Blame It On Your Heart (Big Timber)

by Jami Alden

  The man, medium height and stocky, and the woman, athletically built, her curly brown hair swinging in a ponytail, stood with their backs to her. Then the man said something that made both Ellie's mother and the other woman laugh, and immediately Ellie felt a jolt of recognition.

  "Laura!" Ellie squealed and bounded over to the other woman, the joy at seeing her best friend from high school making a small dent in the gray fog that had seemed to enshroud her for the past few days.

  Laura wheeled around and squealed back, arms wide open as she flung herself at Ellie.

  After a round of, "It's so great to see you" and "you look so great," Ellie stood back and stared at the friend who, along with Damon, had been her closest companion from the day she walked into Big Timber Elementary as a fifth grader until the day she left for New York.

  She stood back, studying the changes twelve years had brought to her friend. A few lines, tired shadows under her eyes—no doubt the result of being mom to both a three year old and a nearly one year old. "I can't believe it's been five years," Ellie said, shaking her head.

  "Too long," Laura said and pulled her in for another hug.

  While she'd kept in touch with Laura over the years through email and the occasional phone call, and now through Facebook, the last time she'd seen Laura was at her wedding to Mark Demaris, Deck's best friend.

  "Why is it when women get together they start making sounds only dogs can hear?" Mark said good naturedly as he bent and gave Ellie a kiss on the cheek. Mark's face creased in a familiar smile. He was four years older than Laura and her, so they hadn't crossed paths much in high school. But he and Laura had crossed paths when they both ended up in Denver after college.

  "I didn't think you were getting here till later in the week," Ellie said.

  "Mark managed to finagle a few extra days off work, so we decided to come for the week."

  "Where are the kids?" Ellie asked, realizing the baby and the toddler were nowhere in sight.

  "At my folks’ house," Mark said with a sigh of relief. "We dropped them off as soon as we got into town."

  "Seriously, after ten hours in the car, we barely slowed down to throw them out the door," Laura added. "And since my mother-in-law doesn't really care about seeing us anyway, that leaves us free to do whatever we want," she said, linking her arm through her husband’s as she suggestively wriggled her brow.

  "So I guess that means we're going to your mom's so you can take a nap and watch Real Housewives?" Mark laughed.

  Laura gave him a playful slap on the shoulder. "Shut up. You make me sound so boring."

  She turned back to Ellie. "Okay, so I am going to go have a nap—"

  Mark snorted and rolled his eyes.

  "But after that we're going to head over to the Last Chance," she said, referring to a local dive about fifteen minutes out of town. "You should both come," she said to Ellie and Molly.

  Ellie shook her head. As excited as she was to catch up with her friend, she didn't think she had the energy to paste a smile on her face and pretend she was having a good time. "I don't think so—"

  "You should go," Adele piped up. "You've been working so hard on the party, you deserve a night off to have fun."

  Molly shrugged. "With Josh out, I don't have anything else planned. I'm game."

  "What about Anthony?" Ellie stalled.

  "Things don't get started till after nine anyway, and Mom will be home by then. Come on, Ellie, it'll be fun," Molly urged.

  "Come on, we'll drink, we'll dance, flirt with cute cowboys," Laura said with a little wink at Mark.

  That last remark lit a little fire inside of her, and suddenly a little devil was on her shoulder. Why shouldn't she go out and have fun? Why was she letting Damon's behavior send her into a funk so deep she didn't even want to go have a few drinks with a dear friend?

  "I'm in," she said.

  They agreed Laura and Mark would pick her up a little after nine and meet Molly, who wanted to drive herself so she could leave whenever Josh called, out at the bar.

  Four hours later they pulled into a gravel-lined parking lot already packed to the gills with pick-up trucks, and if Ellie knew this crowd, it had been since noon.

  A thick haze of cigarette smoke hung over the crowd on the patio as they made their way to the door. They stepped inside and were greeted with the smell of spilled beer and fried food.

