Serendipity (Inevitable)

by Nissenson, Janet

  “Why didn’t she just sic your sister on the guy? Sounds like your twin is a force to be reckoned with.”

  “Because Angela won’t tell us his name, and we never met him. Lauren and I think he had her wrapped up in some sort of borderline BDSM relationship where he controlled her entire life. Then when he dumped her she couldn’t cope.”

  He shook his head. “That sounds pretty sick.”

  “Yeah, I wonder sometimes if she’ll ever get back to normal. Here we are.”

  They scored a small table for two in a back corner of the coffeehouse, and Julia waited uncertainly while Nathan placed their order. She was conscious of not exactly looking her best – no makeup, pale from lack of sleep, her hair scraped back off her face into a long braid. At least her yoga clothes were as stylish as the rest of her wardrobe – fitted black Lululemon pants and a cute black and white graphic print tank with crisscross straps. Due to the foggy morning she had thrown a long, fitted black cardigan on over her outfit. And yoga class was just about the only time she ever wore flat shoes – black Keen Mary Janes.

  Nathan returned with a tray bearing her café au lait and croissant, along with his own black coffee and toasted bagel. They ate and drank in silence for several minutes, Julia being very careful not to meet his eyes even though she could feel his gaze upon her. Then, he unexpectedly reached out and ran his fingers along the side of her neck, wincing when he saw the dark purple marks he’d put there the night before.

  “Sorry about that,” he said hesitantly. “I, uh, hope they don’t hurt.”

  She shrugged his hand off. “I’ll live. I must say, though, no one’s given me a hickey since high school. At least I don’t have to hide it from my parents this time.”

  Nathan smiled. “I’ll bet you had a ton of boyfriends in high school. And with two of you, your parents probably went a little crazy.”

  “Not exactly. Lauren was a huge tomboy, and was more interested in sports than boys. She didn’t really date until senior year, and my parents always knew she could take care of herself.” Julia took a sip of her coffee. “My sister has studied martial arts since she was six years old. And not the tamer stuff like judo or tae kwon do. We’re talking karate, kung fu, capoeira.”

  “Jesus.” Nathan gulped. “No wonder everyone is terrified of her. What about you? Did you do martial arts as well?”

  “God, no.” She gave a little shudder. “Too violent for timid little me. I did ballet and gymnastics and then yoga when I was in high school. Besides, it was always important for Lauren and me to have our own separate identities and interests. Thank God my mom never believed in dressing us alike once we became toddlers.”

  He chewed a bite of bagel. “You didn’t answer my question about boyfriends. Did you date a lot in high school?”

  “One boyfriend for all four years of school. Plus almost two years of college. Sam and I were the classic high school sweethearts. At one point I was convinced we were going to get married and spend the rest of our lives together.”

  “So what happened?”

  Julia gave him a sad little smile. “He wanted to move on, date other people. It was hard maintaining a relationship during college. I mean, we tried. One of the reasons I chose Cornell was because it was only a three hour drive from Penn State.”

  He frowned. “That’s not really close. Why didn’t he find a school closer to Cornell?”

  “Because Penn State was the top school to recruit him. Sam played football there.”

  Nathan set his coffee cup down and stared at her in surprise. “Wait. Sam – Penn State. You’re not talking about Sam Patterson, are you? The quarterback for the Arizona Cardinals?”

  Julia nodded. “That’s him. I’m guessing you know who he is?”

  “Uh, yeah, he’s only like one of the top-rated quarterbacks in the NFL today. Jesus, you dated him for what – six years?”

  “About that, yes.”

  “Were you upset? I mean, when he told you he wanted to move on?”

  She nodded. “I saw it coming, though. In our sophomore year of college, Sam was named the starting quarterback when someone else got injured. Suddenly he was way busier – more practices, press conferences, publicity. He told me he would get approached by people all the time who’d never known he existed before. Especially women.”

  “Hmm. And being – what – nineteen, twenty years old? Guess that’s hard for a guy to resist too long, especially when his girl is three hours away.”

