SUFFER WITH ME

by ROBERT LABOO

  “She said it, I remember because we have the same name. That’s why I looked out the door hole.”

  “What’s the name?”

  “My name?”

  “No, ma’am, the officers name.”

  “Oh, Sophia Adams.”

  “Shit!” The drops of hot coffee splash Lee Lee’s wrist as she slams on the brakes. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she almost ran the traffic signal. The old woman on the corner, with the poodle in her arms, glares at her with repugnance as she steps into the crosswalk. “Old Bitty,” she mouths looking back at the woman. She’s now more aware of everything going on around her. Ever since her and Suffiyah’s conversation she’s been spooked beyond explanation. Though she would never reveal this skittish movement to Suffiyah. For as long as she can remember, she’s been Suffiyah’s rock. To turn into a pillow in the period of her life when she needed the strength of that rock to keep her anchored, would be disadvantageous to her best friend. She needs as much support as possible right now. So if that means acting like a lion for her friend, when she truly feels as helpless as a mouse, then so be it. It’s so easy to put this all off on Benjamin Cooper. His eyes ooze in infatuation for Suffiyah whenever she’s in front of him. Whoever is doing the murders can only be described as obsessed. Now is that look in his eyes infatuation or obsession?

  “L.T., I’m not saying she’s doing the murders, especially given the sperm in the last victims. But it’s suspicious, to say the least.” Sonya confides to McFarland. He steeples his fingers, listening. “Before, it was just the cards and the resemblance. Now her card was at the scene and we have a witness placing her there the same day as the murder. I don’t have that much faith in coincidences. If I’m evenly partially right, that’s a situation we want no association with. Me as a colleague and especially you as our superior. Didn’t you suspend her for this same case already?” Her last statement made him aware of the severity of these implications. Not for Suffiyah but for himself. A mark like that on his record would guarantee a cease in his career growth. Maybe even a demotion. Nobody on this force was more important to him, than himself. “I also took it upon myself to show her picture around the building. A couple was able to identify her as the woman who was walking in the building as they were exiting. How many more warnings do we need before we acknowledge the emergency? It’s mighty funny after five murders that we know of, we’re no closer to a killer or a concrete suspect. Feels like he’s getting an inside hand to me.” Sonya’s mind has been focused on the aspects of this case. The career launcher that landed in her lap with this last murder, is phenomenal. A serial killer arrested with the dirty cop who assisted him? She can see herself in McFarland’s chair. Either he’s going to aid her progression or be stepped on as she climbs the ranks. She’s been ignored and looked over in this office long enough. It’s time for new leadership.

  “I’m partnering you with Lewis. This is your case now,” he replies calmly.

  “Got you, Lieutenant,” Sonya says rising from her seat.

  “Detective Fields,” he calls as she reaches for the door.

  “Yes, Loo?”

  “I hope you solve this case, for your sake. I’d hate to lose two good women. Meeting over.”

  “Ah-ah.” Detective Lewis silences him before he can speak. “The options are sparse in here. Two doors. One has an exit and the other is a trap. For you I’m going to label these doors. As a favor. Door one, we’re going to call the smart door and the second one is the dumb door. I can tell by your face that you were headed to the dumb door. Your tongue is the key to both. The combination of words you use is what unlocks each doors. You were going to say ‘I want my lawyer’ right? I know. And the dumb door would have swung open and you would have walked in. My favor to you is guiding you away from that trap. You’re welcome. Now there’s only one door left. The smart money is on this door. With multiple murder charges against you. The smartest thing you can do is look for the exit. So how smart are you?”

  Knock! Knock!

  “Hold that thought,” Lewis says as he leaves the interrogation room. He’s had him isolated in that room for five hours, stewing. A couple of extra minutes could only break him some more. Detective Field stands on the other side of the door.

  “Charles, after you finish up McFarland wants to see you.”

  “Copy.”

  “One more thing. Did you question Ranesha Felder with Suffiyah?” Lewis stares at her with a blank face.

  “The name sounds familiar. Only vaguely though.”