  Ellie yelled her drink order at Mark over the din of the crowd and jukebox playing full blast and mentally wished him luck as he muscled his way up to the bar.

  "There's Molly," Laura said. She stood up on her tiptoes and waved, grabbing onto Ellie's arm to tug her across the dance floor to the table Molly had managed to score in the corner with Sadie.

  They worked their way through the crowd, stopping several times to chat with friends. By the time they made it to the table, Mark was there with their drinks. Ellie accepted hers with a heartfelt thanks and took a long pull on her vodka soda with cranberry. Though everyone in town, old friends and new, had gone out of their way to make her feel welcome in the past weeks, she still couldn't shake the low level anxiety that dogged her whenever she got out in a crowd.

  "I bet this is nothing like New York," Laura said with a laugh as she watched the couples two stepping across the dance floor.

  "You've got that right!" Ellie said, taking another sip of her drink as she remembered the slick wine bars she used to visit with her friends, the flashy clubs where the tables cost thousands of dollars to reserve. Everyone impeccably put together from head to toe, head on a swivel to see who else was there, who was seeing you.

  Nothing like this crowd, inhibitions loosened by whiskey, beer, and the camaraderie of friends you've known since grade school.

  "You must miss it." Laura said.

  "Not for a second," Ellie replied, without hesitation.

  The jukebox quieted down for a second then roared back to life with the latest Pistol Annies hit. Laura hopped up and grabbed Mark by the hand. "Come on, cowboy, show me your moves."

  Mark rolled his head but smiled as he let himself be pulled onto the crowded dance floor.

  "Really, you don't miss it at all?" Sadie yelled over the music as she leaned over the small round table toward Ellie. Molly, too, had one eyebrow raised as if she doubted Ellie's claim. "The glamorous, cosmopolitan life—"

  "That I can no longer afford," Ellie pointed out.

  Even in the dim light of bar she could see Sadie's face turn beet red. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean—" Sadie sputtered. Under her newfound poise was still the adorably awkward girl Ellie remembered.

  Ellie waved her hand. "It's okay! Seriously though, I'll confess to craving sushi," she said, and laughed when Molly grimaced. "But the rest of it... I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish I was more financially stable. But aside from a couple of people who didn't turn their backs on me when the scandal broke, no I don't miss much."

  Molly's mouth pulled sympathetically and reached out and squeezed her hand. "People suck." She drained the last of her drink. "So if you don't want to go back to New York, where do you want to go?"

  Now that was the million dollar question, wasn't it? Part of her said nowhere. Contrary to when she first arrived in town, now she could very easily imagine a scenario where she settled back here in Big Timber and raised Anthony with family close by and the same sense of community she'd been raised with.

  The only glitch with that plan was the part where she had to sit back and watch while Damon—who had evidently gotten his fill of their little walk down memory lane—moved on with his life.

  With other women.

  How pathetic was it that after thirteen years, she was no more prepared to live a life in Big Timber without him than she had been the day he left for basic training.

  She answered Molly with a non-committal shrug. Laura and Mark reappeared, bearing another round of drinks and a bowl of popcorn, saving her from having to say more. Mark stood behind his wife's chair with his hands on her shoulders,
grinning as she tilted her head back and said something Ellie couldn't make out over the noise. She tried to ignore the stab of jealousy she felt when Mark bent and planted a kiss on Laura's laughing mouth, then whispered something that made her bite her lip and look at him under her lashes.

  She and Troy had never been that happy, never that easy. After the first rush, the mad whirlwind of dating wore off, Ellie spent most of the little time they were actually together trying to shake off the feeling that he was always wishing she was always someone a little different. A little more assertive, a little more intellectual. A little more beautiful.

  Well, he'd definitely wanted different, she acknowledged ruefully, as she thought about his mistress. Just maybe not in the ways she'd thought.

  She took another swallow of her drink, which did little to wash the sudden bitter taste from her mouth. From the corner of her eye she saw that Molly, too, was watching this little snippet of marital bliss, her brow furrowed, the fingers of her right hand absently fidgeting with the diamond ring on her left ring finger.

