2016 Top Ten Gay Romance

by Snyder, J. M. ; Black, Becky; Creech, T. A.

  Now it was Brad who seemed not to have the words. He just stared at Darrin.

  Darrin took the big man’s hand in his. “Look, it’s been a while since I let myself be open to anything more than shallow hook-ups. But I’d like to try and see where this goes.”

  Darrin could almost see the struggle going on in Brad’s mind. It was reflected in his face, his body language.

  “I guess…I guess I’d like that, too,” Brad said, tightening his grip on Darrin’s hand slightly. “But I don’t know what I got to offer you, other than this.” He gestured around at the small motel room.

  “Maybe that’s enough for a start,” Darrin said.

  “I don’t know. I never thought I’d ever be able to be with someone in that way. I can’t be found out. It wouldn’t be fair to you. I just don’t know if I’m worth it.”

  “Only one way to find out,” Darrin said and leaned in again to kiss Brad. This time Brad didn’t pull away, but let Darrin kiss him. Brad seemed to hold back at first but then with a deep groan of resignation, fueled by desire, pulled Darrin hard against him, his tongue demanding to be admitted into Darrin’s mouth. Without hesitation Darrin assented. The two men continued to kiss and caress, their passion rising as their arousal reached its peak. Brad stood up and tore his clothing off. Then Brad pulled Darrin to his feet and the two stripped Darrin as well.

  Darrin held the big man close, feeling the power of Brad’s muscular body, relishing the feel of the man’s hairy torso against his own smooth skin. They lay down on the bed again, and in a short time their bodies were united.

  Was Brad worth it? There was no question that he was. And if this was all there could be to their relationship, meeting like this for stolen moments together, that would be enough for Darrin because he had already fallen in love with Brad.

  * * * *

  “Have you heard?” asked Carl Stickly, one of the ensemble dancers in the show Darrin was doing. It was the afternoon of the day after Brad’s football team’s big win. The one in which Brad had been the hero. Carl and Darrin were on break during a rehearsal.

  “About?” Darrin asked before he opened a bottle of Perrier and took a deep drink.

  “Allen and Tony,” Carl said, pointing to a group of dancers on the other side of the stage.

  “What about Allen and Tony?”

  “Allen asked Tony to marry him,” Carl said as he wiped sweat from his face with a towel. “And Tony said yes!”

  “Wow,” Darrin said.

  “It’s going to be during the holidays.”

  “That’s pretty quick. Christmas is only a few weeks away. Why the rush?” Darrin asked as he began his stretches. Rehearsal would begin again in a few minutes.

  Carl shrugged. “Might have to do with Tony being picked for the road tour of the show. Allen would stay here. The tour starts after the first of the year. Don’t see how a relationship, let alone a marriage, can work when you don’t see each other for long periods of time.”

  Darrin didn’t respond. He thought of his relationship with Brad. Brad was gone for good amounts of time when the team played away games. Then with Brad’s practice schedule, they often went a week or more without seeing each other.

  Then there was the added restraint of Brad’s fear of being outed. They never went out, never socialized. It was only recently Brad felt he could meet Darrin at Darrin’s apartment. And it was just a few weeks ago that Brad had spent the night there for the first time. Yet up to this point, while Darrin wished things could be different, his love for Brad and Brad’s for him, seemed to be sufficient to keep them together and happy.

  “If you love someone enough you can make it work,” Darrin said finally and firmly.

  “You’d have to love someone a whole lot for that to be true,” Carl added. “At least that’s how I feel. For me it wouldn’t be worth it. If you can’t be together all the time, what’s the point?” He changed the subject. “Have you ever been to a gay wedding?”

  “A couple,” Darrin replied, thinking about what Carl had just said.

  “I haven’t. But I bet we’re going to be invited to a lot of them now that it’s legal for us everywhere not just in a couple of states.”

  “I guess so,” Darrin said, shrugging his shoulders.