  “The young girl who was murdered in the apartment on West Kinney. Her stripper name was ‘Storm’?”

  “Oh, yes. We questioned her once at Exotics but it wasn’t leading anywhere. Outside of giving us insight into Aaliyah Perez’s lifestyle. Why are you smiling?”

  “No reason. Just crossing my t’s and dotting my i’s.”

  The waiting area of the Internal Affairs office is off putting. What the interrogation room is to a suspect, this office is to officers. She was sent here almost an hour ago by McFarland. No smiles and no explanation. Just an order to report here. So here she sits finding it difficult to steady her hands. Nervousness has her twiddling them one second and sitting on them the next. She feels out of the loop. This morning’s raid was her first sign, because she was asked to sit out. Then ostracized from any participation afterwards and restricted to the proximity of her office space until the directive was given that landed her here. For the life of her she can’t figure out what has landed her in the office of the police who police the police. Someone must have been reading her mind because the inner door opened as soon as she finished her thought. A skinny Caucasian woman stands there with her blond hair pulled back tightly in a bun. Not a strand of her blond hair is out of place. She removes her glasses and fixes Suffiyah with a stare which stirred consternation in her immediately. One thought passed through her mind involuntarily. I’m going to jail. Why she comes to this assumption is unclear but it doesn’t abate the shivering fits that are overtaking her spontaneously. She attempts to tame them to no avail. “Cold, Detective Adams?”

  “Just a little under the weather,” she lies, because it feels like the proper thing to do. The way she’s being scrutinized she refuses to make any statement that can be perverted and tossed back at her. She’s seen firsthand how a simple statement could be distorted and the stator of those words vilified. Still allowing her un-blinking gaze to linger on Suffiyah, the woman speaks again.

  “Let’s continue in my office. I’m Detective Paula McNeil,” she says in a voice which was all business. There would be no camaraderie in here. Once again the ephemeral thought comes. I’m going to jail. “Detective Adams,” she says as she sits behind her desk. “I understand you were placed on a paid leave from work not too long ago. Can you explain to me the conditions warranting this leave?” About not too long ago? It seemed like another lifetime to someone wishing to place that blemish in their past. So much has transpired since that time. Still Suffiyah attempts to give words to the circumstances.

  “As you know, there were two women strangled and raped. My business card was placed on their persons by whom so ever is committing these acts. The two victims bore a striking resemblance to myself and I assume that became a red flag to my superiors, as well as your office. I believe they felt I had a more personal stake in this case then I was revealing. Being that I wasn’t forthcoming with this nonexistent information, I assume I was deemed unsuitable to continue to work.”

  “What is this information they wanted?”

  “If I knew that, Detective McNeil, we wouldn’t be speaking on my leave of absence, would we?” Smart ass.

  “Aaliyah Perez.” Detective McNeil said while shifting the files in her hands. “She was also on your caseload from my understanding. There was a woman questioned in context to that case. A Ranesha Felder.” Suffiyah nods her head in agreement. She shifts more files. “So you remember her?” She tosses four phot
os to Suffiyah. Her eyes stretch as she looks at Storm’s crime scene pictures. While her eyes view them, Detective McNeil’s eyes are glued to her. Watching for the slightest hint of anything telling. “Wh—when did this happen?”

  “Saturday.”

  “But…” I just saw her Saturday. Though the words were said in her head, Detective McNeil might as well have been clairvoyant because she read them as if written on paper. “I didn’t know.”

  “After your card was found yet again, it was decided to keep you out of this. May I ask when the last time you saw Ms. Felder was?”

  Fighting nausea Suffiyah says, “Saturday morning.”

  “So that would be the day of her death. Can you tell me the purpose of your visit?” Detective McNeil said.

  “I had additional questions for her concerning Aaliyah Perez’s case, so I stopped by her residence to seek her assistance.” Suffiyah says.

  “I have it from neighbors in the building that outside of stripping, she also prostituted herself. Detective Adams, who did you partner with on this case?”

  “Charles Lewis.”

