by Abby Cooper
“Jealous, much?” Nice Andy retorted.
“No.” Snotty Ami stood up. “But just because Elyse has CA—”
“Cavities,” I quickly jumped in. I knew I couldn’t hide CAV forever, and most people probably knew anyway, but did she have to try to bring it up now? She couldn’t get away with it. I wouldn’t let her. “I have cavities,” I continued. “I admit it. But I’m not going to let them stop me from doing a great job.”
I got some funny looks, but it shut up Snotty Ami for a second. Then Ms. Sigafiss said, “Congratulations, Elyse,” and actually smiled at me a little bit, but then she started talking about who knows what so fast that it was like the smile didn’t even happen. But it did. I think. She might not be all bad, I decided.
I sat down at my desk and traced the letters through my sleeves with my fingers. A-W-E-S-O-M-E. C-O-O-L. B-E-S-T. S-P-E-C-I-A-L. I-M-P-O-R-T-A-N-T. Not too shabby. Not too shabby at all.
I bent down to get my notebook out of my backpack (Elyse the Explorer Leader didn’t care about whatever Ms. Sigafiss was babbling about, but she was still going to take notes and get good grades) and noticed a crumpled blue paper (the real paper kind, not the Post-it kind) on the floor. My jaw dropped and I felt a surge of dread and excitement both. Was it from the mystery writer? Would it be something cool to do, like being in the fund-raiser show, or something awful, like breaking up Jeg and Kevin? (Maybe this time I’d have to break up Jeg and Liam. Hmm—that might not be so bad.) And what was in it for me, anyway? I had gotten what I wanted. Maybe the note writer just wanted to say hi and congrats or offer some advice for Explorer Leader-ing. That would be cool. Maybe they would tell me who they were so I could stop wondering! Then I wouldn’t even need to do my plan.
Breaking up Jeg and Kevin seemed like such a long time ago. I wished so bad that I had never done it. But, I reminded myself, you didn’t do it. Kevin was going to do it anyway. You just helped speed things up.
Then I noticed a sinking feeling in my stomach, and some awful thoughts popped into my mind. The thing was, what if I had ignored the note writer and skipped that one? What if, without my anonymous motivation, Kevin had decided not to break up with Jeg after all? What if she was still with him today and not with Liam, freeing him up to go out with me again? And also, what the high heels did any of this have to do with me becoming Explorer Leader?
This was what I was (briefly) thinking about as I scooped up the piece of paper and opened it. To my surprise, it was totally, completely blank.
I flipped it over to the other side. Nothing. The one time I had been kinda ready for it, the note was a false alarm. I wasn’t sure if I was disappointed or relieved, but when WORRYWART crept onto my upper arm, I knew something wasn’t completely right with the world.
But Elyse the Explorer Leader ignored the feeling and the word. In fact, she decided officially to put her plan into action that day. She was finally going to figure out who the mystery writer was, and get rid of WORRYWART and the other annoying words once and for all. Then the incredible Explorer Leader-y words would have all the space they wanted and more.
I took out a thick black marker and scrawled “Who are you?” on the piece of paper. Then I paused. This person, whoever it was, had done something pretty awesome for me, and all I had to say was “Who are you?” I could do better than that.
Thank you for your help and advice. I really appreciate you helping me do what I needed to do to become Explorer Leader and feel a little better. You’re awesome! If you’d like to tell me who you are, that would be fantastic.
I wondered how I would deliver this. I hadn’t really thought through all the details of the plan. After all, I didn’t know who it went to. That was the whole problem. I couldn’t really stick it in someone’s locker or mailbox or whatever. So what was I going to do?
I reviewed how the notes had gotten to me—the first two had been on my locker, one in my reading response journal, one in my teacher’s mailbox, one by my table at lunch, one on my seat in English, and one in my backpack. That meant that the writer had to have a schedule similar to mine. This person knew where I would be, when, and made sure to put the notes at times and in places where I would see them.
So really, all I needed to do was continue to follow my own schedule.