  “You know,” Carl went on, “now that it’s legal, it changes the whole dynamic of gay relationships.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, before marriage was a possibility, we just fooled around or dated, and if it lasted a while and became exclusive, fine. But there was no feeling of obligation for a long term commitment. If it ended, it ended. Now it’s like there’s more facets to relationships: not just do I like this guy, should we move in together or just date. Now there’s the prospect of a legal life partner in a binding contract. It’s a whole new dimension.”

  Darrin nodded.

  “Would you ever want to get married?” Carl asked as the pair joined the other dancers walking back to the stage to resume their practice.

  Darrin had actually never thought about it much. He’d never been with anyone he’d seriously consider as a life partner. That is until now. He could see himself married to Brad. But how would that ever work with Brad’s fear of the team discovering who he really was? It would be better for Darrin not to let his mind go there, not to let himself get any ideas of that little cottage built for two. He didn’t want anything to diminish what he and Brad were experiencing, anything to make him dissatisfied with the life they currently shared.

  However, when Darrin answered Carl’s question, he said, “Yeah, I would if I ever found someone I loved enough.” He knew he already had.

  * * * *

  Their lovemaking the night that Darrin had discovered Brad’s identity was the most fulfilling Darrin had ever had in his life. Brad was free to be himself. He was tender and expressive in his physical declaration of how he felt about Darrin, the man who had stripped away the false persona and liberated the real Brad Grabosky, star football player for the New York Hounds, and gay man.

  They made love for hours, alternated with tender times of conversation during which they shared their life journeys. Darrin skipped rehearsal that night, calling in to the theater to say he had been bitten by a bug of some sort. He knew exactly which bug it was, too—a love bug.

  Darrin was deeply touched by Brad’s confessions of fear and depression. As Brad had come to understand his sexual orientation, he realized how it clashed with his athletic prowess. Athletes weren’t supposed to be queers. His talent as an athlete had led to college scholarships and eventually to a successful career in the NFL. But it had also trapped him in denial of his true identity. He had never acted on his desires in high school or college for fear of his being discovered.

  Finally, as an adult, in a city far from home, Brad found there were men who didn’t recognize him. They had no idea he was a star football player. They were gay men for whom sports were as foreign as life on Mars. With them he could covertly live out his secret life, always cautious, always waiting for the time when he would be exposed. And now that exposure had happened, but in the best way possible. It came with a man who understood and loved him enough not to demand more than he could give.

  For Darrin’s part it was an epiphany as well. He had always tried to steer clear of men with baggage which kept them closeted: marriage, fame, social position, or guilt because of an overactive fear of holy retribution. Sometimes he wasn’t successful. When an encounter turned out that way, he always vowed not to be involved with men who weren’t free to be themselves. He even felt scorn for their lack of courage to stand up and say, “This is who I am. Fuck you if you can’t accept it.”

  But there was one factor he hadn’t counted on—love. Now here Darrin was in the arms of one of those deeply closeted men, and finding himself willing to do anything it took to be able to have a future with him, even if it meant entering the closet with him.

  So, by the end of their second encounter at the motel, w
hen Brad told Darrin that, despite his feelings for the young man, he wasn’t sure if or when he could ever see Darrin again, Darrin surprised himself by taking Brad in his arms at the door and saying, “I’ll be waiting, if and when that time ever comes.”

  It was three weeks before Darrin got another notice of a message for him on Bear Cave. He instinctively knew it was Brad. He had known Brad would contact him. He had never wavered in that belief. They met again at the motel.

  “I’ve decided something,” Brad said, taking Darrin’s hands in his after he closed the door and turned to Darrin. Brad looked so serious Darrin felt a twinge of panic. What was he going to say? Was Brad going to confess he couldn’t do this, that he loved Darrin, but it was too much of a risk? What he did say made Darrin’s heart sing.

  “I’ve decided I love you too much to pass up this chance at happiness.”

  The relief that swept through Darrin made him feel giddy.

