Just Add Heat

by Genevieve Jourdin

  He bent his head as if her were going to go down on me and I stopped him. “No time. I need you inside me now.”

  Carter gave me a smile that reminded me of a pirate and positioned himself at my entrance. I was just about to grab his ass and force him inside of me when he did it himself. For a second I felt like I would black out. It felt that good, but I regained my equilibrium a second later as he moved me over and started thrusting in and out of me. It didn’t take long for my orgasm to overtake me and the next thing I knew Carter was holding my waist and nudging me.

  “Flip over.” Now we’re talking. It’s like he was inside my head and knew just what I needed.

  I moved to my hands and knees and let him angle me until I was filled with him again.

  “Oh god, Carter. Hard, I need it hard.” In the next breath he was slamming into me as if his life depended on it. I could barely get enough air my gasps were coming so fast. I lifted one hand and rubbed a circle on my clit, coming apart almost immediately before collapsing down onto my face. I was completely spent. Obviously Carter wasn’t. Before I was even able to turn my head to get air, Carter was pulling me up and settling me on his lap. I felt fuller than I had ever been, and as hypersensitive as was humanly possible.

  He grabbed me around the waist and moved me on top of him before I took over and ground myself on him. He came almost instantly and pulled us down onto the pillows with a moan. I tried to get my breathing back to normal while Carter moved his hand on my hip. I felt perfect in that moment.

  “I missed you.” His words, spoken into my hair sent a warm thrill through me.

  “I missed you, too. I don’t ever want to feel so alone again.” Thinking back to the strangeness of my amnesia made me feel extra grateful that I remembered how important Carter was to me. He was The One. I knew it in my heart and after my momentary cold feet on Friday and my little flip out a few minutes ago; I now knew it in my head. I wasn’t scared anymore.

  “We need to talk. About it.” I would have liked to put it off a little longer and wallow in my happiness and satisfaction, but I sighed. I knew he was right.

  Chapter Twenty Three

  I wondered if I should talk first and explain my feelings or if Carter was going to break the silence. I knew we had to clear the air, so much had happened, and although I had been a little out of it for the past three days, I was fully in control of my mind now. I felt terrible about what I had put Carter through. Looking at him with full faculties, I could see the strain that my amnesia had had on him. He looked tired and strained, even though he seemed a bit better today than he had been yesterday.

  “Well, I guess I’ll start.” Whew, Carter was going to break the ice on what I knew was going to be a stressful conversation. “How did you find out about the ring?” I scooted out of his arms and turned myself to face him. He didn’t look angry so that gave me the confidence to tell him the truth.

  “Elisa told me.” I was not afraid to throw her under the bus. I would never trust her again. “She just called me out of the blue and I wouldn’t have answered normally, but I was just finished uploading my latest post and I was distracted thinking about what dishes I wanted to order for dinner that night at the new Thai place. Once I hit the button I was sorry I had done it, but it was too late. She was talking about going on a date with some guy from work and I was just listening and agreeing with her when she told me she had something to tell me in confidence.”

  I hesitated to share the rest with Carter. He worked with Elisa and I didn’t want him to have conflict at the office, but I knew he deserved the full story. Things with her had gotten out of hand even before she dared to ruin Carter’s proposal to me. It seemed like she was trying to sabotage his life.

  “She told me that you had told everyone in the office that you had a ring for me and you were going to ask me to marry you. I didn’t say anything for a second because I was so caught off guard, but then she went on and said you had something special planned for me. I told her thanks for the info and hung up. I don’t know how to explain it Carter, I was here all alone and I just panicked. I thought about the shopping trip that Cheryl had strong-armed me into and it all fit. Then I wondered if Elisa was telling me the truth so I went through your desk, sorry.” I felt bad admitting to him how I had invaded his privacy, but he knew that already anyway, so I figured I might as well confess everything.

