If Not For You

by Jennifer Rose

  We finished our drinks and John offered his arm to escort me out of the lounge and out onto the starlit deck. We walked and talked and before I knew, we were standing at my room door. I searched through my clutch until I located the plastic card and John took it from my hand, inserted it and held my door while I squeezed past and turned to say my good nights.

  “Thanks for the drinks, John. I had a really great time.”

  “My lady, it was my pleasure to share the evening with such a beautiful woman. Until tomorrow, sweet dreams.” he lifted my hand to his lips and gave my knuckles a brief peck sauntering off down the hall.

  I may have been ever-so-slightly disappointed not getting a sloppy wet one, but I’d get over it. I had tomorrow to look forward to, maybe then I’d lock lips with him and I laughed at myself.

  While I changed for bed, scrubbed the stale makeup off and brushed out my hair, I thought of my night and how sweet and funny John had been. An unexpected encounter with a great guy, that was exciting. And then my thoughts drifted to Gage and why I hadn’t seen or heard from him since breakfast, but I didn’t want to think about him, I needed to text Tess and get to bed so I’d be rested for brunch.

  Isn’t it a fabulous evening? Guess what happened to me? Never mind, you won’t! I met J.R. Mornings and we’re having brunch tomorrow (Screaming!!!) We had drinks after one of the shows, he’s so funny and sweet, a bit older but wtf! Lol Nighty night! Tandy.

  A few minutes later, that familiar little ping told me she was interested, probably drooling down her blouse with envy.

  So who’s he? Should I be impressed? And just how much older? Is he hot? You left that part out. Lol. Tess.

  Are you kidding? My favorite author, he wrote a whole series of books and novella’s, he’s famous. He’s ten years older, so what. And he’s not bad looking at all. Tandy

  Sorry! You must be talking about those sordid kinky books you read, I don’t read that shit, wouldn’t know him from Adam, but happy for you anyway, enjoy brunch. And btw he’s too old for you my little virgin friend. Lol. Tess.

  Fuck you bitch! Good night! Lol. Tandy

  I climbed under the covers and pulled them to my chin, each muscle and bone in my body creaked and moaned a happy sigh. I had had far too many blue drinks and prayed they’d stay down tonight. I closed my eyes ready to spend a night in dreamland, when a loud thud on the wall from next door startled me. Must have been the headboard I thought, but it only happened the once, glad that Mr. Sexy-neighbor wasn’t going to get it on all night and keep me awake.

  I smiled when I caught myself thinking of a scene from the book ‘Wallbanger’ and the neighbors naughty sexual conquests with various classes of the female persuasion and the frustration it caused for the neighbor trying to sleep. Now that was a great book, I’d have to read that again I thought and closed my eyes.

  ***

  “Good thing lover boy didn’t try to kiss her,” I let slip from my mouth with a growl, flinging myself onto the bed. The headboard whacked against the wall and I winced hoping it didn’t wake Tandy.

  Today was a good day and I had passed my own test with flying colors. I had managed to keep a good distance, never revealing myself and the fact that I was watching her every move. Blending in with a group of men at the poolside bar, like I belonged, while she had a swim and sat reading a book at poolside, that had been fairly easy.

  There were moments though, when I struggled to keep my arousal at bay. As she applied lotion to her delicate skin in her ultra-sexy bikini, I nearly had a coronary. The hot pink suit drew attention from more than one observer at the bar. Then there was a moment I had to hold back the urge to tear an asshole apart when he referred to her as a ‘good sized bite worth sinking his teeth into’. She was, but I wanted to be the one sinking my teeth into her hot white flesh, not some aging fuck half snapped and probably married.

  Sitting clean across the dining room at a table for two, telling people the seat was taken when asked, gave me the perfect view. I could observe Tandy through the glass wall on the opposite side of the buffet and unless she knew I was there, she’d never have been the wiser.

  Tandy didn’t look any too pleased with her table mates, sucking face as usual. She shifted her food around on her plate with no interest in consuming it and gazed around the room, she seemed to be looking for something, or someone. I couldn’t help but wonder if she was watching for me or was it perhaps the moron from last night she was hoping to see?