  Brad was going on, “It’s an awful lot to ask of a guy that could have any man he wanted, one that doesn’t have to hide who he is. But if you’re willing…” Brad stopped and took a deep breath. “I’d like to try to make this work…somehow.” Brad looked into Darrin’s eyes imploringly, as if begging for Darrin to accept his offer, but fearing it would be rejected.

  Darrin responded by throwing his arms around Brad’s neck and kissing the big guy with all the love he had within him. At that moment Darrin didn’t care how hard it might prove to be or what sacrifices he’d have to make. The only thing that mattered was Brad wanted to be with him, that Brad loved him. That was all Darrin needed to know. This man wanted to love him, not just use him for sexual release. The rest would work itself out.

  That night as they made love, and Brad’s cock entered him, Darrin wrapped his arms and legs around Brad’s muscular, hairy frame and pushed his hips forward. He wanted Brad as deeply inside of him as he could manage. Brad, feeling Darrin’s need, thrust with all his might, sealing their union with a deep kiss.

  “Don’t move,” Darrin commanded when they broke the kiss. “I want to burn this moment into my memory so that when we can’t be together, I’ll have it to get me through.”

  Brad smiled down at him and tightened their embrace. He lowered his head and nuzzled Darrin’s neck. They remained that way for several minutes. Then, as if by unspoken assent, they simultaneously began a rhythm. As their passion crescendoed toward their climax, Brad groaned deeply, his thrusts coming harder and faster. The friction of Brad’s torso on the tender underside of Darrin’s cock brought Darrin to orgasm. As his cum shot between them, Brad growled. Darrin wished with all his heart there was no latex barrier separating the men. He wanted Brad’s seed inside him. But that would come, there would be a time for that. For now he would relish the reality of making love to someone with whom he truly was in love.

  That night set up the pattern they would follow for the next year. At Brad’s request they met at a different motel every time they were together. After spending time in each other’s arms, Darrin would go out for food which they often ate sitting cross-legged on the bed, if the room had no table. Occasionally Brad would stay the night, but usually he left after they made love. They never left together. Brad always insisted Darrin wait until his car was out of the parking lot before leaving the room.

  Finally, Darrin was able to assure Brad that if Darrin gave him the passcode for the door of the building from the underground parking garage. Brad could use Darrin’s parking space since he didn’t own a car. Then Brad could enter Darrin’s building through the parking garage and come up the back stairs. That way he would avoid the security guard at the front entrance.

  This led the way to more leisurely evenings together and to shared meals at a real table. Brad turned out to be a very passable cook, a plus as far as Darrin was concerned. He could barely boil water without burning it. He maintained he would starve if it weren’t for his microwave.

  The off-season was easier. Once Brad was done with practices and games, they had more time to be together. They saw each other several times a week. Brad was somewhat more relaxed and willing to take a risk or two. He occasionally stayed for several nights in a row.

  One time Brad had arranged to meet Darrin in Central Park. This had both surprised and pleased Darrin. Darrin walked past a homeless man sitting on a bench several times before a “psst” from the man revealed it was his boyfriend. Brad’s disguise amused Darrin, especially since Brad’d had five dollars in change dropped in his hat while he’d waited for Darrin to arrive.

  They spent an hour walking and talking. However, Brad was careful not to touch Darrin. They had an ice cream, bought with Brad’s donations. Brad bought Darrin a Hounds sweatshirt as a remembrance of their first and only “date”. Brad gave Darrin the money and stood far away from the kiosk as Darrin purchased it.

  When summer conditioning for the team commenced, they reverted to their old pattern. They saw each other less and Brad spent the night less often.

  Still Darrin didn’t mind. If this was to be the pattern of their life, so be it. Having the love of this man was more important than eating out, movies, or vacations together.

  * * * *

  Carl had been right. Darrin received an invitation to Allen and Tony’s wedding. It looked exactly like all the ones he’d received for traditional marriages. For some reason this seemed odd to Darrin. He didn’t know what he had expected but felt somehow there should be some distinction. After all, the gay community had fought hard to have the right to marry.

