If Not For You

by Jennifer Rose

  “Do I look that superficial? Got the whole caveman thing happening do I?” he said in a comical yet somehow biting way.

  “Did I offend? I’m sorry,” I said sarcastically and he shook his head with a smile turning it over to reveal the cover.

  “Fortune, really?”

  I was rather impressed. My father read Fortune; he had money, investments and a huge portfolio. Gage didn’t look like the investment type, what with that surfer boy hair and bad-ass personality. I sat and stared, trying to figure this guy out, he was a mystery man; I liked a good mystery. Given enough time I could figure him out.

  “Crossword puzzles really?” he countered, leaning in with a laugh, “just kidding, sweetheart. I like crosswords, want some help?”

  “I don’t need any help but if you want we can do one together,” I suggested, and he scooted his chair closer until our shoulders collided and I could smell a hint of coconut and soap. I was lost for a moment and didn’t hear what he said. His eyes were pretty blue today like the water.

  He took the pencil from my hand and started to fill in the squares, “There you go. To evade would be to dodge that’s one across. Which would make one down, specks would be dabs.”

  I came back from my daydreaming feeling a little heated and so glad he hadn’t noticed, if he did he wasn’t saying.

  “That was an easy one let’s find you something more challenging, this one. Seven down, grammatical unit eight letters.” I pointed and leaned into his side, just an excuse to get a bit close filling any gap between us.

  “Sentence.” he said, without hesitation.

  “Okay. Stump six letters.” I raised the challenge and scowled.

  “Stymie, you gotta come up with harder ones than these, this is kindergarten level,” He challenged, boldly and it was on. I scanned to the hard puzzles near the back of the book.

  “Incantations six letters.”

  “Spells, like you put me under,” he said, draping an arm over the back of my chair, leaning closer.

  Smooth talking son-of-a-bitch, I thought.

  “Masher's comeuppance, maybe, four letters.” I set the challenge; surely he’d have to think.

  “Slap,” he said instantaneously. Smart and good looking too I thought. I heard him sniff in at the side of my ear. Obviously smelling my perfume, it was nice how he was enjoying me and my scent.

  “Which you may get if you keep sniffing at me,” I joked. He chuckled and touched his nose to my neck keeping the distance between us tight. “One more let me see here, intense, as competition, six letters.”

  “Fierce, like you” he smiled that dimpled smile, and I tried to appear not so amused pushing his face away.

  I raised my brows and lowered my chin “Excuse me?”

  Gage laughed, “No offence, sweetheart, I’m just saying you give off a ferocious ambiance.”

  “What exactly are you trying to say, that I’m a bitch?”

  “No,” He laughed harder, “just saying I see intensity, maybe a little aggression and a whole lot of passion all rolled up into a raging ball of fire. It’s hidden deep in your soul, I can see it.”

  “You’re an ass,” I said, and scanned the pages of my puzzled book.

  “Yep I am, and this ass is going to the bar to get us a drink what would you like?” He stood and stared at my empty glass and pile of untouched pretzels.

  “Lemonade thanks.”

  “Will that be alcoholic or virgin?” he asked, and I scowled wondering if he was fucking with me.

  “Make it hard, thanks.” I said, biting into a pretzel.

  The corners of Gage’s eyes wrinkled up and he walked away with a huge smile. Then I realized what I said, he really was an ass, a typical male ass. And what a nice ass he had, I mused, as I watched him walk to the bar, as did his golden girl companions and we all had glowing smiles spread across our faces.

  He came back with a small tray of drinks. He placed it on the table where the ladies sat, before making his way back to me with my drink and his own.

  “That was sweet of you.” I said taking a sip of my heavily spiked lemonade.

  “Yeah well, never let it be said that I don’t take care of my women.” He laughed and held his glass in the air. I tapped mine to his with a clink and narrowed my eyes.

  “Who are you, really?” I asked. He had the gorgeous surfer bad-ass looks on the outside but something altogether different hidden on the inside. He could be funny, sexy and hot, bad-ass and tough too, but was also the type to remove his jacket and cover it over a puddle for a lady to cross. He’d probably go to great lengths to please that special someone and probably couldn’t resist a puppy.

