SUFFER WITH ME

by ROBERT LABOO

  “Yo?” It comes out like he has sand in his throat. Hands grab the back of his head. He squeezes his eyes shut and awaits the bullet to his head or the blade to touch his throat. Before he knows it, he reaches the light.

  “Are you planning on sitting there quiet or are we going to talk?” Antionette asks sitting back in her seat. Suffiyah is trying to formulate a coherent thought when Lee Lee speaks up.

  “Who am I?” The look of confusion settles over the woman as she stares at Lee Lee.

  “You’re my daughter.” She replies.

  This woman is as unbalanced mentally as they said. “I thought she was your daughter?” Lee Lee points to Suffiyah.

  Confusion quickly is replaced with anger as she looks back and forth at them. “Listen you little cunts, I’m your mother. How dare you disrespect me? Where’s Ferming?”

  The blindfold drops from Benji’s eyes as he blinks to adjust his vision. He hears wheels rolling as a chair is pulled in front of him. The answer sits in the chair and stares at him with a deranged smile on his face. “Ferm, what’s all this bruh?”

  “Hell of a night, Benjamin. Hell of a night. I like you a lot. No let me correct that. I love you like a brother. You’ve always been genuine with me, from day one. So why am I so angry with you, hmm?” Ferming laughs.

  “Whatever this is we can get through this, Ferm. Just talk to me.” Benji tries to keep a handle on an uncontrollable situation.

  “I’m your therapist, Benjamin. Not the other way around. I do the mind fucking around here. You see, I had to confine you to this chair because I have two stories to tell you.”

  “What’s wrong with my head?”

  “Oh, that’s just the drugs. It’ll wear off soon.”

  “Why would you drug me?” The more Benji tries to understand the less he seems to understand.

  “Would you let me tie you up without it? I didn’t think so. You stole from me twice. How? You are nothing but an illegitimate seed that your mother should have swallowed. An everyday run of the mill thug with a smidgen of education.” A look he’s never seen on Ferming before presents itself. Danger. “Nevertheless. They chose you.” They who?

  The two girls look at each other. “It’s me, Mommy. Suffiyah.” Her face frowns up at the sound of the name.

  “My Suffiyah? But you left me, you left us. Me and Ferming and Richie. How could you do that to us, do you know how much Richie loved us?” All Suffiyah could think to do was play along.

  “Where is daddy?” Her face became stern again.

  “You made Ferming kill him. He made me watch, said I could suffer with him. I never told anyone about y’all game in the attic. Oh, you thought I didn’t know? You tried to steal both my men from my life. But you couldn’t.” She laughs. “Ferming still comes to see me. He told me he found you. But you don’t look like no cop. You made my baby suffer so much he changed his name.”

  “I felt like a cuckold. All the time and energy I’ve put into trying to grab Sakinah’s attention and in waltz Mr. Hoodlum. A wholesome young woman like her deserved the best, she deserved me. Not some gangbanging scum from the bottom of the barrel.” Benji is impressed with the manner in which he’s hidden this hatred. Being from the gutter he usually detects any ill feelings directed towards him. He never saw this coming. “The first time I saw her face, it was like seeing a ghost from my past. I knew I had to have her. So I turned up the charm and went for her, no days off. Soon as I made some lead way she comes in talking about the thug who picked up her books. So I befriended her and made the doctor/patient relationship grow into a friendship. Do you know how? By embracing you. All I had to do was concede to the loss and embrace your relationship. Taking you in and treating you as special as she felt you were only increased the bond between her and I. To the effect she began to trust me to the point I became her confidant. The day of your test she was actually going to propose. She was going to propose to you.” He shakes his head. “I lost it. So I made up a story about buying an apartment by her job and wanting her opinion. I only wanted her body initially, so I took it. I made love to her. She said it was ok but the eyes never lie. I saw she despised me and I knew those eyes could never view me the same again. She reminded me so much of her at that moment I couldn’t let you have her. So I gave her to the most suitable one for her, God.”

  “I’m going to kill you.”

  “I was right, a little bit of your world kills you, Superman.” He smiles at the reference to his letter. “But wait, there’s more.”

