Geoff stood and looked at him before turning and leaving the room. Ben exhaled the breath he'd been holding before closing his eyes and rolling over to face the wall. He wrapped his arms around his chest and lowered his head as he dug his nails into his arms until it hurt.
Pain. The pain helped. He needed it.
❊❊❊
Geoff was in his study working when he heard the doorbell ring. Looking at the clock, he realised he'd spent the afternoon lost in his work and that Clara was probably here now. Walking to the front door, he opened it, smiling when he saw Clara. Standing to one side, Geoff opened the door wide and let her in. "Hi, Clara. Thanks for coming. Here let me take your coat."
He hung up her coat and then guided her to the kitchen. "Drink?"
"Coffee please."
He liked Clara, had from the first moment he'd met her. Tall and slim, with hair so blonde it was almost white and deep green eyes. Clara didn't bullshit you and that was what he respected about her.
Taking a mug from the cupboard, he poured some coffee into it and handed to her.
"How's Ben been?" she asked him as she blew on the hot liquid.
Geoff gave her a small smile. "I managed to get him to eat something."
"That's good. Some progress then."
"Don't know about that. When I pushed him to have more food, he knocked the bowl out of my hand." Geoff shrugged, leaning back against the counter.
Clara frowned for a few seconds then nodded as she blew on her coffee. "You can't push him, but you know that. Small steps, only when he feels comfortable. You need to go at his pace. Whether you believe it or not, Ben eating is a step in the right direction." Clara paused. "There is an element of trust there, whether he recognises it or not."
"I know." Geoff turned as he took a sip of his coffee. "I know I shouldn't have forced him to eat more." He shrugged. "But he was finally eating something and he hasn't been eating properly since he came here and I just wanted him to eat a little more."
"He's been through a lot from what you've told me. Whatever he went through at home that led him to a life on the streets, what he did to survive that. The murder of his friend, his suicide attempt and now his move here.
"Ben is a young man and he's experienced a lot of trauma in his life. Even someone older and more mature than him would have some difficulty adapting to all these changes and processing all the events in his life." Clara reached forward, placing her hand on Geoff's arm. "You know you're helping, even if it feels like you're not." Clara smiled at him as she spoke.
"Yeah, but it's frustrating! It seems like I'm sitting here, watching him slowly disappear and I don't know what to do to help." He paused before adding, "I looked up the five stages you mentioned. It was an interesting read and I can see some of the behaviours Ben is displaying matching the stages."
Clara nodded as she stared of into the distance. "Let me go up and speak with him."
"He might not say anything."
"That's fine. I can gather a lot about a person from their body language, more than you realise. Which room is he in?"
Geoff showed Clara to Ben's room and then left her alone. He came back down to his study and tried to go back to work, but found it impossible to do so. All he could think about was what might be going on upstairs.
Leaning back in his chair, Geoff thought back to the first time he'd seen Ben. It had been at the hospital. He'd gotten there before the ambulance and had seen Tom exit it, which was how he'd known which one Ben had been in.
He'd looked down at Ben as he had lain there, surprised at the feelings that seeing him had provoked in him. He'd seemed so small lying on the trolley, eyes closed, breathing mask on, and wires seeming to come from everywhere. He had wanted to hold him close and fight all his battles for him. To keep him safe from the darkness that seemed to be all around him. He'd been stunned at the emotions he'd felt. But the other thing he also remembered was how attractive he'd found him.
His lips twisted in a wry smile. Ben had been lying there trying to survive a suspected suicide attempt and Geoff had been thinking how attractive he was. He still did. Attractive and wounded and lost. He had brown hair with the most amazing eyes. A blue green that changed colour depending on how the light reflected off them.
Getting up from the chair, Geoff walked over to the window and looked out over his garden. He pushed his hands into his pockets and leaned against the wall next to the window, smiling when he saw a couple of robins enjoying the water bath in his garden. Spring was in the air and the trees and bushes were starting to bud again. Everything felt fresh and new.
