SUFFER WITH ME

by ROBERT LABOO

  “No. What’s wrong?”

  “You have to do your monthly editorial. I know I’m no writer, but I was wondering if I could put an article in there this month?”

  “Cool,” is all he says and puts his ear bud back in.

  Hours Later

  Suffiyah wakes Benji up from his nap. “I don’t remember falling asleep.”

  “It’s okay, you needed the rest. I spoke to Mrs. Wise and she said Lenae’s services start tomorrow morning at ten. I cooked dinner whenever you’re ready to eat and I’m never leaving from right here if you need me,” she says grabbing his hand. “Remember I told you I could be strong for you? That strength has a lifetime guarantee. You look like you’re ready to quit on me. I haven’t cried once, as bad as I want to, because I’d lose it and you need me. But as selfish as it might sound I need you more.” Her mouth trembles as the first tears take form. “I haven’t heard your voice really in over three days. I have never been with you and still felt alone. Please come back to me,” she pleads. Her face showed dismay that reached the depths of Benji’s being. He saw the scared baby girl going from foster home to foster home looking for something or someone to depend on. Then for the first time in days she saw his smile as he opened his arms. She nestled into him and sobbed.

  “I’m here, beautiful. I’m so sorry.” Her body just convulses as he holds her.

  How did Suffiyah manage to find happiness while she was supposed to be suffering? All over the city bodies are dropping, some directly, for her sake, well the sake of her attention. She’s been fired and robbed of any sense of security but she’s happy? He’s going to erase that smile, and if she still felt safe in her home, this will change that. The killer roams her apartment flipping chairs and breaking dishes. Clothes and papers are strewn everywhere, books litter the floor and he’s opened all the windows. Her ‘home sweet home’ looks abandoned. He’s poured water inside all of her television sets. Standing back admiring his handwork he can’t help but feel something’s missing. It doesn’t seem like he’s getting his point across. An idea comes into his mind. This will get her attention.

  How do you measure strength? Is it by how much weight you can lift or how big your muscles are? Maybe you find combatants from all over the world and fight until one of the final two is the evident victor. On TV you see men who can pull trucks with their bodies! Because you can do all of these thing does that make you strong? The definition to strength, that I like is, the quality of being strong; ability to do or endure. I guess to measure strength you need to decide what’s more important, physical or moral strength. I’ve seen men who can lift 500lbs but can’t find the strength to lift a dollar from their pocket to feed the homeless. Strong enough to pull a mack truck but too weak to carry an infant from a burning building. How is their strength measured? Any coward can attain muscles but character is strength. Morals and principle are weightless but at the same time heavier than mountains. People of moral and principle are a gift. Those who are broken down by their own problems yet they still shoulder the burdens of others with no complaints. Sees others trouble and walks towards it instead of away from it. Unable to bench press 500lbs but has the ability to lift their people. I’ve found one of those strong people. Who collects the unwanted youth and guides them. Takes less to give them the most. Risks death to ensure them the opportunity to truly live. I measure strength not by the ability to do but by the risk of actually doing. Anyone can do anything but not many will risk themselves to do what’s important for others. So if you lose one in a fight to save millions, do you quit? The strength of a man is measured by his ability to be strong in his moments when he is at his weakest. Now my question is, how do you measure strength?

  “So you tryna take over my magazine?”

  Suffiyah blushes as she eats her dinner. She was nervous about Benji reading the article she’d written. She figured at worst, he would feel it was unworthy of being published and at best, he’ll know how much she feels for him.

  “Not yet. You like it?”

  “I love it. See you was wasting your talent writing tickets for jay walking.” He laughs.

  “So I changed your mood?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Whatever. I don’t know if you noticed but we’re a team now. So from here on out we go into all situations like that. Just know you aren’t alone tomorrow.”

  “You trying to ask to be my girlfriend?”

  “No. I’m telling you I’m allowing you to be my boyfriend. You’re welcome.” The tension from Lenae’s death has decreased over the past few hours thanks to Suffiyah’s persistence. Every fighter has to be reminded by their corner that they aren’t in this fight alone. “After we eat can you take me to my apartment to get something to wear to the funeral?”

