If Not For You

by Jennifer Rose

  “You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into, there’s a side to me…you just don’t know.”

  “If you’re trying to scare me don’t bother, it won’t work. I’m not scared.”

  He stepped back farther, I found myself pulling in a deep breath when I heard him whisper with a sexy rasp, “you should be.”

  “Gage?” I asked, worried that he was going to leave me cold and walk away, I knew I couldn’t handle that again. If he rejected me now, I was afraid of what I would do.

  “Give me a minute, I’ll be back.” He picked up his jacket and fumbled in his pockets. He held up his key card and smiled as he threw his jacket across the room.

  “One minute,” he raised his index finger, “I have to run to my room, don’t move. Stay right there.” he said pointing as he backed into the hall and out of sight.

  I didn’t move an inch, not an inch. I stood staring at his silky green tie lying on the floor where he had been stand just moments ago, praying for the door to open. Time stood still as if I was in some kind of cruel time warp, where everything stopped and floated in the air in a strange limbo, like I had seen in commercials and music videos.

  The door clicked open and Gage stood still for a moment watching me with a smile, “You didn’t move.” he whispered.

  I shook my head no and he walked over with his hands behind his back.

  “Close your eyes,” he whispered, I closed them tight with anticipation. “Hold out a hand.”

  “Which one,” I asked, giggling.

  “You choose.”

  I held out my right hand and I felt Gage fiddle with something cold around my wrist.

  “Open your eyes,” he instructed.

  It was a pretty silver link bracelet with a jade green Buddha charm clipped onto it.

  “I bought it for you in Mumbai at the market, you can add the other charm I bought in Singapore…I forgot about it until now.”

  I held it up to get a better look. “It’s beautiful, thank you, I love it…this is why you stopped me?” I asked, it was pretty and I’d treasure it always, but surely it wasn’t so important that he had to stop what was happening to give it to me.

  “Not just that.” He suddenly got serious again and I was dreading what else he was going to say, he was going to tell me can’t.

  “I had to get these.” He held out a long row of foil wrapped condoms and tossed them onto the bed with a smile.

  My heart restarted with a violent pounding and Gage closed the distance between us. His hands weaved into my hair and he held my cheek to his.

  “Are you sure this is what you want?” he breathed the words across my cheek.

  “I’ve never been so sure,” I breathed the sound barely audible.

  Gage’s tongue brushed over my lips and I opened to him, our tongues tangling in an elegant dance together and our moans echoed from our mouths.

  I heard the rasp of my zipper as he lowered it and my dress slid down to the floor around my ankles. I stood in my bra and panties and unbuttoned the remaining buttons on his shirt, and as he shrugged out of it, I unfastened his pants and pulled them over his hips letting them slide down to his ankles. We stepped from the discarded clothing and I couldn’t stop from lowering my sights to the bulge in Gage’s boxers, as it pushed against the fabric seeking escape.

  Sure I had seen naked men before but never up so close and personal. He was frightfully large from what I could tell. I reached out and touched my palm against his arousal and he let out a puff of air as his eyes closed and his head fell back. His reaction and the heat in my palm sent a tingle through me and my belly fluttered down low.

  Opening his eyes, Gage reached out and ran his fingertips across the lace edge of my bra. I could feel my nipples tighten almost painfully under the fabric. He fumbled with the clasp as he kissed my shoulder until it was open and I slipped it free from my heavy breasts and threw it to the floor. Gage’s hands fondled and kneaded each unhurried.

  His thumbs stroked over each nipple and then he lowered his head, licking circles around one and then the other. He sucked each into his mouth and gently nipped at them, sending bolts of pure pleasure to my sex. I was dizzy with the excitement that Gage was causing.

  Feeling bolder, I caressed my hands down his chest and into the waist of his boxers. I wanted to touch him, feel his cock in my hand, feel the proof of the affect I had on him. My hand clasped around his silky warm, pulsating flesh and Gage’s hips jerked back, pulling free of my hold.

