by Roma James
This girl had really gotten to me.
I climbed out of bed very, very slowly, sliding gently across my smooth comforter until I reached the edge of the bed. I really didn’t want to wake Harlow, but she didn’t stir. I tiptoed out of the room, grabbing my phone as I did which I’d left on the nightstand.
I knew what I had to do to get Harlow exactly what she needed, what she wanted.
I went into the living room, collapsing onto my black leather couch as I opened the group message I had going with Ryker and Diesel. We checked this on a daily basis—it was where we told each other anything important we needed to know about the club.
Well, this wasn’t about the club, but I still felt it was damn important.
I began to type to them.
>Me: We all need to talk.
Ryker was the first one to text back.
>Ryker: About what?
>Diesel: About the incident last night?
>Me: No… About Harlow.
>Diesel: What about her?
>Me: I’m not going to beat around the bush. I know you guys both have feelings for her. I do too. And I can see that tensions are building with all of us. We need to sort this out.
>Ryker: But sort this out… how?
>Me: All of us need to talk, the four of us. We need to have a conversation about our feelings, about what exactly this is for all of us. And Harlow needs the opportunity to choose whoever she wants. I know it’s awkward and tense, but I don’t see another way to deal with this. We can’t just keep ignoring what’s right in front of us.
>Diesel: When and where should we talk?
>Me: She’s here right now, if you guys can swing by my house soon.
>Ryker: Yeah, I’ll be there.
>Diesel: Me too.
I breathed a sigh of relief, glad that they were on board with this idea.
>Me: Good. And I just want to remind all of us… whatever happens, we’re all still family to each other. We shouldn’t let this tear us apart.
Neither of them answered that last text, which admittedly made me nervous. Did they feel the same way? Or did they think this actually would tear us apart?
I couldn’t think about that right now. The decision had been made, and Harlow was going to get to decide who she really wanted. That was what I truly cared about.
Although… I supposed I should have told her about it first.
I walked back into the bedroom and she was only beginning to stir again. This time, she opened her eyes and looked at me.
She yawned slightly and extended her arms as she stretched. “Good morning,” she said groggily.
“Morning,” I answered, trying to find the words to explain to her what I’d done.
“How are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m good…” I said quietly.
She looked at me skeptically. “Uh, is something wrong?”
“No. I mean, kind of…”
“What is it, Axel?” she asked me.
I took in a deep breath. “Look, this is a little awkward to say, but… I think there’s no denying that I have feelings for you.”
She looked at me, wide-eyed. “You do?”
“Yeah. And the thing is… so do my brother and Ryker. Which complicates things. And from what I can see… you might kind of have feelings for them, too.”
Her eyes darted around nervously, confirming what I thought.
“Right, okay, well that’s why… I asked Ryker and Diesel to come over to talk.”
Her jaw dropped. “You did what?”
“I’m sorry, I probably should have asked you first. I realize that now. But Harlow, you know we can’t just continue like this, right? I mean… we’re all close, the three of us. If we don’t figure this out now, it’s going to damage our relationship. We’ve got to get the bottom of this, don’t you think?”
She paused. “But maybe there’s nothing to get to the bottom of. You don’t know if Ryker or Diesel have real feelings for me. I mean, sure, maybe they’re attracted to me. But that doesn’t mean anything, Axel. I think you might be jumping the gun a little bit here.”
I shook my head. “Harlow, I know. I know them extremely well. They like you. I know they do. I can see it.”
“But…” she stumbled on her words. “It’s not like they confirmed it.”
“By agreeing to come over here, they kind of did.”
“How?” she asked.
“I told them that I knew we all had feelings for you and that we needed to discuss it. They agreed to come over. That’s… pretty much how I know.”
She looked genuinely surprised to hear this. “So you… all have feelings for me?” she asked.
“Yes. Definitely.”
“And we’re all going to discuss it?”
“Well, you don’t have to,” I said. Even though I definitely wanted to do this, I had to give her an out. I certainly couldn’t force her. “But don’t you think this needs to happen?”
“I just… I’m not sure what to do. What to say. I’ve… you know, it’s been a really long time since I’ve been in a relationship. And after that, I didn’t date for a really, really long time. I mean, I guess I didn’t really date at all. I just jumped into bed with you guys.”
“Why not?” I asked.
She looked caught off guard by my question. “Why not what?”
“Why didn’t you date for so long after your last relationship?”
“Because I… I don't know, if I’m being honest. Things didn’t end well and I felt really hurt for a while… and pretty lonely. I mean, I got over him a long time ago, but I guess it was hard to imagine putting myself out there again like that. At any time, you could just… be heartbroken.”
I was acutely aware of that right now, fully expecting I might get my heartbroken today. “Is that why you’re so nervous to talk to all of us?” I asked.
She snorted. “I mean, there’s a lot of reasons why I’m scared to talk to all of you.”
“But that’s one of them, isn’t it?”
She looked down at the ground and I walked over to her, sat next to her on the bed, and took her hand in mine.
