Blame It On Your Heart (Big Timber)

by Jami Alden

  Stop it! She admonished herself even as she felt her cheeks flame.

  She focused her attention on checking up on Anthony, a dark-haired figure dressed in an orange T-shirt and camouflage shorts ambling around the yard. A smile tugged at her lips as he picked up a stick and waved it around like a sword, his lusty "Touché, pussycat," drifting through the window. Her sweet little boy. So happy despite everything they'd been through in the past year.

  Anthony didn't dwell in the past. Resolving to try to follow his lead, she turned back to her unpacking.

  She was halfway through when her cell phone trilled. "Where the heck are you?" her mother demanded in her typical blunt fashion before Ellie could even manage a "hello." "I was expecting you an hour ago."

  "Sorry," Ellie said as she slid a pathetic looking pile of shirts into the middle drawer of her white and gold-trimmed dresser. "I stopped at the house first so we could settle in a bit. I didn't want to get in your way."

  She didn't bother explaining that despite having three days in the car to brace herself, she still wasn't quite ready to deal with onslaught of questions surrounding her homecoming.

  "Honey it’s four o'clock on a Tuesday. Slow as molasses," her mother said, able to read her even over the phone. "And I'm dying to get my hands on my grandbaby!"

  As if on cue Anthony thundered into the bedroom. "Mom, I'm hungry."

  "There's nothing for him to eat there," Adele chuckled without apology.

  Ellie sighed. It had been like this ever since they moved back to Big Timber and Adele had taken over running the restaurant that had been in her family from the early frontier days.

  "Grammy and I have enough to deal with at the restaurant," she would say. "You can't expect me to keep another kitchen fully stocked. You get hungry, you walk down here. And help me out while you're at it."

  Ellie and her sister Molly had grown up helping out in the restaurant, to the point where each could manage a table of twelve by the time they were thirteen without writing down a single order.

  "Tell Anthony I've got a cheeseburger with his name on it."

  Though there was no way he could hear her, Anthony piped up, "I wanna go see Nana and have a cheeseburger and fries."

  "We'll be there in a few," Ellie said. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and winced. Her hair was in a messy ponytail and her face, devoid of makeup, was flushed from the heat and shiny with sweat. Though this was far away from New York, where it was considered scandalous to step out of the house without your hair perfectly blown out, there was no way Ellie was going out in public looking like this.

  She grabbed her cosmetic bag and ran to the bathroom. After a splash of cold water she dabbed on concealer, blush, and just enough powder to take the shine off.

  "Mom I'm really hungry," Anthony said, tugging at her arm and almost making her impale her eyeball on the mascara wand.

  She was living on borrowed time and she knew it. Though food was the last thing on her mind - she couldn't remember the last time she'd felt anything resembling hunger—she could tell from the subtle change in the pitch of his whine that Anthony was nearing a full on thermonuclear hunger meltdown if he didn't get some calories soon.

  "Just a sec honey," Ellie yanked out her ponytail holder and ran a brush through the untidy mess of brunette waves, then secured it once again with the rubber band.

  "Mom-meeee! I'm really hungaree!"

  "Okay, okay, let's go," Ellie said, shoving her feet into flip flops before she and Anthony headed down the stairs. She grabbed her purse from the table by the front door, and took Anthony's hand as they set off down the sidewalk.

  Predictably, Anthony lagged behind, walking so slow her arm was stretched full length behind her even as she slowed to a pace that would have allowed a snail a sizable lead.

  "Honey, you have to walk faster," she said, resisting the urge to drag him along behind her.

  "Too hungry to walk faster."

  Ellie summoned up the last of her patience, silently cursing herself for not making one last stop for an extra bag of chips, nuts, even a piece of fruit. The only option now was bribery.

  She squatted down until she was at Anthony's eye level and looked into teary, thickly lashed eyes the color of maple syrup. "Remember how last time you wanted M&M’s from the machine before your burger, and I said no?"

