The Far Side of the Night

by Jan-Philipp Sendker

  It was a mild evening. Christine and Da Lin put David to bed and Luo was sitting in front of the house smoking, with the dog at his feet. Paul walked over to the well, leaned his head back and looked up at the cloudless and moonless night sky. Apart from the small strip of light that the dim light bulb above the dining table cast into the courtyard, it was pitch black. It had been a long time since he had seen so many stars. He remembered his voyage from Hamburg to New York. He must have been about Da Lin’s age. His parents had been fighting in the cabin again, and he had escaped to the deck to get away from the endless stream of accusations and counter-accusations.

  He had been alone there. The wind, the waves, and the silence as the ship made its way through the darkness had cleared his head. Stars twinkled above him: the Milky Way, the Plough, and the Little Bear, the Pole Star, which shone brighter than everything else.

  But the longer he had stared into the night sky and at the sea, the stranger he began to feel about the vastness that surrounded him on all sides, about the idea that thousands and thousands of meters below him was nothing but cold deep black water. Instead of going below deck once more, he stayed by the railing and felt an impulse to jump into the water. No one would ever find him. It would be as though he, Paul Leibovitz, had never existed. He put a foot on the lowest iron bar. Then the other foot on the next one. It was like a pull that increased with every minute. Two or three rungs more. No higher than a garden fence.

  Even though the wind was mild, he stood freezing on the deck, paralyzed with horror at his own thoughts. Both hands gripped the rusty railing.

  Then his father came looking for him and took him into his arms. The smell of him and the warmth of his body, the touch of his hands and, above all, the familiar sound of his voice, released him from his trance.

  That night he realized for the first time that you can feel fear not only because of other people.

  _________

  “Sit down.” Luo’s deep voice brought Paul back.

  The old man looked more exhausted than he had done in the last few days.

  “Are you unwell?” Paul asked, concerned.

  “No worse than usual,” Luo said, pulling at his cigarette.

  “Your foot?”

  “Yes.”

  Paul sat down next to him on the bench.

  After a pause, Luo said, “You must take him with you.”

  “Who?”

  “Da Lin.”

  “Where to?”

  “To Beijing. To his mother.”

  Paul buried his face in his hands. Why was Luo asking him for a favor that he knew was impossible for Paul to promise?

  “I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” he said evasively.

  Luo interrupted him. “He has to get away from here. I’m a sick man. Who knows how much longer I have. Three months? Six? There’s nobody in the village to look after him when I die.”

  “I’m sorry about that,” Paul said quietly. “Wouldn’t it be better if his mother came to get him?”

  “Of course that would be better. But she didn’t even visit at Chinese New Year.”

  Paul hesitated before he said what he was thinking. “Then . . . then perhaps she doesn’t want to have her son with her at all . . .”

  Luo gave him an angry look. “He’s starving himself to death here. You can see that. As soon as you’re gone, he’ll stop eating again.”

  “Are there no other relations he could live with?”

  “No.”

  “We could pay for his train ticket to Beijing.”

  “He’s never left the village on his own before. He wouldn’t be able to do that. Impossible.”

  “Then you can go with him. We’ll give you the money for two tickets.”

  Luo was silent for a moment, thinking. “It’s a three or four-day journey by train. And then back again. I can’t manage that any more.”

  Paul was unable to stay sitting on the bench. He got up and walked around the courtyard. He wanted to help. Of course he did. He understood what Luo was asking; in his position he would probably do the same. But he had to think of Christine and David. Another person would make their already difficult escape more difficult and dangerous. He sat down next to Luo again.

  “How do you think it would work? We are wanted by the police. We don’t even know where we’re going next, who is going to help us after this, or how we’re going to get to Beijing. We are the worst travel companions that you could have chosen for your grandson.”

  “Yes. If I had a choice I wouldn’t be asking you.”

  Paul shook his head. “I would love to help you. We’re incredibly grateful to you and we owe you a lot.”

  “Da Lin trusts you.”

  “But—”

  Luo did not let him continue. “He plays billiards with you. He talks to you. He talks to your wife. He plays with your son. You have no idea what that means for him.”

  “Yes,” Paul said. “I do.”

  “Then take him with you. He will waste away here.”

  Paul said nothing.

  “Please.”

  He could only guess how much strength it cost Luo to say this word. He hesitated before replying, but the longer he was silent, the more oppressive the silence grew.

  “I wish I could help you.”

  “Please!”

  The pleading in his voice. The desperation. Paul felt incredibly uncomfortable. He would like to have spared the old man this scene. And himself.

  “No.”

  Luo threw his teacup across the courtyard and it shattered against the wall of the well. The dog jumped up, startled, and started barking.

  Suddenly Christine was standing next to them. “Can I help?”

  Luo got up from the bench with some effort and gave Paul a look of contempt.

  “Coward.” He limped to the gate, opened it, and disappeared into the darkness.