  The diamond ring, Ellie knew, Molly had picked out herself. All Josh had done was tell Dale Connor, the owner of Connor's Jewelry in nearby Livingston, to bill him for whatever Molly picked out.

  She wondered if her sister was having some very well-deserved second thoughts about her fiancé.

  "Hey JT!" Sadie called. Ellie looked over her shoulder and saw JT give an answering wave. Beer in hand, he wove his way across the dance floor over to their table. He shook Mark's hand, then took off his straw cowboy hat, held it over his heart and bent and kissed each woman on the cheek.

  There was something about the old school chivalry of that move that never failed to make her smile.

  He squatted down next to Ellie's chair. "Thanks again for having everyone out at the ranch next weekend and dealing with all the special requests,” she said.

  "My pleasure," JT yelled back, white teeth flashing against his tan skin as he grinned. Like Sadie, JT was in the running for the most transformed since high school. Once a chubby kid with acne, JT had shot up several inches, and his work on the ranch had pared away every ounce of fat from his now rangy body.

  With his thick, light brown hair and lean, tanned features he looked like he should be on the cover of a western romance novel. Based on the stares he was attracting from the female patrons, Ellie was far from the only one who'd taken note of JT's transformation.

  "Well, well, well, look who's off to play while fiancé's away."

  Brady's familiar drawl cut through the blare of the jukebox.

  He was standing behind Molly, whose eyebrows pulled into a tight frown as her cheeks turned suspiciously pink.

  And he wasn't alone. Ellie felt her whole body flush with heat as she saw that Damon had joined him along with his younger brother, Dylan.

  "Dylan!" Molly and Sadie said his name in unison and jumped from their chairs. Ellie rose a little more slowly, wary of the welcome she'd receive from both brothers. While Damon was regarding her with the unreadable stare she'd come to loathe, Dylan had Molly wrapped in a tight hug and was grinning over her head.

  Molly released him and he turned to Sadie, who, though her grin was so wide it took up the bottom half of her face, was a little hesitant. It was no secret that Sadie had been madly in love with Dylan back in high school, not that he'd ever viewed gawky, bookish Sadie as more than a friend.

  Maybe that would change, Ellie thought with a little smile as she watched Dylan look at her with confusion. A split second later his eyes widened in surprised recognition.

  "Holy shit, Sadie?"

  "Hey," she said with an awkward little wave.

  "Come here," he said and yanked her in for a hug. When she pulled away he held her by the shoulders, his eyes raking her up and down as he shook his head. "You look..." He shook his head as Sadie's gaze dropped to the ground.

  "I believe the word is, smoking," Brady broke in and reached for Sadie's hand just as Dwight Yoakam's Little Sister echoed through the bar. "Come on, sweet thing, let's dance."

  "I can't wait to catch up," Sadie said over her shoulder to Dylan, who was looking equal parts confused by Sadie's transformation into a bona fide stunner and irritated at Brady for whisking her away.

  He turned to Damon. "Is that seriously Sadie Thornton? What happened to the stork legs and the glasses?"

  "A lot can happen after high school," Molly said, elbowing him playfully in the side.

  "That it can," Dylan said, his gaze finally turning to her. Unlike with Sadie and Molly, he offered a smile that barely reached his eyes and didn't reach out to hug her. Not that it surprised her. After all, she was the bitch who broke his brother's heart, as he'd told her to her face the day after Damon left for basic training.

  The last time Dylan had spoken to her at all.

  "Ellie," he said simply. "You're looking well."

  "You too," Ellie said, her smile straining at the corners under the Decker brothers' combined scrutiny.

  Good training, she supposed, for when Deck arrived and she had to contend with all three of them. "I'm happy to see you safe and healthy," she said sincerely. He might hate her guts as much as Damon did, but that didn't stop Ellie from worrying about the Decker brothers and what they were doing in the most dangerous parts of the world.

  "Mostly healthy, anyway."

  JT jumped in to greet Dylan and give him one of those half hand shake half hug things that guys did.