  “Gage Carter, remember? We met at dinner,” he joked, fiddling with his magazine as the pages ruffled back in the breeze drawing away his attention. “I feel like sitting in the hot tub, join me?”

  I considered saying no, I really did, but when I looked up and saw those eyes and that smile, I had no other alternative but to submit. He scared me a little, he had me in the palm of his hand, had me twisting to fit his mold and no other man had ever had this effect on me. Before I knew it we were sitting side by side in the bubbling warm water of the hot tub, alone.

  “So what did you do in Darwin?” Gage inquired, his head laying back, his arms outstretched across the tubs edge and his eyes closed, giving me the opportunity to have a really good look at his face.

  He had what I liked to call well defined stubble, neatly edged and even, about a quarter inch at most. I do enjoy a man with scruff. His eye lashes were thick and long, the kind a girl would kill for and the shell of his ear with his hair tucked behind it, looked tempting. I traced my tongue across my lips thinking about making contact when I noticed his one eye open staring at me.

  “You didn’t answer me, sweetheart.” He grinned and closed his eye again. I looked away and slid down to my chin in the water and bit back my embarrassment.

  “John had a book signing and I went with him, it was a lot of fun, weird but fun.”

  “Sounds interesting. That was it, no sightseeing?”

  “No. It was an all-day thing.”

  “Do you read his books?” I was surprised that he asked, it couldn’t be because he read his work, did he even know?

  “I do. Do you?” I said.

  “No, not my thing. But if you like it,” his words drifted off and I wanted him to finish the sentence. I was a nosy bitch, it was bred into me. Even my job had me always asking questions. My need to know drove most people crazy but Gage didn’t seem bothered.

  “How do you know what he writes?”

  “I looked him up on the net.” He admitted.

  “Why?” I asked, sitting up to look at him, still relaxing with his eyes shut. I was a wee bit disturbed that he had taken such an interest. I might have considered it kind of creepy.

  “Curiosity I guess. You like him?” he pressed.

  “Yeah of course, he’s a nice guy.” I said and considered my answer for a moment. It was a truthful non- relinquishing answer, good enough for the moment.

  “No I mean do you like, like him?” he asked, as he opened his eyes and watched me squirm.

  “I don’t know. What’s it to you?”

  “Just a question.” he shrugged smoothly and sat up stretching his arms over his head and then draping them back across the hot tubs edge. If I sit back at this point I could cuddle into him, I thought. I didn’t want to come across like a desperate slut, nor did I want to come across as a prudish ninny, so I sat back with his arm at the back of my neck but made sure I didn’t rest on it.

  “What did you do, go sightseeing?” I questioned while enjoying the proximity to his body under the bubbling water.

  “Stayed on the ship and waited for you.” He said. I looked at his face which stayed completely unmitigated. Mr. Smooth, Mr. Slick & cool as ice. No telling if he was serious or not. I chose not.

  “You’re hilarious,” I said, splashing water at his pretty face and laughed. He wiped
the droplets away and pulled me into a bear hug.

  My left breast squished against his chest and I struggled, laughing to get away. His wet skin touching my wet skin was like heaven on earth. His thigh brushed against mine under the water and his feet tangling around mine to hold me in place, it was exciting and I didn’t want him to stop.

  “Tandy, honey!” A voice halted the horse play and I spun around to see John and Jack standing over us with amused smiles.

  “Hi,” I looked to Gage, his face cool like steel, his eyes scrutinizing the pair. “Gage, this is John and Jack. John, Jack this is my friend Gage.”

  They took turns shaking hands until the meet and greet came to an uncomfortable standstill.

  “Well we don’t want to intrude. We’re on our way to the gym, its cardio day. See you later. It was nice meeting you, Gage.”

  “You too,” Gage said, without much interest.

  “See ya,” I said, wanting to get back to the horse play which I knew was unfortunately over, but there was always hope.

