"Hi. You must be Ben. I'm Louise, Geoff's brother's wife. Are you going to join us? There's plenty of food."
Geoff turned to see Ben stood at the door, staring at his feet. He nodded before walking over and sat further down the table away from them. Harry caught his eyes and raised his eyebrows before mouthing, "We'll talk more about this later."
Yes, Geoff knew exactly what they'd be talking about. His brother might not be gay but he wasn't afraid to say when he thought a man was attractive and clearly this was what he was thinking now. Geoff nodded back at him and then turned to watch Ben.
Louise had handed him a plate with some food on it. "These two are our sons. Don't let the innocent looks fool you though. This is Charlie next to me and that's Finley sat next to his Uncle G."
Ben smiled a little when he heard 'Uncle G.'
"And I'm Harry, this idiot's brother."
"I'm the nicer one," Charlie attempted to say around a mouth full of food.
"No, you're not. I am!" Finley shouted at him.
"No, I am!"
Finley grabbed some food from his plate and threw it at Charlie.
"What are you two doing? Stop it right now!" Harry ordered them.
Of course, they listened, and Charlie threw food at Finley in retaliation.
"What did I just say?" Harry shouted as he stood up from the table.
They both ignored him and continued to grab food from their plates and throw it at each other.
"Why you little shits!" Harry told them as they ran off from the table.
Everyone could hear Charlie shouting 'little shits' as he ran around the kitchen with Harry chasing him. Louise dropped her head into her hands, sighing deeply.
"More wine, Lou?" Geoff asked.
"Sure, yeah, why not." Turning to Ben, she added, "I'd like to say that they're usually well-behaved but I'd be lying."
"You're not going to hit them, are you?" Ben asked her in a small voice.
Lou gasped. "No! Why on earth would I do that? Though the naughty step might make an appearance."
Geoff looked sharply at Ben. That one comment had told him a lot about what Ben had been through when he'd lived at home. He'd bet anyone that Ben had been hit when he was younger and it wasn't a one off. If he'd only been hit a couple of times, he wouldn't have made any comment about it.
Harry, with Lou's help, eventually got both boys sat down to finish their food, and by the end of the meal, Charlie and Finley had calmed down somewhat.
"I'm sure they're wearing more food than they've actually eaten. I think Finley's using it as hair gel," Geoff commented as he stood to start clearing the dishes away.
"Yeah, we try to recycle our food," Harry said dryly as he helped Lou try to clean the boys up. A task that wasn't made any easier by the pair of them wriggling around constantly.
Geoff was surprised when Ben came over to him with some of the plates. He wanted to know if he was right and before he could stop himself, he asked him, "Did someone hit you, Ben?"
Ben stopped what he was doing and looked at Geoff, swallowing. "What? Why d'you ask?"
Geoff shrugged. "You made a comment to Lou about the boys whether they would be hit for being naughty, so have you?"
Geoff watched as Ben's face hardened, his eyes narrowing and knew he'd made a mistake. He shouldn't have spoken.
"What the fuck has it got to do with you?"
Geoff held his hands up in front of him passively. "I don't want to cause an argument. I was just asking. I'm sorry." He spoke as calmly as possible, trying to pacify Ben.
"Well, don't fuckin' ask. It's none of your business what they did to me!" Ben dropped the plates onto the counter.
Ben seemed to realise what he'd just said and Geoff watched as he clenched his fists, jaw tensing.
"It's alright, you know. No one here is judging you for what's happened in the past," Harry told Ben.
Geoff groaned when he heard what Harry said. He knew Harry was trying to help but he could have done without him opening his fucking mouth. He rubbed his eyes, watching Ben warily, waiting for him to explode.
Ben looked at Harry, eyes bulging, mouth falling open. "You know! How the fuck do you know? Did he tell you?" Ben pointed at Geoff. "Did he tell you what I did to survive? Sucking cock and getting my arse fucked. What right did he have to tell you anything about me?" Ben screamed at Harry.
"Hey, calm down. You've got something to say, fine. But now isn't the time and you're upsetting my children," Harry told him flatly.
