“Uh huh…I think I’d like that,” I said, as he rolled onto his back and I settled my head on his chest.
“You sure?” he asked. “I mean really sure?”
“I think so.” I answered a little apprehensive this time, when he questioned me.
“You have to be sure, I can be very demanding,” he said in no uncertain terms.
“Should I be scared?”
“No, not scared, I’d never hurt you, never.” He sounded sincere, moving me so that he was looking into my eyes and I saw the sincerity, I really did.
“Promise?”
“Promise. But in due time, for now we explore the here and now.” he said, crossing his fingers over his heart. I glanced at his tattoo, the word ‘Forgiveness’ spelled out in Latin, as his fingers swiped past it making me wonder what it meant.
“I give you control,” I said, and our lips touch softly. Gage gave me a satisfied hug and sighed before we both closed our eyes and fell asleep.
Day 28
Our day was spent in orgasm heaven. Any kind of skin to skin contact, whenever a breeze blew by or when we caught sight of each other with anything less than neck to toe clothing on, we’d find ourselves in a tangled embrace and hot sex followed. Sometimes for hours until neither of us could walk unassisted.
The man was insatiable, he had stamina, amazing stamina.
Utter control hadn’t come into play. Anticipation settled deep in my gut. Kinky images raked my thoughts, like those I read about in novels. Unfortunately, experience was not my ally. He hadn’t tied me up or gotten into the rough stuff he knew I craved. Yet Gage attended to my every need and gloried in controlling orgasm after orgasm, a selfish lover he certainly was not. It was that darker, naughtier side I waited on. Don’t get me wrong I was more than enjoying myself; it was just the promise of something mysterious that had me intrigued.
We barely spent any time apart and the time we did, I referred to as recovery time, was short and sweet. Gage had practically moved in, a fact that bothered me sometimes, not for the reason you think. Not that he was with me all the time, I love that he wanted to be with me every waking moment. But rather that our time together would soon end and he would be torn from my life, forever! The void would be larger than I could fathom. His absence would leave a cavernous hole, one that would remain exposed and painful. My heart ached whenever I thought of him walking away, so I chose to ignore it. But I knew I could fool myself for only so long, letting myself believe that this was a good thing we were doing. Letting myself believe that I could handle being alone again was like a suicide pact and I was well aware of what was preordained.
Both drained physically, we agreed to park our asses by the pool and relax. At least out of the room we could manage self-control, for a short time anyway. I loved the way Gage could make me scream like a banshee with his touch and that exquisite tongue of his made me breathless at the thought. We, as in I, needed some rest.
Gage had moved two lounges side by side into a shady area surrounded by umbrellas and spread out towels on them, watching me with a fire in his eyes as I slid off my shorts and t-shirt to expose the hot pink bikini he loved and lay down beside him. His voracious appetite for me was endearing and I hoped it would last forever, even though I knew that forever was only twenty five days away.
We held hands and I studied him as he faded in and out of a vegetative state. His skin was a soft contrast to the hard muscled frame beneath, nicely tanned and flawless except for one tiny scar I noticed on his side, just under his ribs. I wondered all kinds of things, my imagination conjured up many situations and I’d have to ask when he woke. He was gloriously sexy as his hair blew around his face in the breeze, the scent of his coconut shampoo causing me to smile. I loved that smell especially when mixed with his musky sweat during sex. The aroma was like a sexy cocktail that I constantly thirsted for.
I drew my attention back to my book, enjoying the naughty daydreams that it was giving me. I stared at the swell in his shorts and tried to picture myself giving him head, could I possibly give the man a blowjob? Hell after the hours he spent with his head between my thighs, why couldn’t I return the favor? Gage rolled on to his stomach and broke my concentration.
A server came over asking if I was interested in something from the bar, I ordered a Strawberry Daiquiri. Knowing that Gage was asleep I didn’t bother to wake him and lazily went back to my book.
Sipping from the straw after discarding the cheesy paper umbrella and eating the strawberry garnish, I enjoyed the cold icy concoction. The awareness that I was being watched suddenly made my skin crawl, goose bumps burst over the surface of my skin. I chewed nervously on the straw as I perused the pool area, watching for anyone meeting my eyes, but like always I saw no one. I just couldn’t break the feeling.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Gage asked, startling me; causing me to jolt.
“Fuck, you scared me,” I said, a little more foully than I had meant.
“Didn’t mean to,” he said, rolling over and sat up taking my hand in his and squeezing it.
“You’re going to think I’m stupid, but I have that feeling like someone’s watching me again,” I told him, not wanting to appear like some silly scared bitch needing a man to protect her. This feeling was starting to unnerve me, it was happening far too often for my liking.
He scanned over the crowd and then back to me with raised brows, “I don’t see anyone suspicious.”
“Well you’re the big security expert, do something,” I demanded, in a tone like a spoiled brat, well aware that that was exactly how I came off.
Gage’s amused expression as he spoke didn’t help the matter, “What do you profess that I do, go get my gun and force out the culprit?”
“I don’t know…I don’t know.” I was so frustrated I had blocked out what he said and then it suddenly registered. “You have a gun?”
