Caught Read-Handed

by Terrie Farley Moran

  Bridgy gave him a beatific smile. “Friends since childhood. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Sassy.”

  My smile was not nearly as beatific. It was more like grinning through a clenched jaw. What on earth was going on? Then I saw it. A snazzy green and yellow powerboat was sitting dockside. It had a cage and rigging up top that I would have recognized even if the boat didn’t have the word “PARASAIL” printed on the hull. It was followed by a phone number. An extremely tan boater about forty or so jumped off the deck. He was wearing surfer shorts and a tank top that matched the yellow and green of the boat exactly.

  “Hey, Cousin Tony, these must be our girls, right?” He made it sound like we were blind dates for the Saturday night movie. “And which one a yous is the birthday beauty?”

  Timidly, I raised my hand. But there was nothing timid about the birthday smooch he gave me.

  Tony growled. “Darrin, these ladies are my friends.”

  That was enough to make Darrin drop his hands from my waist but it didn’t stop his banter. “Okay, Cos, but they’re gonna have to go up in tandem. There’s no way either of these fine ladies weighs a buck and a quarter.” He turned to us. “That’s the minimum weight for a single rider.” And suddenly he was all business. “Okay, birthday princess, I know this is a surprise present for you, so let me explain the drill. First off, we usually don’t run in the bay because of the San Carlos Bridge. That’s why my dock is on the Gulf side of the island. No bridge.” He looked at us, apparently expecting some acknowledgment of the wisdom of his location.

  I did the “smile through the clenched jaw” thing again and muttered. “Smart.”

  He beamed like a three-year-old who’d wangled an extra cookie out of Mom. “But Bridgy here insisted that you always talk about how you long to see Matanzas Pass Preserve from above and she thought . . .” Here he puffed out his chest. “She thought parasailing would be the most exciting, close-to-nature way to give you a spectacular view for your birthday.”

  My jaw was aching from all the smiling my role as “birthday princess” required. Still I managed to catch Bridgy’s eye and shoot daggers at her. She responded with a wide-eyed “what’s your problem” look; all the while we both pretended to listen to the annoying Darrin drone on.

  My attention swiveled back to Darrin when I heard him say that his deck hand was on vacation. No way we were getting on that boat alone with him. Tony gave us a wide grin. “I’m going to be the fill-in. And that means I’ll watch out for your safety and take your pictures when you are five hundred feet above the boat.”

  I gasped audibly. Five hundred feet? In the air?

  Bridgy gave me a quick elbow to the ribs and I put my “birthday princess” smile back into play.

  Tony handed us each a lifejacket and surprised me by putting one on himself. Darrin said, “Hey, no Mae West for me?”

  Tony chided him by suggesting that Darrin had any number of vests on board and should wear one of his own. Then Tony held out a hand to help Bridgy and me climb onto the boat. It was gorgeous and extremely pristine. No matter how haphazardly Darrin treated people, he treated his boat with loving care.

  As if to prove my thoughts, Darrin got a glow in his eye telling us that she was the love of his life, an Ocean Pro 31. “And she’s a winchboat—I can launch and retrieve parasailers by a winch system,” he pointed aft. “See, there it is. Safe as a cradle.”

  But all I kept thinking about was being five hundred feet in the air with Darrin at the controls. If we didn’t die during this caper, I decided I would kill Bridgy as soon as we were back on dry land.

  Chapter Thirty-three ||||||||||

  With our lifejackets firmly secure, we sat on the deck as the boat glided into the bay. Darrin had named her Flyin’ High. And soon Bridgy and I would be testing out the name. The water was smooth as glass. Darrin kept telling us how lucky we were there was no breeze at all. “One good gust is all it takes—give you a right tumble.”

  Awk! “You mean we could fall if there is a sudden burst of wind?”

  Bridgy rolled her eyes at me. “Honestly, Sassy.”

  Darrin tried not to laugh but it was an effort. He did guffaw a time or two before answering. “You don’t have to worry, birthday princess, the wind would only give you a jiggle or two. I know my ROPES.”

