by ROBERT LABOO
“I can hear your bubble guts from here. It’s too late to be nervous we’ve arrived. Pull your big girl panties up and let’s see what we can learn and you bet’ not poot.” Suffiyah can’t imagine what she would do without Lee Lee and her goofy antics. “Ain’t nobody pooting, you retard. I just don’t know what to expect.”
“I do. Answers.”
Benjamin Cooper has been arrested on a boatload of charges. Which are sure to keep him imprisoned for most of the foreseeable future. Suffiyah is all alone to deal with her own impending legal woes. Lewis is as happy as a fox in a hen house. Everything is going better than Sonya could have imagined, yet something seems wrong. She can’t put her finger on it but something is definitely out of place.
Mrs. Hawkins is a beautiful fifty-ish black woman. Her face holds not a single wrinkle. Making her look more Suffiyah’s age than her actual age. Only her salt and pepper hair gives her away. She sits and admires Suffiyah with a sincere smile on her face. ‘’You have grown into a truly beautiful young lady. When you arrived here you were completely traumatized. You cried for the whole two first months you were here. You wouldn’t allow anyone to touch you but me. I took on the role as your Godmother while you were in our care. Children like you, are the reason I’m still at this place today. This was just a summer gig for me, up until you came. Seeing a beautiful baby like you, unloved. Let me know I was needed here and it became my career.
Since then, countless little boys and girls of all shades come through these doors and I make sure they feel the love of home.” The duo sit across from Mrs. Hawkins, hanging onto her every word. “I used to call Mrs. Richardson and check on you, but I never got more than, you’re fine. Eventually I took the hint and let them raise you without my interference. I always think about you. So you can imagine my shock when I received a phone call asking about you? I had to see you. Now that’s done, so what can I do for you?” The warmth emanating from this woman causes any previous nervousness to subside. This woman held a genuine love for her.
“Why didn’t you adopt me?” The question is out her mouth before she knew she was asking it. From the look on Lee Lee’s face she is just as shocked by what was asked.
“Suffiyah, I was only twenty-two. I could hardly take care of me let alone you and me. But I would have loved to have had the privilege of calling you my daughter.”
“Thank you. I don’t recall the things you’ve done for me in the past, yet I know they made a difference. But the reason I really came today was to find out about my first foster family. Is there anything you can tell me to help me locate them?”
“I can give you all I have, which isn’t much. Really only their names and an address that might be outdated. But I don’t know why you would want to find them, you cried for two months out fear of them.”
“So why was I afraid of them?”
“Apparently they tortured you. Never physically, just psychologically. You were convinced your name was Suffer. Isn’t that strange?”
“If you look around us what you’ll see is a lot of people in fear. In fear of the world around them but more in fear of looking in the mirror and acknowledging what’s in front of them. They fear seeing in the mirror anything other than the person they project to the world on the day to day basis. So you know what they do?” Lenae is so into what Benji’s saying she isn’t touching her food. “They use the mirror for just the basics. Getting dressed, applying makeup, checking their bodies. All of these things while avoiding eye contact with their greatest enemy, themselves. Eyes are the windows to the soul. You can beautify the exterior all you wish. Drape it in the latest fashions, polish it til it shines. But an ugly soul is just that. God didn’t create a make-up that can hide that. I could hide it from you but I can never hide it from me. You see how so many people in this restaurant are smiling with their lips only? Their eyes are devoid of any joy or happiness. Those are the soul hiders seeking to please the world with what they deem is acceptable. You’re probably wondering where I’m going with this, so I’m going to get to the point. You are one of the few whose outside beauty matches their inside. I look in your eyes and see so much promise and undetermined greatness. But I also see a soul that’s being neglected. You are so worried about the world’s view of you that you’ve become imbalanced. Perfect self, first by acknowledging you are as perfect as you were created. Know that there are no accolades or compliments that the world can give you that will make you any better. It’s only them finally being able to see the greatness that was Lenae form the start.” She tries to stop the tears forming in her eyes from freeing themselves to no avails she looks down. Benji places his finger under her chin and raises her head. “Don’t be ashamed to cry, it doesn’t detract you of anything. Keep your head up and face the world. Some man cheated himself of seeing you grow up. If I had a daughter, I’d consider myself lucky if she was half of what you are. Matter fact, do you have a Godfather?” Lenae shakes her head no. “Now you do. Only thing keeping me from being your real father is different blood. But in my eyes, blood couldn’t make us any closer.”