  I’d have to find out who exactly Mr. Sharp-dresser was. He seemed harmless enough, but it was the harmless looking knobs that gave reason to worry the most. Smooth talkers hidden behind a façade, like some kind of Sean Connery want-to-be putting on the Ritz, when all along a slimy little creature lurks, ready to suck in an unsuspecting victim.

  It rattled my cage when I first saw the guy all dolled up to the nines approach Tandy and then sit with her for drinks. She looked so beautiful when she laughed and she did plenty of that all evening, funny fellow I imagined. Her pretty dress accentuated her full hips and clung to her rear end in the most exotic way as her hips glided from side to side. Just the right amount of cleavage showed were the fabric crisscrossed between her breasts, and her collar bones were exposed as if pleading to be licked.

  And again, like far too many times today, I was sporting a hard-on.

  Day 49

  I walked across the busy deck to the table where I saw John sitting, he looked up and our eyes met with a new morning smile. To my astonishment, I was not suffering from a wild hangover, nor had I spent the night kissing the porcelain god. Unusual because nearly every time I had too much to drink I’d spend the night on the bathroom floor with my hair full of puke and suffered for the entire next day.

  John stood and greeted me with a chivalrous kiss to my knuckles and held my chair while I sat. “You look lovely this morning, sleep well?”

  “Surprisingly well, thank you John,” I said, adjusting my sundress so I wasn’t revealing anything that wasn’t meant to be. My lack of a bra probably wasn’t my wisest choice but too-bad-so-sad, I couldn’t fix it now.

  A waitress came over with a coffee carafe and I held out my cup with a welcoming ‘yes please’ smile and she filled it to the brim. The hot liquid only added to the beautiful sunshiny morning and I closed my eyes and enjoyed the first mouthful.

  “So good,” I hummed.

  I looked over at the buffet in the distance, “What’s on the menu today?”

  “I don’t do buffets, honey, our brunch will arrive soon,” he told me with a wave of his hand in the buffet’s direction, like he was shooing away a fly.

  “Oh?” I had to ask, not that I wasn’t a happy camper. Rather because God knows I detest buffets and try to avoid them at all cost.

  “I’m afraid I’m a wee bit spoiled, it’s the celebrity thing. Once you get a taste of it, it ruins you. I pay handsomely for the services I require. Do I sound like a snob or what?” he asked, fumbling with something under the table.

  I laughed as I told him, “Maybe a bit of a diva but I don’t think you’re a snob, John, you just know what you like.” Knowing that if I were in his situation I’d be doing the exact same thing, besides I didn’t have to get off my ass and stand in the line and that was okay by me.

  John sat up and smiled as he handed me a black and white poke-a-dot covered gift bag with bright green tissue paper sticking out the top. “For you, my biggest fan,” he grinned.

  “What’s this?” I asked.

  “Open it and see,” he said, watching with childlike anticipation, as I pulled out the paper and peered inside.

  “Oh, John, you really shouldn’t have, how wonderful!” I partially stood and leaned over the table for a hug and John met me at the half way mark. I completed the hug with a big wet one to his cheek and we sat.

  I emptied the contents one by one onto the table and carefully scanned over each book, revolving them to look at both the front and back jackets of each.

  “The
re’s a special inscription in each, take a look,” he said, reaching over to show me, flipping the one in my hand open so I could see. The book was ‘Making Waves’ and the inscription couldn’t have fit it better.

  To My Darling Shipmate,

  Thank you for a night on the ocean I will never forget!

  Love Always!

  J.R.M.

  I couldn’t help but laugh at the sexual innuendo tucked in there for good measure. I read each inscription and they only got naughtier with each novel, I loved it!

  “I will treasure these always, thank you,” I said, packing them carefully back into the bag.