“Look, you don’t need to be scared, Harlow. Whatever happens, I’ll understand. We all will. I… I can’t explain it, but I just know that we all genuinely care for you. I guess I can’t speak too much for the other guys, but as far as I go, I only want the best for you. Even if that means you not being with me. We all know this conversation might lead to any of us not being chosen. And we’ll deal with that without hurting you, I promise.”
She looked touched. “That’s so incredibly sweet. But, you know, just because none of you might not hurt me in this very moment, that doesn’t mean that whoever I did date wouldn’t end up hurting me down the line…”
I put my hand on her cheek. “Yeah, that’s always a possibility. But is that really how you want to live your life? Always waiting for the other shoe to drop? Harlow, what was your life like back when you were too afraid to date compared to now? Aren’t you happier for at least trying?”
She nodded slowly, my hand still on her cheek. “I really am happier.”
“Then are you going to hide away from potential pain forever at the cost of your happiness?”
“No.” She sighed and shook her head. “No, you’re right. I don’t want to do that.”
“So, you’re okay with this, then? With all of us talking?”
She still looked wary. “I don’t know if ‘okay’ is the right word… but you’re probably right, it’s for the best.”
“I am right,” I responded. “I promise, this is the best thing we could do. We just need to get this out in the open. And whatever happens, happens.”
“Okay, sure. Yeah… let’s do this, then.”
I gave her a soft kiss on the cheek. Then I realized this could be the last chance I had to kiss her. There was a fair probability she was going to choose someone else today. And though I’d respect any decision she made, I wanted to savo
r any moment I had with her.
So I then took my lips off her cheek and put them to her mouth. I ran my hand through her soft, brown, slightly tangled hair. She kissed back, gently but sweetly.
If it was going to be our last kiss, at least it was pretty much perfect.
“I really do care about you, Axel,” she said as she pulled her mouth from mine.
"I really care about you, too,” I told her.
She smiled and nodded, a little sadly.
Whatever happened, this was going to complicate things and we both knew it.
But I was prepared for any complication.
I just hoped I could see Harlow happier for it.
Chapter 14 - Harlow
I was terrified out of my mind. I had butterflies in my stomach. My nerves were taking hold of me now that I knew that Ryker and Diesel would arrive at any moment.
Axel had been really sweet about this whole thing. I truly did believe him when he said that he’d be okay no matter how things ended up.
But that wasn’t the problem in my mind.
The true issue was… was I going to be okay no matter how things ended up?
I had been enjoying my time with all three of them so thoroughly. I thought I was going to get to explore that more before I had to choose. I couldn’t help this feeling that was rising inside me that told me that as soon as I picked only one, I was going to be enjoying life a lot less than I currently was.
How the hell was I supposed to pick just one?
They were all great guys. I’d be lucky to end up with any one of them.
Ryker had this serious, smart, clever way about him that also made me feel emotionally desired. Then Axel was just a total sweetheart down to his core, obviously. I couldn’t imagine letting go of him and losing the guy who had become such a comfort to me. But then his twin, Diesel, was this strong, masculine, mysterious guy that drew me in effortlessly.
It was truly an impossible choice. I felt greedy for thinking so. But how was I supposed to pick only one Prince Charming?
I mean, maybe that sounded a little lame, but it was really how I felt. At one point or another, they’d all become my Prince Charming.
Ryker was first, obviously, by saving me from almost being drugged. And then there was Diesel, literally fighting a man for putting his hands on me. And Axel, well, he was there for me emotionally when I needed it most.
The worst part was that if Axel was right and they all had feelings for me, then I was going to end up hurting two of them in the process of picking just one.
That broke my heart. I didn’t want any of them sad because they couldn’t have me.
It just wasn’t fair. They all deserved to have me. At the risk of sounding cocky, I might say that I believed I deserved all of them, too.
Damn, why don’t they write about situations like this in romance books? How do you pick just one man when you truly feel like you’re falling in love with all of them?
“Do you need any water?” Axel asked sweetly, as he put his hand on my shoulder.
I knew why he was asking. I looked like a total mess, and he wanted me to calm down.
“No, no, I’m fine,” I told him.
He looked concerned. “You don’t look fine. Look, Harlow, it’s exactly like I told you… this is all going to be fine, okay? Whatever you decide, we’re going to support you. I promise.”
That wasn’t the problem. I didn’t want their support. I wanted them. All of them.
The doorbell rang, and my heart jumped in my chest. I actually felt nauseated.
“That’s gotta be them,” Axel said as he walked over to the door.
I was actually biting my nails at this point, as they both walked in with serious expressions on their faces and took seats on the couch in front of me.
“So,” Axel was the first one to speak. “I think it’s clear why we’re all here. We all have feelings for Harlow, and we need to discuss what that means and what she wants.”
The room was quiet. They were all looking at me, looking for answers. Well, I didn’t have answers. What was I going to do, flip a coin? I truly couldn’t choose.
Even if I could, I wasn’t going to be happy with it.
I looked at all three of them before speaking. “Is that true?” I asked. “Do you all have feelings for me? Like actual emotional, romantic feelings? Not just sexual ones?”
