“Thank you,” I said, as tears welled up in my eyes and collected in a damp puddle on my pillow.
Day 27
“I’ll be back, sweetheart. Okay?” I whispered into Tandy’s ear and waited for a reply.
“Mmm…okay.” she said and rolled onto her other side pulling the sheet with her and snuggling back into her pillow.
This morning I needed a run. It had been quite a few days since I had a good run and the fresh air was just what I required this morning after a sleepless night. Worried about Tandy and hearing every sound and feeling every move she made in her sleep, it had been a tiring night.
After sending a vague email to Mr. Manning telling him how Tandy was occupying her time, I sent another in which I confessed that she had indeed seen me. I confessed only so I didn’t have to lie, I hated the lies. I also questioned as to my future employment since Mr. M was now aware of a social contact between us.
Don’t you worry about your job, son. I will take care of you. I owe you after all for watching Tandy. Perhaps a proper vacation is in order, a real one you can enjoy without looking after my daughter. She will never know about you and if she does find out I will take care of that too. You just do your job and let me worry about the rest. G.
What an arrogant son-of-a-bitch I thought. If Tandy ever found out who I was and what I was really doing on that ship, I could only imagine what she’d do. She’d definitely never talk to me again. I’d be wiped right out of her life and then some.
I knew deep down that sooner or later she was going to find out; I just didn’t want it to be now. And as guilty as I felt for my part in George Manning’s lies, he was the one that had to live with his conscience. The fact that I was forced to do the old man’s dirty work still plagued me. I never knew at the time that I was going to fall for Tandy, I could have never foreseen a relationship with her and it was eating me up inside.
I vowed to myself to tell her everything when the time was right. Unlike Mr. M I had no intention of keeping her in the dark forever.
Putting those thoughts aside and the continuing question of her illness, I ripped into full speed and took off toward the stairwell. I had long lost count of the amount of stairs I ran up and down continually for the last twenty minutes, before bursting through the doors onto the open deck.
The air was crisp and cool at the early morning hour causing chill bumps to form on my bare forearms. Foot traffic was definitely not a problem at this hour. There were only the occasional walkers or joggers and crew members to maneuver around. The deck offered a great free run area and after round ten, I was well satisfied that I had gotten just what I had craved. Slowing my pace I glanced out at the water. It wasn’t quite as dark as yesterday. Almost certain that this meant we were heading to a new port tomorrow, remembering that we were booked to visit Dubai.
Sweat poured off of my brow and my shirt was drenched. It felt so good to be alone with my thoughts and letting off some steam was exactly what I sought.
I came to a stop and poured the remainder of my water over my head. A woman caught my attention as she bumped past me. Blinking my eyes trying to see through the glaze of water, an eerie feeling shook me and I wiped my face with my shirt tail. As I spun around with jaw hanging open I darted off in her direction, she turned a corner and as I turned it a moment later, she was gone.
“Paula? No fucking way,” I said, shaking my head and trying to clear my thoughts. I bent over with my hands on my knees to catch my breath.
It couldn’t have been her, I thought. What would she be doing on a cruise, on this cruise, and better yet, why? My mind was playing tricks on me. I could blame it on sleep deprivation, I had to be hallucinating, but why would I imagine her of all the people in the world.
Swallowing back a feeling of impending catastrophe forming a lump in my throat, I started a slow steady jog heading back toward the room, hoping to God that it wasn’t her. A tightening in my chest sent my mind into a tailspin, sure that if it was her, she was here to cause trouble.
***
“Good morning gorgeous!” Gage called, peeking out through the balcony door as I sat at the patio table sipping my coffee.
“There you are. Guess I don’t need to ask where you were Mr. Hot and Sweaty. Good run?” He looked delicious, his hair wet with sweat and a thick layer of morning scruff on his chin. How I loved scruff.
“Great run, coffee still hot?” he asked, stripping off his wet t-shirt, wiping his face and pouring a cup of coffee.