Or, I realized, there was another possibility. The note writer might not even go to my school at all, but they could have some kind of connection where they knew someone I knew. Someone who could be a messenger. I knew plenty of people outside of school. My parents. My doctor. My old teachers. I couldn’t rule anything—or anyone—out.
Either way, I was going to get to the bottom of this, no matter what it took. This seemed too exciting to take on alone, so right after class I pulled Olivia to the side of the hallway.
“I have to tell you something crazy,” I said, and spilled the whole story, every last little blue detail. Well, most of the little blue details. I left out the whole thing about All this stuff will help you feel better because whoever I am, I know you have CAV.
“Whoa! That’s totally insane!” Olivia said when I was done. “You should have told me sooner. I wonder why that person wanted you to be Explorer Leader so bad? You’ve got a big fan out there. Or a secret admirer.”
I laughed, but it came out kind of quiet and awkward. “I wanted to tell you sooner,” I said, ignoring the stuff about why someone would want me to be Explorer Leader. “I didn’t know if you’d believe me, and I didn’t think you’d want to be friends with a crazy person.”
“Elyse, we’re all a little crazy,” she said, “just in different ways.”
Was that a hint? Did she know about CAV? It would have been a good time to tell her, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Even with all her brothers and sisters and friends in different groups, there was no guarantee that she wouldn’t think it was the weirdest thing in the world.
Still, not telling her felt weird, too. And wrong.
“Not you,” I finally said. “You’re not crazy.”
She laughed. “Yes, me. Everyone.”
I don’t know if I believed that, but I let it go and told her the plan to catch the note writer. At the same time, I promised myself in my brain that I’d tell her about CAV, just as soon as I got a better opportunity.
“So,” I finished, “I just have to figure out the best time and place to drop my note. And then I have to keep watch and see if anyone picks it up. And I need you to help me.”
“Duh.” She nodded. “Let’s do it tomorrow, at lunch. Everyone will be in the cafeteria. Someone will pick it up. I know it. Also, in case you forgot … you’re Explorer Leader!”
We jumped up and down a little, and F-R-I-E-N-D formed on my wrist. Then came W-A-N-T-E-D. They felt so soft and soothing and amazing. I came so close to rolling up my sleeves and showing Olivia, but I chickened out at the last second. I would do it. I would. Just not now. It was better to drop crazy bombs on her one at a time, not all at once.
24
NINJAS
I couldn’t concentrate the whole next morning. When lunch finally rolled around, Olivia and I were among the first to get our food and sit down, but I couldn’t focus on eating—and it was macaroni day, my favorite, so that was really saying a lot. I scoured the room, trying to figure out who had helped me get this awesome job. No one really gave off that vibe, but it didn’t matter, because Olivia and I were going to figure out exactly who it was.
“Okay, I’m making the drop,” I told her as we threw away our garbage and edged close to the three stairs you had to climb to leave the cafeteria. “Whoever it is will have to go past here. And when they do…”
She looked at me expectantly. “What?”
It was a good question. My plan-planning hadn’t been the best. I’d written my own not-so-mysterious note to the mysterious note writer, but I hadn’t thought things through much after that. That was good; I didn’t want to think anymore. I had accomplished my goal, really. But I hadn’t expected not to know wh
at to do.
I returned Olivia’s gaze. “I don’t know.”
What would we do after the person picked up the paper?
“Tell them what I think, I guess. Ask why.”
“Are you ready?” Olivia eyed the paper in my hand.
“Let’s do it.” As we reached the stairs, I slowly opened my fingers just enough to let the paper drop to the floor. I watched it go, sort of in slow motion, like in the movies right before they catch the bad guy.
Olivia grabbed my sleeve and pulled me around the corner. We ducked down low, even though it wasn’t really necessary. The person wouldn’t be able to see us whether we were two feet tall or ten.
“We should’ve worn all black today or something,” she whispered. “I feel like a ninja.”
“I know!” I said. “We should’ve done backflips and cartwheels into this corner.”
“Do you know how to do a backflip?”
“No, do you?”
“No.”
We laughed.
“Oh well. Maybe next time,” she said.
We carefully leaned around the corner so only our faces were sticking out. We could barely see the piece of paper sitting on the floor, waiting to be picked up. But we could see it enough.