“I do,” Ryker answered. “Very much so.”
“And I’m shocked to say I do, too,” Diesel said. “I honestly wasn’t expecting to. I often don’t when it comes to women I’m interested in. But… yes, I have feelings.”
Again, my stomach clenched.
“So what does this mean?” I asked them. “I’ve just got to… pick one of you?”
“Well… don’t you?” Diesel asked.
Ryker and Axel glanced at me.
“I mean… I don’t…” I muttered.
Axel piped up. “Honestly, guys, I think she’s just scared of hurting one of us. I’ve told her that it’s fine and that we’re not going to care, but I’m sure it’s hard to reject two of us right now.”
“It really is okay,” Ryker confirmed. “We understand completely. You can’t have all of us, after all.”
But… why couldn’t I?
“So which one of us do you prefer?” Diesel asked.
“It’s just that…” I couldn’t find the words to say, so I just blurted it out. “I want all of you!”
They all looked at each other, confused.
“What do you mean?” Axel asked.
“I mean… I have feelings for each and every one of you.”
“Well…” Ryker began gently. “Who do you have, you know, the most feelings for?”
I sighed. “That’s exactly my problem, Ryker. There is no most. I swear, I care about you all equally. I’m interested in you all equally. And I just don’t know how to pick only one of you.”
“Well, don’t you kind of have to?” Axel asked.
“Why?” I questioned. “Why do I have to?”
“Because… you can’t date all of us,” Ryker answered.
“Can’t I? I mean… you guys own a sex club. Are you really telling me you’ve never tag-teamed a girl before?”
“Er, yeah…” Diesel admitted. “But it’s only ever been two of us at a time.”
“Okay, so why can’t it be all four of us? Are there really any rules here?”
“I guess not…” Diesel said, and he seemed like the first to come around to the idea.
But then Axel piped up.
“But that’s the thing, Harlow. For me, this is not just about sex. I don’t just want to hook up with you. If I did, sure, I would be down for some group sex. But I want more than sex with you. I’m intrigued by you. I’m not embarrassed to admit that I’m falling pretty hard for you. So I want to get to know you. I want the chance to fall even harder.”
Diesel and Ryker nodded. Apparently, they agreed.
“Okay, wait… you’re misunderstanding me,” I said to them. “This is not just about sex for me, either. Not at all. I like you guys. I truly like you. I want to get to know all of you, too.”
I looked at them all individually. “How am I supposed to stop getting to know you, Axel? When you’re so kind, so nurturing… you bring me a feeling of comfort that I haven’t had in… I don’t know how long.”
I turned to Ryker. “And Ryker, I can’t just forget about you. You have this serious, smart, intelligent nature that I’m intrigued by. You’re the kind of guy I can imagine having late night philosophical discussions with, maybe even bouncing ideas for my next book off of you.”
Ryker gave me a soft smile.
Finally, I spoke to Diesel. “And Diesel, I don’t want to forget about your sexy, masculine, macho nature. You’re a man I feel completely protected with. You punched a guy out for me, for crying out loud.” I looked at all of them now. “Can you see that this goes so much deeper for me than just sex? For so long, I’ve been searchi
ng for a man that has all the qualities that I need. Well, you’re those men. And I don’t want to forego any one of you.”
“But I don’t understand how this would work,” Diesel responded. “I mean, it’s one thing to plan some kinky group sex, but if this goes beyond sex, then what are you implying?”
“That I can date… all of you. I can get to know all of you. I can have a beautiful relationship with all of you. I know that sounds weird, I do. And you guys don’t have to agree. You can tell me I’m crazy if you want, and you’d probably be right. I’ve never heard of anyone having a relationship like this, so, yeah, it’s pretty out there. But I can’t let go of the thought of having you all. And I think I’d be happiest with all of you. Maybe you’d all be happier, too. I think it could work if we could do this without jealousy, without frustration, with openness in our hearts.”
Axel looked at me seriously. “And this is what would make you happy? Having all of us?”
“Yes!” I said emphatically. “Yes, more than anything in this world!”
“Then I’m in.” He smiled at me. “I’m in for whatever is going to make you happiest.”
Diesel spoke next. “I’m in, too. I mean, yeah, it’s weird, but I kind of get it. Despite knowing that both of you were into Harlow too for some reason, I never felt any jealousy. I had no animosity to you guys for liking her. In fact, I kind of understood it. It’s unconventional, but maybe this could work. Maybe the fact that I’m not even slightly jealous is a sign.”
I couldn’t help but grin. I didn’t think they’d take this idea well at all. I honestly wasn’t even planning to bring it up. But hearing them talk about it…
It seemed like this might actually work. They could really go for it.
When I looked at Ryker, my heart sank. I could see uneasiness on his face.
“What do you think, Ryker?”
“I don’t really know what I think,” he admitted.
I was heartbroken to hear that. I really couldn’t imagine not having all of them. Again, I felt so greedy. I couldn’t be satisfied just to have Diesel and Axel?