  “Changed his name to what?” Suffiyah asks.

  “Who?”

  “Ferming. What did he change his name to?”

  “Why would he change his name? What’s wrong with you?”

  “But you said—”

  “What did they say about the cigarettes?” Suffiyah blows her frustrations out.

  They’re talking in circles. “They said not right now. But what did you say Ferming changed his name to again?”

  “What did you say your name was again?” Antoinette asks.

  “Suffiyah. My name’s Suffiyah.”

  “Suffer.” She giggles. “You’re not Suffiyah, Suffiyah died.”

  “What did you call me?”

  She leans in close to Suffiyah and whispers, “I don’t even know who the fuck you are.” The look she just gave Suffiyah sealed the deal.

  “Shit!” It just hit her like a ton of bricks. She knows exactly why she recognizes Antionette. “Would you like to see a picture of my boyfriend?”

  “Why would I—” Suffiyah turns he phone towards her. “That’s Ferming.” She smiles and reaches for the phone. “Can I have it?”

  This intense staring game has been going on for minutes, neither man blinks. “Do you know why I didn’t gag you?” Benji says nothing. “Exactly. I knew you wouldn’t yell. I prepared for it in case you did by bringing you in the basement. Every TV and radio is on upstairs so you wouldn’t be heard if you screamed, but I knew you wouldn’t. It would go against your gangster’s code of ethics.” Benji has never been so sad that he was able to afford bail in his life. His thigh vibrates and illuminates through his jeans. “Let me get that for you.” He retrieves Benji’s phone. Suffiyah is calling him. Soon as it ends, she dials right back. He declines it. A text message appears immediately. “Please pick up! It’s an emergency. I’m sorry!” he reads the text out loud dramatically for Benji. “That brings me to my second story. After the incident with Sakinah, I got a name change and a new job. I’m from Trenton, but I moved here to escape my past. But karma is such a conniving bitch that on the first day of my new job she brings me face to face with my past. It’s a long story if you’re interested in hearing?”

  “You know where you can stick that story?” He ignores Benji.

  “It started on a street in Trenton thirty odd years ago. My father was one of the most attentive providers you can imagine. I was their pride and joy, a miracle baby. My mother was told she couldn’t have children but she carried me the full term. It was a high risk pregnancy but she pulled it through. But all her life she wanted her little boy and little girl. My father was determined to fulfill her wishes. They went to an adoption agency and were placed on a waiting list. In the midst of that wait he was laid off. He had just enough money saved to barely hold the three of us over. When I was five my mother was finally granted her daughter, a foster child named Suffiyah. By the time she came about my father was completely embittered. He kept landing one dead end job after another eventually finding himself stuck back in the unemployment line. He dived deeper and deeper into the bottle. My mother was collecting more money from welfare a month than he was able to accrue in half a year. I guess this emasculated him because it’s around the time that the abuse started. He needed to feel and be looked at as the man of the house, so he had to break his competition. Me. So the attic games begin…” Ferming sits back with a faraway look in his eyes apparently reliving what he is recalling.

&nb
sp; “You two make me sick,” Richard says as he takes them to the attic for the first time.

  “Everything was great before you came along and made life hell. Caused me my job and eat all the food I can buy. And as if you weren’t bad enough,” he says pointing at Ferming. “Somebody thought it would be funny to mail this little bitch to us.” He slurs now looking at Suffiyah. “Then God is so fuckin’ evil he makes me suffer. But it isn’t enough to make me suffer, I have to be reminded of my suffering daily. Don’t you think it’s cruel that the first three letters of both of your names spell suffer? S-U-F.” He points to Suffiyah then Ferming. “F-E-R. Big fuckin’ conspiracy. The whole shitty worlds against me. When you hear me say Suffer I’m calling the both of you, to meet me here immediately or I gotta hurt you. Suffer!” Neither kid moves. Fear has them frozen in place as they watch their hero meltdown. “Suffer!” The smell of urine fills the room as a puddle forms around Ferming’s bare feet. This only further enrages Richard. “Ungrateful. Disrespectful. Bastards. I’m going to show you how it feels to suffer. I did it all by myself now you’re going to suffer with me.” Before either of them can react he has them in his grasp. They cry hysterically but it doesn’t dent his heart. He knocks Ferming down and sits Suffiyah on his chest. Next he wraps her hands around his neck. Fear is all the little boy feels as he has the life squeezed out of him.