Geoff knew he was lucky. The firm his father had established was doing well and it was now his responsible for keeping it financially healthy. One day he would take over completely, the only one in his family to do so. None of his siblings had been interested in law, so it had fallen on him. Not that his dad had expected him to do it. Yes, he had hoped, but he also wanted his children to follow their hearts.
His older brother and two older sisters had gone in completely different directions. One sister was a nurse, his brother was a plumber and the youngest of his sisters was a stay at home mum. She loved being at home with her children. So his dad had placed all his hope on Geoff joining the firm.
It was times like this he wished his mum was there to talk to, but she'd been gone for almost ten years now. She'd died of cancer and watching her fight it every step of the way right until the very end had been one of the hardest events he'd ever endured. It had almost destroyed his father, watching the woman he'd loved slowly die in front of him. He hadn't had another relationship since and at times Geoff wished he would find someone. He knew Mum wouldn't want him to be alone and had asked him to find someone after she was gone. Yet, his dad hadn't. He still loved his wife.
Hearing a sound behind him, Geoff turned from the window, seeing Clara walk into the room. Looking at the clock, he realised she'd been up there for a little over an hour.
"How is he? Did he say anything?" he asked her as she sat down.
"You know I can't divulge certain information to you?" Clara waited until Geoff reluctantly nodded. "Good. You were right about the depression and that it's not all related to his friend Adam's death. It goes further back than that. He's agreed to continue to see me and write in the journal, but it will be a slow and difficult journey for him." Leaning towards Geoff, Clara continued. "You need to appreciate that, Geoff. This is going to be hard on both of you. He will need your support and, more importantly, your understanding. He's going to behave erratically. One minute he will appear happy and the next he will lash out in anger." Clara gave him an assessing look. "Are you ready for this?"
Geoff pursed his lips, nodding. "I knew this wasn't going to be easy for him. Any advice you give me will help."
"Alright, here's a list of books that will help. They've been written by people who went through what you're about to." Clara stood as she prepared to leave. "I'm going now. I've got to take the boys to practice. Good luck and remember you are doing something worthwhile here, no matter how hard it might get. I'll be here next Monday to see Ben again. We've agreed on six o'clock. Call me anytime you need advice or even if you just want to talk."
"Okay, I'll see you then, and thanks, Clara. I really do appreciate this."
"You're welcome, Geoff. Take care."
Geoff walked Clara out and then went back into his study to stand by the window again. At last it felt like they might be getting somewhere.
❊❊❊
Ben woke to the sounds of Geoff moving around downstairs. Pulling back the curtain, he squinted at the bright sky, realising that it was now morning. He'd fallen asleep pretty quickly after the doctor had left. He closed his eyes and covered them with his hand thinking about how he'd behaved towards Geoff. He knew the man was trying to help him and he should apologise, but he struggled to think of a way to say the words. His stomach churned when he thought about apologising and he had to take several deep breaths bef
ore it settled.
It didn't help that Geoff was so damn hot. Yeah, he'd noticed. Every time he saw him he noticed. Tall with black hair and those grey eyes that seemed to notice everything. Kind eyes, Ben had noticed. Never judgemental, but annoying as fuck. Always trying to help him. Ben groaned, rolling over and hiding his face in the pillow. He shouldn't be noticing how attractive Geoff was. The man was trying to help him and there was nothing else to it. Or maybe he was only helping him so he could fuck him. Ben groaned again. Sometimes it was like he was constantly arguing with himself. Maybe he was delusional. Ben snorted. That'd be about right, wouldn't it? He was fucking delusional.
He realised that he felt hungry for what must be the first time in days when his stomach started to rumble. Could have been the fact that eating some food yesterday had reminded his stomach what food was and now it had woken with a vengeance. He could practically hear it scream 'feed me!' He would go downstairs when Geoff left for work and then he could avoid seeing him and feeling even more guilty than he already did.
