If Not For You
Page 2
I only had one option left, one last deal breaker. I had to bring out the big guns, he gave me no choice, no alternative. It was my last ditch effort and I was going for it. I turned on the water works. Yes I did it, I sobbed like a five year old. My acting coach from high school would have been proud. I could see Camille from the corner of my eye holding back a titter, as I put on the performance of a life time.
“Oh not the tears. Jesus Christ, kitten! You’re so pathetic! I can read you like a book. You think this will work with me? You think I’ll give in to your tears?” His tone was definitely changing, the pissed off was starting to fade. There was a glimmer of hope, until…
“What about work?” he said.
Oh shit, I forgot about that.
“I quit.”
“YOU QUIT YOUR JOB?” he screamed and sat back down raising his hand to his forehead and holding out his cup to Camille, she grabbed the coffee pot, ran over and filled it hastily.
“Calm down Daddy, I hated that job anyway. A position is opening at Glendale and I was told it’s mine if I want it but it’s not starting until fall, so I have plenty of time to go on my cruise and prep for it.”
“I don’t like this. I don’t like this one bit. It’s not safe to be going off on your own.” Father confessed as he lowered himself to the table.
“I’ll be on a cruise ship on the ocean, with hundreds of other people, I won’t exactly be alone. They have security on board, I’ll be safe. Daddy, don’t stand in my way. I don’t want to take off with you angry at me but I’m going, whether you like it or not. I’m leaving Friday.”
I had never been so defiant. It felt good, but wrong. After my mom died it was only the two of us left in the house, I always felt pressured to do as I was told, to not stir the pot, rock the boat or risk upsetting my father. My mom’s death had taken its toll on my old man, leaving a giant gaping hole where his heart had once been and I felt for him. I truly understood what he had lost, but I had lost too and he never took the time to realize that. He had lost his wife the love of his life, but I had lost my mom.
He was never the same after her death. He rarely smiled, only laughed when he was entertaining business parties and snooty guests, barely made eye contact unless he was angry, which was a lot of the time actually or he’d scream when his demands were not met the second he gave them.
I sat and waited anxiously and after many long pregnant minutes my father finally caved, I knew he would, I didn’t really care either way, but knew he would.
“Fine, go!” he blurted, and stormed out of the room. Sure it wasn’t a great response, but it was one I could live with and the triumph was mine.
Now I could set my sights on a wardrobe, I needed to go shopping. I called Henry who accepted the challenge and also accepted that I was going on a cruise with only minor balking, proving himself to be my Henry.
***
“Carter. I have a job for you. I’m sending you on a cruise. You’ll be keeping an eye on my daughter Tandy. You leave on Friday.” George Manning was not a man to be questioned. When he gave an order; you followed it, to the letter.
“Sir, a Cruise?” I questioned a little bewildered. I hadn’t been working for Mr. Manning for long, I knew my place, but never imagined being ordered to take a cruise of all things.
I hadn’t been out of prison very long, I came to work for George Manning practically straight out of my cell. I owed Mr. Manning big time for taking care of my release and clearing my name. My father and George were best friends and business partners for years. Although I only met him a few times, George promised on the death bed of my father to take me under his wing, to take care of me after serving my time. I don’t know if that made me feel like a burden or a naughty child. Still, I was out of prison and had a good job, a roof over my head and wasn’t about to rock the boat.
“Yes. My daughter has decided that she’s going on some crazy cruise around the world and you’re going to be her body guard.”
“Okaaaay, when do I meet her?” I said, none too thrilled about babysitting Mr. Manning’s brat, but the money was good and who wouldn’t want to go on a cruise?
“Oh no, you won’t be meeting her that’s why I chose you. She wouldn’t know you from a hole in the ground. If she suspects for a minute that I sent you to keep an eye on her, she’d go ballistic.”
“You’re the boss, sir. I kinda need to know what she looks like though. Hard to keep an eye on someone you don’t recognize,” I said, imagining the female version of Mr. M. with a cringe.