Soon, the flood of footsteps began. We watched foot after foot after foot go over the paper (some stepped right on top of it) and onward up the stairs. None of them stopped. We only saw feet, never hands. No one paused to pick it up.
Until, finally, someone did.
“It’s happening!” I grabbed Olivia as we watched a very hairy arm reach down and snatch up the note. It was hairier than any kid’s hand would ever be. Unless it was a really, really hairy kid. But I was pretty sure our school didn’t have any of those. Mom always said that major changes in hair wouldn’t really happen for another year or two, whatever that meant.
“Is that—” I started.
“Mr. Todd!” Olivia whisper-yelled.
Forgetting that we were super-sneaky ninja spies in hiding, we jumped out from behind our corner just in time to see him open the paper and read it.
Though he was frozen in place, his eyes shifted back and forth. Left, right, left, right. I watched him scrunch the paper up into a ball, but then he un-scrunched it and read it again. Finally, he tossed it in the recycling bin next to the stairs, looked around, and ran—yes, ran, in school—down the hall.
Holy. High. Heels.
25
LEADING
“Will you pass the chips, please?”
Layla smiled and handed them to me across the table. I was discovering more and more perks of being Explorer Leader, but one of the best ones had to be all the snacks at our meetings. So. Many. Snacks.
Mr. Todd—if that was even his real name—grabbed a cookie from a plate being passed around and leaned forward in his chair.
“Let’s get down to business, everybody. We’ve got some serious planning to do. Explorer Leader Elyse, take it away!”
I pulled out my binder (blue, like the color of mysterious notes and suspicious activity) and eyed Mr. Todd to see if he’d have any kind of reaction. It was crazy hard to concentrate on the meeting after what Olivia and I had seen during lunch. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I mean, Mr. Todd. Seriously, how much extra time did this dude have on his hands?
Something didn’t seem quite right about it, though. He was the king of weirdness, but it was almost too weird, even for him. If he didn’t think I was good enough for the job, why didn’t he give it to someone else? Or tell me, straight out, Hey, Elyse, you need to be a little cooler of a person first. Why don’t you go break up your ex–best friend and her boyfriend? That would totally prove it to me.
The man was a mystery.
But I was a leader. And it was time to act like one.
“Well, today we’re going to focus on the activities,” I told the group. “We want to do things that will teach people about the outdoors and wilderness skills and stuff, but we also want activities that get people to talk and work together. What ideas do you guys have?”
“We could discuss important current events, like what everyone’s doing over spring break and what music everyone is listening to,” Snotty Ami said.
Nice Andy and I exchanged a look. No way could that have been a serious suggestion. But, as a leader, you’re not supposed to tell anyone their idea is bad, even if you really want to. At least, that’s what it said in one of the “How to Be a Leader” articles Mr. Todd had included in the packet of info he gave me when I got the job.
“Um, interesting idea,” I said. “I’m just not sure what it would have to do with the wilderness aspect of our trip.”
“We’d do it outside.” Snotty Ami flipped her hair over her shoulder.
“I have another idea,” said JaShawn. Whew. “How ’bout a trust fall? I’ve heard those are really cool, and they work best in a big outdoor space where there’s sticks and dirt and other bad things you fall on if the person doesn’t catch you.”
A lot of people nodded and I wrote it down.
“That’s a great idea,” I said.
Snotty Ami rolled her eyes, but everyone else looked like they agreed.
Feeling good, I took a breath and offered my own idea. “What about a scavenger hunt? People could work in partners or teams and try to find clues hidden outside. We could get compasses and actually use some of that geography stuff we’ve been learning in social studies.”
There were nods of approval all around and even some excited murmurs. My face felt hot, but happy hot. I was leading a meeting, and people liked my idea and wanted to know how I felt about theirs!
As if he could read my mind, Hector leaned over and whispered, “You’re a really good leader, Elyse.”
L-E-A-D-E-R felt amazing on my leg. The word probably didn’t actually make me stronger, but it sure felt like it.
The group added more ideas until I had a whole two pages’ worth of activities we could definitely use. Everyone was helping out, but I was taking the notes, running the discussion, and keeping an eye on Mr. Number One Suspect, all at the same time.