  Our brunch arrived and I tucked the bag of books safely between my feet, with a napkin on my lap, I was famished. John had ordered scrambled eggs, sausages and Canadian bacon, fruit salad and waffles with cream and tiny jugs of maple, strawberry and blueberry syrups. I was offered a choice of grapefruit or orange juice and the waitress filled my mug to the brim again with fresh hot coffee.

  “Everything to your liking my dear?” John asked, with a smile and I nodded as I plunked a piece of juicy canary melon into my mouth.

  “Mmm…fabulous,”

  “Do you have any plans today?”

  “Not really. I may read by the pool, I don’t like to think too far ahead. I’m trying to be a live-for-the-moment kinda gal,” I tittered into my coffee mug.

  “I was asking because I have a book signing in Darwin that I need to prep for, if you’d like to help. Actually, I’d just like the company while I get things in order. I’ll treat you to lunch.”

  I was thrilled that he asked, but tried to appear calm and cool, instead of turning into some kind of raving lunatic groupie.

  “I’d love to help you. Your brother won’t mind me being in the way?” I asked, curious as to where he’d be while we were alone in his room.

  “Jack’s doing research in the library today. I don’t think we will see him until the wee hours. He’s writing a murder mystery, he has a chase scene planned in the streets of Egypt and needs to plan out a route. Street names and places of interest for the characters to run past, then we will follow his plan when we get there and smooth out the details.”

  “There’s a lot more to writing a book than I thought. I just thought you sit down at a laptop and write.”

  “You’re not too far off when it comes to the books I write. I do a bit of research but most of it is from right here,” he said pointing a finger to his temple. “The dark recesses of my depraved mind.”

  He roared and laughed at his own joke and then shared sources of great information when it came to sexual positions and anatomy. Making me promise to keep it a secret I crossed my finger over my heart, locked my lips with an imaginary key and pretended to throw it over my shoulder and we laughed some more.

  By the time we finished brunch, my cheeks were sore and my belly ached from all the laughter. I couldn’t remember when I enjoyed myself so much in the company of a man, except of course for the time spent with Gage. We strolled back to his room and I peeked over my shoulder a few times, I had the distinct feeling that we were being followed.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, I’m just being silly. I keep thinking someone’s watching us,” I confessed, shrugging my shoulders when I saw no one.

  John looked around and put his arm over my shoulder like a shield, “I don’t see a soul, you’re safe with me.”

  When I walked into John’s room I stood wide eyed and scanned over the area. And I thought my room was small, this was like stepping into a dollhouse. There were stacks of books and cardboard boxes littering every surface and I noticed almost immediately that there was no balcony, just a good sized window on the one wall straight ahead. Two single beds camouflaged by boxes of book marks and swag for fans took up the left wall. And a two seat table and chairs sat under the window, almost invisible in the mess. The remaining wall housed a large LED screen and a door I presumed led to the bathroom.

  “I’d offer you a seat but as you can see…” he showcased the room with a wave and grinned.

  “Better get to work then, tell me what needs to be done,” I said, setting my gift bag on the floor by the door, pretending to roll up my sleeves.

  I filled each clear plastic gift bag with a bookmark, keychain, pen and signed photograph cards of John in a silhouette keeping him somewhat a mystery to his readers. Then I tied each with a silver and purple ribbon. I filled six boxes with the swag and took great pride in my work. You could actually tell it was a room now. I stacked the boxes under the TV and sat at the table with John while he finished autographing each book and piling them into boxes.

  “You sign them now?” I gawked, wondering why they called it a book signing, if he was doing it now and not for each fan.

  “These are for the fans that don’t make it to the actual signing. I have a lot of fans and we can only be there a short time, I only personalize them on the spot,” he said.

  When he signed the last one, he closed the cover with an aggressive slap and threw himself back into his chair, like he was truly exhausted and kneaded at his hand and fingers.

  “That was fun.”

  “You my dear are warped.” He laughed, and walked over to my bag at the door and slipped a swag bag into it. “For all your help, honey,”

  “You have to stop spoiling me, John.” I said trying to be stern and then my nosiness set in. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Shoot!” he said, as he sat down and rubbed at his hand again. I leaned forward without a thought and took his hand in my hands and started to gently massage his fingers and knuckles. John gave an exaggerated groan and rolled his eyes into the back of his head in rapture.