  "You guys can talk later," Molly piped up and grabbed Dylan's hand. "This is my favorite song." Dylan grinned and gamely let her lead him out into the crowd.

  JT turned to Ellie with a smile. "Your sister's got the right idea," he said and stretched out his hand.

  Though she called herself an idiot even as she did it, she couldn't stop her gaze from straying to Damon, her heart fluttering in her chest as she met his bored stare.

  He drained his beer and set the empty on the table. "I'm going to get another round."

  She tucked her hand into JT's and tried to ignore the stab of disappointment. What were you expecting, Ellie? That he'd slap JT's hand away and tell him to keep away from his woman.

  And even if he did, all he deserves is a hearty "fuck you," after the way he blew you off without any warning or explanation.

  Nevertheless, as she forced a smile and curled her hand over JT's nicely muscled shoulder, she could feel Damon's presence pulling her like a tractor beam from across the bar.

  Why couldn't she keep herself from seeking him out in the crowd, honing in on the outline of his broad-shouldered frame, convinced she could pick out his voice, his laugh through the din of the crowd and the music?

  Why couldn't she keep her stomach from twisting in knots as she saw several women approach him, and watch him greet each with a bright smile and a kiss on the cheek?

  He'd had her naked underneath him less than a week ago, and he couldn't even muster up a smile when he saw Ellie.

  A flash of anger burned in her chest. Fine. So he was done with her, didn't give a crap about her and her feelings. Why should that surprise her? The whole thing was probably some sort of revenge fuck thing on his part all along.

  And she'd be damned if she was going to spend one more second feeling like shit over Damon Decker.

  ###

  Damon watched as Ellie tossed her hair back and laughed at something JT said. The music had slowed to a ballad and Ellie and JT had stayed out on the dance floor, their bodies pressed so close you couldn't get a sliver of light between them. His fingers curled around his bottle of Miller Light so tight his knuckles turned white. He took a long pull at his beer, grimacing at the sour feeling twisting his stomach.

  He made mental note to remind Janelle to make sure all the deli supplies at the Gas N Go were refrigerated properly. Because the nasty knot in his gut had to be the turkey and avocado on whole wheat he'd scarfed down earlier this afternoon.

  It couldn't possibly be because he was jealous of the way JT's hand splayed
across Ellie's back, sliding down until it rested at the dip right above the curve of her ass.

  It definitely couldn't be because of the way JT pulled her close enough so the soft curves of her breasts brushed against him. At the sight, Damon's own skin tingled with the memory of how those same soft curves felt pressed against his chest minus the impediment of clothing.

  Warm, smooth, her hard little nipples pressing against him.

  "So there's nothing going on with you two?" Dylan's gravelly voice pulled him from his self-torture, and he tore his gaze away from the pair.

  From the moment Dylan had heard about Ellie's return to Big Timber, he'd bombarded Damon with questions about her return and warnings not to let himself get sucked back under her spell.

  It was easy enough to ignore in emails—the only way they could reliably communicate when Dylan was overseas. Not so easy when he was in the passenger seat of Damon's truck. They'd no sooner pulled out of the parking lot of the Billings airport than Dylan had started grilling him about Ellie.

  "There's nothing going on," Damon had said, rationalizing that he wasn't lying to his brother, because truly, at that moment, nothing was going on and hadn't been for a week.

  The fact that he thought about her constantly and tortured himself by mentally replaying every touch, every taste, every second he'd had her naked was none of his younger brother's business.

  Dylan had tried every angle to try to get Damon to slip up and admit something, but Damon's answer hadn't changed. "There's nothing going on. And even if there were, she's only staying in Big Timber until she can get her shit together and move on to bigger and better things."

  At the time, he was proud of himself for keeping the bitterness out of his tone, though he suspected he hadn't convinced Dylan.

  "Nope," he said now and drained his second beer.

  "If there's nothing going on," Dylan said, "how come you're looking at JT like you want to nail his ball sack to a barn door and leave him hanging there for a few days?"