To be honest, I had no idea I could do so much.
When our meeting was over, everyone (except Snotty Ami, who went straight to a car filled with about a zillion teenagers) walked out together. All the after-school activities were ending, so the parking lot was really crowded. And even though I had just had an awesome meeting, my heart sank lower than the cracked parking-lot pavement when I saw Liam and Jeg walking together, hand in hand, heading toward Liam’s brother’s car.
Just as quickly as I got LEADER and SMART and COOL, now I was getting WORTHLESS and NOT GOOD ENOUGH and UNWANTED, too. I couldn’t help thinking them. Liam never held my hand, not once, not ever, not at all during those six days. And I had really wanted him to.
But now, with Jeg, she didn’t even have to ask him. She didn’t even have to scream Hold my hand! silently in her mind like I would do, although that had never really been Jeg’s style. What was so wrong with my hand?
“Hey, you guys want to come over for some tamales?” Hector asked. “My mom uses my grandma’s recipe. Best Mexican food you’ll ever have.”
Tamales snapped me right back into reality. I’ve never really been good at pretending that I feel fine when I feel like my guts have been ripped out and stomped on by a high heel, but there were certainly ways to make that feeling hurt a little less. And most of them involved delicious snacks.
But maybe it wasn’t just the thought of tamales that made me snap out of the funk. I forced my gaze away from Liam and Jeg and looked at JaShawn, Hector, Layla, and Nice Andy. My friends. Why did I care so much about people who didn’t care about me? There were four awesome people staring at me, waiting to hear if I’d go spoil my dinner with them and talk more about our trip.
And as Liam’s brother’s car drove away with Liam and Jeg inside it, I realized that there was nothing I’d rather do.
26
FUN
OR SOMETHING
Elyse the Explorer Leader,
Can you believe it? By the time you read this, you’ll be done with the big sixth-grade adventure. All the planning, all the hard work, all the everything—done. I hope you didn’t get lost in Minnesota, but I wouldn’t be upset if you accidentally left Ms. Sigafiss there. But seriously, I’m dying to know how it all went. Did all the activities go okay? Do people think you did a good job? Do you think you did a good job? Here are my other goals:
1. Figure out if the note writer really is Mr. Todd. If it is, I have to do something about these shenanigans. I can’t let him run around pretending everything’s totally fine when he owes me a major explanation about the breakup note. Well, about all the notes, but especially that one.
2. Be an awesome Explorer Leader. He chose me, even though it was only because I did all the things he (if he was the note writer) told me to do. And even if it doesn’t make all the bad words go away, it still adds a ton of new good ones.
3. Keep doing things, because I’m more fun when I do and people like me better. They clap for me. They cheer. They laugh, and it’s actually with me, because I’m laughing, too. Because that is what normal people do, and those are my people now. Hooray!
Okay, wish me luck out there. I hope I don’t get eaten by a bear.
From,
February Elyse
* * *
People who can successfully close their suitcases after packing for school trips should get a prize. It felt like I had been smushing my stuff down for hours, but my bag was no closer to shutting than it had been when I started.
“I’m not going,” I called to Mom. “This is impossible!”
She rushed upstairs in two seconds flat.
“Mom, it’s not really an emergency. I’m just telling you.”
“Here, let’s try again. Or we could bring the bigger suitcase up from downstairs. Or go buy a new one. Or you could take two?”
“I don’t know.” I looked at my small red bag. It was definitely a challenge, having so much stuff on the packing list but only being allowed a suitcase of a certain size. Plus, there was all the stuff on the packing list you created for yourself. I had packed two sweatshirts instead of the recommended one—but I had to, because I would probably spill something on one, and I needed a spare, just like I needed my fuzziest green knee-high socks, a Costco-size box of chocolate-chip granola bars, a few Would You Rather…? books, four rolls of toilet paper (the super-soft kind), and sixteen bottles of nail polish. Regular Elyse probably wouldn’t have bothered with all that stuff, but Elyse the Explorer Leader was all about girly bonding and fun supplies for after lights-out.