When the house had gone quiet, Ben got up and went to the bathroom to take a leak before walking downstairs and into the kitchen. He stopped at the threshold when he saw Geoff sat there, cup in hand, reading the paper.
Geoff looked up and smiled at him. "There's fresh coffee over there. Help yourself to breakfast." Geoff looked back down at the paper and started reading it again.
Ben walked in slowly, rubbing his clammy hands on his pants and grabbed a cup from the side before pouring himself some coffee. He had to hold it with both hands when he noticed how unsteady they were. Looking at the counter, he could see the breakfast cereals had been left out with a bowl and spoon next to them. He was about to leave when he heard his stomach growl. There was a slight cough behind him and he knew Geoff had heard it too.
Grabbing the bowl, he poured some cereal and added milk before sitting down opposite Geoff at the island, looking at the open doorway that led back to his room. Glancing at Geoff, Ben was once again reminded of how attractive Geoff was. How he was too good for Ben.
Swallowing, Ben realised he wasn't hungry now. He glanced back up at Geoff, noticed him smiling at him and quickly looked back at his bowl again. His face heated as he fiddled with the spoon in his hand before putting it down.
"My brother and his family are coming over for dinner tonight. Would you like to join us? My brother has two boys, so it should be fun." Ben looked up at him then quickly glanced away, avoiding eye contact. He picked up his bowl and cup before walking out of the kitchen. No, he didn't want to join him and his family. Why remind him of what he didn't have anymore? He paused at the bottom of the stairs before walking back into the kitchen. He owed him an apology and he would give him one, no matter how he felt. He stood and watched as Geoff rubbed his hands over his face.
"Sorry, about yesterday. The soup." He didn't wait to hear what Geoff had to say so Ben left the kitchen and slowly walked back up the stairs.
CHAPTER FIVE
Geoff checked on Ben a couple of times throughout the day, but he was either sleeping or not talking. He'd taken lunch up for him and was glad to see that he'd tried some it. He might not have eaten it all, but it was certainly an improvement on how he'd been eating previously.
He was now in the kitchen cooking for his brother Harry, his wife Louise and their two sons, Charlie and Finley. He hadn't seen them in a few weeks with everything that had been happening and was looking forward to catching up with them.
Geoff loved his nephews, even when they were throwing tantrums. Seeing them often made him think about having children of his own. When, he didn't know. There was no one special in his life and he worked long hours.
Sighing, Geoff looked over his kitchen. He'd spent a lot of money on it because he loved to cook and tonight he was making spinach and ricotta cannelloni with garlic bread and a salad. For the kids, who were going through a fussy eating stage, just simple pasta and cheese sauce.
He put the cannelloni in the oven to cook and checked the time. He still had time for a quick shower and to change his clothes before they arrived. Running upstairs, he paused outside Ben's room before knocking and walking in. He found him in the same position he'd last seen him in. Curled up on his side facing the wall. The only difference now was that the journal was open and he could see some writing inside.
"Ben, my family will be here soon. I've done Italian. Want to come down and join us?"
Geoff waited a couple of minutes, but after getting no response, closed the door and went into his bedroom. He paused and sat on the edge of his bed looking at the wall that divided his bedroom from Ben's.
When Ben had come down to the kitchen that morning, Geoff had seen it as a positive step forward. Now, however it seemed like they had gone back to the start again. Clara had said this would happen but to witness it left a heavy feeling in Geoff's chest. Sighing, Geoff grabbed some clean clothes, leaving them on the bed, and went into his en suite. Ten minutes later he was out and getting dressed when he heard the doorbell go. Fuck, he should have known they'd be early.
Rushing downstairs, he opened the front door to be grabbed by two sets of small arms. "Uncle G! Unca G!" was shouted at him at the same time by both boys.
He laughed, reaching down and hugging both of his nephews. Charlie was the eldest at six and Finley the youngest at four.
"Sorry we're early but they didn't want to wait any longer." Louise smiled as she spoke to him. "Come on, you two. Let's get inside where it's warm."