Both boys had started to cry when Ben had raised his voice and Lou was trying to calm them down.
"Fuck it. I'm gone."
"Ben, wait..." Geoff watched as Ben stormed out of the kitchen and a few seconds later heard the front door slam shut.
"Harry, I'm so sorry. Come on boys, it's alright now, everything's fine."
Geoff helped Lou and Harry calm the boys down. When they'd stopped crying, Harry pulled him to one side. "Go. He needs you right now."
"How can you say that after what he did?" Geoff asked, raising his eyebrows and grabbing Harry's arm.
"Because he's hurt. It looks like he was starting to trust you a little and now he probably feels you've betrayed him. He needs you, whether he knows it or not. Go, we'll lock up."
Geoff stared at Harry, seeing the sincerity. "I owe you one. I mean it, thanks."
"Go. We got this. Call me, and let me know what happens."
Geoff went over and gave Lou and the boys a hug, then quickly left. He had no idea where he would have gone, so grabbed his phone and called Seb. After quickly explaining what had happened to Seb and Tom, they both agreed to meet him near to where Tom and the others used to live.
It took him almost forty minutes to get there, and when he did, he found Seb and Tom waiting for him. He could see straight away that Tom was pissed. He held himself rigidly, hands in his pockets, glaring at Geoff as he approached them.
"Look, before you say anything, Tom, I know it's my fault. Okay? I shouldn't have asked him anything about his past, but we all seemed to be getting on alright. He'd come out of his room and was sat with my brother's family while we all ate." Geoff shook his head. "I should have known better."
"You shouldn't have said anything!" Tom virtually shouted at him, taking a hand out of his pocket to point at him.
"I know, Tom, and again, I'm sorry."
Tom continued to glare at him before he walked away. Geoff looked at Seb who was frowning at Tom's back when Tom turned and walked back towards them. "We've checked inside and new squatters live there who haven't seen him. I'll tell you where he used to go and we can split them between us."
They kept in touch but after searching for well into the night they hadn't found him and the people that Tom had spoken to hadn't seen him either. They met up where they had first started; the abandoned house. Both Seb and Tom looked exhausted with Tom also looking upset.
"I'll search again tomorrow. Someone may have seen him that wasn't out tonight." Tom offered before Geoff could say anything.
"I'm so sorry, Tom." Geoff glanced at his shoes, shaking his head. He'd been an idiot. If only he'd kept his mouth shut.
"Look, I know you're trying to help."
Seb wrapped an arm around Tom. "Come on, let's go home and try again tomorrow."
"We'll meet up in the morning. Go home and get some sleep. You both look like you need it."
After saying their goodbyes, Geoff got into his car and sat staring out the window. God, how stupid could he have been to bring up Ben's past? He smacked the steering wheel and cursed. He'd well and truly fucked up.
CHAPTER SIX
Geoff met Seb and Tom the following morning and they looked about how he felt. Both had dark circles under their eyes and they looked washed out. He'd barely slept as he thought of all the possible scenarios that could occur. Ben could be injured or attacked or doing drugs. When his alarm had finally gone off, he reckoned he'd had around two hours sleep in total.
They
discussed where they were going to search and again split up the area and went their separate ways. They kept in contact continuously as the day progressed and Geoff could hear how despondent Tom was becoming every time he spoke to him.
Night was falling and Geoff was doing a final drive around the areas Tom had informed him Ben used to work. Seeing movement out of the corner of his eye, Geoff slowed the car, twisting in his car seat, looking back.
Ben. He was approaching a car that had pulled up beside him. As he leaned into the window, Geoff put his car into reverse and sped back down the street. Slamming the brakes on, he opened the car door and ran over to Ben. Ben was now walking around the front of the car.
No fucking way.
"Get in the fucking car." Geoff ordered Ben, grabbing Ben's sleeve and spinning him around to face him. Looking at the driver, he told him, "Fuck off."
He dragged Ben back to the car, who fought him every step of the way, cursing up a storm.
"Get the fuck off me," Ben screamed. "Bastard. I was working!"
