The question takes me by surprise. Considering my past and the number of miscarriages I’ve had, I’m not sure I can put that kind of strain back on my body or my mind. “I was pregnant. Many times. Five to be exact. But…” I put my knife and fork down and feel myself starting to tear up. “He beat me, and I lost every one of the babies.”
“I knew of one.” Of course he does. He sat by my bed and fed me.
“I haven’t grown up in a loving environment. I don’t know what it is. I don’t understand it. Would I like a child? I’m not sure I could show her or him what love is, because I don’t know how to convey it. I’m not even sure if I’ll ever be able to have sex again. Trent was my first, and he wasn’t very nice to me.” I smile, however I know there’s no joy in the hurt I’m showing.
“I want to be your last, Lily.” Max reaches out to hold my hand. “I want to show you what it feels like to love and be loved. I want to be the one you wake up to for the rest of your life.”
“It’s been months already, and all we do is kiss and hold hands.”
“I don’t care.”
“But?” I add, waiting for the condition. The ‘you better be ready soon or I’ll go elsewhere.’
“But what?”
“The catch to your I don’t care, what is it? You’ll give me until Christmas, then you’ll start looking elsewhere?”
“I’m not Trent, Lily. If it takes you five lifetimes to simply lay next to me in my bed, then I’ll wait those five lifetimes. I don’t want anyone else. I’m not even interested in anyone else. I’m not a player. I never have been. I want a family, I want a wife, and I want those things with you.”
“You want to marry me?” What on earth is going on?
“Not right now, but eventually, yes. You have a long way to go, but I have no intention of not being by your side for every step you take.”
He is the sweetest man I’ve ever known, and as I sit and eat dinner I keep looking up at him. “You really are perfect,” I say.
“So are you, Snowflake.”
The weather is warming up, and I’m moving. I can’t believe it’s the middle of March already, and today is moving day for me. I’ve bought a sofa and bedroom set and arranged to have them delivered to my new apartment.
Shayne is in my room, helping me pack my clothes and shoes. “Are you looking forward to next weekend?” I ask Shayne as she transfers my clothes from the drawers into a borrowed suitcase.
“Oh God yes. Liam’s dad told us he wants to buy another tire shop, and give it to Liam and me.”
“But you two run the one you’re in now.”
“Yeah, but apparently that was our trial, to see how we’d do. He said,” she lowers her voice and puffs out her chest. “You kids have proven to me you can run a place at a profit. I want to buy you your own, what do you say? Geez, Lily. It’s good, you know? But at the same time, I don’t want to have to go through all the stress of going into a rundown place and building it up from scratch. Liam and I can do it, because we work well together, but you know…,” she stops talking and looks at me. I’m nodding in support of her. “We’ve been trying for a baby for a while now, and we can’t get pregnant. And if he buys a rundown workshop and expects us to get it up from scratch, I’m not sure I’ll be able to cope with the pressure.” She stops folding the clothes and sits on the bed.
“You should talk to him, Shayne. Tell him how you feel.” This is the most vulnerable I’ve ever seen Shayne. She’s never worn her heart on her sleeve like this.
“I don’t know,” she says wistfully. “I don’t want to disappoint him, because he really has done so much for Liam and me. But at the same time, I’m at the stage where I want to start a family, too. I’d like to have a baby before I’m thirty-five, because time is just too short. I mean, it was only yesterday I was living in the garage which was converted and babysitting. And today I’m sitting in the bedroom with my best friend, crying because I can’t have a baby.”
“Shayne,” I say as I move to hug her. She lets her head fall to my shoulder and she cries for a moment. There’s nothing really I can say, or if there is, I don’t know the words.
“How dumb, huh? I was tossed aside by a mom who didn’t want me, because her new husband didn’t like how she came with baggage. And now, all I want is to have a baby of my own, so I can show her how much she means to me, and how much I love her.”
“It’s not dumb if that’s how you feel. You and Liam deserve to be happy.”