  “Oh by the way, honey, I was going to call and ask if you’d like to go with us to see ‘La Cage aux Folles’ tonight?” John asked, with a huge pleading smile.

  “That sounds great. Where and when?” I asked eagerly.

  “Nine o’clock in the Princess Theatre. Gage, you’re welcome to join us. I have an extra front row ticket?”

  “Thanks, I’ll think about it.” Gage said.

  “See you then, honey. I hope to see you too, Gage.” I looked at Gage, he looked as if he really was considering John’s offer.

  “Well?” I said. “Come on, for shits and giggles. What else is there to do besides going to see a musical production about two gay lovers? It’ll be fun and we can have drinks after or find something else to do?”

  “Shits and giggles, eh? Sure why the hell not.” He said lying back again and I rested my head on his arm this time. He looked at me with a half-smile and closed his eyes.

  ***

  This was so wrong I thought, as I shrugged into a suit jacket and straightened the cuffs. I could always use the excuse that I was just keeping an eye on her, but I was only fooling myself. I wanted to see her, wanted to get closer, wanted to know everything about her. I couldn’t help but think I was about to tread on some extremely thin ice, I blew out a long tenuous breath and hoped to god that any thin cracks would hold.

  Knowing I would be late getting in, I sent Mr. M. an email while having a relaxing whiskey on the rocks to calm my shattering nerves and gnawing suspicions about Casanova and his brother.

  Miss Manning is going with friends to a show, I will be close by. Will contact you in the morning. G.

  Making it short and sweet I hit send, slugged back the remainder of my whiskey and carefully left the room to get Tandy for the show.

  I straightened my tie and smiled getting an eyeful of Tandy as the door opened.

  ***

  I smiled brightly when I opened the door and Gage stood fiddling with his tie and smiled that dimpled smile of his.

  “Wow, you look fucking gorgeous!” He said, skimming over my body from my head to toes and back again.

  I guessed my choice of gown was a good one. Emerald green chiffon off the shoulder with a crystal encrusted bodice, silver shoes and clutch and my hair held back in a simple clip at the nape of my neck.

  “You have such a way with words, Mr. Carter,” I said with a raised brow, “but thank you.”

  “Let me try again,” Gage cleared his throat. “Miss Manning, you look really nice this evening…really fucking nice.” he said, and I rolled my eyes, it was as polite a compliment as I was going to get and I’d take it in any form he wished to give it.

  He offered his bent arm in a gentlemanly gesture. “Ready?”

  “Let’s go.” I slipped my arm into his and we headed off to the Princess Theatre.

  Jack and John were already seated when we arrived, they had left our tickets at the door and I sat with John on one side and Gage on the other. Jack of coarse was chitchatting with the woman seated next to him. I spent most of my time as the rose between two thorns, with a growing case of whiplash as John and Gage carried on polite conversation. Both vying for my attention, it was adorably annoying if I had to be honest.

  It was quite the production, like we were in the audience of the original Broadway show. I had seen Cats on Broadway years ago, a wonderful show, but it didn’t compare to Les Cage. The music was upbeat and rhythmic. The costumes spectacular, all glitter and sequins and the actors playing the main gay characters, were hysterical.

  At intermission, we stepped outside for some fresh air and John went off to mingle with other friends while we got some water and visited the restrooms. When Gage placed his hand at the small of my back to guide me to our seats I visibly shivered at the sensuous touch.

  “You cold, sweetheart, want my jacket?” Gage offered.

  “No I’m fine.”

  “How well do know John?” Gage asked, taking me by surprise. A strange question I thought, sensing there was a lot more to it than casual time filling conversation between acts one and two.

  “I suppose as well as you can in a short few days. Not that well at all, why do you ask?” I proceeded forward with the masses herding our way to the front. Not able to see Gage’s face as he stayed behind me never removing his hand from my back, my curiosity was getting the better of me. I tripped over my own feet and nearly tumbled to the ground. Gage caught me around the waist and righted me.