  “That was most of it. We’d probably started drifting apart a bit before then anyway. At least Sam had the decency to tell me before he started dating other people.”

  “Still, it must have been hard for you.”

  “Yeah.” She studied her café au lait for long second. “I was more sad, I think, than upset. We’d been together for so long, been such a huge part of each other’s lives. But we were able to remain good friends. I still keep in contact with him, and even saw him briefly at Christmas when he came to visit his parents.”

  “Were you able to move on?”

  She blinked. “Eventually. But that didn’t turn out so well. I seem to have atrocious taste and very bad luck with men.”

  Nathan flushed. “I’m guessing that’s a ding on me.”

  “Not just you. I ought to have known better, going off with a complete stranger. But our ill-fated one night stand was nothing compared to the guy I was involved with after Sam.” She scooped a dollop of foam from her mug and licked it off her fingers. “I was with him for almost two years and never knew he was married. With a small child.”

  He stared at her slack-jawed. “Shit. So when I told you I was engaged, you -“

  “Felt cursed. Pissed off. Lied to. And royally screwed over once again. Hence the aforementioned bad luck. No, make that really, really shitty bad luck.”

  Nathan ran a hand over his face. “I’m so sorry, Julia. For everything. For lying to you in New York. For being a total jerk to you when you moved here. And for treating you so roughly last night. I worried about you all night long.”

  “Really?” she asked sarcastically. “That must have put a real damper on your evening with Cameron.”

  “What?” He gaped, astonished. “Hell, please tell me you do not think I took her home and fucked her after what happened. Even I’m not that big of a douchebag.”

  She stared at her plate, crumbling the last bit of her croissant into tiny pieces. “I have no idea what to think, Nathan. I mean, she is your fiancée, after all, and she seemed awfully amorous last night. Not to mention, it’s obvious she went to a lot of trouble to look hot for you.”

  He gave a visible shudder. “It – wasn’t exactly a good look for her. Instead of being turned on like I’m sure she intended it was just the opposite.”

  Julia held up a hand. “Okay. Stop right there. I really don’t want to hear this. Speaking of which, I think you’ve apologized sufficiently. Can I go now?”

  He placed a hand on her forearm as she began to rise. “Not yet, no. I’m not finished. Hell, I’ve barely begun. Look at me, Julia.”

  Reluctantly, she dragged her gaze up to his. “What?”

  Nathan caressed her cheek with exquisite tenderness. “How could you possibly think I’d go to another woman after being with you? Believe me, baby, I had nothing left after that – nothing. Even if I had – God, I would have felt like a dirty manwhore being with someone else so soon afterwards.”

  She closed her eyes, fighting off tears. “Yeah, well, now you know how I felt. Twice now. Used, dirty, -“

  “Hush.” He placed two fingers over her lips. “God, don’t say things like that. You are so far from being dirty or cheap, Julia. You are the finest, most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

  Her voice choked on a sob. “Then why did you treat me like a whore last night? The way you talked to me, taking me up against the wall. You didn’t even take your jacket off, for God’s sake.”

  Nathan looked shocked at her words, the color draining
from his face. “Oh, my God, baby. No, Julia, no. It wasn’t like that. Listen to me.” He gripped both of her hands urgently. “I was jealous, baby. So fucking out of my mind crazy jealous. I had to watch you all night long, looking so sexy, so hot that you almost set the room on fire. All I could think about was how much I needed to kiss you and touch you, especially wearing that goddamned dress that showed off every curve of your body.”

  She flushed at his words. “Nathan, don’t -“

  “Let me finish, because I’ll be damned if I want you thinking I treated you like a whore. Nothing is further from the truth,” he assured her.

  “Go on,” she said tiredly.