  “…I always woke up later in my bed shaking and pissy. I promised I’d return that feeling of fear and suffering to him when I was bigger and stronger. I kept my promise. One day I knocked him down and forced my mother to choke him, but I forgot to let go of her hands. So I fled Trenton and started anew. I met Sakinah and it reminded me of my suffering, but we know how that played out. Ferming no longer existed after that. I figured with a new job and a new name it was no turning back. Then she walked in my office.” The deeper this story goes the more content Benji is with death. There is no possible way he’s confessing all these things and intending to let him walk with this knowledge. “What hurt the most is she didn’t even recognize me. I knew her before the words ‘Detective Suffiyah Adams’ left her lips. All I asked you to do was follow her, but you couldn’t resist. This was the second time you stole from me, there won’t be a third.”

  The sound of Benji’s voicemail once again has Suffiyah seething. She gives up and goes to Sonya’s name and calls her. While she does this LeeLee drives recklessly back to Newark. Neither has a plan but both knows something needs to be done.

  “Hello?” Sonya’s voice comes through the speaker phone. Hope fills the car.

  “Sonya! Where are you?”

  “I’m at the office. Calm down and talk to me. What’s wrong?”

  “I’ve found the killer! I know who’s been strangling all these women.”

  “You do? Where is he?!” Sonya went from telling her to calm down to becoming equally, if not more excited.

  “Where is Dr. Jackson? I need you to go get Dr. Jackson!”

  “He’s gone, baby.He quit shortly after you left. But we don’t need him honey. We can handle this.” Suffiyah’s hope sinks.

  “We do Sonya. Dr. Jackson is the killer.” Silence creeps through the phone at this revelation.

  “You have to find him, Sonya. His cellphone is off. But if you catch him, I promise you have your suspect. Trust me. I’m on my way to his house.”

  “No! Me and Lewis are heading there now, Stay put until you hear from me.” The call is disconnected.

  CHAPTER 31

  The energy springing off of Detective Fields has Lewis more than interested. “No! Me and Lewis are heading there now. Stay put until you hear from me.” This gets Lewis fully intrigued. Sonya hurries into her coat. “We gotta go, Lewis!” Any other time Lewis would be questioning her but he’s already moving. Whatever is going on is big! As they wait for the elevator, she brings him up to speed. “Suffiyah figured out the culprit to the strangling’s.”

  “Cooper?”

  “Not at all, now that she brings him to my attention it makes sense. He fits the bill.” Now Lewis is totally lost. Who’s this surprise suspect?

  “It’s Dr. Jackson.”

  “Dr. Jackson?”

  He asks as they enter the elevator. “Uh-hmm. Right under our noses.” Dr. Jackson? It’s always the light skinned pretty fellows who are the sickest. “We have to get to his house.” Sonya jogs to their car. “Before Suffiyah tries to beat us there.”

  “You know where he stays?” Sonya doesn’t have the breath to reply so she nods. “Okay. Drive.”

  Where could he be? There was no sign of life in Misfits. INC, and she used her spare key to check his apartment. He didn’t even sleep at home last night. That thought alone causes a pang of jealousy. But after the evening she took him through could she blame him? She has to find a way to fix her mistake or she’d regret it forever.

  “Do you trust Sonya to catch him? I feel like this is something we should be handling ourselves.” With Benji missing, she can’t think of anything else more worth her time than catching Dr. Jackson. Just hearing Lee Lee suggest it proved her right.

  “I trust that she’ll give it her all, but it couldn’t hurt to have re-enforcements.”

  Just a few more inches. Benji stretches his arm to its limit. He can almost grasp the hand reaching out for him.

  Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap!