  “You’re not answering me.” I faced him. He turned me towards our seats and forced me on.

  “And Jack?” he asked, from behind without an answer to my queries. His line of questioning was starting to piss me off, especially when mine went unanswered.

  “Not at all, I think we’ve said two, maybe three words since meeting. Why?” I pressed, a little louder this time and swiveled my head around to meet Gage’s glare.

  “I don’t know.” We reached our seats and I sat still looking at Gage for clarity.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, but Gage just shook his head and put his finger to his lips to silence me. John walked towards us. Something was up, something was needling Gage. He didn’t like John or Jack it was apparent to me. I couldn’t think why not, John was gracious and polite, carried on witty conversation and made no advance towards me to draw alarm.

  John joined us but Jacks seat remained empty as the lights dimmed and the show started again. Gage’s questioning was bothering me, so much so that I had trouble getting back into the performance. Why was he acting so suspicious of John and Jack and where did Jack disappear to?

  After a curtain call the actors took their final bows and it all came to an end. The house light brightened and we stood.

  “Join me back in my room for drinks?” John encouraged, looking at us both, but Gage was faster on the draw than I, he clasped onto my elbow with a most definite do-as-I-say grasp. I swallowed back my answer.

  “Not tonight thanks, perhaps another time.” Gage said.

  “Sure,” John looked around and laughed. “Damned Jack, better try and find him before some poor man discovers his wife has been seduced by my brother. Good night my dear, thanks for joining us, Gage.”

  “Good night, John.” I said and spun round scowling at Gage as he hustled me away.

  “What the hell was that all about? I can answer for myself you know? Maybe I wanted to go.” I shrugged loose from his grasp and stood with a determined glare.

  “Something’s not right.” He said.

  “What’s not right?” This secretive James Bond shit was cute but starting to bore me.

  “Not now. Not yet. I just don’t think it’s a great idea for you to be alone with them.”

  “Are you crazy? He’s my friend. The guy is a famous writer, Jack is a writer too. I’ve already been alone with them and nothing happened.”

  “I can’t put my finger on it,” He looked into my eyes with those baby blues of his and I wanted to be mad a
nd storm off, do something dramatic, put on my own performance but I saw something. “Trust me okay?” There was definitely something consuming him, but he wasn’t making sense, none of this was making sense.

  “Sure, whatever you say,” I said, sarcastically. I wasn’t into vague conversation, spit it out or shut your face, that was my motto.

  “Don’t play with me, Tandy!” He hissed, dead serious, scary dead serious. He took my hand and pulled me along.

  “Sorry.”

  “I’ll take you to your room,” he offered.

  “I can get there, you don’t need to bother.” I was agitated and didn’t appreciate being told what to do or who to do it with. Who did this ass think he was, my father?

  “It’s not a bother, I insist.” This new tone certainly wasn’t endearing and only caused me to drag defiantly behind.

  “You’re really into this security shit, eh?” The sarcasm oozed from my lips like venom and I dug my heels in, not to be moved another inch.

  He pressed me hard to the wall, my eyes widened. “I’m serious here.”

  Brows knitted together, I pushed my hands on his hard chest. Like a rock wall he was unmovable. His large hand held my chin gentle but firm. “I get a sick feeling around those two. Nine times out of ten, when I get that gut feeling it’s not good. You need to trust me.”

  The dangerous stare and his standpoint told me he wasn’t messing around and to take heed, “Okay. I trust you. You’re scaring me but I trust you,” I said.

  He released me, held out his hand and I found myself putting my hand in his. We walked to my room in silence. I was shocked at the rush it gave me when he was all forceful and nasty, pushing me up to the wall. I wiped the pearls of sweat from my upper lip just as we arrived at my room.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow?” Gage asked, as I opened my room door and walked in. He was casual, like he hadn’t just pinned me to a wall.

  “Would you like a glass of wine or something? I mean I’m wide awake and you have managed to scare the bejesus out of me, so would you like to come in and keep me company for a while?”

  “A glass of wine might be nice,” he replied, stepping inside and closing the door.