“Here’s a photo, your tickets and passport. I pulled some strings; you’re in the adjoining state room. I figured that was best. Nice and close, you’ll report to me daily.”
“Will do, Mr. M.” I said, as I looked at the photo, definitely liking what I saw. She was beautiful, a real looker, I would enjoy this assignment.
Fuckin A, I said internally with a high five and a grin.
“And Carter,” He moved closer as he warned, “She can’t find out who you are, so keep a distance. Those paws of yours don’t touch a hair on her head, got it?”
“Yes sir,” I said with a salute of my brow. I was disappointed, yes, but I would keep my distance. Watching was half the fun anyway.
***
“Fifty five days at sea, hot guys and sunshine? You’re a lucky bitch!” Tess said, as we shared another plate of fries and Margaritas.
“I can’t wait. Friday won’t get here soon enough.” I said, hoping she wouldn’t ask why. Tess was my best friend, aside from Henry, and the only person on the planet that I couldn’t lie to. She could see straight through me like a plate of clear glass, she knew my next move before I did, she was that in tune with me.
“So when are you going to tell me the truth? The real reason you’ve decided to fuck off for fifty five days?” Did I mention she had a filthy, crude mouth that had fascinated me since our teen years?
She looked at me and sat waiting and waiting and waiting.
“You’re not preggers, cause virgins don’t do up-the-stump. And you can’t be running from a guy, because you’d have to be fucking someone to be running from someone. So what is it? Spill girl!” Her eyes never stopped staring as she slurped the last of her drink noisily through her straw.
“You know I’d never keep a secret from you. You know that right? It’s just that I can’t tell you right now. It’ll be better if you don’t know. Trust me. Okay?”
I could see by the look in her eye that she wanted to press on; I also knew that she trusted me like a sister. We made a blood pact way back in grade school, the real deal, poked our fingers with pins and everything. We shared most of our firsts together too. Our first time getting drunk together, which of course lead to throwing up together, our first kiss, so it was the same guy, it was still a first. We pierced our ears together. Got fake id’s and snuck into bars together. We even had a little sexual experimentation together. Tess had to understand.
“I don’t understand Tandy, you don’t keep things from me, why now? Is it that serious? I gotta tell ya, you’re fucking scaring me.”
“God Tess, don’t be scared. You have nothing to be scared of,” I assured her, with a smile and a gentle squeeze to her forearm. The only one here that needed to be scared was me. I didn’t want to beg but I would if I had to. I wasn’t beyond begging my best friend to keep a secret or to trust me.
“Trust me okay?”
“Okay. I’m trusting you this one time. But you’re gonna tell me right?” The way she looked at me made me want to confess, spill my guts all over the table and be done with it. But then she’d cry, I’d cry and she’d tell me not to go or that she wanted to come with me and all I wanted was to deal on my own.
“I promise I’ll tell you after the cruise, I promise.” We shared a long silent hug, one without tears, one without pity and one without regret. This is what I needed to do.
When the last of the margaritas were drunk and all the fries in the building were eaten, we hugged and
kissed goodbye. Tess waved to me from the street as Henry pulled away onto the road and turned the corner out of her sight. I felt good, I didn’t have to lie to her and she seemed happy with the way it was left.
“Peanut butter chocolate chip?” Henry smiled from the driver’s seat.
I smiled and shook my head at Mr. Tough Guy knowing it was he who wanted ice cream; he just dragged me along to make it look good.
“Sure Henry, sounds good.”
I sat in the front seat on the way to the park and held the ice cream cones. When we arrived at the park our favorite bench was empty and we sat watching children play and joggers run by, some with dogs, some without and a few wearing roller blades. The sun was warm and the slight crispness in the air felt good against my skin.
“You have everything you need for this cruise thing? Need me to do anything for you?” Henry was avoiding eye contact, I could tell he wanted to say something more.
“I have everything I need…what’s wrong Henry?” I broke up my cone and threw it on the grass for the birds as I waited for him to speak. He shook his head no and shrugged his shoulders, as if I was going to leave it at that.