  “Whoa, gentle baby,” he whispered, taking my hand and spreading my fingers carefully around his shaft, gliding my hand up and down in long, even strokes. My fingers couldn’t touch together as I held him, I thought about that for a moment, too large for my hand and he was going to put that inside me?

  “Mmm…better,” he said, releasing his hand, giving over control with a glazed look in his eyes.

  His lips closed over mine, kissing me tenderly as his hand slipped into my panties slowly, his fingers dipped between my folds and I moaned softly into his mouth. I had to release my hold on his cock and grasp onto his strong arms to steady myself as my legs nearly buckled. He smiled against my mouth, his teeth nibbled at my lower lip as he slid his finger along my folds.

  “So warm,” he whispered sweetly.

  I could feel my juices slick and wet as they coated his fingers and he stroked in and out in a slow steady rhythm. My hips rocked to meet each stroke. I had to pull my mouth free from Gage’s to catch my breath. The feel of his long pleasing fingers as they caressed inside me was like nothing I could have imagined. I whimpered and groaned unabashed, if this was heaven then kill me now.

  “As pretty as they are, the panties have to go.” Gage’s hand pulled free, pushing my panties down over my hips and I helped quickly slip them off.

  He helped me onto the bed and lay down beside me. I don’t think there was a single inch of flesh that he didn’t trace with his fingers and then follow with kisses. My entire body tingled and my breathing hastened as he started at the swell of my breasts, his lips and tongue smoothing over my skin, suckling at each nipple leaving a cool damp trail to my navel.

  My fingers tangled into Gage’s unruly locks and I tugged until he crawled up on all fours over me, I needed him inside me. He licked across his lips and dipped down to lick over mine. Pressing my palms to his chest and caressing his taut tanned pecs, I linked the tip of my pinky into his piecing and he smiled.

  Giving it a slight twist, not wanting to hurt but wanting to test his reaction, he provided me with a hot growl and I asked, “Does that hurt?”

  He shook his head and grinded his erection against my thigh, “Makes me harder,”

  “As if it could get any harder,” I giggled, helping him wriggled free from his boxers. I watched as he tore open the foil packet and slid a condom over the shiny purple head of his impressively thick cock, rolling it to the base. He gave it a few strokes. I remembered the vision of Gage in the shower jacking off and smiled, he smiled back like he knew, like we shared the same thought.

  When he positioned himself over me, our eyes met. He held my chin in his hand and placed a slow smoldering kiss on my lips. I could feel his cock hard against my leg like a silk covered steel pole and my clit pulsed with eagerness. I couldn’t help but shift my hips to push harder to him.

  “I need you to be sure baby. I don’t want you to regret this, any of this.” he whispered breathlessly.

  “This is what I want, you’re what I want, please don’t stop.”

  His hand slid between us and brushed his cock over my opening with a moan and held the head of his cock right there, right at my entrance, like he was teasing. I whimpered my protest and drew in a deep breath, holding it. My mind was in a haze, all a whirl, as my eyes began to roll into the back of my head at the combination of his fingertips and the head of his cock moving against my waiting sex.

  I heard him whisper, “Keep your eyes on mine baby. I want to see your face when I take it. I want
you to see mine,” he instructed.

  My eyes opened to see an erotic twinkle in his beautiful blue pools and those dimples I loved in those gorgeous cheeks. My heart was racing and the ache between my thighs had me gasping. I was so aware of the wetness between my thighs. The heat, the want, the need for his touch had me writhing beneath him and he hadn’t even penetrated me yet.

  As he pushed the head of his cock into my opening, my mouth dropped open and I let out my held breath with a surprisingly loud cry. He was impossibly large and I trembled as he pushed in farther and my body adjusted to accommodate him. The feel of his cock as it pushed past the lips of my sex was enjoyably painful, yeah it hurt, but it was the kind of pain that made your stomach ache with delicious pleasure.

  The look on Gage’s face as he penetrated me was the sexiest thing I had ever seen and as tiny beads of perspiration formed on his upper lip, his teeth bit into his lower lip and his brows knit together. His groans were only slightly masked by his teeth, but the pleasure he was experiencing showed clearly in his heavy lidded eyes. I’m sure he saw exactly the same in mine.