Louise and Harry herded the children into the hallway and Geoff closed the door before following them through to the kitchen. Watching them with the children he couldn't believe how lucky his brother was. Louise was biracial and had beautiful caramel skin and dark chocolate eyes. The boys had taken her skin colouring but had their dad's grey eyes. Harry just looked like a slightly older version of him.
"Something smells good. Watcha cookin'?" Harry asked him as he attempted to get the boys' coats off of them. "Wait! Coats and shoes off before running around Uncle G's house." He shouted after them as they took off at breakneck speed laughing.
"You have moved the valuables, right?" Harry said to him as he heard the sound of more laughter echoing through the house.
"Yep, learnt that one early."
"So, whatcha cookin?"
"I would apologise for him, but you know what he's like when it comes to food," Louise commented as she managed to grab hold of Finley and get his coat off. "Shoes please, Finley."
"Aww, Mum." Finley pouted, sticking his bottom lip out and looking adorable.
"Now, Finley."
Geoff watched Finley throw himself dramatically onto the floor before trying to get his shoes off without undoing them. He managed to pull one off and somehow rolled onto his back in the process. Squatting down in front of him, and trying not to laugh, he helped him up then took his other shoe off. "There you go."
"Ta, Uncle G!" Finley shouted, jumping up and running after Charlie.
"We'll get Charlie in a minute. Where's this Ben then?"
"In his room, where he virtually lives." Geoff grabbed a couple of mugs out of the cabinet and poured them both a coffee, before passing them over. "Clara came over to see him last night and has agreed to help him. He actually came down this morning and had some breakfast, so I'm hopeful, but I know it's going to take time."
"Has there been any update about this Adam?" Harry asked him.
"None. The investigation appears to have come to a standstill. There have been no more attacks either."
"Has he talked to you at all about any of it?"
Geoff shook his head sipping from his mug, "No, and if you see him, please don't mention it. I'm not sure how he'll take it if he knew you both knew about his past."
"I wonder why he ended up on the streets," Louise mused. "I'm not sure what the boys would have to do before I did something like that. I wonder if his parents have been looking for him. They must be so worried." Louise looked at Geoff.
"I thought the same thing, Lou, but even knowing his surname, I've been unable to find out any information. The police have confirmed that he wasn't reported missing, so maybe when he left home he was old enough to do so. There's so much I don't know."
"Give it time. Charlie!" Harry suddenly shouted as he watched his son skid on his knees across the kitchen floor. "What have I told you about doing that? Coat and shoes, now."
Grumbling, Charlie took his coat and shoes off and threw them on the floor before running away again.
"Sorry, Geoff," Louise muttered as she watched the two boys chasing each other around the house, screaming and shouting as they went.
"It's nice to see them having fun. Knowing how much mess they make, I thought we'd eat in here."
"Learned from the last time, have you?" Harry smiled at him as he spoke.
"Yes. I didn't think the dining room was ever going to recover. It was like a disaster zone after they'd finished." Geoff turned to Harry, asking, "I mean, did they actually eat anything or did they just use the food to decorate the room?"
"Welcome to my life, bro," Harry muttered, slapping Geoff on the back.
Geoff snorted, opening the oven to take the cannelloni out and put the garlic bread in. He placed it on the counter along with the salad he took out of the fridge. "Who's driving?"
Harry sighed. "It's my turn tonight."
"Wine, Lou?"
"Absolutely." She answered with a wide smile.
Geoff took a bottle of white out and poured a couple of glasses for Lou and himself.
"Right, I'll start to gather the little demons for dinner. Should only take thirty minutes or so," Harry said sarcastically as he walked out of the kitchen, shouting their names.
"He loves every minute of it." Geoff smiled at Louise.
"Yes, he does."
Harry wasn't far off on the how long it would take and eventually they got the boys to sit down to eat. They'd only been sat there a few minutes when Louise spoke.
New Beginnings (Second Chances Book 2) Page 4