“Something’s wrong, what is it?”
“I’m going to miss you. Nearly two months, this old guys going to go stir crazy without you. No one to chase after, no one to sneak around with,” he laughed, and I laughed along with him, he was so cute, so not old. He was only fifteen years older than me. More like a big brother really.
“You know what you should do?” I snuggled into his side wrapping myself around his large muscular bicep. “You go get laid.”
He furrowed his brow and slapped my hand. “Nice talk, Miss. Manning.”
“Oh please. You know you want to. Ask Leslie out she thinks you’re cute, she’d be an easy lay too.” I tried to encourage him as he pulled me off his arm and stood.
Leslie was our kitchen helper, it was well known that she slept with most of the male house staff and delivery men; in fact I even caught her giving the pool man a blow job in the change house once. Henry knew for a fact she’d jump his bones in a heartbeat.
“I do not need help with my sex life thank you!”
“Are you telling me you have a sex life, Henry?” I teased, knowing how incredibly uncomfortable he was on the subject.
“My sex life is of no concern to you, got it! Let’s go.”
“Alright let’s go home spoiled sport. But go the long way okay?” I was in no hurry to get home since my father had texted me earlier and said he’d be there for dinner and we ought to talk.
***
Just the thought that daddy wanted to talk made my stomach churn, you have no idea what talking to that man is like. He’s one of those my-way-or-the-highway kinds of father’s, a real hard-ass. My father wasn’t always this way; he used to be fun, the kind of real fun that memories are made of, you know?
Vacations by the seaside, Summers at the cottage, riding our bikes together, playing in the pool, even a silly scavenger hunt that Mom planned each fall when the leaves turned color and the air became cool. I can remember Christmas mornings when the house was filled with laughter and you could smell the turkey cooking practically the whole day. Yep, things were certainly different back then.
Now the house is cold and empty, there is no celebrating allowed anymore. The only activity in a day would be Grayson and the other staff members performing their duties like mechanical robots. My brothers Ryan and Caleb moved out a few months after mom died, got a nice apartment together near the university and my sister Alex went to live with Aunt Betty in Australia while she works on her Doctorate, she’s the really smart one in the family.
That leaves just me and him, a huge estate and at least a dozen staff members to run it. Not to mention, security staff and body guards, many of whom I have never seen or met, low profile and all.
See, my family is filthy rich, Daddy is swimming in it. My Great, Great Grandfather started it all, when he got into some investment thing, what I’m not too sure. I don’t pay attention and I don’t really care. My brothers will take over one day.
As for me, I work, or I should say I worked at Layton and Rusk as a Paralegal. I earn my own money and wish to keep it that way. Yeah there’s a trust fund and there’s money pouring out of my ass too, if I want it, but I’d rather make it on my own. I’m not like the others. Miss incurably Independent they call me, I guess they’re right.
The atmosphere in the house was different tonight; the air was heavy with testosterone. You could practically hear the whip cracking in the air and as I stood at the door, I could hear footsteps everywhere as staff scurried around taking care of his highness’s wishes. It made me laugh, at just how pathetic it really was in his world.
“Good evening, Miss. Manning.”
“Hello, Grayson,” I said, handing off my jacket.
“Your Father is waiting for you in the study,” he said.
In the study, how stuffy did that sound? Like something you would hear in an old black and white movie being spoken by a little hunched over British butler. Carrying a tray of drinks with a crisp white towel over his arm, scuffling his feet over the highly polished hardwood floors directing the way.
I opened the door and barged in, not accustomed to knocking at a door in my own house, unless of course it was a bedroom or bath. If I had to do this, I was going to be as big a tough-ass as he was.
“Hello, Daddy, you wanted to see me? Here I am,” I said, with my arms folded across my chest and my head tipped just enough to say I’m-tired-and-let’s-get-this-over-with.