“Of course I have a gun, and a license to carry it.”
“On the ship, they let you on the ship with a gun? Not in my room, right?”
“Could you say it a little louder, sweetheart? I don’t think the man in the striped shorts over there heard you. No. Not in your room. Stay calm, losing your shit won’t help the situation any.”
“Look, I’m used to this crap at home. My father has me followed all the time. I can easily pick those assholes out in a crowd. I’ve been stalked by psychos before, my father is big business, worth a fortune and they seem to think that kidnapping me would get them some kind of ransom, a big payout. Little do they know he wouldn’t give a shit…this is different.”
“Different how?” he asked, with a softer, gentler timbre, obviously trying to pacify me.
My eyes scanned the area, my brows furrowed, a sense of calm passed through me, “I don’t know…I’m not in danger it’s not like that, I just can’t explain this creepy feeling.”
“Don’t worry baby, I’m here, I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise.” His lips caressed my knuckles and that dimpled smile of his made me feel a bit better.
I just couldn’t get past that disturbing feeling.
***
Dinner in the dining room proved interesting. With the honeymooners on one side of the table and Gage and I on the other, it felt like a twisted tag team match. Which duo would make it through the entire meal was anyone’s guess. Sexual tension sat like a storm cloud over the table. Hearts were beating, loins were burning and panties were soaked to the extreme. We one-upped the competition by focusing on the buffet table, peeling ourselves apart long enough to take in needed nourishment. The competition barely noticed our departure.
The buffet offered the usual buffet fare, nothing exciting, salad at one end and desserts at the other, meat, poultry and veggies with a few pasta dishes thrown in here and there. I took a table spoonful of just about everything deciding to treat it like a sampler plate. It looked more like a sampler of the garbage bin as I swirled it around on my plate with my fork, totally disinterested in eati
ng.
“You feeling okay, sweetheart?” Gage asked, seeing that I had hardly eaten a thing and my wine went untouched.
“Not really,” I admitted. I had been feeling strange most of the day. I’d just kept it to myself, not wanting to alarm Gage at all.
“Do you have another headache?”
“No. I’m just tired I think.”
“You want to go back to the room?” he offered, as I pushed my plate to the side and had a small sip of wine before setting it off to the side too, so not appealing and leaving only a bitter after taste.
“No. I could use some fresh air though.”
“Okay, let’s go.” Gage pulled out my seat and offered his hand to help me up, that was the gentleman in him, the gentleman that I was growing to love.
I latched onto Gage’s arm and rested my head on his shoulder as we strolled on deck, the breeze felt welcoming on my skin.
“Your mother taught you well,” I said.
“Taught me what?”
“How to treat a lady, opening doors and holding her seat, all the little things you do so right,” I smiled, hugging into his shoulder a little tighter.
“My father taught me how to treat a lady, not my mother. I never knew my mother. She left my father when I was a baby.”
“How sad is that? So it was just you and your Dad? Do you have brothers or sisters?” I asked, wanting to get to know a bit more about the man I was falling hard for.
“Just me and my father. Are you feeling any better?” he asked, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.
“No. But the fresh air feels nice.”
“Did you take your pill today? You know the doc said not to skip any days.” He was far too cute when he went into the concerned boyfriend mode and I liked the added attentiveness.
“I took all my pills.”
“Are you on birth control?” he asked slowing his pace to look at me.
“For years, my father insisted,” my smile deepened, “I should have said. I guess there’s no need to use condoms.”
“I don’t know about that. I’ve never, not used a condom,” Gage admitted, and it shocked me, I didn’t know why in this day and age he wouldn’t, but it still shocked me.
“Wouldn’t you like to know what it feels like without one?” I asked, particularly interested in this answer.
I wanted all of him unshielded, bared, exposed, vulnerable if you please. The idea of being his first bare made it almost feel virginal.
“Sure. I’d love to be inside you without a barrier. And thanks to your little pill confession, I’m going to dream all night about nothing but that,” he teased, forcing me to laugh at his dilemma.
“But it’ll be good dreams.” I said, in a sultry tone just to stir the pot a bit more.
“I can’t wait for my dreams to come true.” He bit his bottom lip between his teeth, it was a hot gesture and I probably would have jumped his bones right there and then, but nausea was starting to take me over and I just wanted to lie down.
“They will soon,” I said, and put my hand to his cheek, I loved the feel of his rough stubble. “Speaking of dreams, I need to go to bed. I’m sorry but I just don’t feel well.”
“You should have said something sooner, I’ll take you home.”
Home, that’s what he was to me, home. I knew he’d wrap himself around me and keep me safe and warm. My bad ass surfer hunk ex con would shroud me in his loving arms and make it all go away, for tonight anyway.
The bedding had been drawn back and a chocolate placed on both pillows while we were gone. Gage took a chocolate and popped it into his mouth with an mmm sound and I smiled at his enjoyment. He held one out to me and I shook my head no, chocolate was the last thing I wanted.
“You really aren’t well are you, baby?” he asked, carefully wrapping his arms around my waist and I wearily rested my head on his chest listening to the drumming of his heart against my cheek.
“I need some sleep, that’s all.” I assured him with a squeeze around his waist.