  His dark head cocked to the side as if to say, "I'm listening."

  Thank God the kid was obsessed with M&M’s. An anomaly among his peers, he could take or leave cakes, cookies, cupcakes, or any other sweet baked treat. But offer him a handful of M&M's or Skittles and he was eating out of the palm of your hand.

  "I have four quarters in my purse." Which brought her tally to ten dollars and fifteen cents. But she wasn't going to dwell on that right now. "If you can beat me to the restaurant, you can use all four quarters for M&M's, and you don't even have to eat your cheeseburger first.

  "Four quarters!" Anthony crowed, and took off with the kind of bellowing war cry that only comes from five year olds.

  "Wait for me at the corner," she reminded him as he took off at a full sprint, his little arms and legs pumping madly.

  By the time they traveled the three blocks to the restaurant, Ellie was breathing a little hard from the brisk pace she'd had to maintain to keep up with Anthony's full out run, and she was starting to perspire from the July heat.

  "There he is!" Temporarily blinded by the transition from the bright sun outside to the comparatively dim interior of the restaurant, Ellie heard her mother before she saw her.

  She blinked a few times, grinning as she watched Anthony launch himself into Adele's arms. Slim and on the short side like her daughters, Adele let out an exaggerated groan as she picked Anthony up into a big bear hug. "Oh, you're getting so big you're going to knock your Nana over!"

  "I weigh forty-eight pounds!"

  "I believe it."

  "Mommy says I eat more than most women she knows."

  "Considering the women your Mommy hangs out with appear to eat nothing but lettuce and air, that isn't such an achievement, squirt."

  Ellie turned, grinning at the sound of her sister's voice as entered from the bar area to the left. "Now come give your Auntie Molly a kiss."

  Anthony turned shyly, digging his toe against the hardwood, only to giggle madly as Molly swooped him up in her arms and started making snorting noises against his neck.

  "I've got your burger waiting for you up at the counter," Adele said after Molly had finished assaulting Anthony with kisses and tickles.

  "Mom—"

  Ellie held up her hand and wordlessly dug the quarters out of her purse. As soon as she dropped them into his plump, outstretched palm he made a beeline for the candy machines that perched next to the banquette where patrons waited to be seated. One full of M&M's, one full of Hot Tamales, they'd been there since the beginning of time. The only thing that had changed was that they now took quarters when they once took pennies.

  Now that she had time look around, she realized that more than the charge for a tablespoon for candies had changed. "Wow, the place looks different," Ellie said, peering over Molly's shoulder as she pulled her in for a tight squeeze.

  Since she'd last visited over a year and a half ago, the restaurant had gone through a complete transformation. "When did you do this?"

  "I told you we were doing some remodeling," Molly replied. "

  "I thought that meant getting new furniture or re-doing the floors. But this... this is amazing!"

  "We've made a lot of changes," Adele said.

  "I can see that," Ellie said, her curiosity piqued at the strong look Adele's remark evoked from Molly. The restaurant looked incredible, the old black and white linoleum floors replaced with hardwood stained a rich mahogany and sealed to a high shine. The Formica tables and plastic chairs had been replaced with wood table tops and matching wood and leather seats.

  The bar, too, had been fully refurbished, the old stools replaced with tall
high backed leather chairs. From what she could see, it looked like the taps of cheap domestic beer had been swapped out for local Montana artisan brews and there were several premium wines and liquors stocked on the polished wooden shelves.

  "You've totally changed the look of the place."

  And she wasn't sure how she felt about that, she realized. From the time she was eleven, the restaurant had been her second home. Even as her own life took a turn in a completely different direction than she ever could have anticipated, it comforted her to know that this place, this town always stayed the same.

  "We took on a new partner," Molly said, seeming to choose her words carefully, “and he was strongly in favor of recreating the place to give it a more upscale, modern feel."

  "Since when does Big Timber need upscale? Unless things have changed dramatically since I was here last, it's still mostly ranchers and mine workers."