  He interlaced his fingers with hers. “I wanted you so badly but couldn’t do anything about it. Except to watch that bastard you brought along as your date touch you and stare at your tits. I kept getting more and more pissed off, and as a result kept drinking – a lot more than I normally do. And what made me even angrier was knowing I didn’t have any right at all to be jealous – no right to you at all. But that only made things worse. “

  Julia was silent for an uncomfortably long while, not at all sure how to respond. “You really don’t have the right to be jealous, you know,” she murmured. “You told me to date whoever I wanted. So I did.”

  “Yeah, and don’t think I wasn’t kicking myself all night long for having said that. Especially when I didn’t mean it. I’m aware of what a selfish asshole I am, Julia. I can’t offer you anything myself, and yet I don’t want anyone else to have you, either. When I saw you with him – Todd – I just went off the deep end a little. The thought that he was going to be the one to take you home and fuck you instead of me – it was more than I could handle. All I could think about was having you first, spoiling you for him. I wanted you to be so thoroughly fucked that there was no possible way you’d let him touch you.”

  “Jesus.” She stared at him in disbelief. “That’s kind of sick, Nathan. And completely unreasonable. What am I supposed to do – live like a nun while you’re engaged to someone else? In what universe is that fair?”

  “I never said it was fair or reasonable.” He looked chagrined. “I’m just telling you how I felt last night. I realize this whole situation is completely and utterly fucked up.”

  She shook her head. “I should have never taken this job. And when I realized you were my employer, I should have quit. We’re fooling ourselves by thinking we can work together anymore. It’s – this is too hard for me, Nathan.”

  “I know, baby. And I’ve made it even more difficult for you, haven’t I? Telling you on the one hand that we have to be strictly professional with each other, keeping my distance from you, but still wanting you on the other hand, so much that I was like a psycho stalker last night.” He squeezed her hand. “Please tell me I didn’t hurt you. I know I was rough and you felt so tight.”

  “You didn’t hurt me. I obviously enjoyed what we did. It – I haven’t been with anyone else since you last September. And no, I didn’t do anything with Todd last night, either. He was too busy fielding texts from other women.”

  “He’s a loser. He doesn’t even deserve to be in the same room with you.” He brought her hand to his lips. “But then, neither do I. I hope – some of the things I said – the dirty talk -“

  She gave him a small smile. “It’s okay. You must know that it’s a huge turn-on for me. Talking dirty didn’t make me feel dirty, Nathan. It’s what you did afterwards that made me feel like a whore.”

  “Going home with Cameron.” At her nod, he exhaled deeply. “I know. She was furious, by the way. That I drank too much and wasn’t in the mood for – uh, you know.”

  Julia turned her face away. “Yes, I get the picture. And I suppose I should say I’m sorry but I’m really, really not. The way you felt about Todd last night – imagine feeling that way all the time.”

  “It would fucking kill me to imagine you belonging to someone else,” he whispered. “Julia – it’s not the same with her, believe me. I don’t feel-“

  “No details, okay?” she interrupted harshly. “And no comparisons. And I hope like hell that I’m not going to get some sort of third party disease or infection from her. In case you forgot, you didn’t use a condom last night.”

  “No, but I always use one with her.” At Julia’s quizzical expression he explained further. “Oh, she’s on birth control – when she remembers to take it, that is. After the third time she forgot to take a pill, I decided I couldn’t rely on her anymore and always use a condom no matter what.” He gave her hand another squeeze. “I hope that helps to set your worries at ease. As well as know that you’re the only woman I’ve ever been inside bare.”

  Julia felt her cheeks grow hot. “Um, should I be flattered at that knowledge?”

  He chuckled. “I don’t know about flattered, but it’s certainly the truth. When I met you again that night in New York and knew we were really going to happen, I didn’t want anything between us. You were perfect, we were perfect together.”

  She pulled her hand from his grasp and reached for her yoga bag. “Until the night was over and reality set in, that is. I need to go, Nathan. I can’t talk about this anymore. It’s too hard.”

  “I know, baby. I just needed to tell you how sorry I am and make sure you’re okay.”

