Sex, Lies & Her Impossible Boss

by Jennifer Rae

  Deep down she knew she wanted him to say ‘you’. She wanted him to ask her to come home. She wanted him to say she was his and he was hers and that they had to be together. But he didn’t say ‘you’. His smile faltered.

  ‘Can I come in?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘We need to talk.’

  ‘So talk.’

  ‘Here? In the hallway?’

  ‘Wait here.’

  Cash’s jaw clamped shut and a twitch in his jaw started to jump. He looked...angry and frustrated and about ready to walk away. What did he want? Just sex...or something else?

  As she shut the door on him she had to tell herself to breathe. Of course he just wanted sex. Why else would he be here? She was an idiot to think he was here to spend time with her or—God forbid—tell her he’d made a mistake and she was the most important thing in the world to him and that he wanted to wrap her in his arms and take her away from all this—take her home.

  She let out a huff of laughter as she pulled on some jeans and located her boots, slipping them on over her thick woollen socks. If Cash wanted her he would have said something by now. No—he was here for sex. Just sex. And it was time to tell him the truth. She didn’t want to have sex with him—not now—not ever. She wanted more.

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  When she was wrapped in her scarf and coat, had her woolly gloves and knee-high boots on, Faith opened the door to find Cash leaning up against the wall, waiting for her. When he turned his head to look at her, her breath caught. He was gorgeous. His dark eyes held her steady and a layer of stubble had spread across his jaw where the collar of his grey wool coat met his neck. She wanted to reach out and touch him. Feel the strength of the muscles in his shoulders and the ironic softness of his full, pale lips. His eyes softened and slid over her face, making her shiver. What was he thinking about? Would he be thinking about the last time they were together?

  Because she was.

  Every touch, every taste, every sound.

  She still wanted him. Or at least her body did. Even if he didn’t love her. Even if he was going to hurt her. Which was exactly why she should stay away from him. He pushed off from the wall and his big body faced her.

  ‘Ready?’

  She felt small. Childlike. As if he could lift his arms and wrap her up and make everything better. But she wasn’t a child. She was a grown woman. And she didn’t need his help. She didn’t need him. She drew herself up and took a step back.

  ‘Yes.’ She started towards the lifts, then changed her mind. She didn’t want to be in such a small space with him and this lift had a tendency to break down. Instead she headed for the stairs. She didn’t even stop to see if he was following but she knew he was. She could feel him behind her. She went as fast as was safely possible and when she arrived in the foyer with its peeling paint and slightly manky smell she moved as quickly as she could to the door.

  She was grateful for the bracing chill and the layer of early morning darkness. Pulling her scarf tighter, she started to walk, only to be stopped by Cash’s hand wrapped around her arm. His touch burned through her heavy coat and her woollen jumper as well as her long-sleeved shirt to her skin beneath. He had an uncanny way of finding her skin and getting underneath it.

  ‘This way,’ he growled in her ear.

  He let go and turned in the opposite direction to disappear down a narrow laneway. She had no other option than to follow. The laneway was dark and intimate and perfect for a private kiss, she thought, before shaking that thought away. She had to tell herself to breathe again as she scurried on the wet cobblestones to keep up with his long strides. He walked and walked without a word. What was going on? Where was he taking her? Was something wrong? What did he want?

  Finally he stopped. He pulled her around the corner of the laneway into a tiny, dark alley and gently pushed her back against the wall.

  ‘Cash, what’s going on? What’s wrong? What are we doing here?’

  ‘I need to talk to you and I don’t want any interruptions.’

  She looked up into his face as his eyes flashed with anger. A shiver escaped down her spine and it had nothing to do with the cold.

  ‘What’s happened? Is something wrong?’ A horrible thought settled over her. A feeling of being at the side of that bridge, except this time Cash wasn’t holding her. His hand was right there but she couldn’t grab hold.

  His look was hard for a second, then it gentled. He moved closer until she could feel his warm breath on her face. She couldn’t help it; she instinctively reached for his warm body. Her fingers dragged the lapels of his coat closer and he responded by pushing his hard chest and his hips against her and putting his hands on the wall behind her head.

  She drew in a long breath of the cool air. He fitted over her body perfectly. The hard planes of his body were like a casing for her and she closed her eyes and remembered. She remembered the way he breathed and the way he moaned deep in his throat when he was close. She remembered the feel of his fingers, a little rough as they tickled her skin. She remembered the feel of his lips and the feel of his tongue as he explored and kissed and licked her everywhere...

  Her eyes sprang open. Something was different. Cash was wild. Like an animal. Primal. Possessive. And his mouth was slightly open. She was very much in danger of letting him in again. She was practically giving him the razor and telling him to cut her open. Her heart was beating so hard she was sure he could feel it through the layers of his clothes. He wanted her; she could see it. She could feel it.

  Yet he didn’t want her.

  He was playing with her, tempting her. Giving her a taste of something she could never have. The only sounds were their mingled breaths and the heat of them made puffs of air escape from between their bodies. She wanted to kiss him. Wanted to let him have whatever he wanted. But instead she pushed him away.