  Paul looked helplessly after him. “Did you hear what he was asking us for?”

  “Yes.”

  “And?”

  Why wasn’t she saying anything?

  XVIII

  “Paul?” She could tell from his breathing that he wasn’t asleep.

  “Paul?” she said again, a little more loudly and decidedly.

  “Yes?”

  “Are you asleep?”

  “No.”

  “Could we–” She hesitated. She had carried the thoughts around with her the whole day, cast them aside, weighed them, and waited for the right moment to discuss her idea with him. They had not been on their own together for a second.

  “Couldn’t we take Da Lin with us?”

  He waited before replying. “Do you really mean that?”

  “Yes.”

  Instead of saying anything, Paul sighed.

  “Why not?”

  “How do you think it will work?”

  “Do you think it really makes a big difference whether we travel on as a group of three or four?

  Christine could feel him sitting up in bed. It had been a good idea to discuss this in darkness. She could not see his face or his gestures or the hidden meanings behind the words he spoke. With Paul especially, his eyes and the set of his mouth often told you more than what he said.

  “Of course it does. It will put us in even more danger. And him too.”

  “It’s not safe here either.”

  “Why not?”

  “You can see how Luo is.”

  “Then his mother must come and get him.”

  “She hasn’t been here for a year and a half. He needs us.”

  “We have to think about David.”

  To Christine, this was the one factor that weighed against taking Da Lin with them. But after long consideration, she had come to the conclusion that he was not an additional risk to them.

  “You don’t have to tell me that,” she said with an edge to her voice. “I just don’t see how it would be more dangerous to travel on in a group of four. Tell me why. Please.”

  “Let�
�s say you’re right. Have you thought about what we would do if we don’t find his mother in Beijing. Or, worse still, if we find her and she doesn’t want to have her son with her at all. Are we to leave him on the street then?”

  “No.”

  “Take him with us to Hong Kong?”

  “No, of course not.”

  “What, then?”

  She had no answer to that.

  “Christine, I feel bad about it too. I’d like to help, but taking him with us is not a good idea. We can’t.” His tone of voice made it clear to her that he wanted to end the discussion there.

  “Perhaps he could be of help to us.”

  “How could he be?”

  “David gets on well with him. Maybe we’ll be less conspicuous if there are four of us?” Christine herself felt that this sounded unconvincing. She had conducted this conversation with Paul in her head many times during the day and she knew that he was right about one thing: who would look after Da Lin if they didn’t find his mother? But she still did not want to accept the logic of this argument. Why wouldn’t they be able to find her? Luo had her address and they were in touch. If she had moved or was no longer in Beijing, she would have told him. And why wouldn’t a mother want to have her child with her?

  She was disappointed in Paul. Treating her as though she was being silly and was taking their safety less seriously than he was.

  “We can’t even take care of ourselves,” she heard him say in the darkness. “We don’t know where we’re going next or who will help us. Or if Zhang will find anyone at all. We’ve been waiting two days for a reply from him.”

  Christine said nothing in reply. She would not be able to change his mind.

  _________

  The text message came in the middle of the night. They were both woken by the buzzing of the phone.

  on my way to you. next stop: hongyang new town, shanxi province. exact address to come.

  At dawn they received a second text message.

  if i’m not there by tomorrow morning, travel on without me. it’s urgent. avoid cities. go to pastor lee on beijing lu in hongyang, block 4, building no. 3. do not stay overnight in monasteries.

  XIX

  Da Lin heard them first. A car drawing closer, braking and then coming to a stop. The stilling of the engine. Two car doors opening.

  “The police.”

  They started, too shocked to say anything.

  “The police,” he said again. “You have to hide.”

  Paul leapt into action. He jumped up from the table and swept David into his arms. “Where?”

  Now they could hear the voices of two men, coming closer.

  Da Lin ran to one of the sheds, wrenched the door open and practically pushed them in. He had barely closed it when two policemen stepped through the gate.

  “Where is your grandfather?”

  Da Lin gestured with his head toward the house.

  “Then tell him that we want to speak to him.”

  Da Lin trotted across the courtyard reluctantly.

  Christine hardly dared to breathe. They were crouched right next to the door. If anyone were to look in the shed, they would be discovered immediately. Paul held David tightly and put a finger on his lips to show that he had to be quiet. Through the narrow slits between the planks of the shed they could see what was going on outside. The police were about ten or twelve meters away. They heard one of them snuffling. The tiniest noise would betray them. A cough would be enough. A sneeze. A word from David.

  The policemen looked around the courtyard. One of them walked over to the billiard table right in front of the shed. He picked the cue up and put two balls in the middle of the table. Christine could see the dirt under his fingernails. David looked at his father in alarm. Paul tried to smile and look relaxed, and winked at him. He might be able to reassure his son that way but not Christine. She could see the fear in his eyes, and only hoped that it remained hidden to David. What would happen if the policemen found them? They absolutely could not follow them back to the police station. Once they were in the hands of the authorities they had no chance of keeping David. Zhang had impressed that on them.