  “No problem, shorty.”

  How much more swollen can one pair of feet get?

  Sonya asks herself as she rest hers on the coffee table. The warm butter aroma coming off the popcorn causes her mouth to water as she lazed on the couch waiting for her movie to begin. She’s been picturing this scene in her mind all day. Her shift couldn’t have ended a moment earlier. Chubby fingers reach in the bowl and grab a handful of popcorn and pops it into her awaiting mouth. The chair rings and startles her. She grabs the phone wedged between the sofa cushions. “Fields.” On her line is a frantic Suffiyah. She jumps up toppling the bowl of popcorn. “Okay, I’m on my way.” She has to beat the Maplewood cops to the scene before they touch anything.

  Suf-Fer Suf-Fer Suf-Fer Suf-Fer Suf-Fer Suf-Fer Suf-Fer

  The monotony of the word is more menacing then the desecration of her apartment. The scrawled words on her full length mirror were enough to make her pee her pants. The mess was simply overkill. The sheer audacity of the mirror was like the killer’s hand being on her shoulder. He made it evident that he could touch her at any given time. The fact that he was in her humble abode, destroyed its sanctity. Never mind her comfortability which had been removed. Benji stood with the officers giving them the just of the situation, while Suffiyah stood in the middle of the room wrapped in her own arms. The destruction looked like a child’s temper tantrum on steroids. Bereft of any real consideration. But the writing was done with a goal in mind. That goal was to make his presence felt. But who would know she wasn’t staying at home outside of her? Only Benji and Lee Lee.

  “Sufee.” She turned around to find Sonya standing there with opened arms. She rushed to them. “We’re going to get this bastard, baby. I promise that,” she says while rubbing Suffiyah’s back.

  Her pulse quickens after the initial shock of seeing their number one suspect in person for the first time. Benjamin Cooper, standing with the Maplewood police. How did he end up here?

  “Sufee, is that? Is that who I believe it is?”

  “Yes, but he was with me the whole time. Well, I was with him.”

  Son of a bitch. I said she might be working with someone, thinks Sonya. This is no coincidence, this was just blatant stupidity on Suffiyah’s end. She was in such a rush to create this scene that she failed to cross her T’s and dot her I’s. She holds Suffiyah at arm’s length and looks at her.

  “As much as he was talked about, I’ve never heard you mention knowing him.”

  “It’s a long story but at that time I didn’t. Not like this. I can explain it to you later, but can you just trust when I say he isn’t behind this?”

  “Of course.” This puzzle couldn’t be coming together more beautifully if she was doing it with her own hand. Lewis is infatuated with Suffiyah which explains his hard on for Benjamin. He’s found out about this little relationship and needs to intervene. Clearly his only option is removing Benjamin from the equation. As crooked as Lewis is, it’s not far-fetched to see him pulling that off.

  “I don’t trust her.” Benji gives his opinion on Sonya. “Her eyes held the look of an opportunist. She was holding you while scoping everything like a hawk.” Suffiyah stands there undressing for be
d. “And the way she looked at me,” He shakes his head. “I’d rather sit in a cobras nest then put my life in her hands.”

  “Sonya’s cool. What you saw was probably concern in her eyes and you misinterpreted it. She always been down for me.” She feels the need to defend her friend.

  “In all my years in the streets do you know what one of the realest lessons I learned was? It was, that it’s easy for everyone to be down for you until it’s time to show up. Put their self on the line, then you know who’s actually down for you.” When she was fired did Sonya speak up for her? Or did she hide like the others?

  “I don’t know. I just want to go to sleep so we could lay Lenae to rest tomorrow. Can we go to bed?”

  “Put this number in your phone first. Mrs. Hawkins was at the Children’s Home Society of New Jersey while you were there. She remembers exactly who you are and will only release any information to you.” Benji passes her his phone so she could see the text message. “Figure out the dream, find the killer right?” He holds his hand up for a high five, she connects and locks their fingers.

