by ROBERT LABOO
“Oh my God I killed him. I killed that little boy.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. The man said Antionette’s been in a mental asylum since the murder. I killed her son.”
Alicia does a Google search of ‘Richard Phillips of Trenton, N.J’. Outside of several miscellaneous things, there’s an article from The Star-Ledger Mercer County section. She double clicks on the heading and opens it.
“Reports of an unendurable odor led authorities to 63 Asbury Street. The front entrance was slightly ajar on their arrival. After calling out for the residents and receiving no response, they entered the residence. Inside of the attic of the one family home authorities found the source of the smell. A days old corpse was found rotting in what seems to be an apparent homicide. The unidentified male was found strangled with the word ‘Suffer’ carved into his forehead. It’s unknown whether he was an occupant of the address or a visitor. Authorities have declined to answer questions or identify the man until the family is notified.”
Curiosity sufficiently piqued, she clicks on the tab labeled ‘Related topics’. To her shock it’s the article Mrs. Hawkins spoke on. There is a picture of a house set ablaze. The article reads, “In a suspected arson attack, a home on the one hundred block of Asbury Street was burned to the ground .The landlord said the house was being renovated and placed on the market. He was unable to provide any revelations as to a motive for the fire. But speculations from neighbors point to a victim found dead in another residence not too far from this address. He was identified as Richard Phillips, a 52 year-old plumber. Prior to the fire his body was discovered that morning. Sources state that up until a new proprietor purchased the property a year ago, Mr. Phillips resided in the recently fire bombed home. Whether mere coincidence or if the crimes are in fact related police are investigating all avenues in this incident.” The two short articles are the only ones about the murder or the fire. Lee Lee screenshots each article and send them via text to Suffiyah.
“Benjamin? Benjamin?” Planted on the stool inside his cell is Sakinah. “You’re letting yourself be beaten.” He just stares at the apparition. “The Benji I knew would have never laid down.” It’s something wrong with her voice. “Maybe you’re no longer my superman. You didn’t save me after all.” I must be going insane. “You’re not crazy, just incapable. Incapable of being the man you convinced me you were.” How could she read my thought? “Because I’m in your mind, it’s the only thing you left me. I’m no longer a part of this world and now you’ve given another your heart. So what’s left for me?” Its Sakinah’s mouth but a symphony of voices are exiting it.” You’ll beat this,” She shrugs. “It’s written. Then the suffering ends and you’ll be with me.” “Me.” “Me.” Sakinah, Lenae and Drama now stand in his room. Is there any validity in dreams or are they just the nuance of a never resting brain? Coalesced with thought, memories and fear to make them seem believable? Or are they truly glimpses from God placed in your mind for a purpose? Benji ponders his dream and if it means anything. And if it doesn’t why does his heart refuse to stop racing?
Destiny’s Child’s song T-Shirt blares in her ears as she whisks through the apartment cleaning thoroughly. All the stress of the past weeks and revelations are of zero relevance at the moment. Benji’s bail source hearing is scheduled for the upcoming morning. The lawyer has everything necessary to ensure Benji’s release, so all Suffiyah has to do is wait. Her excitement is uncontainable as she anticipates being in his arms again. The forces of the world placed them together when it seemed they were both destined for a lifetime of loneliness. He’d been diligently tested and deemed befitting of her giving him her everything. Lee Lee’s discovery can’t even dampen her spirits. Alone she’d feel defeated, but with him in her corner there isn’t a battle the world could throw at them that they couldn’t conquer. A sharp pain takes her from her meandering as she stubs her toe on the leg of Benji’s workstation. Toppling his folders and spilling the contents. She stoops to pick up her mess and sees a familiar photo. A nagging sense of curiosity causes her to settle down on her knees and check the folder. Each new picture is more startling then the last. She immediately dumps the remaining folders and searches for an answer to her questions. Her heart sinks to the very depths of her stomach as the pictures drop from her hands.
CHAPTER 29
Never has a New Jersey Transit bus ride felt so luxurious. Walking down the ramp of the Essex County Correctional Facility to a barren parking lot was not what he envisioned. However, how could he complain after the small fortune that was spent in bail and attorney fees? If she wasn’t down here to greet him she had to have her reasons. It was only almost 7:30 in the evening but as dark as midnight as he walked to his front door. All the lights in his apartment were off but Suffiyah’s car was parked across the street. She must be asleep. He thinks as he climbs the steps quietly. Placing his key in the lock, to his surprise the doors are unlocked. His antennas are raised instantly.
“Sufee!” he says rushing in and switching on a lamp.
Suffiyah sits on the couch staring at him blankly. He lets out a deep breath of relief. “You scared me. I thought—” The sound of a pistol being cocked leaves the rest of the sentence in his mouth.
“Don’t talk to me or touch me. I swear to God I will kill you, you sick bastard.” The calm viciousness in which Suffiyah makes her statement chills him to the bone. “You were stalking me, I found the pictures. When I was leaving the house on Ridgewood, I knew I could feel someone watching me. But who would know I would be there except the person who sent me there?”