  That was comforting. I supposed he meant that he’d examined his towline before coming to pick us up. Still I asked, “Exactly which ropes did you check? Are you sure nothing is frayed?”

  That sent Darrin and Tony into gales of laughter. When Darrin was able to speak coherently, he explained. “Not to worry, honey, ROPES is the acronym for the Coast Guard safety alert for parasail operators. Remember, Observe, Prepare, Ensure and Safety. I check the boat, the chute, harness and rigging, even the weather under those guidelines before every trip.”

  My nerves were still edgy but being on the water always had a calming effect on me, and this ride was no different. The few clouds in the sky were white and puffy like cotton balls that had tumbled out of their plastic bag.

  A flock of blue herons flew across the bay from San Carlos Island and disappeared behind the trees on Estero Island. Somewhere a red-shouldered hawk was screeching kee yarr, kee yarr. I couldn’t identify the fish swimming a few yards out from the boat, but I’d bet Tony and Darrin could. I was about to ask when Darrin began explaining our adventure.

  “I’m going to secure your harnesses now while Tony steers the boat. Then I’ll steer until we pass under the San Carlos Bridge. Once we have gone a ways on the far side, Tony will take over the boat and I’ll clip your harnesses to the chute. Like I said, you two can go up in tandem. Once you are secure, I’ll operate the winch. You’ll rise in the sky smooth as silk, swaying like you’re rocking in my granny’s old chair.”

  Bridgy tilted toward me. “Nothing to do now but enjoy the ride.”

  I mumbled in agreement. Since we were heading south in Estero Bay, I was getting a glimmer of Bridgy’s reason for us to parasail along the shore. Knowing her, it wasn’t for the sake of adventure. I decided to play along. “I can’t imagine what we’ll see when we’re up so high.”

  Bridgy started ticking off on her fingers. “Well, there’s Matanzas Pass Preserve. I know you do love it. And I’m sure we’ll be able to see the library, Pastor John’s church, Dr. Mays’s clinic.” Then she added with an extra touch of innocence in her voice. “Probably be able to see our yoga instructor Maggie’s house. Isn’t it right on the edge of the bay?”

  Bingo. Bridgy had figured out a way for us to see inside the walls surrounding the Lipscome house with nobody being the wiser. I gave her a kiss on the cheek. “You’re the best friend ever. What a fabulous birthday present.”

  Tony beamed. “Ah, finally getting into the spirit of things. Happy to see it. Okay, we’ve passed under the bridge. I’m going to take over so Darrin can get you safely launched.”

  Darrin checked our harnesses. As we sat side by side, Bridgy teased Darrin. “Double-check everything, please. I don’t want this to be the last birthday present I give Sassy.”

  “You’ll be fine, and I suggest you let me give you a quick dip, sort of drag your toes in the water. Calm enough day for it.” By the looks on our faces, Darrin decided he might have gone a bit too far. “Tell you what, when you feel yourselves dropping slowly and safely, yell ‘boat’ and I’ll bring you back onto the boat. If you don’t yell, I’ll give you a dip, raise you up again and then bring you back on the boat. Good enough?” I nodded with far less enthusiasm than I felt a few minutes before. Darrin wasn’t finished. “Okay, kick off your shoes. Good. Now give me your phones.”

  Bridgy started to protest but Darrin persuaded her by saying that not a week went by when some parasailer or another lost a phone because it rang and “The darn fool tried to answer it, way up there.” And he flung a hand skyward for good measure.

  We surr
endered our phones and soon felt ourselves begin to rise. In a few minutes we were high above the boat and could see everything for miles around.

  I didn’t know how far our voices would carry so I whispered to Bridgy, “You’re brilliant. We’ll see every inch of the Lipscome property. This is like a close-up on Google Earth.”

  She agreed. “All true but now ‘ohh’ and ‘aah’ and smile like a good birthday princess. Tony has the camera out and he is snapping away.”

  So we smiled and waved. Tony pointed to our right and shouted up to us. “The preserve. See the oak hammock ecosystem.”

  I gave him my broadest smile and yelled, “Awesome.”