  “Right. Now put me to sleep.”

  6:00am

  Boom! Boom! Boom!

  Suffiyah and Benji sit up in unison as the banging at the door continues. Experience tells them both who it is at the door, but the question is why?

  “Benji, get dressed I’m going to answer it,” Suffiyah whispers while pulling on her clothes. She commences to the front door but stops at the window. There’s a whole task force out there. Now she’s scared. Continuing to the door she tries to gain control of her nerves. These are her old co-workers, so why is her hand shaking as she reaches for the lock? Soon as the door cracks the team swarms in.

  “Miss, get on your knees!”

  “What’s going on?” Benji asks stepping through the doorway. All guns swing in his direction.

  “Get down! Get down! On your fucking knees! Hands behind your head!” Suffiyah is stuck. Everything’s happening so fast but it’s like slow motion in her mind. “Benjamin Cooper, you are under arrest for first degree murder, first degree felony murder, first degree conspiracy to commit murder…” By this time Suffiyah has lost all comprehension of the words being said as she loses her ability to speak. Everything is a blur now, black figures going left and right. Indecipherable words being screamed, things slamming, Benji cuffed and then all of a sudden complete silence. When Suffiyah gains a grip on reality, she’s the only person left in the apartment.

  Benji’s mouth hasn’t opened once. After being paraded shamefully in front of his neighbors and walked slowly to an awaiting car. He was whisked to 50 West Market Street and sat in the major crimes office where he declined questioning. From there he was taken to a cell. Another man sat in there also in street clothes. He was happy to have company, he started talking to Benji before the bullpen locked. “We just missed the bus. We gotta go to the county (jail) with the dudes returning from court. I hope they R.O.R me. I just did a three-sixty-four. B.O.N got me on Bergen. Twenty-three bags…” On and on he went, Benji never even looked his way. “Cooper?” After sitting for about two hours, an officer called his name. He was cuffed to three other men in green jumpsuits, to board the van to the county jail. All he could think about was not seeing Lenae one last time before being swallowed by the Earth for eternity. Before he knew it they were exiting the van to enter his new home. The other men were sent to their unit while he was put through processing. The intake bullpen was as cold as a deep freezer. The benches were metal and torturous. Four hours later, after being printed again, issued an ID band, stripped and violated, placed in a shower and trading his clothes for a musty jumpsuit he was housed in a filthier bullpen. Junkies were defecating and vomiting in toilets that were unclean five years ago and have only grown worse. It smelled like a zoo. Somehow the other man from West Market Street ended up with him and was still talking. “We go to CJP in the morning to get arraigned. We sleeping in here tonight though.” Benji looked around the cramped bullpen and wondered where forty men could possibly sleep. “Let me get this bench,” a young man demanded standing in front of Benji. Everyone in his immediate vicinity scattered. Leaving the young man plenty of room, yet he stood in front of Benji.

  “You too, old head.”

  “Bruh, I’m begging you to go lay down.”

  CRUNCH!

  The sound of cartilage shifting sounds like thunder in the quiet bullpen. Punch after punch rains down on him before the lights turn out.

  “Breakfast! Stay seated we’ll bring it in,” the C.O yells.

  Benji removes his hands from his face and can’t believe he’d sat like that the whole night. He blacked out last thing he remembered was someone grabbing his jumper. You’d think he was deranged the way every other occupant in the bullpen avoids eye contact. The young man sits on the other side of the room using his dreads to hide the bruises. Benji’s concept of time is off so it could be anywhere from 6am to 11am, he just knows its morning thanks to breakfast. Which he won’t be eating either. Once given the Styrofoam tray he takes it to the young man. Only way to teach people better is to show people better.

  “Thanks bruh,” the young man mumbles as he sits with a more humbled and reserved bearing. When CJP is called out hours later, they travel single file in bright orange jumpsuits. Over the course of two hours they are broken up and appointed into three separate bullpens. Then called out to see a judge on a video monitor. Benji smiles for the first time through this whole ordeal when they say he has family in the court. He could picture Suffiyah waiting on the benches in his mind. His smile recedes when he hears his bail set at $750,000 cash only, the same as his codefendants. What codefendants?