Shayne returns my hug, sits back, and wipes the tears from her eyes. “I’m just emotional. My best friend is leaving me today, and I feel like I’m losing a part of me. I know where you’re going, you’ll be happy, but you’ve lived with us for five months and I’ve loved having you every day you’ve been here.” She leans in and gives me another hug.
“I can never thank you enough for what you’ve done for me. You opened your heart, and your home, even after all those years where we didn’t talk.”
“You don’t need to thank me, girl. It’s what we do for each other.” Damn it, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. But, that promise has been thrown out because now, Shayne and I are blubbering like fools.
“Oh my God, who do I have to beat up?” Liam says as he stands inside my room. “Max and I can go teach someone a lesson.”
Shayne and I both wipe our tears and laugh. “We’re just being girls,” Shayne says. “You don’t have to beat up anyone.”
“Good.” Liam throws a punch in his hand, “’Cause I so would.”
“Come on, let’s get me packed. I have an apartment to move into.”
“Holler when you’re ready and I’ll take stuff out to your car,” Liam says as he leaves my room.
“You know,” I start saying as I pack what’s in my wardrobe. “You two are going to make the best parents.” I look over to Shayne who’s beaming at me. Her smile is so bright and her eyes sparkle.
Before we know it, I’ve packed my life into two suitcases and three boxes. That’s all I have to show for myself. But, I also have my life. I’m not entirely sure if I stayed with Trent I’d even be alive today. Looking at my packed car, I’m alright with the fact I have virtually nothing. Because I have my freedom.
“Right,” Liam starts. “Don’t forget to write, and come home on all the important holidays,” he teasingly says as he wraps me in a hug. “You’ve been a good kid, chicken butt. Play nice with the other kids, and make sure you get to class on time.” He lays a kiss on my forehead. But I can tell this sarcasm is his coping mechanism.
“I will. I won’t go to any parties on campus either.” I let go and head straight into Shayne’s arms.
She’s crying, and then I start crying. “You have a home here anytime you want or need it.”
I start that whole ugly crying thing. My eyes are constantly dripping, and I can’t seem to be able to breathe right. Shayne and I are both crying loudly as we hold onto each other. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, girl.”
Finally, I let go and step away from Shayne.
Liam steps in and hugs her, consoling her as she cuddles into his chest.
I step up to my car, and smile. “To the rest of my life,” I say under my breath. As I get in and back away, I know this is the right move for me. I’ve gone as far as I can staying at Shayne and Liam’s house, now it’s time I push myself further.
I drive to my new home, and don’t look in my review mirror. Not because I don’t want to be sad again, but if I look behind me, that’s where I’ll end up. I need to keep looking forward, and live.
I unpack some of my clothes into my new chest of drawers, and once I’m done then I take the clothes which need hanging and hang them in the closet.
I can’t believe I’ve unpacked everything in under three hours. It gives me time to sit, relax and tackle one of the books I’ve been working on.
Max has stayed true to his word, and not interfered at all. He didn’t come help me move, and he hasn’t onc
e come into the apartment. I send him a text letting him know I’ve arrived and asking if he’d like to join me for dinner. As if he was waiting beside the phone, he replies with a smiley face emoticon and says he’ll be here soon.
Pizza it is. Because I still have to finish the final read through and get it sent to my client. And if I can, I want to start on another manuscript I have.
I get my laptop, open it up and sit on my new sofa, which I bought with my own money, and I pick up where I left off. Before I know it, my phone rings from beside me. “Max?” I answer knowing it’s him from his name popping up on the screen.
“Do I have to wait outside for the entire night?”
“Crap.” I get up and go to the door, where Max is leaning against the opposite wall with a bottle of Dom Perignon Rose. “I’m sorry, were you knocking for long?”
“Oh, only half an hour,” he teases. “Not really, just a few moments.” He holds up the bottle. “Welcome to the building,” he says and comes into my apartment, and heads straight for the kitchen.
