The Walls of Delhi

by Uday Prakash

  Fear, however, reared its head inside of nineteen-year-old Chandrakant. The inspector and contractor were very powerful. He had seen their acts of barbarity with his own eyes. He knew from conversations with them and by the way they talked about places like Lucknow, Bhopal, Bombay, Delhi, and Calcutta that their influence stretched far and wide. They could get to wherever they wanted to go. And they would get to wherever he took this girl: the inspector, the contractor, their flunkeys – they would find them, there was nowhere to hide.

  Chandrakant was in a tangle of fear and nerves and worry. That’s why when he fled the house in Jalgaon with Shobha, he had wrapped a towel around his face and covered his body with a sheet. Shobha, however, beamed non-stop with a joy that bordered on rapture. As the train left Sarani station with the two safely inside their compartment, Shobha stowed her trunk and bundle and Chandrakant’s bag underneath the berth with such delicacy and care it was as if she would make her new home right there on the train with Chandrakant – as if she was going to light a little cooking stove on the floor of the train and start a household. The carriage in which the two passengers rode rumbling along the iron rails wasn’t made of wood, glass, and steel, but was transformed into a simple courtyard of fragrant adobe, where sweet spicy smells mixed with the rising smoke of the cooking stove, where a twenty-year-old girl, leisurely humming a song, rolled out the roti, fully absorbed in her work.

  Something in this was quite pleasing to Chandrakant; time and again he wanted to break into song. What that pleasing something was, however, he wasn’t able to fully comprehend.

  THE NEST AND EGGS OF A BIRD

  Ah ha! So this is what had been so pleasing to Chandrakant that day on the moving train, the thing he wasn’t able to fully understand.

  It was some ten days after they found the half flat in the Jahangirpuri neighbourhood of Delhi at E-3/1, lane seven. The two of them had spent the first few days purchasing household goods for their mini-place, cleaning and setting up house. Chandrakant had found work as a shop assistant in a department store in Vijaynagar, which is also known as Kingsway Camp. Vijaynagar was no more than six kilometres from Jahangirpuri, with plenty of buses at the Aazadpur bus stand headed that way. He set off for work at six in the morning, came back at two in the afternoon for lunch, and returned to work at three thirty. It was nearly nine at night by the time he came back for good. Shobha had no idea how much money she had run off with from Sarani – it had easily covered the stove, fan, curtains, tarp, tin trunk, sheets and blankets, cup and saucer sets, pressure cooker, thali dishes, glasses, food staples, tea and sugar, and all other household necessities. Smiling, she plunged her hand into her rainbow flower vinyl purse (a treasure-chest as bountiful as Tutankhamen’s), and withdrew as much money as she pleased.

  Day three after their arrival in Delhi Shobha began calling Chandakant ‘Chandu’ while he continued calling Shobha Shobha. Chandrakant began to get a little worried watching Shobha buy so much stuff, but she just scooped her hand into the flowered purse and said, ‘Don’t worry, Chandu! No worries at all! I hit the big one with Ramakant and inspector and contractor’s cash.’

  It was a Monday, when the bazaar at Vijaynagar was closed and Chandrakant had the day off.

  He stretched out on the ground in the little room and began listening to the radio. Oh don’t shake down the apples from my tree! A little thorn will break the skin in a flash! Every once in awhile he joined in. As he sang along, Shobha’s voice rang in from outside, ‘Nice voice, Chandu, it’s like you’re Kishore Kumar singing along with Lata Mangeshkar! Today’s a singing kind of day!’

  Chandrakant gazed outside, transfixed. Shobha was sitting next to the tap on the ‘balcony’ bathing, rubbing the soles of her feet with a little pumice stone, her sari bunched up to her thighs. As she poured water over her head with the red plastic mug, it was as if her sari was dissolving in the water, the sari turning to liquid and washing over her skin in glistening colours, clinging tightly to her body, revealing more and more of her wet form.

  Chandrakant felt a lump in his throat, his voice began to crack, and so he stopped singing along with the radio and started staring at Shobha. His gaze must have burned into her backside; she turned around suddenly. ‘What happened, Mr. Mohammed Rafi crooner man?’ she teased. ‘Lose your voice? Cat got your tongue, Chandu? Feeling shy?’