  CHAPTER 27

  $750,000 cash sounds like a billion to a man with roughly $35,000 in his bank account. With very few options available to him, Benji tries to find some sort of comfort in what will probably be home for the rest of his life. Next he’s led to the Quarantine Unit where he must be housed for three days pending a mandatory tuberculosis test. Once in his cell he realizes Quarantine is just a cute name for severe oppression. Twenty-three hours and fourty-five minute are spent in a cell with an addict going through withdrawal. The toilet is brown with used tissue paper stuck to the seat. The floor holds compacted dust in abundance and stains which are indescribable. I guess the ploy is to make you appreciative of where you’re housed permanently after seventy-two hours of this. Or to keep you from complaining about only having fifteen minutes to use the phone and shower, because any reprieve from being in that cell is a blessing. When his fifteen minutes of fame finally comes he uses five of it to shower. Which leaves him to ten to call Suffiyah. After the long message she presses one to accept his call.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Sufee.”

  “Why are you just calling?” Her worry pierces the receiver.

  “I’m sorry, I was out of it, I had to adapt. I only have ten minutes though so I need you to listen. I’m going to do a power of attorney form so you can clear my bank account. It’s $35,000 in there. Take twenty to my lawyer so he can get on whatever this is and hold on to the other fifteen so you can be straight while I’m gone.”

  “Straight?” He can hear the smile in her voice and hopes he is mistaken.

  “You sound amused, but I don’t see the humor,” Benji snaps.

  “Sorry bae, but you just made my day. Me and Lee Lee had a conversation and she asked me what I was prepared to do and would you do the same for me? I told her it didn’t matter I just needed to know you’re good. And here you are in a situation where your life is in shambles, yet you find the time to make sure I’m good.”

  “You know it’s a possibility I’m never coming home?” Benji needs to point this out. He’d hate for her to be here for months and then leave when reality sets in.

  “Boy please. You’ll be with me in a couple of weeks.” She must be delusional from trying to remain optimistic.

  “Ain’t no bond o
n my bail. Unless you plan on taking that $35,000 to the racetrack, it ain’t in there for me, gorgeous,” he admits sadly.

  “Nah, hold your money. I got us.”

  “You got us?”

  “Didn’t I tell you we were a team? If you’re afflicted, I’m afflicted. Likewise if I’m straight, you’re straight. Now, thanks to you unselfishly offering me your last, I’m more than straight. I was ready to sacrifice it all on a gamble of the heart, but you once again proved you’re a sure thing.”

  “It’s not much time left and I’m lost, shorty.”

  “Nobody knows but Lee Lee but when I got shot, I received a settlement. 2.2 million. So just know I’ll see you soon. I love you.” Now Benji is smiling.

  “I love you more.”

  The traffic on route 1 to Trenton was bumper to bumper for some odd reason. It was as if the envoy of vehicles knew how anxious she was to get to her destination so they decide to be her obstacles.

  “Girl! If you don’t quit inching up to these unmoving cars. I swear if your bumper rubs theirs I’m siding with them. You’ve been driving like you’re trying to kill us all morning,” Lee Lee complains. Suffiyah can’t help herself. This woman is the only possible answer to her many questions. So she doesn’t care how much Alicia complains, she is going to get there as soon as possible. “Act like you don’t hear me. I’ll jump out this car and hitch hike.” Suffiyah smiles at her.

  “Alicia, if you don’t hush. I’m going to calm down, okay?”

  “Um-hmm, you better or you gonna lose a passenger. Do you think she can tell us anything vital to all this chaos?”

  “That’s what I’m in a rush to find out.” The rest of the trip is accident free. After about forty-five more minutes they are finally parking in front of the Children’s Home Society of New Jersey in Trenton. Nervousness settles into her stomach creating a feeling of queasiness.