“Champagne and pizza will go well together. But I doubt you welcome every tenant to the building with a bottle of Dom Perignon.”
“Busted.” He turns to look around. “But I don’t like every tenant like I like you.” He winks at me. “I like what you’ve done with the place.” He indicates toward my new sofa. “Unfortunately, it’s one of the smaller apartments; all the bigger ones have had the same tenants in them for years. Sorry, it’s so small.”
I look around and wonder what on earth he’s talking about. It’s as big as Shayne and Liam’s house. “Um? What? My bedroom is bigger than the one I had at Shayne and Liam’s house.”
“Regardless, sorry it couldn’t be one of the bigger apartments, as long as you’ve unpacked and are settled.”
“I am, but I can’t find my diary.”
“It’s got to be somewhere. Maybe it’s back at Shayne and Liam’s.”
“Yeah, I’ll go through the week and have a look. Anyway, let’s order pizza.”
“My treat,” Max jumps in and claims. “Considering this is your first night here, I can’t expect my tenant to buy her own pizza after all the hard work of moving.”
I roll my eyes at Max and stand with a hand on my hip. “Are you ever going to let me pay?”
“Nope.” He wraps his arms around me and brings me in tightly for a hug. “Never.” He kisses my nose, then gently kisses me on the mouth. “I’m really happy you’re here,” he adds.
“I’m happy to be here.”
“Pizza. I’ll order.” He lets me go, takes his phone out of his jeans pocket and walks in toward the second room, which I’ll eventually convert to a study, and orders pizza.
When he comes out he asks if he may sit on the sofa, then picks the remote up and starts flicking through the channels. I sit with my laptop on my lap and finish the book I’m working on. The security guard from downstairs buzzes just as I send my final edits through to the author, then open another manuscript waiting for me.
“That’ll be pizza. I’ll get it.” Max gets up and goes to the door, waiting for the delivery of dinner. “Come get it,” he calls from the kitchen. He’s laid the two pizzas out, got two plates and is pouring the champagne. We sit at the breakfast bar and he holds his flute up, ready to make a toast. “To new beginnings, and to new memories. May the best of your past be the worst of our future.” He clinks his glass to mine.
I smile, because it doesn’t escape me how he said ‘our future’ as opposed to ‘your future’. And I like what he said. “To our future,” I say and take another sip. We begin to eat and I want to broach the subject of my father with Max. “I’ve been considering your offer, and had many discussions with Katherine about it, and I’d like to take you up on it.”
“Which offer is that?” He takes a huge bite of his pizza and chews.
“About you hiring a private detective to find my dad, and whatever else they manage to uncover.”
Max nods once, and says, “Consider it done. I’ll pass your number onto whoever I hire and you can talk to them directly.”
“I prefer you be with me if they do manage to find any information.”
“Your wish shall be granted. Now, eat while it’s still hot.”
Everything is right. My life is really good. “Thank you, Max.” He nods, then shoves more pizza in his mouth.
It’s mid-April and the weather has certainly given us all something to revel in. The nights are crisp, but the days have been fantastic.
Max spends most of his spare time in my apartment, only dragging himself home to sleep. And I’ve got several manuscripts in queue, just waiting for me to give them my undivided attention.
Today’s Friday and the last day of the work week. It’s nearing the end of the day, but before I go I check my emails and find one from the sixth largest publishing company in the world. They’re based in New York, and have highly popular and acclaimed authors signed to them. The email reads cryptically. It says they’d like to get in contact with me, and can I call on them at my earliest convenient time. The name of the person is Jolene Grace and she’ll be waiting for my call.
Huh. I walk into Peter’s office, and he’s standing by his large window looking down at the floor. “Peter, am I interrupting?”
He turns on his heels and looks at me. “Not at all. Please come in.”
“I won’t take long. Um, this is going to sound strange, but I got an email from a publishing company who wants me to call them. Would you mind if I use Dale’s office and do so? I know Dale’s not here today, but I’d like for you to okay it first.”