Pools of tears collect in Benji’s ears as he lays on his bunk looking at the ceiling. Memories of Lenae just float in his mind on their own. For everyone he wrestles away two more appear. It’s the middle of the day, but thankfully he doesn’t have a cellmate. His heart feels like it’s in a vice that is being turned tighter every day. The bail source hearing to ensure that his bail money came about by legitimate means is set for two weeks. By that time he believes his heart will actually burst from the pain. This is the second woman he allowed in his world and failed to protect from it cold nature.
“Phillips. Richard and Antionette Phillips. The last address on file for them is 101 Asbury Street, but I know that’s no longer accurate because I remember when that house burned down. It was all over the news, entire house was engulfed in flames. I suggest you Googling their names and see what that offers you. Could be a dead end but it never hurts to try,” Mrs. Hawkins advises.
“Thank you, Mrs. Hawkins, I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
“With all the money I heard you paid to find me it was the least I could do. I don’t even want to know how much the private investigator who called me charged you, if it caused three grand to find me. I just wish I could give you some of your money back.”
“I wouldn’t take it. You don’t even know it but you’re still providing me with information that is beyond value. If there is anything I can do for you ever, please don’t hesitate.”
“Well, there are two things actually. One, is to give me a hug and the other is to never lose contact with me again.” Mrs. Hawkins gives her the type of hug that could only come from a mother. The love is in their embrace.
“I promise.”
Files are spread all over Detective Sonya Fields desk. Each one thoroughly inspected for anything that might have been overlooked. It’s usually that small piece which pulls everything else together. While looking through Ranesha Felders’ file it was nothing of interest outside of her pictures. Her phone is crammed with videos of her and her various clientele in different acts that put some pornography to shame. A file marked with a post it bearing Suffiyah’s address on it proves most intriguing. It’s something that’s not being said or at least not being shared with him. The filex are collected and arranged in the same order they were found. It would be hard explaining when Sonya comes in from her day off, wondering why her files were in disarray.
The day started off rocky but things were looking up by the moment. Suffiyah’s smile couldn’t be removed with a scalpel. Traffic was flowing perfectly. Another piece to the puzzle of her life was placed on the table. And in the midst of these turbulent times she discovered that she’d found her soul mate.
“If you’re sleeping with someone and they give you $3,000, do that make you a prostitute or nah? Because that’s what Google’s saying, so I just wanted to know?” She looks at her best friend.
; “Jealousy doesn’t look good on you, boo. I saw your face. It takes a lot to impress Alicia. So I know I have a keeper now. Really though, it’s crazy ‘cause we really wasn’t trying to give him a chance and look. Nobody tries to come through for us like him.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. All I know is you better hurry up and bring my brother home or me and you going to have a problem.”
“So ya’ll siblings now?”
“I’m not about to front, he earned all my respect and more. I see men who spend $10 and want sex and recognition for it. Here is a man who spends $3,000 and not only doesn’t feel entitled to something for it but also never mentioned it? It’s so few genuine men around that we can’t let them go when we find them and you have one. I truly can’t think of anyone more deserving of him than you.” Lee Lee’s statement just improved on Suffiyah’s already great mood.
CHAPTER 28
Phillips is so common a name that they’ve been at it for days now and are just making headway. Suffiyah and Dr. O’Malley sit in Starbucks nursing cappuccinos.