  He rose onto his hands and pulled back, held his stare and started rocking his hips, slowly and gently. I clamped my hands on his strong biceps and arched my back as he pushed in farther.

  “Oh my God…ohhhh…” I called out and held on tight to his arms as he pushed inside me.

  “Oh fuck, you feel like wet silk, baby.” Gage exhale noisily. “This might hurt baby, but not for long, I promise.” he growled and thrust deep.

  “Gage,” I cried out.

  I felt the head of his cock as he filled me to capacity, then a sharp sting. I gasped and I knew at that very moment, I was no longer the dreaded virgin. As he increased his rhythm, sliding in and out, the sweet pain slowly altered to pleasure and my hips moved to meet each stroke as he increased his pace. My hands cruised over his lightly dampened skin and my legs shook uncontrollably.

  So full, my sex lips grasped tight around his cock, I held my breath and dug my fingers into the rippled muscles of his back. He scowled and groaned and I couldn’t help but grimace as he pounded into me.

  “Breath, sweetheart, you gotta relax and let go,” he whispered, “feel me, every inch of me inside you.”

  Gage shifted, positioning me so that my legs curled closer to my chest. I was so open and could feel the head of his cock each time it rammed deep against my cervix. His balls slapped loudly against my ass cheeks. On his elbows, he weaved his fingers into my hair, tugging slightly. Face to face we studied each other, luxuriating in each other’s satisfaction.

  Euphoria, that was the only appropriate word I could come up with to describe what I was feeling as our sweat covered bodies thrashed together. The rhythm as the headboard of the bed banged against the wall had me wondering for a brief moment if my sexy neighbor could hear us. Was it a turn on listening to me cry out Gage’s name? I didn’t know, really didn’t care either.

  Our moans and groans echoed through the room, we held nothing back. My hands roved over his sweat covered back and firm ass. Gage lay against my chest and his hands held my face as his rhythm increased.

  “Oh your pussy’s so tight,” he called out, “I’m gonna cum…oh fuck baby…” The way he said cum and those filthy words were intoxicating. The sultry rasp in his voice as he got closer to his release had me squirming and panting.

  His eyes locked on mine and glazed over as he held his breath, his jaw dropped open into an O and he battered his cock into me. I swear he swelled more as he visibly shook and cried out my name as he climaxed. It was sexy hot hearing him gasp out my name and seeing him come totally undone…exhilarating.

  My chest tightened and tears filled my eyes the more he verbalized his enjoyment. At that very moment he made me feel adored, idolized, cherished. I meant something special to him if only for tonight. He meant everything to me and always would, forever. He would always be the man I gave my virginity to; no other man would ever know that feeling.

  I ran my hands along his back and he buried his face into my neck and gave me tiny butterfly kisses up to my ear, as we both collapsed totally spent. He rolled off of me, discarded the condom and pulled me with him so we were facing each other and the sight of that dimpled smile, beads of sweat on his forehead and chest were out of this world.

  He wiped away a tear from my cheek and asked, “Are you okay, sweetheart?”

  Gage reached for the tangled sheet and pulled it over us. I appreciated the thought and it made me happy knowing that it wasn’t a wham-bam-thank-you-mam moment, and he wasn’t going to leave me alone with only my memories.

  “I feel great,” I told him and I did. I felt new. Glad to leave the big V behind, never having to face it again.

  “Was it all you thought it would be?” he asked, I wasn’t quite sure if he was teasing me or not, so I also wasn’t sure what to say or whether to answer at all.

  “I don’t know…I mean…I won’t miss being a virgin,” I smiled. I was giddy; silly, on a mind-altering kind of high.

  “Did it feel good...don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to feed my ego. But I’d like to think that it was as good for you as it was for me, cause baby it was fucking amazing, you were fucking amazing.”

  He pulled me closer and if he could have seen the blush on my cheeks he would have known that my ego had just been stroked with his words. He actually thought I was amazing? It had been a long, long time for him.