  He didn’t say a word, but just kept staring. Lather ran down her face, little white soap bubbles popped on her closed eyelids, she couldn’t see a thing. This was the first time Chandrakant could observe her the way he wanted for as long as he wanted to. Beneath the folds of her sari, she lathered her chest, bar of soap in hand.

  Chandrakant realised for the first time how huge her eyes were, just like the actress Hema Malini’s, but bigger, even bigger.

  They had been living together in the half flat for ten days, and he had known her even longer, from before, in Sarani, but he had never really looked at her body and her eyes as he did now. Chandrakant felt embarrassed for having spent so much time with Shobha – for having lived so long – without ever having been as close as he was now to the kind of body and shape of eyes that this girl had.

  And how this girl looked though the soap lather that glittered like dewdrops, how it took his breath away, this was a new sensation.

  Shobha stood up in her dripping wet sari and began drying her hair with a towel.

  The magnetic field that originated from the water tap and enveloped him was also something new. It was like a zap from inside inducing him toward her with full force. His mind was in a bad way. He could see only colours swimming in front of his eyes, like the soap bubbles that floated in the air.

  He walked up behind Shobha and clasped her around the waist, then lifted her back into the half flat, the ten-by-seven ‘room’ that, for the moment, was the Delhi home of these two winged creatures.

  Shobha said nothing. She was still wet; her hair too, eyes closed, face flushed with a flame that slowly let its heat seep over her body, and into her blood, until heat rose from her skin and met Chandrakant’s lips. Not a drop of dew escaped his waiting mouth while hands explored every place on Shobha’s body, tracing her wet skin.

  The little mat on the floor beside the trunk, in the cramped half flat, was wringing wet. And atop that wet rug Chandu and Shobha seized one another as if at the epicentre of a consuming blaze. Soap bubbles of all hues seeped through the room, while outside on the balcony it wasn’t water that gushed from the tap and noisily filled the bucket, but a rainbow of colour.

  Shobha felt as if she was sinking into a deep dream on a magic carpet, not just lying on a rug. Her wet sari lay to the side, while atop her body was a blushing nineteen-year-old boy, smiling nervously, rather than the old, savage inspector, or contractor, or the husband she had been made to marry. That night in Sarani, she had grabbed hold of the edge of the rope that sprang from the smile of the boy born while eating her homemade curry and roti. And now it looked as if she might make it out alive.

  It was as if the mouth of nineteen-year-old Chandrakant, whom she had begun to call Chandu, was still stuffed with the bits of her food, hungry and blushing as he smiled. Overcome with love for Shobha, he gathered her tangled hair in his hands and kissed her feverishly.

  After that Monday, some thirty years ago, and a mere ten days after the two of them had moved to their half flat at E-3/1, bylane number seven, Jahangirpuri, Shobha had begun referring to the covering on the floor as the carpet rather than a rug. She hummed while she worked, and after Chandrakant left for work in Vijaynagar, she sang duets with Lata Mangeshkar and Asha Bhosle on the radio.

  Shobha prepared food for the two of them, peeled and chopped and sliced the vegetables, did their laundry, took naps, while Chandrakant swept her up and onto the magic carpet where the two of them would make love in a blaze of heat. Like this, years passed, Shobha grew plump, Chandrakant’s hair thinned and turned grey, both of them sometimes fell ill, then got better, all the while and for thirty ye
ars playing the nonstop game of fanning the flames atop their magic carpet.

  Shobha got pregnant seven times. She registered with the government hospital in Aadarsh Nagar, stitched and sewed clothes and booties and a bed for the baby, and ate and drank with great precaution. But either she miscarried, or the baby succumbed to an illness a few months after birth – each and every time. Chandrakant and Shobha were devastated. They decided that the mosquitoes and bacteria from the sewage gutter in front of their house had infected the babies with some illness; a thick, damp, and often strong stench came through their windows from the gutter. During the monsoon season, earthworms, centipedes, millipedes, snails, and frogs would crawl or hop from the gutter into their flat. One time when Shobha and Chandrakant were deep in the middle of playing their favourite game on the magic carpet, Shobha screamed when she saw a baby snake slithering on the ground off to her left. Another time it was a boa constrictor that sprang out from behind a box. Things got even worst during the rainy season – spiders were everywhere.