  “Yes. I have from Detective Charles Lewis that the first time you happened upon Ms. Felder at her place of employment, she attempted to entice the two of you with her nudity. Would you agree?” Suffiyah replayed their first run in and given their last encounter, Lewis statement seems feasible. “Maybe. It could be possible.”

  “How did Detective Lewis interact with her during Saturday’s questioning?”

  So this was her trap. “He wasn’t there on Saturday.”

  “So you have a witness who is of a shady disposition to say the least and you choose to consort with her alone? Given her character, why wouldn’t you want your partner there to corroborate anything that took place?”

  “I didn’t look at it in that manner, honestly.”

  “Furthermore, Detective Lewis says he had no knowledge prior to, during or after your inquisition of Ms. Felder. What was so confidential about this meeting that you felt it appropriate to keep it from your partner?”

  “She wasn’t willing to cooperate, so I ended up leaving. I had no further information to improve our case. I didn’t consider it vital to relay the outcome.” Not to mention I don’t trust Lewis but saying that will make me seem more suspicious. Paula McNeil was staring through her and straight to her soul. She placed her glasses back on and asked a final question, “Detective, what was Ms. Felder wearing when you last saw her?” I’m going to jail.

  Three Days Later

  As the afternoon sun shines beautifully. Lay Low can’t escape the cloud of gloom following his car. “You know I’m a firm believer in ‘sometimes you gotta do bad to do good’, but only as a means to an end. We supposed to use a negative situation to create a positive one for us, our families and our communities. Not increase the degree of negativity. To the point a five-year old is the caretaker of his three-year old brother, because his mother’s addiction to pills and his father’s dead from bangin’. You know I aint here to judge you, Lay. I just want better for all of us.” Benji’s voice and words replay to him as clearly as if they were just said. Maybe it was his ego which kept him from understanding the depth of the statement then. Or maybe he blocked it intentionally. But since that day it’s been apparent that more truth resided in those words then he gave credit. It’s been a domino effect of calamity around here. Every bad action is followed by a worse reaction. Its days like this where he misses Benji’s presence the most. This recent raid and arrest has him out at this moment searching. Only one person has the answers, he needs and he intends to get them. He’s so engulfed in his thoughts as he parks on Cali Block, that he doesn’t notice the white Hyundai Sonata. It’s been no more than a block behind him this entire time. As he places one booted foot on the pavement, it pulls adjacent to him. “Yo,” his words catch in his throat as multiple arms are raised at him.

  CHAPTER 22

  “In Newark, New Jersey on a city street in the West Ward. A suspected Bloods gang leader was savagely gunned down as he exited this burgundy Chrysler. Over thirty spent shell casings were found on the scene. Apparently nineteen found there target. Any information from…” Benji tunes out the rest of the report as he looks up at the ceiling.

  “You know what your problem is?”

  Benji looks to his right and Sakinah lays facing him. “You take things too personally. Anything that happens is a direct affront to you. Like God is trying to break you. It began with me, then Drama and now Lay Low. But did you know God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers?” Benji stares at her with dry eyes. “You started drinking again? I thought we made it pass that? You once told me pain was like magic, it’s only as real as you believe it is. Do you believe in the way you view life now? Because if you do, that gun won’t make you anything but a hypocrite.”

  “But it hurt, Kee.”

  “I know. But it’s growth in pain. How can you be the man God wants you to be if you don’t grow?”

  “If I was on the news, Lay would paint the streets red in my memory.”

  “So now you embolden negativity?”

  “No, but I miss him. I miss you.”

  “Why? I’m here,” She touches his heart. “Always. How can you miss what’s always with you? I’m hurting for you, but don’t let this revert you. Bang better. For us. Bodies die, baby, but legacies live forever.” She kisses his forehead. In a blink of an eye he’s alone again.

  “The chief and Administration has deemed you unfit of the badge,” McFarland says coldly as he holds Suffiyah’s shield. “Your service weapon is needed and clear your cube. I.A is looking into charges of misconduct on your end. On behalf of the department, you’re a disgrace. I personally wish that the South Orange cop would have done us a favor and saved us this humiliation.” His insinuation is not lost on her. Suffiyah just smiles. She knows the reaction he wants and refuses to grant him the pleasure.