Throwing him in the back, Geoff ran around to the front of the car, jumping in quickly and slamming the car locks on. Putting the car in gear, Geoff drove as quickly as he could, eager to get home.
"What the fuck are you doing? I left you! Why are you here? I had a job!" Ben grabbed the handle, trying to open the door.
"What, letting some random stranger have your arse? Some fucking job!" Geoff was furious. When he'd seen him stood there, a red veil had descended and wasn't going to lift anytime soon.
"It's my life! I'll do what the fuck I want with it!"
"I've obviously got it wrong then. I didn't realise selling your body was a good life. What do you think? Should I join you on some random corner? How much would I earn?"
"You're too fucking old."
"Really? I thought I looked good for my age." Geoff gripped the steering wheel tightly, knuckles going white.
They continued to trade barbs with each other until Geoff pulled onto the driveway outside his home. He stopped and got out, grabbing Ben before he could run off. He hauled him into the house and upstairs, shoving him into the shower. Throwing him to the floor he turned it on and blasted him with cold water.
"Fuck man, that's fucking cold." Ben shouted as he jumped at the cold temperature of the water.
"Clean yourself up. You fucking stink."
"You're just like him."
"Who?" Not getting an answer, he continued, "Come on, Ben, who am I like?" He stood there with his hands on his hips, waiting for Ben to answer his question. Geoff watched Ben look away, avoiding his eyes. "Clean up and I'll see you downstairs. Get some clean clothes on as well."
Geoff walked out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him and ran his hands through his hair as he stood in the hallway. He didn't know if he'd just made things worse or not, but he knew he couldn't let him get into that car. He was positive that would have set him further back and any progress they had made, no matter how small, would have been ruined.
He looked back at the bathroom door listening to the sounds of the shower and raised his hand as if to knock on the door. He paused when he realised what he was about to do. He dropped his hand, shook his head. Turning, Geoff walked down stairs.
❊❊❊
Ben stood shivering under the shower, fists clenched, jaw hard, gritting his teeth. He stared holes into the tile wall thinking about what Geoff had just done to him. He was pissed off. How dare Geoff come along and drag him off like that? Who the fuck did he think he was? Bastard treating him like a little kid.
Turning the temperature on the shower up, Ben waited for the water to heat up. He struggled to get his wet clothes off, the jeans difficult to peel down his legs. They were heavy with the added weight from the water. He threw his wet clothes on the floor and smirked. Let Geoff clean that shit up.
Finding some body wash and shampoo, Ben cleaned up. He then stood under the spray, eyes closed as the water ran down his face, warming his skin. He stayed for as long as possible under the spray, hoping it would piss Geoff off. He wanted Geoff to feel like he did.
Eventually, Ben turned the shower off, opened the shower door and grabbed a towel. After quickly drying, he went to his room and put on some clean clothes. Geoff had gone shopping for him when he'd first arrived and had bought him what he had needed, which had been everything.
As he walked downstairs, heat flushed through his body and Ben ground his teeth together. His grip on the banister tightened and he looked down to see that his knuckles were turning white. How dare Geoff come after him and drag him into his car, shove him into a freezing shower and order him to clean up.
Walking into the kitchen, Ben stopped. Geoff was sat at the counter, looking defeated. He was staring into his cup with his shoulders slumped and with one hand in his hair while the other held his head up. Some of the anger Ben held disappeared as he watched Geoff. Hearing Geoff sigh, Ben walked into the kitchen, took the chair opposite Geoff, and sat.
"I was worried about you. Were you safe?" Geoff asked him, glancing up at Ben then back at his coffee.
"What? You want to know if I let anyone fuck me? Want to know how many blow jobs I gave? What I charged?"
Geoff sighed again shaking his head and took a mouthful of his coffee. "I just want to know if you were safe. I'm not the bad guy here. I want to help you, but I can't do that if you won't let me." Sighing yet again, Geoff took another mouthful of his drink. "I know you've had a hard time. I don't know the details and Tom hasn't said anything. I understand you don't want to talk about it and I'm not asking you to. I gave you the journal for that. If you want to talk to someone then talk to Clara, Dr Rimmer." Ben watched as he rubbed a hand across his jaw. "I don't know what to say or do to get through to you, so you tell me. What should I do? Do you want to go back to living on the streets? Do you want to go back to selling yourself to survive? Is that what you want?"