“I knew I was spot on about those dreams. Ha! Nothing but repressed memories,” Dr. O’Malley gloats with a victorious glint in her eyes. “Don’t misconstrue my excitement. It just makes it easier to solve a problem when you actually know what the problem is. Quiet as kept I’m working on a book. A compiling of case studies and repressed memories. I was beginning to feel defeated but you just mustered the fight back in me. The way you’re asserting yourself to the task of solving this string of crimes is inspiring. Such a beauty and tenacity in this small package. Kudos. How did you react when she told you, what you thought your name was?”
“I didn’t. As surprised as I was to hear her say ‘Suffer’, I believe a part of me already knew. I did think of the mirror in my house though. Who could know that?”
“After you come from seeing the Phillips today, I’m going to attempt to hypnotize you again. All the answers we need are going to be found within that nightmare. If I didn’t have a session this morning I would come along with you for the ride. I really don’t like you going places alone.”
“Oh, I’m ok. Dr. Jackson volunteered to accompany me. He’s familiar with the city and wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
“Ever the gentleman. Well, come directly to me afterwards so we can get started.”
Suffiyah’s derriere sinks into the plush leather seats of the Mercedes S550 sedan. The comfortability of this car surpasses her Honda by far, making her chairs feel like public transportation seats. This car fits him to the tee. Sleek, debonair, attractive and exuding a higher degree of class. The smooth jazz he’s playing creates an air of ease and relaxation. This is the closest she’s been to Dr. Jackson since the near incident in his office. A pinch of guilt touches her as she thinks of Benji. She’s never mentioned Dr. Jackson to him, Dr. O’Malley on multiple occasions, but never Dr. Jackson. But why not? Was this intentional? Was she hiding him as a backup plan? If the shoe was on the other foot how would she react to this road trip? She would flip out. How could she tell him about this trip without ever having mentioned the phone calls? Now isn’t the time to bring this up with Benji already being in a stressful situation. Adding unnecessary trust issues to his plate wasn’t going to help their situation. She made a promise to herself that moment to tell Benji everything when he’s released. “Are you okay, Suffiyah?”
“Yes, Im fine.”
“You’re abnormally quiet it seems?”
“I was just daydreaming. A lot of things on my mind coupled with the stress, it keeps me in deep thought.”
“You know you can always talk to me, if you wish.”
“I know, but I’d rather sit back and enjoy your company.”
“Okay.” The rest of the journey is made in silence as they float down the highway. Dr. Jackson warned her how rundown the block would be, but seeing it first hand was different. Words can’t define the bleak sadness of the area or it inhabitants. A group of males stand idly eyeing the luxury automobile with envy. Imagine their surprise when it pulled in front of the most disconsolate house on the block.
“You trust leaving your car out here?”
“Not in the least. You go on in and I’ll keep an eye on things out here.”
“Okay.” Suffiyah steps out the car and is bombarded by birdcalls and all sorts of misogynistic comments. She ignores them and keeps towards the residence. After ringing the bell she starts to feel the jitters. There is no noise or approaching footsteps. Maybe this house is abandoned now? You can’t expect to strike gold on your first swing. She turns to descend the steps and the door opens behind her.
“Who you?” In the doorway stands a homeless man who look to be about sixty, well he can’t be homeless because here he is in a home. But appearance wise? He’s very convincing.
“Richard?”
“Do I look like fucking Richard to you?” The pungent smell of alcohol and funk smacks her face.
“I’m sorry. I was told I could find Richard and Antionette Phillips at this address. Do you know them?”
“You just keep asking questions. I believe I asked who the fuck is you?”
“Pardon me, I’m Suffiyah. I was their foster daughter when I was a little girl.”
“Shit, you ain’t lil’ no more,” he says while ogling her. “Richard’s my brother. You want to come in?” Saliva is almost dripping from his mouth as he stares at her hips. She can read the perverted thoughts from his facial expressions.
“No thank you. I just wanted to come thank them for taking me into their home.” This comment earns her a cough infested bout of laughter.
“Shit you would be the first person to ever thank them for anything except leaving.”
“If it’s all the same, can I speak with them?”