  “Understood, Sir.”

  Is killing to live a contradiction or a survival instinct? In the circle of life something has to be sacrificed for something else to survive. Even outside of death the strong preys on the weak and the weak prey on the weaker. So the weaker man must become stronger. He can only attain this by adapting to his environment and hiding from his aggressor. Or becoming more aggressive than his aggressor. If not in strength then in cunning. In this state of aggression the lines tend to blur in some individuals. What they view as justifiable is seen from the outside as murder. This new found ability of being able to kill is like a drug. Taking the user to higher heights. At this height is where the killer stops killing to live and starts killing to feel alive. Not too long ago this was Benji’s problem. This drug coupled with ignorance is a dangerous combination. As a young man he wasn’t as aware of the world as he is today. Which is ignorance at its purest form. Killing someone for wearing a blue bandanna was a priority. Never considering that under that bandana is a person. A son who will never see his mother again or make his brother smile. Karma is a subject he never truly considered until now. Maybe his evils come back in the form of losing what he holds dearest and he’s left to witness its absence.

  The saying goes something to the effect of, what takes years to build only take seconds to destroy. All the time and dedication and hard work Suffiyah put into her career and it’s over. She never imagined herself at this junction in life. Her heart hurts like a woman who’s sacrificed her dreams and world for a man who just wakes up one day and decides to walkout. In some way this analogy is almost completely accurate. Her life revolved around her work. In the beginning she doubted herself. As a rookie fresh out of the academy, she was placed on foot patrol around Pennington Courts projects. She was so small that she felt like a child in a Halloween costume and that’s how the dealers treated her. They were more amused by her then weary. One said, “They better not leave your lil’ ass out here by yourself or truancy gonna think you one of the kids. Then I’m gonna have to come sign
you out.” Then there was the night she heard all the shots and realized that she was running away from them instead of towards them. “Look at ‘Little Shoes’ she hauling ass.”

  “You a cop, go that way!” Another laughs. She was so embarrassed, but after seeing the sixteen year-old boy twisted on the ground her resolve was strengthened. She needed to be in this world to stop things like this from transpiring. This was the kid who said he’d have to sign her out of truancy. They say when you’re about to die your life plays before your eyes. So it seems it’s safe to say they killed a part of her. Tears of anger or sadness stain her blouse as she aimlessly wanders the streets, no destination in mind except away from the pain.

  In Greek folklore there is a tale of a wise demigod by the name of Silenus, a companion of Dionysus a Greek God. King Midas hunted the forest a long time for the wise Silenus without capturing him. When Silenus finally fell into his hands, the King asked what was the best and most desirable of all things for man. The demigod wouldn’t reply. But after much urging from the king, he gave a shrill laugh and broke out into these words; “Oh, wretched ephemeral race, children of chance and misery. Why do you compel me to tell you what it would be most expedient for you not to hear? What is best of all is utterly beyond your reach. Not to be born, not to be, to be nothing. But the second best for you is--to die soon.”

  Our killer first came upon this story while reading ‘The Birth of Tragedy’ by Nietzsche. He believes Silenus’ statement to be one of the truest ever spoken. How many women and men are murdered daily? Children kidnapped or molested? Or consider the homeless situation? Why are we living? Isn’t it a blessing to these women that he’s ending their suffering? But the cops call him a killer. Have they no idea how much energy they exert trying to put a negative twist on his positive actions? Even though his actions weren’t born of good intentions, they are no less therapeutic. Vengeance is driving on this road that he travels but right has always been his passenger. The pain that Suffiyah created in his life can never be erased. So his goal is to recreate it in her life so she can live with it. Or she can do the admirable thing and die from it. Take her service pistol and blow all her wrongs into the atmosphere where they can finally be righted. He is no killer, he realizes. He’s no more than a leech. Leeches attach themselves to their host for purely selfish reasons, but end up being a remedy to that body. But leech is an ugly word, he prefers remedy, yes he’s a remedy. The cure for a very ill world.