  Finally we traveled past the preserve. I could see the parking lot of Pastor John’s church filled with cars. A lot of people were milling about. I elbowed Bridgy. “Was there an event scheduled at the church today?”

  But if she answered, I never heard her. From high in the air I could see the bay front of the church and the bay front of the Lipscome property seemingly only a few feet apart. More startling, I could see that the wall that enclosed the compound had two breaks on the bay side. A wide opening by the Lipscome dock and a narrow one by the hot tub. There weren’t even gates. If I wasn’t in a parachute harness, I would have jumped up and down in my seat. But as it was, I didn’t actually have a seat.

  I smiled and waved to Tony while talking to Bridgy through my teeth. “Look. There are openings in the back wall.”

  “I see. Do you see the path a few feet in from the waterline? It goes north past John’s church and south to . . . wherever. Anyone could walk into the property and murder Tanya without having to park a car on the street.”

  I was trying to memorize the entire layout when Tony told us to prepare for Darrin to turn the boat around. Prepare? I guess he meant hang on tight.

  We made a slow, wide swing in the bay, which gave me time to memorize the entire shoreline for the span of a couple of football fields on either side of the Lipscome house. I couldn’t help but notice the crowd in the church parking lot getting larger by the minute. I wondered if I could talk Bridgy into taking a ride to find out what was going on. Then maybe we could follow the path to the Lipscome house. Lost in thought, it took me some time to realize that we were going lower and lower. Darrin was using the winch to bring us back to the boat. Without warning our feet splashed into the water. I screamed more from the shock than anything else. I’d forgotten that Darrin promised us a dip. Bridgy was laughing and clapping. Her joy was so contagious, I joined in.

  Then Darrin raised us up and landed us safely on the deck, unhooked us from the bar connected to the chute and asked how we liked it.

  We both rushed to overdo our quotient of “most fabulous ride ever.” But apparently no amount of praise was too over the top for Darrin. He was basking in the glow and could easily have listened to us go on for hours.

  Before our voices gave out, Tony saved us by asking, “Did you happen to notice the big doings down at the church?”

  “I did.” I was sliding my feet into my sandals. “We were wondering if there was a party and we weren’t invited.”

  “Maybe it’s a surprise for your birthday,” Darrin chimed in.

  I blushed. I’d forgotten my cover story.

  Tony saw my pink cheeks and gave Darrin a sharp look. “Don’t be teasing the girl on her birthday.” He turned to me and Bridgy. “Those vets meet at the church all the time for this and that. Well, they did this whole town a right solid. They captured the green anaconda that’s been swimming around here for weeks.”

  My eyes popped. “They caught the snake? Are you sure?”

  “Sure I’m sure. Couple of fellas come by and borrowed some equipment from me yesterday. When I heard what they were fixing to do, I was happy to lend it. Mine ain’t the only business in town suffering ’cause folks are afraid of the snake.”

  “Not to mention the pets,” Bridgy contributed helpfully.

  “Did they kill it or capture it?” Either way there could be some more confrontations around town.

  “Heard just a bit ago that they brought the snake in. Couldn’t find out more ’cause I was helping with your birthday surprise.”

  “Well I thank you for that, I really do.” I shook hands with Tony and Darrin, then I turned to Bridgy, who already had her purse open. “I’ll let you settle up and meet you by the car.”

  As soon as I was off the dock, I whipped out my iPhone. Hit speed dial for Miguel. He answered in half a ring. “Hola chica. Bow is safe. The snake is captured and leaving Florida forever.”

  I didn’t realize how much stress I was feeling about the anaconda until I heard Miguel, and my entire body flooded with relief. “Wonderful. Are you at the church?”

  “Sì, everyone is here. Come. Celebrate.”

  Bridgy found me by the car. She raised one eyebrow.

  “All is well. Miguel is at the church and invited us to come over.”

  “Hop in.”

  A few minutes later we pulled up in the side street next to the church. Maybe two dozen cars were parked haphazardly around the church lot, but most of the space was taken up by people laughing, joking and clinking glasses. Cordelia Ramer and her Guy Bradley contingent were walking through the crowd, passing out snacks and napkins. It reminded me of a miniature version of the annual Shrimp Festival.