  “What’s your next book about? If it’s a secret that’s okay, you don’t have to tell me.”

  He thought for a moment with one eye closed and the other focused on me and bit his bottom lip before answering. It was rather cute, he was playful and fun and made me laugh, and this man had possibilities. But I just liked our new found friendship, for now anyway.

  “What I tell you must stay in this room, okay?” he whispered. I nodded a quick yes and kept up the massage.

  “I’ve decided to go completely off mark, a lesbian or gay fantasy I’m thinking. Maybe set on an island, the shipwreck deal, only the two of them and their luggage. But they don’t start off as lesbians or gay. Experimentation.” He shrugged his shoulders and then continued as I listened intently. “Or a threesome, I haven’t done one of those yet. I’m thinking male, male, female. Have you read any of those?”

  “Yep,” I said, a little embarrassed and then thought of whom I was talking to. “Lots of those.”

  “So, tell me what you like about the threesomes, what do you like in a story? It’ll help me a lot to have your input.” He grabbed a note pad and pencil and prepped for my response.

  I was kinda feeling honored that he cared what I had to say, but wasn’t sure what to say, feeling a little apprehensive.

  “If I can write it and you can read it, you can share it. Now spill your guts girl. How do you feel about the mix? Boy-girl-girl, boy-boy-girl, what?”

  “All of it, I mean variety is the spice of life right? Even,” I hesitated and he tilted his head in question. “What about boy does boy while doing girl? I don’t remember that too often and it is kind of a turn on.”

  “Very good,” John said, scratching away on the note pad while his tongue tucked into the corner of his mouth, so into it.

  “I could use a woman’s point of view, what are your greatest turn-ons? What rocks your boat in the bedroom? And be honest, this is research, I’m not going to judge,” he assured me but as I thought about it, I felt a sheet of anxiety drop over me.

  “Don’t know,” I said, watching as John moved his eyes from the paper and stared with interest.

  “Am I crossing a line? I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable,” he said, as he sat back in his seat, crossed his legs and sat the note pad on hi
s knee.

  “It’s not that you’re making me uncomfortable, it’s just that, well if you want me to be honest,” I cut short trying to think of how to put it, how to tell him something he’s probably hadn’t heard since grade school.

  “I do, I want you to feel free to tell me anything, and it’ll stay within these four walls. I promise you.”

  “I don’t have experience…in the bedroom that is. I have fantasies and wishes I just haven’t had sex.”

  “I see…so what excites you when you read my books?” he said, without skipping a beat, like he hadn’t heard a word I said or he was just being the sweetest man on the planet and letting me know it was not a big deal to him.

  He looked over and we shared a smile, an all knowing smile. He wasn’t going to ask and I wasn’t going to say more, the subject was closed. Then he returned to scribbling and I told him all the things that I’d like a man to do and all the fantasies that my brain conjured up in my dreams. He filled damn near three pages by the time I stopped.

  Looking at his wrist watched he yawned, “Look at the time. I say we finish this another day and go for dinner. It’s too late for lunch. How does the Riviera Grill sound?”

  “I can’t believe it’s that time already, it really does fly!” I laughed, stood and stretched and John followed suit with another moan.

  “You go change, honey, and I’ll pick you up in half an hour is that enough time for you?” he said as I walked to the door and scooped up my gift bag.

  “Half an hour’s fine. Will we being going casual, dressy or what?”

  “Let’s do casual, fuck the fashion police, it’s just a meal,” he laughed, and I headed off down the hall in a rush to get ready.

  As I neared my room I noticed Gage heading in my direction, I hadn’t seen him at all since breakfast yesterday. He was walking with a slow swagger toward me, a smile on his face and as he got closer in his black shorts and wife beater, I got a load of his big muscular arms. His hands were tucked into his pockets and his hair was left to hang wild.