  ‘What are you doing here, Cash? What do you want from me? How much more can I give?’

  He stumbled a little at her push, as if he was surprised she’d done it. His hands went back into his pockets.

  ‘You left, remember? Not me.’

  ‘I left because I had to. Because this job is everything I’ve ever wanted.’

  ‘That’s why you left?’ He stared but didn’t come closer.

  ‘No. Yes.’ Faith was confused. That wasn’t why she left. ‘I left because you cancelled my show.’

  ‘That’s not why you left.’

  It wasn’t why she left, but she didn’t want him to know the real reason. She couldn’t bear the thought that he would know. Know how she felt. Know that she loved him. Sucking in a breath, she tried to think.

  ‘Of course it is.’

  ‘No, it’s not.’

  ‘Then why? Why did I leave?’

  ‘Because I hurt you.’

  Faith stilled. He had hurt her. He was hurting her now. The cold air that she sucked in got caught in her lungs. It burned. It hurt.

  ‘Yes.’ Her voice had gone quiet. Her shoulders slumped and she felt weak. As if he’d stripped all the bones from her body and her skin was all that was holding her up. ‘You hurt me.’

  He didn’t say anything, just held her eyes with his. Holding her up. Holding her steady as he had that day at the back of his wagon.

  ‘I wanted more than just sex. I wanted you. I wanted you to feel the same about me that I felt about you,’ she said.

  Faith’s heart hurt with the weight of each slow beat. She didn’t take her eyes off his. They weren’t touching but his eyes still seemed to be the only thing holding her up.

  ‘What about now? Do you want to be with me now?’ His voice sounded a little desperate and Faith felt a sudden and irrational surge of warmth. Hope. That was what surged through her. Irrational hope that maybe he wanted more than just sex too. But she knew that
was stupid. He’d let her walk away and hadn’t stopped her.

  ‘I want someone to love me.’

  Cash breathed out heavily. ‘You left. You walked away. You chose this and I respect that, but I still have this ridiculous need to tell you how I feel about you.’

  How he felt about her? The beating in her chest got louder, and harder.

  He let out a breath and stepped back. Enough to rest his back on the wall behind him. He was two feet away yet it felt like miles.

  ‘Faith, you are...’ His direct look hit her.

  ‘I am what?’

  ‘You are...’ She could see he was struggling with words. He was about to tell her how he felt about her. And she feared it wasn’t what she wanted.

  ‘What? A distraction? A good sport? What am I, Cash?’

  She turned to go; she didn’t want to feel this. He’d already broken her heart once and she didn’t want him to do it again. Not him. All she wanted to do was run far away from the tsunami of pain that was heading her way. But he was too quick. His arm on hers stopped her and he pushed her back against the wall.

  ‘Faith, stop. Stop running. Stop thinking everyone is going to hurt you. Stop thinking you don’t deserve to be loved, because you do.’

  Hot tears teased her eyes. She was confused and angry and upset and embarrassed and she didn’t know what to say or what to do, but the warmth of his hand on her arm was calming her and she needed it to stay there.

  ‘You don’t have to be alone any more. You don’t have to do it all on your own. I’m here for you.’

  Time stopped. Faith’s throat dried up.

  ‘I want you, Faith—no. I need you. And I think you need me too.’

  His voice was raw. She looked into his eyes and saw the emotion there. The pain, the hurt, the confusion.

  ‘Cash, what are you talking about? You said sex was just sex.’

  ‘Sex is not just sex. Sex is so much more than that,’ he said gruffly, pushing her back against the wall. His eyes were close, and his breath was hot on her neck. ‘So much more.’

  It was more than that. His dark eyes locked with hers. She wanted to reach up and rub her hand along his rough stubble. She wanted to draw his face down into a comforting kiss. She wanted to take what he was offering. But she couldn’t. Because she knew she couldn’t do this.

  ‘I can’t, Cash,’ she whispered, not wanting to say the words but knowing she needed to anyway. Because she couldn’t bear it if he changed his mind. She’d fallen too far to be able to find her way back.

  Cash’s eyes flicked to her mouth, then back to her eyes, and his brow furrowed. His eyes moved back to her mouth. He looked as if he didn’t understand what she was saying.

  ‘You don’t want me?’

  Faith could feel his desperation deep in her chest. She wanted to give in. But she knew him too well; she knew that he was scared. Scared to trust her and scared to let her get too close.

  ‘The only way you can really love someone is to trust them. To give yourself over to them completely. You can’t hold back just in case you might get hurt and I don’t know if you are capable of giving me that much.’ Faith could hear the resignation in her voice. ‘I don’t know if you want it enough.’

  Faith struggled to go on. He wasn’t saying anything. He was just watching her. She couldn’t figure out what he was thinking and she felt worse than she’d ever felt in her life. Worse than when everyone had found out about Mr Turner. Worse than when she was turned down at her local station for her show. Worse than when Cash had told her he didn’t like her. She felt completely alone. But he’d said she wasn’t alone. He’d said he needed her.

  ‘Tell me you don’t want this, and I’ll leave you alone. Tell me you don’t want to be with me.’