“It’s not—”
“Shut. Up. One more word and I will squeeze this trigger until no bullets remain. You’ve been killing all these helpless woman for no reason outside of looking like me. Or rather looking like her.” She tosses the nude photos of Sakinah on the coffee table. “You killed her too you psycho. I’m leaving and I’m taking these pictures with me. If you try to stop or follow me, you won’t have to worry about the police. Stay away from me. Stay away from Lee lee. You’ve been warned. Move!” Benji stands with his hands up as she circles toward the doorway.
Once outside, Suffiyah breaks into a dead run as her bravado turns to fear. Seized by uncontrollable shivers as she gets in her car. Pulling out the space with no hesitation, she eyes the entrance to Benji’s house. He set her up. Studied her moves and manipulated her thinking. She felt like a puppet or for the more sufficient title, a dummy. Her heart hurt with an inexplicable yearning that could never be accommodated.
Rage courses through Benji in tidal waves. Where he should feel sadness there is only anger. To think that she had the audacity to point a loaded gun at him, has him seeing red. Given the evidence against him, he can imagine how it seems. But to not even be granted the benefit of doubt or at the very least an opportunity to explain, how could she be so shallow? He knows exactly what to do.
Three Days Later
“You were wrong,” Lee Lee says walking over to Suffiyah, “Look.” She shoves her phone into Suffiyah’s face. On the screen is a clipping from the obituary page. It reads about Richard Phillips and his funeral services. When she gets to his family, it says he leaves behind a loving wife and their only child, Ferming Phillips.
“I don’t get it. But I saw him die in my dream.”
“No, you saw him stop moving and equaled it with death.” The pictures are damning, but Lee Lee can’t quite put her mind to certainty when it comes to Benji. He may be a lot of things but psycho isn’t one description that grabs her.
“So the child has to be Benji. That’s the only thing that makes sense.”
“How? Benji isn’t high yellow.”
“It could be that I’m just imagining his complexion. It doesn’t have to be spot on accurate. The same way the man is a monster to me.”
“Benji is younger than us.”
“And?”
“You said the boy was a couple years older in
you dream. It doesn’t match.”
“Well,” Suffiyah searches for her words.
“He could be lying about his age, yeah, he has to be.” The surety Suffiyah felt days ago dwindles daily. Nothing adds up in her mind but if she’s wrong about this, how could he ever forgive her? Her initial thought was to take everything to Sonya and get her opinion. Something in her gut told her that was a bad decision. So her only other option was Lee Lee.
“So him and the entire judicial system are in cahoots about this lie?”
“No. What?”
“If you said he changed his name I could go with it. But his age can’t be changed. The name and age he gave us was on the warrant. How do you explain that?”
“You aren’t helping, Lee. Do you know how hard this is?” She asks as she nervously pulls loose strings from her sweater.
“If it’s not him then what do the pictures mean?”
“Okay, all I’m saying is you didn’t want to go to Anne Klein because you thought you killed her child. Now that we know that isn’t the case, we can arrange to see her and hopefully get some answers.”
Later
“She thinks I’m killing people who look like her. Even Sakinah.” Benji sits at the table explaining to a mutual friend of him and Sakinah’s. During the time of her death he was the key to Benji’s sanity. To the point he was the first call Benji made in the morning. He eventually got his life back on track and moved forward to become the Benji we know today. He successfully revamped his life, with the help of this man. Whatever he can do for this brother to attempt to repay him is never second guessed or questioned, it’s just a given. His debt to him is eternal. The tutelage and advice he received was like his rebirth. So, whom else could he run to in this state besides the one who guided him through the darkness the first time? Not to mention, he’s the only reason Benji knows of Saffiyah. A police corruption scandal was brewing in the major crimes department and she was a key suspect. Benji was hired to record her routine and regular whereabouts on the day to day basis. If anything irregular happened within her day that seemed suspicious or odd, he was to report it. She passed with flying colors. Which made her irresistible to Benji. “I don’t know what to do. I figured only you could help me.” Benji stares into his friend’s cat like eyes wearing his emotions on his sleeves.
“Benji, you’re like the little brother I never had. I was already prepared to help you before you asked for it. Come by the house later and we’ll figure this thing out. Problems only come in two sizes, a mountain or a mound. They’re the same problem but you know what makes the difference?” Benji shakes his head. “The perception of the man. How we view it. A problem is only as big as we allow it to be.
Once again we’re in the comfort of Lee Lee’s living room as her and Suffiyah sit in front of the TV. “Neither are watching it but more so using for the acoustics or the room would be eerily silent.” Suffiyah palms the hot mug of tea. It’s burn seemingly ineffective to her but she’s inadvertently punishing herself. Her whole body feel numb as if she’s devoid of life. The sensation from the mug reaffirms her being.