  “I would think after all these years sex with anyone other than your right hand would be amazing,” I said, with a little titter and Gage rolled, had me pinned under him faster than I would have thought possible.

  “Stop. Don’t ever think for a minute that you are anything less than perfect to me. You’re beautiful, sexy hot and yes, fucking amazing. You make me hard just by being in the same room, the same world, hell, the same universe. I can’t get enough of you, fuck if it wasn’t that you need time to heal I’d be making love to you again right this second.”

  Gage’s thumbs swept away the tears running past my temples and pecked my lips, I was an emotional piece of mush under this wonderful man.

  “This wasn’t just sex for me and you’re not just anyone, sweetheart. You’re my all. You do realize you now own every part of me, my heart, my body and soul,” he said, so serious, my heart tugged, the guilt for what I’d said nipped at me and all I could do was throw my arms around his neck and hold him tight.

  “I’m so sorry, Gage. I have this problem with my big mouth,”

  “This mouth?” his tongue ran across my lower lip. “This perfect mouth, these perfect lips, I don’t see a problem.”

  He had me laughing as he lapped at my mouth and lips, licking my face and neck playfully wriggling around on the bed, until we were both exhausted.

  “Come on, let’s get cleaned up,” he said, rolling me off the bed with him.

  My legs wobbled when I stood at the side of the bed and I couldn’t help giggling when Gage reached out to stop me from falling.

  “You okay?...Shit you’re bleeding. Did I hurt you?” he asked, truly concerned. I followed his eyes as he looked at the sheets on the bed and I grimaced at the few spots of crimson on the cream colored sheets.

  “Guess that’s what happens when you have sex with a virgin,” I joked, with a smile and a touch of my hand to his cheek. “I’m okay darling, better than okay.”

  “I was too rough.”

  “You weren’t too rough, you were incredible, couldn’t have been more incredible, no one else but you could have made me feel that good.”

  I laughed with a wiggle of my brow and a bump of my hip to his, “We’re not virgins anymore are we?”

  “No we’re not…we’ll have a shower then I’ll call room service to change the bed,” he said directing me to the bathroom.

  “Yes sir,” I joked, giving him a salute and giggling as he pulled me under the stream of water.

  He washed every inch of me, so gentle and caring and in turn I indulged
in washing every inch of him, including his toes, you know I love his toes. His cock twitched as I soaped it up and Gage shook his head removing my hand, telling me no. I wanted a repeat performance, I wanted to feel him get lost in me but I understood.

  We dried off and Gage brushed out my hair, helped me into a t-shirt and panties, threw on a robe, called room service and ordered us wine and fries. So very attentive, he made me feel like a princess, as sickeningly cliché as that sounded.

  I took the sheets off the bed and rolled them into a ball before the chambermaid got there. I didn’t need to announce to her that I was no longer a virgin, I’m sure she wouldn’t care, but just the same. She remade the bed with fresh sheets and pillow cases and even placed chocolates on the pillows before leaving.

  The bottle of wine and fries were gone in record time, I guess we were hungrier than we realized. Falling into bed, Gage fussed with getting me into the ideal position spooned against his chest. He twirled a strand of my hair around his finger, a habit I was growing to love, as he whispered softly into my ear, “Now that the ‘first time’ is past us, I’ll see what I can do about the other thing.”

  I gave a tired smile at the idea there would be more and then questioned what he had said.

  “What other thing is that?” I whispered back as my eyes grew heavy in the darkness, his playing with my hair relaxed me further.

  “The O that you haven’t dealt with,”

  “The O? Oh, the ‘O’.” I snickered when I become conscious of what he meant, giving into the darkness.

  Day 29

  I’d have to say this morning was by far the best morning I’d had yet. Waking with Gage wrapped around me, the sun streaming into the room and the dénouement of the big V behind me, nothing but nothing was going to wipe the smile off of this face.

  It was a new day, hell it was a new me. I wanted to scream from the roof top, but I’d settle for the bridge, I was on a ship after all, that I was the happiest non-virgin in the world. Sappy yes, but happy.