Ben sat, staring at Geoff, who stared back. Did he want to leave? Part of him wanted him to leave and another part wanted him to stay. Maybe he should leave, it's what he deserved. After his parents and then Adam, Ben knew he didn't deserve any happiness. Staying here, he benefited from Adam's death and he shouldn't.
Standing, he walked out of the kitchen and went into his bedroom, where he gathered his belongings, packing them in a bag. Walking back into the kitchen, he watched Geoff take in his bag and exhale slowly before standing and walking over to him.
"Okay, so this is what you want? Just know that I'm here if you change your mind. Do you need any money?"
Ben shook his head and walked out of the kitchen. As he neared the front door, he heard Geoff behind him.
"Stay safe, Ben."
Ignoring the comment, Ben opened the front door, stepped through then closed it slowly behind him. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, he started the long walk into the city.
Once he'd made it, he found the first Off License and bought a litre bottle of whisky. He hadn't told Geoff that he'd taken some money; he'd notice it was gone soon enough. Finding an alley, he threw his bag down and sat on the ground next to it. Ben opened the bottle, taking a large mouthful, coughing as the liquid burned down his throat.
Shivering, Ben continued to drink from the bottle. The cold from the ground penetrated his clothing and Ben wrapped his coat around him tighter. Eventually, Ben forgot about the cold and the drop in temperature as night approached.
As he proceeded to get drunk, Ben thought about a conversation he'd had with Tom, where he'd told him to take a chance with Seb. To get away from this life and start over. He'd told him if he could he would. Yet, when he'd had the chance, he'd walked away.
Ben snorted. Of course, he walked away. He could hear Derek in his head, telling him how shit he was, how worthless, a waste of space. He could still feel the blows on his head and his back that would accompany the words when Derek was screaming at him. He could still hear his mum laughing as she told Derek to hit him harder and beat some sense into him
and make him a man.
Taking another long swig from the bottle, Ben coughed again, his eyes watering against the sting of the alcohol hitting the back of his throat. Why couldn't he forget about his parents? Why did he let them ruin his life?
Maybe he should write some of this down. What did it matter if he did? He rummaged through his bag and pulled out the journal and stared at it. Taking another drink, he opened the journal to the first blank page and folded it back. He looked at the page. Could he do this?
❊❊❊
Almost a week had gone past and Geoff hadn't seen or heard from Ben. He understood and accepted that it had been Ben's choice to leave but wondered if he could have done or said more. It was the fact that he'd asked questions that had caused Ben to storm out of the house in the first place. Then when he'd given him the option to stay or go, he'd left anyway. Maybe Ben wanted to be on the streets. Maybe that was the life he desired? Geoff didn't know.
Speaking to Clara had eased some of the worry he felt. If this was what he had wanted to do there was very little Geoff could have done to stop it. He understood this, but it didn't mean he had to like it. He'd spoken to Seb about it as well and had asked him not to say anything to Tom. Seb hadn't liked that, they didn't keep secrets from each other, but Seb had understood the reasons why. If Tom had found out that Ben had left, seemingly for good, he'd be out looking for him and Tom was finally moving on from that part of his life.
Maybe this was what Ben needed. Maybe being back on the streets would remind him what he had given up. Geoff sighed, scrubbing his face. What the fuck did he know? He wasn't a psychologist. He was simply throwing random ideas and thoughts around.
Rubbing his face, Geoff sighed. He'd barely slept since Ben had left. Seeing his reflection in the mirror reminded him of that fact. His skin was pale and he had dark shadows under his eyes. His concentration was shot which meant Geoff struggled at work. And right now he needed to be able to focus on his current case.
"Geoff." He looked up to see Seb stood in front of his desk, having entered his office without him noticing.
New Beginnings (Second Chances Book 2) Page 5