Whitsunday Dawn

by Annie Seaton

  ‘Do you know how disappointed I am with you?’ Her mother’s voice was quiet but cut through the silent room like steel. She lifted a white lace-edged handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes, but Lily refused to soften. Mama was brilliant at getting her own way with Daddy by turning on the tears, but it wasn’t going to work with her.

  ‘Why? I have done nothing wrong.’ Her chin lifted a bit higher. ‘You’re the one who is showing a lack of respect.’

  ‘Don’t you speak to me in that tone, young lady.’ Mama reached into the pocket of her calico apron. One of the aprons that Lily hated to iron when it was her turn to stand in the laundry with the smell of starch, the steam billowing around her in the tropical heat. She closed her eyes and wished she was back at school in Brisbane.

  ‘What is this?’ Mama’s hand was shaking as she held the letter out to Liliana.

  ‘You know very well what it is.’ Lily welcomed the rage that flowed through her.

  ‘What does it mean about the nights that you were “gadding about the city”?’ Mama ignored her protest. ‘Did you indulge in the same wicked behaviour that your two friends obviously did? I have never been more disgusted or more disappointed in you.’ Her voice rose as she continued and now the tears were rolling down her face. Her words hardened something in Lily’s heart. She had done nothing wrong and she was angry that Mama would think badly of her so readily.

  ‘I have done nothing wrong,’ she repeated. Lily folded her arms and sat on the bed. ‘And how dare you, Mama. You had no right to read my personal letter.’

  ‘How dare you question my right! I am your mother and you are sixteen years old. I thought I had brought you up with moral values, and yet you behave like this.’ As Mama’s distress increased, her accent thickened and the words ran together. She threw the letter onto the dressing table and a bottle of scent tipped over. As the cloying smell of lavender surrounded them, Lily watched the words run into black splotches on the pink paper and the lavender oil soaked the pages. She stood and crossed to the table and picked up the sodden letter, trying to save it. ‘I believe this is my property.’

  She turned and blinked as her mother’s hand rose in front of her face. Disbelief filled Lily as Mama’s palm connected with her cheek in a stinging slap. She caught her breath as her mother raised her hand again. Grief and hurt lodged in her throat like a stone and she backed away as Mama put her hand to her mouth.

  ‘No. Oh, Lily, Lily, don’t look at me like that.’ Lily had no idea what the expression on her face was. She was still in shock; it was the first time her mother had ever lifted a hand to her in her whole life.

  ‘Oh, mon Dieu, I’m so sorry.’ Mama’s eyes were wide and her lips were bloodless. She turned from Lily and sat on the edge of the bed and dropped her face into her hands. There was no sound as her shoulders heaved in silent sobs. Lily took a step towards her mother, with her hand held out. The hoarse sobs were frightening her.

  ‘You don’t know. You can’t know. I never wanted you to have to know.’

  ‘Know what?’ Lily tentatively placed her hand on Mama’s shoulder. ‘It’s all right, Mama. Everything is going to be all right.’

  ‘No. It’s not. You do not understand why you have to be careful. You cannot know that horror that I felt when I read that you put yourself in danger. You need to know these things, but I didn’t want you to know.’ She repeated the last words in a harsh whisper. ‘I didn’t want you to.’

  Danger? Lily had never been in any danger. Although those two soldiers who had been insistent that night in Brisbane did come to her mind.

  Finally, Mama lifted her head and her eyes were empty, dark windows of despair. ‘I manage not to think of it, but when I read of soldiers and young women, it all comes back to me. There are bad men in the world. When I was in Paris, I was like you, I believed in good and I was trusting. After my father was killed, two men accosted me one night—’

  Lily widened her eyes as horror filled her. Mama bit her bottom lip so hard a trickle of blood ran down her chin. She quickly crossed the room and crouched in front of Mama, the pages of the letter falling unheeded onto the wooden floor. She uncurled Mama’s fingers and took the handkerchief from her hand and dabbed at her mother’s lip, watching as the red blood stained the white handkerchief.

  ‘Mama, I’m sorry. Oh, please don’t cry. It’s all right.’ She fought back the tears that were clogging her voice.

  ‘They raped me, Liliana. Two soldiers. In an alleyway in Montmartre. I’d been to Friday mass at the Sacré-Coeur. I still feel the cobblestones beneath my back when I think of that day. I wanted to keep my girls safe.’

  ‘I really didn’t do anything, honestly. Please believe me. I was a sympathetic ear for Amelia when she thought …’ Her voice shook and Mama reached out and caught the first tear as it rolled down Lily’s cheek. ‘When she thought she was having a baby. I didn’t even know what the girls had … what they had done. All I did was leave the school—only once, Mama—I promise you. And it was only because I wanted to read the newspaper. I wanted to see what was happening in the war. I wanted to know you were all safe up here.’ Her voice hitched. ‘I didn’t do anything that would make you ashamed of me. Really. I promise you, Mama.’

  Trepidation tightened her chest as Mama pulled her close. ‘And what about Jack?’

  ‘Jack is my friend.’ She held Mama’s eye steadily. ‘And that is all, you have my word.’

  ‘Good. I knew he was a fine young man. He is thoughtful and considerate, and I trust him to be a gentleman,’ she said.

  The hardness in Lily’s chest eased even as her cheeks filled with heat. ‘I like him very much,’ she said softly.

  ‘I know you do, sweetheart, and that’s why I want to talk to you.’ Mama let go of her but held her eyes. ‘First love is sweet and fresh, and a wonderful thing. I just don’t want to see you hurt. Jack will leave the base, and I pray to God each night that wherever he goes he will stay safe.’

  Lily swallowed. The thought of Jack being in danger was one that was with her every minute that he was gone. Until she heard the Catalina fly over every morning when he was away, she couldn’t relax.