“Of course, go ahead.” He flicks his hand at me as he says ‘go ahead.’
I walk down to Dale’s office, with the number and the name of the woman I’m to ask for, close the door and sit at his desk. I’m not entirely sure what’s happening, but I’m so nervous. My heart’s beating quickly and my hands are shaking. I feel as if I’m in trouble, though I know I’m not.
A lady answers the phone with the company name. “Hello, may I speak with Jolene Grace?” I ask.
“May I ask whose calling?” she sounds so proper and snooty.
“My name is Lily Richards. She’s waiting for my call.” My voice sounds fragile, like I’m waiting to be reprimanded for something.
“Ah, yes Ms. Richards. Jolene is waiting. I’ll just put you through.”
Holy crap, I am in trouble. If I hang up now, then she can’t yell at me. Snap out of it, Lily.
“Lily Richards, it’s an absolute pleasure to finally be able to talk to you.”
“It is?” Suddenly the butterflies in my stomach disappear and I look around the office, searching for I don’t know what.
“You, young lady have been a hot, hot topic of late.”
“I have?” I nervously tap my finger on the desk.
“Oh my God, yes. We’re all very interested in meeting you.”
“You are?” Why am I answering everything she says with a question?
“We are. And I’d like to personally invite you to the offices here in New York. All expenses paid, for a weekend.”
“Why?”
Jolene laughs into the phone, but I’m more confused now than I was when I first received her email.
“We’ve been tracking a few authors, and we’ve noticed these authors all have one thing in common – you. You see, we’ve signed two of your clients, and we’ve spoken with three others. When we asked them who does their proofreading, they answered with the same name, yours. Then we asked them who edits their books, and all of them said you. You do everything, which in-house we call a big picture editor. We have proofreaders, we have editors, but we need more. And your name keeps popping up.”
“I don’t have any formal education, though. And really it’s the author who does all the work.”
“Oh yes, I agree. But here’s the thing, the author can have the best story in the world, but if it’s not proofread and edited correctly, they’ll be forg
otten quite quickly. An editor polishes it and makes the story shine, makes it stand out, and makes it easy for people to remember it. You are crucial to readers suffering book hangovers.”
“I do that?”
“The authors you’ve been working with are incredibly talented, but you my friend, also add a lot of punch to their words. And for that, we’d like to fly you here, from wherever you are in the country or the world, and have a chat with you about working for us.”
Is it wrong that I want to jump up and down and scream with happiness? Maybe, but I’ll be doing it once I hang up. I’ve heard of big corporations head hunting the best in their industry, offering them ridiculous payments and incentives to work for them. But I’m just me. “Aha,” I say way too happy to be able to form a comprehensive sentence.
“Can I make the arrangements for you? Say next weekend?”
“Um, I um. Um.” Crap, what do I say? “Can I think about it, and let you know tomorrow?”
“Lily, I look forward to your call.”
“Thank you.” We hang up, and I sit back in Dale’s chair, looking around the office as if the most surreal thing just happened. I suppose it is the most bizarre thing to happen to me.
Me. I’ve been headhunted! I can’t believe it. Finally, once the phone call actually sinks in, I walk back to my desk in a dreamlike state. “Lily,” Peter calls me in. When I’m at his door, he drags his eyes over me and furrows his brows together. “Everything alright?” he asks.
“I’m really not sure. It was freakish and unreal, but euphoric, too.”
“What happened?” he asks concerned.
“I think I’m being headhunted by a publishing company.”
“You think? What did they say?”
“They want to fly me out to New York, all expenses paid, to have a talk with me.”
“Wow.” The way Peter drags ‘wow’ out, it gives me goosebumps and makes me smile. “What an opportunity. And to do something you love. You have to go.”
“What?”
“You have to go. Take that nice young man with you, the one who stutters, and go to New York. If for nothing else, just to hear them out.” I regard Peter. I’ve always said he has his finger on the pulse, and for him to refer to Max, tells me just how much he knows.
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