“Okay, so I called out of work tomorrow. Our first stop is the nut house. If we don’t get the right answers there, our only alternative is back to the brother’s house. He’s going to answer us by any means even if I have to let him feel your butt.” Lee Lee smiles at her attempt to lighten the somber atmosphere. Suffiyah on the other hand doesn’t show any sign of having heard a word from her friend’s mouth. She just stares at the TV. In her mind though she clearly hears some of the wisest words she has ever heard spoken. “I believe success is equivalent to happiness. You can have all the money, cars, homes and jewels, but that doesn’t mean you’re happy. I know if I had all those things I would be content, not happy. I want to quote a wise man, Benjamin ‘Coop’ Cooper. Coop said, ‘I fear love the most’. That first day in my class when you said that, I didn’t understand. Now I think I do. You fear love because love is happiness. To not know love is to not experience true happiness. So you never know what you’re missing. So any semblance to happiness is sufficient. But once you’ve know love, true happiness, and then you lose it. Nothing outside of love can ever replace that emptiness.” Suffiyah smiles, a self-defeating gesture. “I let that girl die.” She never looks away from the TV. The tears dropping into her tea audibly.
“What girl, Sufee?”
“Lenae. I was just thinking about the explanation she gave when we went there. She was so sad. That’s how I recognized who she was, from her sadness. But I was so selfish I didn’t recognize her sadness for what it was. Her entire soliloquy wasn’t for the class, it was for her. She warned us that she was giving up on life and we were deaf to her warning.”
“Sufee, I understand you feel depressed but you’re not taking the blame for that poor little girl. Nobody appreciates the light ‘til its dark. That’s just the way of the world. We didn’t understand her light.”
“Lee?”
“Yeah, Sweetie?” Suffiyah looks at her for the first time in a hour.
“I need Benji.”
Benji seals the envelope as he walks out the house. The only chance he has of Suffiyah hearing him out is Lee Lee. So he penned an explanation to Lee Lee touching on everything which needed saying. This letter to her and the advice he is on his way to go get are his only two chances at getting back love. He drops the letter in the mailbox.
CHAPTER 30
The sun is shining with a warmth that penetrates the clouds and touches the earth. The wind factor is at a seasonal low. If this beautiful fall weather is any indication to the day’s prospects for Suffiyah, than things are going to work in her favor. The beauty of the day lifts her spirits from the obscurity it manifested yesterday. As Lee Lee drives through Trenton singing along with the radio, Suffiyah mentally encourages herself. The GPS shows they will be at their destination in three minutes. Dr. O’Malley had a rapport with one of the doctors here and made this visit possible. A part of her wishes it didn’t go through. The more she learns of her past the happier she is to have forgotten it.
“We’re here, Boo.” The scary movie vibe grips her as she looks at this jail for the mentally unstable. “You ready?”
“No. But I don’t think I have a choice.”
“You don’t. But let’s go get this over with.” In the front they state their names and the nature of their visit. Dr. O’Malley allowed her colleague to know that Suffiyah was under Antionette’s care as a foster child and wanted to extend her gratitude by visiting her. As they’re escorted to the common, area images of Antionette dance inside both of their heads. Their eyes search the room for the wide eyed, wild haired woman they’d be meeting. The woman walked up to them briskly, carrying something in her hand and snickering. She held her two hands on top of one another as a child does when they catch a lighting bug. When she’s right in front of them she reveals her treasure, shoving her hand in Suffiyah’s face. “You see!” Suffiyah almost trips over Lee Lee’s feet as she jumps backwards from the empty hand.
“Berta!”
One of the orderlies grabs her hand. “This isn’t your visit.” The woman allows herself to be pulled away pouting. A beautiful light skinned woman with pretty long hair stood watching in amusement by the window. She had the frame and gait of a maturing model as all 5’9 inches of her strolled towards them. The light played in her green eyes bringing you in the mindset of those of a cats. A keen intelligence rest in her gaze and not a hint of lunacy. “Ms. Antoinette, here is your company.” The orderly introduces them like honored guest.
“Hello, Mrs. Phillips. I’m—”-
“I know who you are,” she says waving them to sit.
“You do?”
“Of course. They said you’re my daughter, how could I forget my daughter?” Suffiyah isn’t for certain but she believes she has just seen lunacy peek her head out.
This has got to be the worst hangover in the history of the world. Last thing
he remembers is being handed his first drink. His pulse sounds like a college marching band is performing in his head. Cotton mouth causes him to smack his lips together searching for some form of moisture. The hardest part is forcing his eyes open. For the life of him, Benji can’t figure why he can’t open his eyes.
The woman is familiar to Suffiyah. It’s possible that the woman truly knows who she is too.
“What’s my name?”
“Cigarettes.”
“Huh?”
“Did you bring any cigarettes?”
Why in the world would she bring anything that could cause a fire into a mental institution?
“No. I don’t smoke.”
“Well that was mighty selfish of you, wasn’t it? All this time I’ve been in here and all you’re able to think about is what you want? You can fool the world little girl, but you can’t fool me.” She places her face just inches from Suffiyah’s.
He’s suddenly aware of the pressure around his eyes. It’s something covering them. He lifts his arms to remove whatever’s on his face. He can’t. His arms are constrained by something also. So are his feet. From the way his body is positioned he can tell he’s in a chair. The sense of panic begins to settle into his chest. He begins to hyperventilate as reality sets in. He’s trapped. He doesn’t know where and he doesn’t know why. He hears a shuffling sound to his left, some movement.