  “When I couldn’t find anything there I started going through your drawers, and I must say you don’t hide things very well.” Carter gave me a look that made me feel about ten years old so I went on. “Anyway, I stood there with the box in my hand and my heart was pounding. I was afraid to open it but at the same time I was excited. When I pulled the top back it felt like my heart stopped. It was the most gorgeous thing I had ever seen. The green of the stone was like the color of your eyes and all I wanted at that moment was to for you to ask me to marry you.” I closed my eyes and braced myself to finish. “But after a minute I started thinking about being married and it just seemed like the most frightening thing in the world.” I felt bad when I saw the look on his face. I pulled my hand up to his jaw and let it drift down to his chin. I didn’t say anything else, just waited for him to respond to what I’d just told him.

  “What are you afraid of?” His voice was quiet. I wanted to be able to tell him that I wasn’t afraid anymore but that wasn’t true. I wanted to marry him but I was still scared.

  “That I won’t be the kind of wife you need. You know that I don’t have any example of how to be a good wife except your mother, and I am definitely not in the same league as Sharon. I can’t entertain people effortlessly like she does, I’m not a good decorator, I mean, since you’ve moved in my house is the most stylish I’ve ever seen it. You know me Carter. I say the wrong thing at every opportunity, there’s no telling what kind of trouble my mouth will get me into next. The whole reason my web show got so popular was because of all of the dumb crap I say when I go off-script. If we were married, it would reflect on you.” I would have gone on but Carter was shaking his head.

  “You are the kind of wife I want, Justine, and that’s all that matters to me. I don’t want a clone of my mother. I want you. I need you.” My heart stuttered at his words. They were the most perfect words ever spoken and, oh my god, he was saying them to me.

  I looked into his eyes and leaned forward to kiss him lightly on the lips. I was expecting him to propose any second. This was the moment most girls dreamed of their entire lives, myself not included, but I was still waiting anxiously.

  “Is that why you were acting so weird Friday night?” Those were so not the words I had been expecting.

  “Well, yeah. I mean, I had just been told a huge secret, which, the more I think about it was incredibly hateful of her, ruining your moment and all, and then I was feeling guilty because I went through all of your stuff and found the ring. I was practically bursting. I was feeling all wound up. Then you came home as relaxed as ever and you weren’t acting like you had some big secret then I started second guessing myself.” I would have kept on rambling but Carter interrupted me.

  “Okay, I get it, but I have to ask, and don’t lie to me now, do you think you got the amnesia because you didn’t want to marry me?” I opened my mouth to deny it, but he went on. “Seriously Justine, you forgot our entire relationship. You forgot back to before we were ever together.” Crap. He sounded so hurt. I guess he had a point. I did forget it all. What did it mean? I didn’t know what to say so I stayed silent. Heck, I didn’t know why I forgot that particular chunk of my memory, but his explanation sounded reasonable. That made me feel like a lame-o. I liked to think I was a better person than that. God, that’s the kind of thing Mom would do. Ugh.

  “I’m so sorry Carter. I don’t know what else to say. I would never have done that on purpose.”

  “I know, babe.” He sounded like he meant it, but I couldn’t be sure. I was wrong pretty often.

  “Really, I love you so much. I would never w
ant to forget you. You’re the most important thing in my life.” I grabbed his bicep. Hmm. That’s a nice bicep. I shook my head to get back on track. Focus Justine. I realized it was time to put it all on the line. I had to let Carter know that I was a sure thing. “You are it for me.”

  He didn’t say anything to my declaration, but his face seemed to relax as well as the muscles underneath the hand still clutching his arm. That was a good sign, right?

  We looked at each other for what seemed like eternity. I was waiting impatiently for him to ask me, all the while thinking of how I would tell my future children about their father’s proposal to me. I was pretty sure I was going to leave the nakedness and post coital bliss part out. I was so wrapped up in my fantasy that I was caught off guard by his next words.