  We were still getting out of the car when Ophie was on top of us. Gone was her oversized tee emblazoned with the anaconda. She was feminine as can be in a light blue eyelet A-line dress with a navy blue sash and strappy navy super-high heels. “Did y’all hear? That Mark Clamenta is quite a hero, leading the team to capture the anaconda. And Dr. Mays found him a home, out of state. She’s a wonder.”

  I was tempted to ask if Cynthia had found a home for Mark or the snake, but didn’t want to risk a well-mannered ladies lecture. I was more interested in finding Miguel. Ophie did that “spin on her heels” turn that constantly amazed me, and trotted into the crowd.

  I looked at Bridgy. “How does she do that without breaking her leg?”

  “I don’t know, but if she falls, perhaps her big strong hero Mark Clamenta will pick her up and carry her in his arms all the way to the medical center on the mainland.” And Bridgy began batting her eyelashes fast and furious.

  We fell out laughing until a familiar voice behind us said, “You’re a little late to the party, ladies, but at least you’re having fun.”

  Lieutenant Frank Anthony stood with his hands resting on the wide heavy belt that held his equipment. Ryan Mantoni gave us a quick wave.

  I decided to take control immediately. “How is Alan Mersky doing? George is hoping to bring him home.”

  Frank turned his eyes heavenward as if looking for guidance as to how much he could tell, then looked directly at me. “Healthwise he is getting his balance back. Legalwise, he’s in a pile of trouble.”

  “He’s not the only person who could have killed Tanya Lipscome, you know. Plenty of people have motive. And anyone could have gotten into her property by walking along the bay path and stepping in by the dock.” I settled my hands firmly on my hips, arms akimbo a la Bridgy when she’s mad.

  He sighed and shook his head. “I don’t even want to know how you know that.” And he waded into the crowded parking lot with Ryan at his heels.

  Bridgy marveled. “He didn’t even give you a dressing-down.”

  “I know. He must be very sure that the killer is not at large but safely tucked away in the hospital psych ward.” That was a depressing thought, so I moved to cheerful. “C’mon, let’s find Miguel.”

  Chapter Thirty-four ||||||||||

  The next morning, the atmosphere in the café was joyful. Twice I caught Miguel dancing between the work counter and the stove. Then Miss Augusta and Blondie Quinlin came in chortling about the success of the Guy Bradley Environmental Action League’s effor
ts to save the anaconda’s life.

  So when George came in, I shouldn’t have been surprised at his mood. Although he had no interest in the snake, change was certainly in the air. It was so much more than the bright blue, green and orange Hawaiian shirt that replaced his somber New York wear. He was ecstatic. He could barely speak. When he put his hands on my waist and gave me a kiss on the cheek, I knew things had turned for the better.

  “George, why are you wearing your happy face today? Have they arrested the real killer?”

  I was immediately sorry I’d asked, because his shoulders slumped and that worried big-brother look I’d seen so often lately crept across his face.

  “Not yet. But the prodding from the veterans got Swerling to take his responsibility seriously and he went to court and got a judge to order bail. I’m going to make the arrangements in a little while. When Alan is released from the hospital we can bring him to stay with us at the condo, until we get him, er, settled.”

  “Come with me.” I brought him into the kitchen to share his good news with Bridgy and Miguel, who were as excited as I was. Bridgy gave him a big ole hug and began dancing around the room.

  Miguel, always practical, asked about Alan’s favorite foods and insisted that he would make Alan’s homecoming meal. George started some version of “we couldn’t possibly impose,” but Miguel refused to take no for an answer.

  “It is settled, sí? No arguments. And don’t you look chipper in your flashy shirt? This is celebration time. I insist you sit down and let me fix you something. Anything you want.”

  Ever the New Yorker, George joked about pastrami on rye before saying, “Those sandwiches you made us once. The meat and cheese with the pickle slices.”

  “Ah, a cubano. A Cuban sandwich. You want it to stay or to go? And what about some food for the lovely ladies?”