The view was spectacular, his torso all covered with moisture and glistening. The loop in his nipple reflecting the sun’s rays caught my interest and I imagined my tongue swirling around it, as he closed his eyes and moaned taking a sniff of his coffee, snapping me back to reality.
“Yep it’s hot, Philippe just delivered it,” I said, watching as he added cream and walked behind me, stopped and gave me a peck on the cheek.
“Well it smells great, as do you,” Gage said, nuzzling his nose into the nape of my neck before taking a sip from his cup and taking the seat across from me. “I like when you smell of my shampoo.”
I had woke up and jumped into the shower, glad that Gage had left and I could clean the dried puke from my hair and freshen myself before he came back. Shaking my head at the embarrassment I was feeling and smiling when I thought of Gage lying beside me, not the least bit bothered. That was him, so unfazed with the pomp and pageantry of life.
I reminisced my time in the shower, I flipped open the lid on the bottle of Gage’s coconut shampoo, and stood with my eyes closed breathing in the wonderful smell that I would forever associate with him.
Like every morning, Philippe came with our coffee and set it up on the balcony. This morning I waited, anticipating Gage’s return. So unlike me, so out of character, I was starting to get used to his being with me almost every moment of the day. It scared me though, this need.
I couldn’t help but get lost in the thought of not having him around and then I blinked as the reflection of light, off the ball of one of his nipple rings sparkled and Gage playfully thumped his hand on the table.
“Hey!” he said, amused with my daydreaming.
“What?”
“You’re miles away, what are you thinking?” he asked, leaning his elbows on the table, resting his cup on his lower lip and slowly tipping it while the steam circled his face and he sipped the hot coffee. Everything he did was sexually alluring. Every move and every motion had me totally captivated.
“Did that hurt?” I asked, it was the first thing that came to mind.
“What?”
“Getting your nipples pierced?” I pointed and grinned.
“Yeah, it hurt like a bitch,” he confessed, tugging at one with a teasing smile.
“Why’d you do it?”
“Don’t really know. It was kind of the thing to do at the time.” he said with a shrug.
“Uh huh? So how’d you get that scar,” I asked, as his eyes followed mine to the one inch scar at his ribs.
“I got shanked in prison.” I gasped and he shrugged, “Got my nose in someone else’s business, you pay the price for trying to help. I learned quickly to mind my own.”
“You could’ve gotten killed.”
“But I didn’t, so drop it.” His voice was hard, his answer instant and I got the distinct impression that it would be wise to move on.
Gage hadn’t shared anything more in regards to his prison stay, other than it was a long three years and unless he chose to tell me I wasn’t going to ask. The idea though of being stabbed, his flesh being stuck with a knife or whatever it had been, made me ill, and the scowl he had on his face as he stared over his cup made me shiver. He could be very brooding and moody at times, my job was to get him back to a happy place, a place we both enjoyed.
“Okay, I won’t say any more about it…your tattoo, did it hurt?” I stared at the beautiful black script on his tan skin.
“The tat was more irritating than painful, like a cat s
cratching you over and over in the same spot.” His eyes seemed to warm again, the cold greyness turning brilliant blue, thankfully.
“Why, forgiveness?”
He looked down and rubbed his hand over the ornate script deep in thought and I suspected that it held some kind of profound shadowy meaning. Something that revealed a dark hidden secret that riddled him with guilt every time he viewed it in a mirror. I almost regretted the question in case I pushed him further into the dimness he was rising from.
“Sometimes you do stupid things in your life and even when no one else will forgive you, you have to forgive yourself.” Gage stared for a long moment and then smiled.
I contemplated his answer deciding it had to hold true, it was just too honest not to. He didn’t hesitate to answer or go into great details and it only made sense. Although it wasn’t quite what I had fabricated in my mind, it had meaning to him and that’s what mattered.