  Both of them wished to move somewhere else, somewhere clean and tidy. But as time went on, rents began to soar. Chandrakant had always been on the lookout for another job or additional income, but nothing ever materialised. His boss at the shop, Gulshan Arora, was a good man, and no other shopkeeper would have paid a better salary. Over the thirty years, Arora had become an elderly seventy-year-old. Both his daughters had been married off, and he had one son who ran a small travel agency in Paharganj. Father and son didn’t get along, and the son didn’t care about the father’s shop. The son, too, was already married, and had for the past several years waited for his father to die so he could sell the Kwality Departmental Stores. Gulshan Arora seemed to have an inkling of his son’s wishes: time and again after a serious illness he returned from the brink of death, as if to dash his son’s hopes. Gulshan Arora placed great faith in Chandrakant, since he didn’t have any other option. The store limped along, but Arora still had to pay expenses.

  Gulshan Arora was by then totally alone; his wife had died a dozen or so years ago. He had detained Chandrakant at his house on several occasions for late-night rum-drinking and chicken-eating sessions. He told Chandrakant not to worry about his inevitable death: he had left the store to his younger daughter, and had made a provision in his will for Chandrakant to the amount of 200,000 rupees. After the third or fourth drink, Gulshan Arora got animated and waxed philosophical. Chandrakant was aware that his boss, in spite of his age, brought home call girls, and was continuously taking herbal supplements and vitamin boosters called ‘Lion Life,’ ‘Shot Gun,’ and ‘Hard Rock Candy Man’ – these were the days before anyone had heard of Viagra or 40-60 Plus.

  Chandrakant, while listening to his seventy-year-old boss’s elaborate stories, would often begin to long for the man’s death – and just then, Gulshan Arora by some means sensed his thoughts, smiled from ear to ear, and said, ‘Chandu! Enough with your dreaming of my death. My father was eighty-two when he came here from Lahore in ’47, and when he died in ’74, he was over a hundred and ten. The neighbourhood had a huge celebration for his funeral procession, and we even hired the Daulatram Band and gave away endless sweets.’

  It was then he showed the palm of his hand to Chandrakant. ‘The astrologer told me that I’ve got at least thirty-five more years. Then, after I turn one hundred and five, I’m gonna get me on that morning train, loud and high right up to the sky! But don’t you worry, Chandu. Your job’s even more secure than a government one.

  ‘Wrap up the rest of this chicken for your wife and be on your way,’ he said to Chandrakant in a hushed voice. ‘I’ve got a working girl on her way, and she’ll be here any second. You get to work over there in Jahangirpuri, and I’ll get to work over here in Model Town.’

  But the children of Chandrakant and Shobha never got as old as Gulshan Arora’s. One after the other, the babies born to them in that half flat in bylane number seven kept dying. None lived longer than four months.

  Not one or two, but seven babies in a row.

  ABHANG SONGS, KHUSRAU, THE DARGAH, AND THE FIRST SURVIVING CHILD

  It happened perhaps some winter’s evening in 1995, some ten years ago. I went to the Kwality Departmental Stores in Vijaynagar. I had quit my day job five years prior and was then as I am now a freelance Hindi writer.

  I had my mortgage and other expenses to pay. Winter was around the corner, and I still hadn’t managed to buy warm clothing for the kids. I myself had been wearing the very same sweater twenty winters in a row. My wife hadn’t been able to treat herself to a nice sari or buy any jewellery since the day we married. We avoided weddings since we lacked proper attire, and couldn’t afford a present for the bride and groom in any case. We cut each piece of mango pickle into quarters, and rinsed whatever slices of onion were left on the thali, saving them for next time. We horded five rupee coins during the year, saving them up to give away on Divali. I thought a few times about ending it all, or running away, but then my kids always brought me back. They were still in school. Books came into my life like a curse, and took everything I had. Sometimes it was the stories of Isaac Bashevis Singer, or else Orwell’s Down and Out in Paris and London, or Gorky’s autobiography – reading them brought me some respite. Maybe every writer’s fate is to live on the street, in the gutter. Or maybe I just worried more than most because I wasn’t famous and wasn’t important.