He made a pouty face. “I’ve been wearing you out. I feel bad. You haven’t been getting enough sleep.” Maybe that had a tiny effect on my not feeling well, but I knew the reason for my queasy gut and felt guilty for not saying anything. I certainly wasn’t letting him think he was at fault.
“We’ve been wearing each other out, and it’s been fantastic,” I said, as I slipped from his arms and started unbuttoning my blouse.
“Let me help you,” he said, as he slipped me out of my blouse, my dress pants and bra and pulled one of his t-shirts from his drawer and over my head.
Gage helped me into bed and stripped down to his briefs and cozied in beside me.
“Is it okay if I hold you?” he asked, reluctantly.
“It wouldn’t feel right if you didn’t,” I said and slid closer. “I need you to hold me and never let go.”
He spooned his chest to my back, wrapping his arms around me not too tight, but still tight enough.
“Gage?” I whispered.
“Yeah, sweetheart,” he whispered back wrapping a wisp of my hair around his finger.
“Never stop holding me?”
“I never will.”
***
Sometime during the night Tandy had left the bed. I woke and realized she wasn’t there, and the silence only helped create terrifying unease. Jumping from the bed to search her whereabouts, I felt sick to my stomach when I found her on the floor beside the toilet. I checked for a pulse and breathing a sigh of relief when I found one, strong and steady, I wasn’t sure how much more I could take not knowing what the fuck was really wrong with her.
Tandy had been sick and was lying in a puddle of her own vomit. I eased her onto her back and wiped her face with a dampened corner of a towel, stirring her. Her chin quivered and tears streamed from her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, far too weak to move.
“Why would you be sorry?” I asked, as I washed dried vomit from her hair, attentively stroking her cheek. “You have nothing to be sorry for, nothing. We need to get you out of this dirty t-shirt.”
I helped her to a sitting position and watched what little color there was in her cheeks drain away. Clearly she was experiencing more nausea as she softly moaned. I tore the t-shirt open without hesitation and threw it into the trash.
“You didn’t need to rip it silly,” she said, trying to laugh.
“It’s dirty, you would have gotten it in your hair again, it’s just a t-shirt I have more,” I assured her, as I lifted her into my arms and she laid her head against my chest.
“Will I take you back to bed or do you need to be sick again?” I asked.
“Back to bed please…I’m so sorry.”
“Stop saying that, you can’t help being sick.” I laid her on the bed, got a clean t-shirt from the drawer and helped her into it and pulled the sheet up to her chin.
“I’m going to get you some ginger ale. Do you need anything else, aspirin maybe?”
“Nothing thanks…actually yes…the Doctor gave me new pills for nausea, I think they’re in the bathroom by the sink.”
“Be right back.”
Sooner or later Tandy was going to have to tell me, I was starting to feel exceedingly anxious each time she became ill. When she was at her worst I couldn’t help but feel the need to be her strength, her rock and a security blanket of patience. But that strength was only going to last for so long.
The questions were just sitting on the tip of my tongue. I was biting back the urge to interrogate her. Though I promised not to pry, I wondered how long I could put up with being kept in the dark. I didn’t like the dark, the places in my mind that only grew darker every day, these places were not pleasant, how could I hold her there when I knew the torture and the drag it had in my gut.
“Here you go,” I said, handing her a pill and a small glass of ginger ale. I fluffed her pillows while I waited until she was done with the glass.
Entwining my fingers with
hers we lay facing each other, I noticed how her eyes observed me with absolute devotion, so unlike the way anyone had ever looked at me before. It was a soul searching absorbed look and I saw uncertainties in her stare.
My heart all but skipped a beat. I had no idea how this was going to play out.
***
Gage was staring into my eyes. He was searching my soul for answers, answers I wasn’t ready to give. I had set my sights on enjoying each day that we had together, but it was getting increasingly harder each time I became ill. The caring in silence was sweet. However, he was going to lose patience and in time he’d tire and insist on answers. I couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking at this moment, and decided to feel him out while I had him here quietly by my side.
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you and all this pampering. You’re spoiling me you know? I’ll have to hire someone to take your place when I go home,” I said.
“Good luck replacing me,” he joked, but the laugh quickly left his voice and his smile disappeared as he lowered his eyes and busied himself smoothing out the sheets.
He had this sudden heart wrenching look, like a kid whose ice cream just fell out of the cone onto the sidewalk and the Good Humor Man already drove away. Was I reading him wrong? Was the idea that he was none too happy with the thought of us parting all in my head?
“Let’s not think that far ahead baby. You need to get some sleep now,” he said, cuddling closer and avoiding eye contact.
He reached over and turned off the bedside lamp, plunging us into darkness. The light from the numbers on the alarm clock gave a slight glow, but only enough to make out shapes, not near enough to see his face.
“Gage?”
“Yeah,”
“Thanks.”
“For what, sweetheart?”
“Everything. Being here, cleaning me up, putting up with all my shit…and not asking.”
“Tandy Manning, I’d do anything for you. I promised I’d wait until you were ready to tell me. Even though I want to know, I made you a promise and I intend to keep it.”
If Not For You Page 23