“Kitten, have a seat. Want something to drink?” he asked taking the crystal cork from the decanter on the side table and half filling a snifter with brandy. I threw myself onto the cold leather sofa and crossed my arms and legs waiting, my shoe swinging on the tip of my big toe.
“Nope, nothing for me thanks.” Brandy was one of those firsts that Tess and I had snuck from my father’s liquor cabinet and gotten wasted on in our youth. The sugary burning smell made me heave. Now whiskey, that was another thing all together, I enjoyed a really good whiskey from time to time. But he kept that for business dealings and private guests.
“So? I take it you’re still adamant about this cruise thing,” he said, like I was a little kid having a hissy fit and threatening to run away.
Cruise thing
He kept calling it that and knew that it annoyed me. He was an educated man, not some ignorant vagrant off the street. The man had been on his share of cruises, it’s not like he never got out. Unlike some of us, he had travelled the world and its seven seas. Now it was my turn.
“Yep, I’m leaving Friday.”
My father stared at my shoe waving back and forth; scowling until I stopped. He opened his top desk drawer and pulled out his fancy leather-bound checkbook. As he opened it, I imagined the sound of an old door creaking unused for years and a thick layer of dust blowing into the air and I almost laughed out loud.
He scribbled across a check with his gold Caran d’Ache fountain pen and slowly tore it out, handing it to me. Was he kidding? Was this some kind of a joke? Was he actually going to insult my intelligence? I could only imagine what was going through his head, his thick, stupid, controlling skull at this very moment.
“What is this?” I asked and held it into his view.
“Fifty Thousand Dollars, kitten.” He stared at me with cold blue eyes and a smug look on his mug.
“I can see that. Why?”
“Change your mind about this ridiculous cruise thing and it’s yours.”
“Ridiculous cruise thing?” I stood and tore the check in half, then carefully and slowly tore those two pieces in half again. I continued until I couldn’t tear it anymore placing the tiny pieces in my palm. I took a deep breath, held out my open hand and blew the pieces across my father’s desk.
Fury? Hell hath no fury like me when I’m pissed, and I was pissed with a capital P. And when my father stood and leaned on the edge of t
he desk, ready to roar at me I placed one angry hand in the space between our faces as a warning and then flipped him clean off. I was satisfied that he understood exactly how I felt. Exactly!
There was no doubt in my mind that every staff member in the house and every household for a two mile radius, knew that the wrath of Tandy had reared its ugly head, that all should quake in their boots and refrain from darkening my doorstep, or surely face an agonizing death when my bedroom door slammed to a close.
My head was pounding, the pain was immense and I rocked back and forth with my knees pulled tight to my chest as tears streamed down my face. I tried to take deep even breaths but my ribs ached and the feeling had left my hands all together by now. I don’t know when my body finally gave in and I drifted off to sleep, I just knew that Friday couldn’t get here fast enough.
Day 57
As it turned out, the past few days were spent resting and packing for my trip, avoiding all which was beyond the sanctuary of my room. Leaving only to take in nourishment and run a few errands with Henry, when I knew the old man was gone.
Today the girls were coming over for a Bon Voyage party. I made arrangements with cook for a Caribbean menu. Yeah I know I wasn’t going on a Caribbean cruise, but the girls wouldn’t know the difference and quite frankly wouldn’t give a shit with enough Mai Tai’s and Margaritas in them.
When Tess finally arrived, she was going to be late for her own funeral, the group was complete and the first of many drinks were served.
“A toast,” Tess announced, holding her drink high into the air and waiting for everyone to follow suit.
“To you bitch. May you get laid, correct that, may you finally get laid on the high seas! Here’s hoping!” Tess roared and everyone laughed, including me, the virgin Tandy.
“Seriously, Tandy, I’m going to miss you, have a safe voyage.” Tess said and took a sip from her drink before giving me a hug and sloppy wet kiss on the cheek.
“Okay my turn,” Lynn my friend who had married young and made us all jealous with the way her man caters to her every wish, he was hot and sexy and from what Lynn shared, hung like a stallion.