  Her eyes shimmered with tears. “But I’m not okay, don’t you get it? I don’t mean physically – I already told you that. But this is wrecking me emotionally, Nathan. It’s why I have to find another job, not see you anymore. It breaks my heart every single day to see you and want you so much but know you belong to someone else. If this keeps up much longer, I’m going to be like Angela – a shell of her former self.”

  “Christ, what a mess.” He buried his face in his hands. “I’ve managed to fuck up both of our lives, haven’t I? Julia – don’t leave your job. Please. We’ll work something out. I – I’ve got some hard decisions to make. And soon.”

  “What sort of decisions?”

  He picked an imaginary piece of lint from his sweater, avoiding her gaze. “I need to decide if staying with Cameron while I’m so obviously attracted to you is fairer to her than breaking off our engagement and hurting her.”

  “Well, you certainly can’t ask her opinion on the matter, can you?” she asked bitterly. “And I’m sure you can guess my choice. Sorry, but you’re on your own with this one.”

  “Yeah, I’ve pretty much figured that out already.” He blew out a breath. “Just – have a little patience with me, okay? This isn’t easy, Julia. One way or another somebody gets hurt. And that’s the last thing I ever intended to happen.”

  “I’ll try, Nathan. But don’t make things harder for me in the interim, okay? In fact, unless it’s about business, please leave me alone,” she pleaded.

  “Julia -“

  She stood and picked up her mat bag. “I mean it. I’ve been in this sort of situation before, remember? I won’t ever be the other woman again. So unless you’re going to tell me your engagement is broken, it’s strictly business from here on. Thanks for the coffee.”

  Slinging the bag over her shoulder, she strode out of the coffeehouse without a backwards glance.

  Chapter Fourteen

  June

  “Nathan, do you have a moment? I’d like to speak with you privately.”

  Nathan glanced up in surprise at Ian’s softly spoken request. “Of course. Should we adjourn to your office?”

  “Yes, let’s do that. This won’t take long.”

  Nathan glanced across the large conference room table, noticing that Julia was deep in conversation with two of Ian’s staff. Since they had arrived here for the meeting separately, it wouldn’t be necessary for him to tell her to wait for a ride back.

  It had been ten days since the awards banquet, and things had been strictly business between them since. In fact, they had seen very little of each other this past week and a half, and the few times they’d met had been stilted, brief, and uncomfort
able.

  And despite nightly debates with himself, he wasn’t any closer to making a decision about the future of his engagement to Cameron. Each time he made up his mind to break things off with her so he could be with Julia, he would get a guilty conscience, telling himself that wasn’t the right reason to end things. And then, each time he tried to think of what words he might use to actually break up with Cameron, a cold chill went through his entire body as he imagined how furious she would be and how she would react.

  But then, on the flip side, he’d remember in all too vivid detail what it felt like to lick Julia’s nipples, to thrust his fingers inside her hot, tight core, the bliss of coming hard after fucking her brains out. And the thought of never knowing those delights ever again left an empty feeling inside of him. In fact, in every possible way, Julia was probably the perfect woman for him. It went way beyond sex, too, though she was unquestionably the best he’d ever had by far. She was sweet and kind and gorgeous; she was in the same line of work and understood his business, especially since her own father was one of the greatest architects of modern day; she was neat and tidy and organized from the looks of her office. And, perhaps more important than anything else, his mother adored her. And when a guy’s mom gave her unsolicited approval – well, he ought to read the writing on the wall and know that this girl was the one. It was just too damned bad that he was already committed to another girl.

  Ian’s office was massive and spacious, with its own small conference table and en suite bathroom. It was easily twice the size of Nathan’s own office. But then, as successful as Nathan had become in recent years, he certainly wasn’t in charge of several dozen exclusive five-star hotels and resorts, or a billionaire like Ian and his family members were.

  “Please, sit.” Ian waved a hand at the grouping of love seats and chairs arranged in a square around a low table. “This really won’t take long. I hesitate to mention this at all, but I did feel you ought to be aware.”