  Sakinah disappears and a blurry Ferming stands in her place. “Whoa. I think I held you too long that time. I thought you were dead.” Benji’s strength is depleted. He’s lost count of how many times he’s been unconscious. Every time he begins to gather his wits, Ferming’s hands again find his throat. “If you scream the suffering ends. All you have to do is yell.” Benji moves his lips but his words are faint. “What?” Benji’s lips begin to move again but his words are inaudible. Maybe his voice box is damaged. Ferming places his face close enough to hear him better.

  ‘PFFT’

  The glob of spit lands in his eye followed by a hoarse, “I said pussy.” And he smiles. Ferming wipes the film from his eye with his sleeves and his hands are squeezing Benji’s neck before he can react.

  The sirens blare as Lewis and Fields race to Dr. Jackson’s house.

  “How do you want to approach the situation?” Lewis asks as Fields narrowly misses another vehicle. He regrets getting in the passengers’ seat.

  “We pull up with sirens hollering and ring his bell. When he comes out we act like we’re a million percent sure of everything were saying. Lt. McFarland is in the process of trying to get us a search warrant. So it’s our job to keep him stalled until it’s signed.” Lewis is mashing the imaginary brake on his side as they speed towards a red light.

  “If we don’t die before we get there.” Fields gives him the stink eye from the side as she continues tumbling recklessly through the city streets.

  Twenty Minutes Later

  Ferming casts a furtive glance in the direction of the front door as the incessant banging timbre rises. “Dr. Jackson, its Detectives Lewis and Fields! Open up we can hear you!” He scrambles to the shelf over the fire place and grabs his car keys. Lewis had to have seen him trying to flee the go go bar. He grabbed his handgun. It was only a matter of time before their backup arrives and surrounds the house. He could shoot himself for ignoring the approaching siren. Cockiness always proves to be the downfall of man. The backdoor is his target. If he can get out of it and to his van he’ll be in the clear. He’s out! The van is less than thirty feet away. Throwing caution to the wind, he takes flight.

  “FREEZE!”

  He looks to his left and there stands Lewis. His gun points in Lewis’ direction but Fields bullets fly into his back, knocking him forward the last ten feet. He slams into his van with a sickening thump, before sliding down its side panel. He felt the impact but there is no pain. This can’t be good, he thinks. Lewis kicks his hand He’s screaming but no words are reaching Ferming as he looks back and forth at both officers. Fields is barking comm
ands in her cellphone. He can read her lips. How ironic? The person who just shot to kill me is calling people to come save my life. He smiles. His white teeth are covered in blood. This is funny. I think I’m the only one who knows I’m dying. No more suffering for me, but this is only the beginning of others. Look a light…

  An ambulance and multiple police cars surround the house. Yellow tape extends around the side of the house and goes toward the back. Lee Lee parks and her and Suffiyah jump out. “They must’ve killed him,” Suffiyah states more so to herself. She spots Sonya and walks towards her. “Sonya!” Detective Fields looks in her direction and puts up a finger telling her to wait. Ignoring the gesture she keeps walking, she has to know it’s over. A paramedic backs out the house pulling a stretcher. The sheet is over Dr. Jackson. Relief washes over her. It’s really done. As they come down the steps his hand escapes the sheet. The world ceases moving and sound doesn’t exist. She takes off at top speed running towards the paramedic. An arm wraps around her torso and it lifts her from the ground as she kicks and claws at the air. The pitiful yell leaving her mouth sets Lee Lee off behind her. Suffiyah finally wiggles free and hits the ground like a sack of potatoes. Her face is stuck in the grass as she cries the cry of a widow or a mother who’s just lost her only child. She feels Lee Lee holding her but it’s of no consequence. The paramedics speed up the process of getting to the ambulance. The caramel colored hand hangs limply as the sun twinkles off of the plain face Movado watch with the brown band. It takes hours to calm Suffiyah. At nightfall Lee Lee finally gets her to leave. The air is impregnated with her sorrow and distraught with her pain. As she leans back in the passengers’ seat, she grips her phone. The message icon shows a number one, she presses it. A message from Benji, it’s a video. She touches the screen for it to play and first hears a strained gurgling noise. Then it’s Benji’s face. His eyes bulge out of the sockets and a thick vein protrudes from his head as he’s being choked. After the thirty second video are the words “Now you suffer with me.” Everything goes black.