“They don’t live here no mo’.”
“Well can you give me an address or number to reach them?”
“I guess you’re just as stupid as you are pretty, huh?” Suffiyah ignores the insult for the sake of answers. “Antionette is in Anne Klein. She’s been there ever since the murder and Richard resides on South Broad Street.”
“Isn’t Anne Klein a mental institution?”
“Where else would you put a nut besides a nut house?” Her patience is wearing thin with his smart remarks. Just one more question and she can leave.
“Can I have Richards’ address on South Broad?”
“Sure, why not?” And he gives it to her with ease.
“Thank you.”
“You know you can always come sit on your uncle’s lap.” She descends the stairs. “Suffiyah?” She turns around disgusted.
“What!”
“Richard will never talk to you, you nut.”
“Why is that?”
“Because that’s the cemetery. Richard’s dead!” He laughs heartily as he slams the door shut. His last words knocked the wind out of her lungs.
“24…26…28..30.” Benji drops off the pull up bar and assumes the push up position. This little bubble that the jail calls a gymnasium is his outlet. The only therapeutic remedy to this oppressive redundancy they call jail, is in this room. It has become the core of his sanity. The stories he has to unwillingly endure due to lack of being able to go elsewhere, are as outlandish as the people who are telling them. Never in his life has he encountered so many rich, broke people. When they were free, money was in abundance. But as soon as they entered this facility it all disappeared. Now these same men are unable to purchase a $20 bag of commissary. He can’t decide which is more sickening the lies they tell or the people who line up to listen to them. He’s been so far removed from this aspect of the streets that this was foreign to him. It felt strange unleashing his inner beast to roam this jungle after working so hard to tame him. But in this place being a man can only take you but so far. Detective Lewis has been down here twice doing his rendition of ‘deal or no deal’. He’s left unhappy on both occasions. Another week and this will all be
over.
“Benji.” He stops pushing up to look at the person addressing him. “I’m about to make something for lunch, Big Bro, you good?” Its turn-up. Chance places him on the same tier as one of his co-defendants. Through him he has learned the particulars of the crime, which only served to further confuse him as to why he’s here.
“Just make me a small bowl.”
“Got ‘chu.” He sets off on his task as if he was just asked to protect the president.
“Turn-up.” He stops the young man. “I told you all that ‘Big Bro’ talk was unnecessary.”
“Lay Low was my Big Bro and he told me you was his Big Bro. So what would that make you in my eyes?” Benji smiles. He never knew Lay said anything like that.
“Relax. Breathe. Take me to the attic.” Suffiyah follows the far away bodiless voice. “Tell me what you see.” Suffiyah climbs the rickety attic steps and surveys the goings on.
A little girl cowers in the corner of the attic, as the monster frantically searched for her. She silently prays to God that he doesn’t look behind the boxes of clothes stacked in front of her. “Suffer! Suffer!” he screams as he flings objects out of his path. “Here you are!” But his voice is coming from across the room, directed at someone unseen. “Now you must suffer with me.”
The girl peeks from behind the boxes as the monster lifts someone by the collar. “Where is she?” the monster barks. She sees a little finger point in her direction. The monster turns towards her with eyes the color of heated coal. The scrawny boy, in his massive hands, squeezes his eyes shut tightly. “You ruined a beautiful home, a beautiful family.” Tears drip from his eyes and enhances the madness within them. His lips curl into a sinister grin. “So much pain, I suffer. Honest I do.” He practically drags the boy behind him as he come towards the girl. His grin disappears. “But I won’t suffer alone,” he growls as he reaches for her hand. His grip almost crushes her tiny fingers as he slings the boy to the floor. He sits her on his chest and grabs her hands. She cries as he places her hands around the boy’s neck and applies pressure. She can feel his breaths struggling to pass his throat as he’s strangled. His feet kick out as he struggles. The man just smiles as he keeps on squeezing. “Now you suffer with me.” Suffiyah pops out of her trance hysterical. “Breathe Suffiyah, breathe.”