  "You'd be surprised. Of course, the tourists from out of state appreciate something a little more sophisticated, but even the locals really appreciate the changes." Molly said.

  "But taking on an outside partner? Grammy would have sold the place before she ever let that happen," Ellie said.

  "It's not like we're working with someone off the street—" Adele started.

  Ellie thought she saw Molly give a quick shake of her head but was distracted as the door from the kitchen opened with a slam. She turned, startled, her attention locking onto the huge man standing in the doorway. His shoulders were so broad he practically needed to turn sideways to walk through, and the white dinner plate looked like a saucer in his huge hand. "Here's that burger, Adele," he said in a gravelly voice as he set the plate on a nearby table.

  "Why thank you Brady," her mother replied and gestured to Ellie. "Brady, this is my oldest daughter Ellie and her son, Anthony," she said as Anthony darted toward across the room at the mention of a burger.

  Ellie offered her hand and got a quick impression of a strong jaw covered in dark stubble, dark hair peaking from under his backwards ball a cap and deep set, light-colored eyes. As he grasped hers briefly, Ellie got the sense she was being carefully assessed.

  "When did you hire him?" Ellie said as he retreated back to the kitchen without another word. "You and Mom have always split up the cooking."

  "He was part of the partnership deal," Molly said. There was no missing the sour note to her voice, something Ellie wasn't used to hearing from her usually sunny sister.

  "He's a brilliant chef," Adele said.

  "With a horrible attitude," Molly broke in.

  "When are you going to forgive him for criticizing your Denver omelet?" Adele sighed.

  "When he stops acting like a surly you know what. Honestly, I don't know how his food tastes so good when bitterness practically oozes from his pores."

  "Okay, what did Brady do to piss you off this time?" a low male voice rumbled from the direction of the restaurant's small back office.

  At the sound, every nerve in Ellie's body went on high alert. She hadn't heard it in over a decade, but it could have been a hundred years and she still would have recognized it.

  She turned slowly, preparing herself for the gut punch of seeing his face again after all these years.

  "Damon." Her voice caught in her throat at the first sight of him. Even in the dim light of the restaurant, there was no mistaking the lines of his tall, rangy body. In the years since she'd seen him, he'd gained a couple inches in height and at least thirty pounds. And from the way his T-shirt stretched across his broad chest and shoulders it was all muscle.

  Her gaze drifted up to his face, to that square jaw she used to trace with her fingers to feel the rasp of thick stubble. The high cheek bones, sharper now than they'd been, giving his face a leaner more chiseled look.

  Finally she met his gaze, those dark blue eyes that had been stormy with anger and hurt the last time she'd seen him. Now they didn't show anything. Not anger, not surprise.

  Unlike her, he'd known she was coming.

  And while she'd known that the odds were they’d run into each other sooner or later given that his mother and hers had been best friends since childhood, she'd been determined to push it back to as "later" as possible.

  She would have assumed he would be on the same program.

  So what the hell was Damon Decker, who had made it plain as day that he never wanted to see her again, doing here in her family's restaurant?

  Chapter 2

  Ellie didn't even realize she'd asked the question out loud until Molly answered, her voice falsely bright, "Damon is our new partner!"

  "Since when?" she burst out desperately trying to maintain her composure.

  "They brought me on a little over six months ago. I've been looking to branch out, and this was a great opportunity," he said calmly as though there was nothing strange about this situation.

  She was speechless, struggling to process it all. Of all people, she would have never expected Damon to align himself closely and invest in her family's business.

  Not that he wasn't capable—Adele had been only too happy over the years to keep Ellie updated on every detail of Damon's life, learned from her at least once a week lunches with Damon's mother Vivian. So it was no surprise to her to learn that Damon, who had successfully invested in a chain of gas stations and convenience stores since he got out of the army four years ago, had the means to invest in a project like this.

  "Of course, it's not anything like what Troy made," Adele had mused. "But it's good, honest work and he's really made something of himself."