  Whenever I sat down and opened a book or tried to write something in those days, the full terror of my reality at home cast a long shadow. I saw strange, sinister hues on the faces of my wife and children that I couldn’t pinpoint or understand. Death, illness, penury, hearsay, and sorrow skulked through the house with heavy feet. At night sobbing sounds permeated the rooms and corridors. A cat screeched on the rooftop. The plaster was falling off the walls, and the doors opened and closed with a strange, sad groan.

  It was also a time rife with illness: dengue fever, food poisoning, the flu. My wife had a thyroid problem, and our younger son was so thin, so frail, so shy and introverted, that we were racked with doubt about whether he would be able to take care of himself in the future. Ginsberg’s ‘Howl’ and Muktibodh’s ‘In Darkness’ echoed in my head. I woke up ten times a night. I considered the possibility that I had been duped and driven onto a surreal landscape of terror and nightmares, where each work of the honest writer puts his family in a condition more critical, makes them more unsafe – reality substituted by the awful surrealism of a poem.

  The twentieth century was turning into the twenty-first, and with each new work I wrote, my life was plunged more deeply into the abyss. Delhi, along with the rest of the world, was changing fast, other capitals even faster. Here, only one beacon remained that still had any power, and it attracted cruelty, barbarity, greed, injustice, money – no other options were possible. When I tried explaining my troubles to Delhi’s influential writers and thinkers, I felt as if I were a snail that had surfaced to the world above, telling the divine bipeds patting their fat bellies about his wild, weird, othercaste experiences from his home at the bottom of the sea. My language was incomprehensible. They viewed my utterances born of sorrow, vulnerability, and nerves with indifference, curiosity, wonder. They were of a totally different class. Their scraps were my meal. A poet had written something to that effect a few years ago, perhaps coping in similar circumstances.

  In the middle of all this, I went one late afternoon to the general store in Vijaynagar where Chandrakant worked. The store was empty when I arrived, apart from Chandrakant, who I found lounging in the chair behind the counter singing an abhang devotional song. But there was a heartbreaking loneliness in his voice, as if he weren’t singing for others, but as a crutch to steady himself. The previous July when I had gone to Pandharpur in Maharashtra on a film project I was shooting, I had seen the Gyaneshwar and Namdev pilgrim and chariot processions coming from Alandi. While sitting on the steps of the Vithoba temple I heard the abhang songs. The rain had just stopped a few moments ea
rlier, but dark, menacing clouds still covered the sky. The voices of the singers in the shade, drenched from the monsoon humidity, were like a salve soothing my loneliness and vulnerability. Like a cure that fills vessels with a new blood of life. That day standing in the doorway at the store in Vijaynagar, I felt as if I was on the steps of the Vithoba temple rather than in Delhi.

  Chandrakant didn’t see me. His feet were stretched out on a stool in front of the chair, eyes closed, lost in the music.

  ‘What a voice! Are you Marathi?’ This was the first sentence I said to Chandrakant Thorat. He blushed.

  ‘Are you looking for something?’ This was the first sentence he said to me.

  We introduced ourselves, and soon became friends. The two of us were trapped in our own respective hells. That first day I found out that he still hadn’t become a father, despite having been married for so many years, and that one after the next his children had died from mysterious illnesses, as if cursed. None lived longer than four months. His wife Shobha was shattered.

  The next week I went to his home: the half flat in bylane number seven, Jahangirpuri. Some of Shobha’s hair had turned grey, and there was a hardness to her face, but she was still a beautiful woman. When she laughed, a softness sometimes peeked through. This, however, was rare. That night I listened to the whole story of their lives.

  ‘You are the god Vitthoba, coming as you did just as I was singing the abhang...!’ Chandrakant said, brimming with feeling. He assumed from my clothes and looks that I was a wealthy, connected, worldly man, capable of raising him out of the dark place where he was stuck. Chandrakant, Shobha, and the rest of the residents of bylane number seven for the most part came from one community. And I came from a different one. But my position in that community was no different from that of Chandrakant and others like him. There was no place for me in mine: I was nothing more than a mere writer. Many others came masquerading as writers, but I was the one shown the door.