“Mmm, I like that. I’d like to get a tattoo,” I revealed, I had thought about it on many occasions but always chickened out.
Some of the more colorful characters that came into the law office, had the full sleeve thing going on, I was always fascinated with the beautiful black and grey or colorful art. It never repulsed me or made me draw conclusions that the person was evil and dangerous. To me it was personal art on a human canvas and I admired the person for having the ability to wear it loud and proud. I envied that kind of hutzpah.
“Oh yeah, what would you get?” He sat a bit closer in his seat looking very interested in what would come out of my mouth next, the nerdy paralegal brainiac mouth.
“Not sure, but I know where I’d put it,” I grinned wickedly.
“Do tell, no let me guess.” His eyes cruised from my eyes down. “Your shoulder?”
“No, everyone gets one there.”
“Okay, your upper arm? Your rear end, a tramp stamp?”
I shook my head no at each guess and laughed when he licked his lips cruising further down my body, “Too predictable,” I scoffed.
“Your boob.”
“You’re a boob!” I laughed.
“Fine I give, tell me where this elusive tattoo will go,” Gage demanded.
“Right about…here!” I said pointing to the spot where my pubic line would start, if I wasn’t in the habit of waxing or shaving away all traces of hair and I caught Gage’s cheeky smile.
“That’s a hot spot for a tattoo,” he said, biting the inside of his cheek. “You know…”
“What?” I asked, but he was in deep thought. “Tell me what you were going to say.”
“I was just going to mention that we could probably find a reputable tattoo shop in Dubai,” he said, with his eyebrows raised.
“Seriously?” I asked, excited at the prospect, almost. Fear making my heart start to race.
“Why not? My treat, I can’t think of anything sexier than seeing you get a tattoo, especially there.” He curved over to the side and looked under the tiny table.
“I’ll think about it.” I tantalized him by opening my robe and then tightening it around my waist and fastening the tie. His eyes watched keenly.
“Think hard about what you’d get, it could be something pretty. You could get a saying, a single word like I have, maybe a little bird or a pussy.”
I gave him my best not-amused look and a click of my tongue, but all I got from that was a goofy grin and a wink.
“I have a few ideas,” I told him, even though they were stupid and juvenile now at my age and I wouldn’t even mention them, but all these crazy ideas were all replaced by what I was thinking at this very moment.
“Gage?”
“What?”
“We could get matching tattoos,” I said, and our eyes met. We were a couple, for now anyway. We shared the most intimate moments a couple could and I would have something to remind me of our time together long after we parted company, a secret keepsake of sorts that only we knew about.
“Are you serious?” he laughed, and then realized I was indeed serious, when I stared at him straight faced.
“Very. Why not? A memory of our time together,” I suggested, not looking away for a minute, wanting to see his reaction. “No names or anything too personal. Private in a private place and if someone else sees it, it will only mean something to us.”
“Only us? I like that. It’s a deal!” That dimple filled smile and a gleam in his eye was all I needed, he was in. “So let’s see what we can find on the net that we both like.”
We went inside and Gage opened his laptop and waited for Google tattoo images to appear, as I looked on.
“No butterflies and roses okay?” I said, thinking about all the people I saw on a daily basis covered in flowers and insects, yuck! The idea of a bug crawling on my skin for the rest of my life, gave me the creeps.
“Deal, I can’t imagine explaining a butterfly that fucking close to my dick. Not even to my doctor,” he said, and I laughed at the thought. I smirked proudly to myself and crushed my arms around his, because my bad ass boyfriend was planning to get the tattoo in exactly the same spot I was. It was comforting and warmed me inside.
We looked at tattoo site after tattoo site, the colors and intricate patterns swarming through my brain were starting to get to me. The ideas I had kinda sucked when you saw them on paper, okay well it was a computer screen but I was thinking paper and most of the things that Gage liked were a little too masculine or large for my liking.
Just when we were about to throw in the towel on the whole idea, Gage turned to me and beamed.