  Cash’s eyes flashed angrily and he stepped towards her. ‘Do you have any idea what you’ve done to me? I’ve spent the last nine years thinking I knew exactly what I was doing but as soon as I met you I realised I had no idea.’

  Faith stilled.

  He came towards her with a force she wasn’t expecting. He grabbed her arms and she looked up into his eyes. He was hurting; she could see that. He was struggling to understand how he felt and was struggling to let her go.

  ‘You made me realise that I don’t know anything. Sex isn’t about power. It’s about revealing yourself, being completely vulnerable. It’s about trusting someone completely.’

  Cash looked wild and desperate and out of his depth and she’d never seen him like that. As if he felt something more. Something raw and desperate. Love.

  Moving closer, she lifted her hands to rest on his chest. He swayed towards her but she pulled back and kept her eyes on his. Those dark eyes were hard to resist. She wanted to kiss him, she wanted to tell him how she felt, but she needed him to say it first. She needed him to love her all on his own, without any prompting. Because if he loved her, that changed everything.

  He tilted his head, his eyes moving from her eyes to her lips. She moved with him, their bodies moving together. Her palm slipped up to feel the roughness of his jaw and he put his hand over hers. Still she watched his eyes and when they flicked back to hers she knew that he knew.

  ‘I trust you, Faith. I trust you and I need you.’

  His other arm came around her waist and held her to him. They stopped moving. They held fast and his eyes were back on hers.

  ‘I need you and you need me.’

  His voice was not much more than a whisper. Faith felt as if she were teetering on the edge of that bridge. It was time. Time to close her eyes and jump. And it might hurt when she hit the bottom, but she realised that it didn’t matter. That free-fall into the unknown—for a time when everything was perfect, it was worth it. She wanted to jump. With him. Faith smiled gently before raising herself up on her toes and kissing him gently on his slightly parted lips.

  ‘Cash? I need to know. Do you love me?’

  He responded by pressing his mouth tenderly to hers. His lips shook beneath hers as his hand snaked up her waist and rested on her cheek. Faith felt his kiss. She could feel his affection and she knew he felt as much as she did. They stood with their foreheads touching for too long. Faith’s chest heaved and she knew that somewhere deep inside her swelling chest her heart was twisting. Her dream was twisting.

  ‘With every breath in my body.’ His voice was deep and she felt it rumble against her chest.

  Faith held her breath. All thoughts left her head. Her show, her doubt, everything. Except him and his voice and the flash of green in his eye. His eyes had become so familiar to her she couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing them ever again.

  ‘Are you all right?’ he asked. Concern, worry. That was what swam in his eyes. And something else. Something she’d been dreaming of ever since that first kiss.

  ‘Yes, now. Now everything’s all right,’ she whispered.

  She couldn’t say anything else for a moment as her eyes met his. But the look in his eyes didn’t change. His hands dropped down her body to rest on her hips.

  ‘I came here for one reason. You. I want you. I need you.’

  Faith noticed the strain in his gruff voice.

  ‘You can walk away from this if you want. You can leave, but it won’t matter. It was never just sex with you. Never.’ His eyes had locked with hers and he wasn’t letting go. They were sincere and burning dark. Faith had never felt so safe yet so in danger in her life. ‘And I love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life loving you,’ he added with one of his wicked grins.

  A smile twitched at Faith’s mouth as her heart swelled painfully.

  ‘I told you I knew what I was talking about.’

  He smiled and pulled her even closer. Faith ran the back of her hand across the beginnings of stubble on his cheek. When her knuckles met his mouth he kiss
ed them, his eyes on hers. He smiled with his lips still on her knuckles and raised one incredibly sexy eyebrow.

  Faith’s stomach flipped.

  When their lips met, Faith felt her body fall as it melted into his. But when his strong arms came around her back he lifted her feet off the ground and kissed her long and hard and deep. He was strong and smelled so good and Faith could hardly remember to breathe. And then he set her down and let her go and the whip of the cool night air circled her shoulders. ‘I have never felt more in danger of falling off that bridge than I do now,’ she whispered.

  Cash chuckled and stood, taking her hands in his.

  ‘You’re not in danger, you’re in love. And you shouldn’t fall, you should jump.’

  ‘I’m jumping. With no parachute,’ she said with a smile.

  ‘I’ll be your parachute.’ He lifted her off her feet and pressed his mouth tenderly to hers. She moved against him and shivered as his tongue slid against her lips.

  ‘Does this mean we can go home and have “just sex”?’ she whispered.

  He opened his eyes and looked directly into hers. Hot and dark and deep. ‘No. I want to make love. Hot, hard, wild love,’ he said, his voice gruff.

  ‘Good, because I’m not very good at sex.’

  He smiled and his eyes crinkled at the side. ‘Oh, yes, you bloody are.’ This time his kiss was passionate and deep and he nipped at her lips. When they drew away to breathe, Faith smiled and snuggled into the crook of his arm. Safe. Warm. Right where she belonged.

  ‘You’re not too bad yourself.’

  * * * * *

  Keep reading for an excerpt from LESSONS IN RULE-BREAKING by Christy McKellen.

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