  “I’m starving. I’m going to make a sandwich. Do you want me to make you anything?” What the fuck? I was lounging here naked, waiting for a marriage proposal and he wanted to make a sandwich? I sat up in outrage. Maybe I was missing something, but I thought we had just overcome a huge emotional hurdle. I wanted to be held and caressed. Hell, I wanted him to propose, not get up and eat. This wasn’t going the way I thought it would at all.

  “No, I’m not hungry.” I don’t know how I managed to keep my voice steady, but it sounded clear and strong, not giving a hint of my jumbled emotions.

  I watched as he stood up and grabbed his jeans off of the floor, pulling them on without underwear and leaving the button undone. He walked out, shooting me a smile as he left me alone and confused on the bed. What had just happened here? Hadn’t I laid my heart at his feet and admitted that I loved him more than anything else in the world? How could he pass up such a perfect opportunity to ask me? I got up too, pulling my own clothes back on hastily and barreling into the kitchen. He was piling shaved turkey onto his bread as I made my way into the room. He turned around with a smirk.

  “Changed your mind about the food?”

  “Changed your mind about the proposal?”

  Chapter Twenty Four

  Oh my god. I wanted to cringe and take the words back, but at the same time I wanted an answer. The look of surprise on Carter’s face gave me clue that he may not have been on the same page as me at this moment.

  It took him a second but after his initial shock wore off, Carter finally answered. “No, of course I haven’t changed my mind.”

  Whew, the fear I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge released its hold on my stomach and suddenly, that sandwich Carter was making looked delicious.

  “Well, I changed my mind about the sandwich. I’m hungry.”

  He smiled and grabbed some more bread out of the bag. “Your wish is my command.” Oh how I wished that were true. He would be on one knee in front of me at this very second.

  I walked over to stand next to him, pressing myself against his side. I felt like I had been woken from some weird coma in which I could see and hear everything but couldn’t really act on anything. I wanted to make up time that I had lost. Actually, I wanted to turn back the clock to Friday and never to have answered Elisa’s call. Carter would have proposed to me on Saturday and I would be contentedly wearing that beautiful ring right now. There was no doubt in my mind that I would have told him yes. I only freaked out on Friday because I was left to wallow in my own mind, and that’s never a good idea.

  I watched Carter build another sandwich, slightly smaller than his own, and marveled again at the fact that I could have forgotten how vital he is to me. I looked up at his profile, taking in his lovely jaw line and his straight nose. I was going to burn his features into my brain so that I would never forget them again. I was ashamed of myself, even if I didn’t have total control of my brain’s decision to shield me from my stress. Stupid brain. It messed up everything.

  I slung my arm around Carter’s bare waist and I could feel his muscles quiver. It made my own insides tremble. I felt like a skittish horse, and I hadn’t felt this way since the beginning of our relationship, but unlike the beginnings of our relationship, I knew his mind now and didn’t have to guess at his feelings. I was confident in his love for me, the trembling was from excitement. I was on the verge of soldering him to me forever.

  Carter finished the sandwiches and slid my plate over. Our hands brushed as I picked it up and an electrical current seemed to shoot up my arm and straight to my heart. I carried my plate to the island and sat down while he walked around and sat down next to me. I felt good. I felt right. It seemed that the amnesia gave me the opportunity to have my old life back, and all I tried to do was claw my way back to the present. I realized now that I would never want to go back to the time before Carter was the most important thing in my life. Why would I? I had the life I never even dreamed was possible before.

  I took a huge bite of my sandwich while Carter picked up his own. I smiled at him while I was chewing and he smiled back.

  “Justine, will you make me the happiest person in the world and marry me?”

  What the hell? I swallowed part of what was in my mouth out of pure shock. I started coughing and what was still in my mouth flew out and onto my plate. Carter threw down his own sandwich to slap me on my back. When I got my breath back I looked up at him through my tearing eyes. He was looking at me guiltily and I couldn’t have that. I launched myself at him, grabbing him around his neck.

