of getting my truck back to my apartment building. Scout and Cyrus hadn’t been told what happened, so they were playing in her room unaware.

  Owen spoke up first. “You did good, man. Any of us would’ve done the same. We’re gonna help you with whatever—legal wise. And we will always make sure Scout is taken care of. Count on that.”

  “I know. Thank you. Is she still spending the night with y’all tonight?”

  He nodded.

  “Where’s Rex?” I asked. I’m sure the guy felt like shit since he was supposed to take Storey home.

  Mad answered, “I talked to him already. He feels like crap. He was here but then he has a Humanities class tonight. We insisted that he go. We’ve got to be on her like glue from now on. I think you took care of him for a while and the policeman who talked to Storey said he will spend at least a few days in jail, regardless of who his father is, but after that we have to keep a better watch. I’ll take a leave of absence if I need to.”

  Falcon looked at me and we shared a nod. If Mad needed to take a leave of absence, he and I would both step in financially to help them. I had my mother’s assets including all the money she had put in my name and the house. It was all put in my name before the night she overdosed and I had to leave California. I just didn’t know it.

  Owen got my attention and said, “Can I talk to you a minute?” I nodded and we went into the other room.

  “What’s up man?” I clapped him on the shoulder.

  “I picked Scout up from school today. Do you know who was there with her?” He was onto me. But Owen and I had become close after my wild ride and I knew he would keep this quiet if I wanted him to.

  “Did she say anything?” I asked him.

  “No, we talked a little about Scout. Have you seen her?”

  I nodded again, “Yeah, I’m gonna see her tonight. We’ve decided to keep it quiet from Scout for a while until we see where it goes. We don’t wanna confuse her.”

  “Ok, good. And seriously, don’t give up on her this time. She looks different, like she’s in a better place. And we know you’re in a better place. Sometimes people need to grow up a little before they’re ready to handle that kind of love.”

  I chuckled, “Who are you and what have you done with Owen?”

  “Shut up. I’m not quite the oaf everyone wants me to be,” He kissed one of his flexed biceps, “There is something other than these sick guns that Nellie loves.”

  Chapter 10

  Journey

  Now he drinks coffee like it’s water.

  Scout was the last one left at the school, which was odd,
since whoever picked her up was usually one of the first. And just as I was thinking about it, an enormous man walks through the doors, almost filling the threshold. But then I realized that I recognized him. It was Owen Black. He’d been a few years ahead of us in school but there was no denying his resemblance to the Black family.

  I checked the list and sure enough, he was on there, cleared to pick up Scout. She jumped up and he bent down to meet her and she began her interrogation. “Why are you here instead of my Honey?”

  “What? Don’t start, kid. I had to give Honey twenty bucks so I could have the chance to come get you. You only cost twenty bucks little girl. You are coming to spend the night at my house with Aunt Nellie and Cyrus. Besides, I’ve missed you.”

  She threw her arms around his thick neck and he actually blushed and kissed the side of her face. He was like a big, sweet gorilla. He turned to leave and met my eyes.

  “I was right.” He said, his words aimed towards me.

  “About what?” I answered, though I had no clue what he meant.

  “I told Nixon that I’d seen you at the bank the other week. But he called your Mom and she said you were at Duke.”

  He could see the anger on my face.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. I’ll tell him you’re in town.”

  “That’s Ms. Journey. See? She has hair and freckles like mine.”

  “I see that, Button. You ready to go?”

  “Button,” I questioned his cute nickname for her.

  “Yeah, Nixon started it. But now we all call her that.”

  I was so curious about anything even remotely related to Nixon, so I asked, “Why Button?”

  He looked down at Scout with nothing but love and shrugged, “You’ll have to ask him that.”

  He nodded once to me and then headed out with my little friend clinging to him.

  I cleaned up and went home, tired but excited to see Nixon again. I called him and he didn’t sound like he did earlier.