  He looked at the interlocking rings on the front of the card. Maybe the medical male symbol could be added to the rings, he mused. Yes, that would make the statement he thought it needed. I know that’s what I’d want on our invites.

  “Whoa! Where did that come from!” he said aloud when he realized what he’d been thinking.

  He shook his head, pushed the thought aside, and opened the card.

  The Honor of Your Presence Is Requested

  To Witness the Marriage of

  Mr. Allen Greyson and Mr. Anthony Miller

  Darrin read through the details of where and when, then looked at the R.S.V.P. card. It read:

  Mr. Darrin Houghton and Guest.

  Number attending? ______.

  Darrin’s mind went directly to Brad. It would be so nice to bring Brad to the wedding. It probably would be relatively safe. Many of the guests would be gay and sports not high on their radar. Most likely Brad wouldn’t be recognized.

  Darrin thought of John, another dancer in the company, and smiled. When confronted with sports talk he always chimed in by saying, “How ‘bout them White Sox?” It didn’t matter that the conversation might not be about baseball. He probably didn’t even know the White Sox were a baseball team. It was just his way of poking fun at men who were obsessive sports fans. Darrin chuckled. Brad would get a kick out of meeting John.

  Then Darrin’s smile faded and he sighed. He knew Brad wouldn’t go for it—not when there was a chance, even a remote one, of his being recognized. How would Brad be able to explain being at a same sex wedding without raising suspicion?

  But it would be so nice for him to meet my friends, Darrin thought. However, his mind didn’t stop there. As if pent up desires had been freed by the thought of Brad’s attending the wedding, he went on thinking, I’d love for us to be able to walk Dolly together, to go out once in a while, to have friends over, to…Darrin stopped. For the first time in his relationship with Brad he had felt a twinge of disappointment that the two of them weren’t free to do what other couples did. He quickly repressed it.

  “Besides,” Darrin began to rationalize aloud, “the last games of the football season are in December and the Hounds are in the playoffs in January. Brad wouldn’t have time to go anyway with his game schedule and extra practices.” But deep down he knew the games and practices made little difference. The reality was, a social life for Brad and Darrin was out of the question as long as Brad’s fear of being outed was
so strong. .

  * * * *

  “I have a surprise for you,” Brad’s voice came over the phone one evening in late summer. It was shortly before the start of the football season.

  Brad was always getting him things, sometimes very expensive things, which Darrin found hard to explain to his friends. Ensemble dancers weren’t paid that much.

  Darrin suspected Brad was feeling guilty over their forced isolation and used the gifts to make up for it. But the reason didn’t matter. Brad’s basic motivation was his love for Darrin.

  “What?” Darrin asked eagerly.

  “Well, it wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you now, would it?”

  “Can you give me a hint?”

  “Well, let’s see. It has something to do with the team.”

  “Tickets to a game?” Darrin said enthusiastically. He’d been thinking it might be fun to be at a game and see his man in action.

  “Hmm, no.” Brad sounded hesitant. “But I can get you some if you really want to go.”

  Darrin read the uncertainty in his voice. “No,” he quickly covered. “I can see you better on television. They take those nice close-ups of that fantastic ass of yours,” Darrin said, making sure his tone conveyed a lightness, like not getting tickets was of no consequence.

  “You can see my fantastic ass, and do more than look at it, anytime you want, babe.”

  Darrin was relieved. Brad seemed to be okay. He didn’t want to say or do anything that would cause Brad stress. “Give me another hint,” he begged.

  “Well, it’s nearly a year since we met. Sort of an anniversary you could say.”

  Darrin smiled.

  “And games will be starting in a couple of weeks. We won’t be able to see each other as much. So I got you something to keep you from getting lonely.”

  “An inflatable Brad Grabosky doll in full removable Hounds uniform?” Darrin asked in mock seriousness.

  Brad laughed. “No.”

  “An electric vibrating dildo shaped like a football?”

  At this Brad guffawed. “Ain’t no dildo that can replace this, baby.”