“I…have…a…fucking…brilliant…idea.” he said each word slowly as he typed away.
Images of keys came on the screen, beautiful ornate, old fashioned keys. They were beautiful but I didn’t understand the meaning of a key.
“They’re pretty but,” I said, and Gage held his hand up to stop me then continued fixedly.
“Get us a drink, will you, sweetheart?” he asked, not taking his eyes off the screen, I went to the bar fridge happy to stretch my legs.
When I came back with two glasses of ice and two cans of soda, Gage blocked the screen and told me to not look for a minute, he wasn’t quite done and I excused myself to the bathroom, so I wasn’t tempted to peek.
“Okay, come see.” he called, as I sat down beside him he turned the screen so I could see the image.
“It needs cleaning up, but you get the idea right?” He said, with a childlike grin.
“Wow, spot-on Gage. It’s going to be beautiful.”
A filigree heart shaped lock, shaped like a real human heart, complete with valves and a ribbon woven around the back to an ornate filigree key, showed on the screen. On either side of the locks key hole were T M and on the head of the key was G C.
“I know you said no names but it’s just our initials, I want the initials even if you don’t. We’ll mirror the image for me. You’ll hold the key to my heart and I’ll hold the key to yours.” The thought was beautiful, bringing a tear to my eye and I hugged him tightly.
“I want the initials too. I love it, it couldn’t mean more.” And it truly couldn’t have, he had captured exactly what I needed it to say. The exact concept in my mind he had captured in the images, like he had climbed into my soul and retrieved it.
“Are you sure now?” Gage asked.
“Oh yeah, I’m sure if you are,” I said, cuddling into his arm.
“Okay.” He emailed the image to his phone and saved it. “Done, now all we have to do is find a tattoo parlor and make an appointment. I’ll shower and then go see what I can find out from the cruise director.”
While he was gone I emailed the girls telling them nothing of our plans, they’d think I lost my every loving mind, which I very well may have. I finished the last of the coffee and sorted out my laundry for Philippe to take away and then there was a knock at the door. I expected Philippe but stood looking at the stranger before me.
A very pretty redhead stood there with a puzzled look on
her face. She was dressed in a slinky white bikini top and brightly colored floral sarong with matching sandals. A body to die for of course and that eat-a-burger-bitch thought came to mind. She had an oversized striped tote bag over one shoulder and a cell phone in her hand. She lifted a paper to her face and looked at me kinda stunned.
“Hi, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you know the gentleman next door? I’ve been trying to reach him for a few days now with no luck.”
“I’m sorry I haven’t seen him. Actually I’ve never met him, wouldn’t know him from Adam,” I said, and backed up to close the door.
“You’re sure you don’t know him?” she said suspiciously and I didn’t know whether to be pissed or not, wondering if she was calling me a liar.
“I’m pretty positive. I think I’d remember if I met him. Maybe check with the office?” I offered, and slowly closed the door as she strolled away without a word.
“Weird,” I said, thinking of Mr. Hot neighbor. I wondered if he dumped the cougar or had a little something newer on the side, then putting my imagination to rest, I made sure I had the laundry bag by the door for Philippe.
Gage came back with papers and a huge smile on his face. He had all the information he needed, complete with a map and had even made the appointment. Holy shit!
“No backing out now, sweetheart. I had to give them a credit card to hold our appointments. I’m stoked, what about you?”
“Oh my God, now I’m nervous. When do we get to Dubai?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
“Tomorrow,” I sung timidly.
Day 26
Dubai
“Like no other city on earth,” Gage read out loud from the brochure in his hand.
“I’d say, a bit ostentatious don’t you think? Look there’s the famous tower.” I pointed far off into the distance, while we waited for our taxi to take us to our destination.
“Burj Khalifa. It says here it’s eight hundred and twenty eight meters tall, over one hundred and sixty stories. Holy shit eh?”
If Not For You Page 24