  The subtle dig hadn't gone unnoticed. Adele had never thought much of Troy, and the only thing that kept her from badmouthing him outright was her unconditional love of her only grandchild.

  Too bad Ellie hadn't been able to see what was so obvious to her mother.

  She felt Damon's stare give her a full body sweep and desperately wished she could have staved off Anthony's hunger to change out of her grubby tank top, threadbare cutoffs, and flip flops. Surely if she'd been wearing her New York armor of full makeup, hair tamed into a perfect silk fall across her shoulders, dressed head to toe in designer labels, she wouldn't have felt so vulnerable.

  Vulnerable. There was a time when it would have been impossible for her to imagine feeling that way with Damon. Practically from the moment they'd met he was a strong, steady presence in her life, making her feel safe, assuring her she'd never be alone.

  Now she felt stripped bare, the sting of her ruined life and failed marriage made more acute under his assessing gaze.

  Of course he knew the truth. Even if their mothers didn't share every little detail, he'd have to have lived under a rock for the past year to not know what a shambles her world had become.

  But if he was gloating inside, it didn't show on his face. It was disconcerting. Once upon a time, she could read his every emotion as though she was feeling it herself.

  "And that surly guy in the kitchen?" Ellie asked, trying to stay on track even as she tried to regain her equilibrium.

  "Brady McManus. He was in the Rangers with me."

  She nodded. By Rangers she knew he meant the army rangers—Adele had told her all about it. Just as she'd told her when Damon had moved back to Big Timber as soon as he finished up his last tour in the army.

  Ever since then she'd been bracing herself for the day Adele would pass on the news that Damon was settling down with some nice local girl and having a couple kids.

  And as unfair as it was, considering she was for the most part happily married and a mother to boot, the thought of Damon having that life in Big Timber—without her—made her stomach clench and her eyes burn with tears.

  But that day hadn't yet come. Even if her mother hadn't kept her up on the latest doings of the Decker family, Ellie would have known what Damon was up to. Ever since Damon's older brother, Deck, had married actress Jane Bowden, the press had been all aflutter over his younger, single brothers. One recent issue of People Magazine had even feature
d them as two of the country's most eligible bachelors.

  In the article that had accompanied the picture, both younger Deckers had asserted they were currently very single.

  She wondered how much longer that would last. Then it hit her. If she didn't figure her life out soon, when and if Damon fell in love and married someone else, she'd be here to witness it firsthand.

  Her stomach rolled and she thanked God she hadn't had the appetite to eat anything today.

  "Are you alright, honey? You look a little peaked."

  "I'm okay," she said, moving on unsteady legs to sit next to Anthony who was busy wolfing down his burger. She reached out and rubbed her hand across his back, driven as much by the need to touch her child as by the physical reminder of what her life was about now. Why she had no reason whatsoever to be concerned about Damon Decker's love life.

  She'd made her choice a long time ago and there was no going back.

  "You should have something to eat," Adele said. "Look at you, so skinny you hardly cast a shadow."

  "I'm not hungry," Ellie said, rolling her eyes as her mother ignored her and called, "Brady, why don't you fix up one of those fancy panzinis for Ellie."

  "It's Panini, mom," she replied, unable to hold back her smile. Inadvertently her gaze strayed back to Damon. For split second when his eyes met hers she saw a flash of warmth, shared humor, before his gaze shuttered again.

  "This must be Anthony," Damon said, walking over to stand by the table. His tone was neutral, but she could see the subtle tightness in his full lips. "I'm Damon."

  "Remember your manners," she whispered in her son's ears. Anthony reluctantly pushed away from his meal and stood. "Pleased to meet you, sir. I'm Anthony, and I'm five years old," he said and offered his ketchup-smeared hand to Damon.

  He took the grubby hand with a little half smile that made Ellie's heart stutter. "Pleased to meet you, too, Anthony. Glad you're enjoying your cheeseburger."