  They heard the clicking of the billiard balls and Luo’s deep voice. “Put that cue down immediately. It belongs to my grandson.” He stepped out of the house. Da Lin was nowhere to be seen.

  The policeman continued playing as though he had not heard anything.

  Enraged, Luo limped across the courtyard as quickly as he could. He drew himself up to his full height in front of the policeman, who was more than a head taller than him. “Did you not understand what I said?”

  The impassive policeman took another shot, vigorously.

  Luo wanted to rip the cue out of his hands, but he wasn’t quick enough. He swung forward in a violent motion but snatched at thin air, lost his balance and fell. He landed in the dirt two meters in front of the shed. They saw his hands claw at the ground to begin with, and then close into fists. David opened his mouth to say something, but Paul held his hand over him just in time and shook his head forcefully.

  “Get up, old man.”

  Luo did not move.

  “Come on.” The policeman hit Luo lightly on the back with the cue.

  Luo got up with a great deal of effort.

  Da Lin was coming out of the house. He stopped at the doorway, observing the scene in silence.

  He had a catapult in his hands.

  XX

  Luo slapped his jacket a couple of times to get the dust off it. He had allowed himself to be provoked. That had been his mistake. He knew this policeman well. He had interrogated him many times at the police station, and had been a frequent visitor to the house. In the last two years, Luo had learned to put officials into different categories. There were the indifferent ones, the largest group, who just tried to do their job without any particular distinction. There were a few sympathetic ones, who had indicated to Luo that they condemned the murder of his son, but sadly could do nothing. There were the many eager ones who took their duties seriously, and held Luo and Da Lin to be threats to public order and security. Or at least they behaved that way.

  And then there were the sadists, who clearly took pleasure in the power they had over other people. This man was one of them.

  Luo limped hurriedly to the bench in front of the house. He did not know exactly where Paul and Christine were hiding with their son, but he wanted to lead the policemen away from the sheds, for they were probably hiding in one of them.

  “What do you want from us?”

  “We came to find out how you were,” said the second policeman, who Luo had never met before. He spoke so politely that Luo did a double take. He was much younger than the other man and his uniform was at least two sizes too big; extra holes had been punched in the belt for him. The pimples on his face and the hint of down on his upper lip made him look like a boy.

  “Thank you. We’re fine,” Luo said coldly. “Tell your superior that and leave us now.”

  “We’re not in a rush,” the other man said. He walked up to Luo holding the billiard cue in his hand. “What do you intend to do in the next few days?”

  “What could we possibly be doing? Working in the fields. Harvesting. Repairing the roof. Chopping wood.”

  “A hell of a lot of work for an old man.” The derision in his voice was unmistakable. “And for a sick one too.”

  “I’m not on my own.”

  “You can’t be telling me that this skeleton is of any help to you.”

  Luo pretended not to have heard this.

  “Or might you have some visitors who are helping you?”

  Luo’s stomach clenched. If the police were already looking for Paul and his family, all was lost. There was no way to escape from one of the sheds without being seen. And even if they did escape, where were they to go? How far could they get?

  “What makes you think we have visitors?”

  “A farmer in the village saw a stranger, a Westerner,
apparently, walking with a child in front of your house.”

  “I don’t know any Westerners.”

  “No?”

  “No!”

  “And what if I told you that this man had been tiling your roof?”

  “Are you having us spied on? Are you paying the neighbors to inform on us? What a safe and prosperous country we are, that the police have nothing better to do!”

  “Don’t talk nonsense. We want an answer.”

  “If someone says that, he’s wrong.”

  “And if someone tells us he has stood here in your courtyard and seen a foreigner here with his own eyes?”

  “Then he’s lying.”

  “Why should he do that?”

  “How should I know?” Luo hoped that the policemen could not hear how rattled he felt. “Perhaps he has something to hide himself?”

  The older man wrinkled his brow and looked suspicious. “And who did the little rascal here borrow a child’s bicycle for?”

  Of course the neighbors were spying on him. Of course Deng had reported his encounter with them to the police. How could he ever have thought otherwise? This had happened before and it was happening again now. They probably didn’t even have to pay anyone. Denouncing Luo came free of charge. It couldn’t hurt to curry favor with the police.

  “No idea. Ask him.”

  “But the little shit doesn’t speak.” The policeman took a couple of steps towards Da Lin anyway and towered over him. “Who did you borrow the bicycle for?”

  Da Lin was impassive. He turned his head calmly to one side, as though all this had nothing to do with him.

  “Do you know, boy? If I wanted to, I could get you talking in a matter of seconds. Do you believe me?”

  The policeman signaled to his colleague. “We’re going to have a look round.”

  Luo started to get up to stand in their way, but quickly changed his mind.

  “Do you really have nothing better to do than to watch an old cripple and a small child?”

  Perhaps he could distract them by provoking them.