  “Yes, yes, yes, yes.” His arms reached around to encircle me and for the first time in my entire life I felt like I was truly complete. This was the feeling I had to wait thirty years to feel and it was fucking worth it. I wanted to dance around the kitchen in glee, but I didn’t want to let go of Carter’s neck just in case the feeling somehow dissipated.

  Carter didn’t say anything, but I could feel wetness against my cheek. I pulled back slightly so that I could look at his face. Oh my god, he was actually crying.

  “Are you all right?” I asked him in a soft voice because my heart had seized up at the sight of his tears.

  “I have never been better. I was so scared for the past three days that I had lost you and now everything in my world is perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing.” He smiled the most brilliant smile and I found myself dazzled by the look in his eyes. My heart wanted to burst in my chest.

  I took a deep breath and thought about the one thing that was missing. “Carter, can I have my ring now?” Yeah, I had to break the moment. I wanted that ring on my finger, pronto.

  His smile morphed into a smirk as he stood up and grasped my hand, practically dragging me along behind him. He stopped at the closet door and turned on the light, reaching under a stack of jeans and coming back with the familiar little box. I stopped breathing as he dropped to one knee and pulled the ring out. It looked even more breathtaking than before.

  “Justine Taylor, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?” My heart was pounding in my chest and I was rendered speechless at his second, more formal proposal. All I could do was nod frantically and stare as he slipped the ring onto my finger torturously slowly. In the next second I leaned down to him again and grabbed him into a hug that knocked him down and onto the floor of the closet. I fell on top of him and started kissing his face in a frenzy of happiness.

  I would have kept kissing him for long minutes, but I wanted to see how the ring looked on my finger. I sat up and held up the ring to the light. It was so magnificent that I turned my hand around in different positions so that I could see it from every angle. It was the loveliest ring I had ever seen and it was all mine, mine, mine. I wanted to run outside and shout to all my neighbors that I was marrying the most fantastic man on the planet, but I knew they would probably think I was crazy so I settled for the next best thing.

  “I’ve got to call Cheryl.” I announced in my next breath. I stood up and pulled Carter up next to me. “I know she knows you’re going to ask me, but I have to tell her now.”

  “That’s fine, she would probably be mad if you kept it from her anyway.” He grabbed a tee shirt from the closet and pulled it on. I fel
t a moment’s regret that he was covering his glorious body from me but my need to speak to Cheryl overcame everything else.

  I looked over to the bedside table and saw only my kisses, iced tea, and my book from the night before.

  “Where’s my phone?” I wondered aloud.

  “It’s in the kitchen.” He said the words almost guiltily, but I didn’t even care as I took off to the kitchen. When I got under the kitchen light the ring sparkled into my eyes almost blinding me with its radiance. I smiled and snatched my phone dialing Cheryl at breakneck speed.

  “Justine? Is everything okay? It’s late.” Oops, in my fever to tell her my news, I forgot to look at the clock. Cheryl and Paulo went to sleep early.

  “Carter asked me to marry him. I’m getting married!” I practically screamed into phone.

  Cheryl’s shriek made me pull the phone away from my ear. I could hear her rousing Paulo from his slumber.

  She came back down to earth a second later. “Wait. Juss, what about your memory? Did you get it back?”

  “Yes Cheryl. I remember everything.” She shrieked again and I could imagine her bouncing up and down on her bed. Poor Paulo.

  “Oh my god. Oh my god. You’re really going to be my sister. We’ve got to get planning your wedding. I have so many ideas.” Whoa, I needed to slow the Cheryl freight train down and fast.

  “Wait. I can’t think of any of that right now. It just happened. I just wanted to tell you right away.”

  “Oh okay. Is my brother with you?”

  I turned around and noticed Carter standing beside the refrigerator with a smile. “Yeah he’s right here, do you want to talk to him?”

  “Please. I’m so happy for you, Juss.”

  “Okay, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I handed the phone to Carter and sat down on my stool to further admire my new ring. As beautiful as the emerald was, it really didn’t hold a candle to Carter’s eyes. They were glowing as he looked at me while talking to his sister.