  ‘But, Lil darling, you need to know this. It’s wartime, and awful things happen, and people change. And life changes very much after a war is done.’

  Lily shook her head. She didn’t want anything to take that lovely feeling away—the sweetness that had been there since Jack’s lips had settled on hers.

  ‘Be prepared. Jack will change, and he will go back home when the war is done. You will change, you will go off to university, and you will see the world you dream about.’

  Lily stared as surprise filled her. Mama was treating her as an adult.

  ‘And you are only sixteen years old. Too young to know your own mind yet.’

  ‘I’ll be seventeen next month.’

  Mama’s voice had a faraway quality as she looked past Lily. ‘I was seventeen too. I pray that you never have to go through what I went through. Your father was my salvation. My circumstances were very different to yours. I want you to be happy.’

  ‘I know it’s wartime, Mama.’ Lily’s voice was soft and sad.

  ‘You have a family who loves you, Lil.’ Mama brushed her eyes. ‘When we left Russia and moved to Paris after my beautiful mother died, it was very hard. That alone was enough to fill me with despair. But when my papa and my darling brother were killed not long after we arrived, I was alone.’

  Lily drew in a breath. How was it that she was sixteen years old, and had known nothing of her mother’s tragic past? Those nights when they had heard Mama crying in her bedroom, and her fear for the safety of the children began to make sense for the first time. And Dad’s gentle care for his beloved Alexandra. ‘I’m sorry, Mama.’

  ‘Your father was in the street where they were killed by a runaway horse. He saw it coming and he grabbed me and pulled me from its way. He took care of me for the first few days when I was grief-stricken. Then only a few w
eeks later when I was attacked, he did not leave my side for days. I will never forget what your father did for me, and I will love him till the day I draw my last breath.’ Mama’s eyes lost their bleakness as she smiled at Lily. ‘He saved my life, he saved my mind from the darkness that threatened to suck me down, and he has given me a wonderful life here. What I want you to think about is to give yourself a chance to find the person who will give you a wonderful life too. Someone who loves you like your father loves me.’ She reached for Lily’s hand again as she stared at her, her eyes full of love. ‘Jack is a lovely young man, but I don’t want to see you get hurt.’

  Lily nodded and as tears filled her eyes, she put her head in her mother’s lap and closed her eyes, relieved as a shaking hand smoothed her hair from her forehead. A door slammed outside, and Mama paused.

  ‘I am so sorry I hit you. Will you forgive me, Lil?’

  Lily looked up and nodded. ‘I was rude and disrespectful to you. I’m sorry too.’

  They both looked up as the door to the bedroom opened and Boyd stood in the doorway.

  ‘I wondered where everybody was.’ Boyd took a step into the room and stopped dead. ‘What’s the matter? What’s happened? Where are the children?’

  Her mother put her hand up. ‘It’s all right, Boyd. Just some female business we had to discuss. I became upset, and Lil bore the brunt of it.’ She stood and straightened her shoulders and her voice was calm. ‘The children are all up with the goats, and I promised we would go and help once you came home.’

  Boyd crossed the room and Lily’s heart clenched as he put his arms around Mama. ‘Alex, are you sure you’re all right?’ His voice was low.

  She looked at her mother. Her eyes were overly bright and there was a deep flush on each cheek.

  ‘I am.’ Mama lifted her chin and her smile was tremulous. ‘Liliana has reassured me, and I know my girl. I have nothing to worry about.’

  Lily bit her lip again as Dad looked from her to Mama.

  ‘Daddy? Mama?’ she said. ‘I promised Jack I wouldn’t, but I have to tell you.’ She shook her head as Mama’s eyes widened. ‘No, Mama. It’s not like that. I know more than you have ever told me. I am not some young silly girl like Peggy. Trust me. Please.’

  Mama smiled. ‘I am sorry, my sweetheart. I have to remember you are a young woman now.’ She reached for Lily’s hand and squeezed it, and looked up. ‘Boyd, Lil is almost as old as I was when I met you in Paris. I will remember that from now on.’

  Lily’s eyes filled with tears as she made the decision to tell her parents. Her first loyalty was to her family. ‘I promised Jack I wouldn’t tell you. I don’t want him to get into trouble, but I must tell you what he said.’ She shook her head slowly and looked at her father. His eyes were kind but full of concern. ‘What I read in the paper on the boat this afternoon just made me certain I have to tell you. The Japanese are coming. They might already be here. We have to be very careful. Maybe the children shouldn’t be up alone with the goats.’

  She turned to her father. ‘Daddy …’

  Boyd stepped forward; it was the second time she’d called him Daddy today. ‘Daddy. I think you had better keep your gun handy.’

  ‘What?’ Her father’s brow wrinkled with concern.

  ‘Jack told me that the Japanese might be using Whitsunday Peak as a lookout.’

  ‘No.’ Mama’s cry was heart wrenching as she jumped up from the bed. ‘The children are up at the goats now. I have to get them. And then they are not to leave the house.’

  ‘It’s all right, Alexandra. I’ll go. Liliana can come with me.’ Her father reached out and held Mama close to him as she tried to push past him towards the door. ‘Stay here and put the water on. We have a treat. Fresh bread and fresh-caught crabs.’ Despite his calm words, worry crossed his face as he held Liliana’s eyes. ‘We’ll talk about this tonight after the children go to bed. I don’t want to frighten the little ones. It’s enough that we have to worry. But we will have to watch where they go.’

  ‘And make some rules,’ Lily said.

  Mama’s eyes were bleak. ‘I can’t do it again. Oh, Boyd. Not again. I can’t bear it. And our children. I can’t bear it. If the war and turmoil is going to come to us on this isolated island, where in the world is safe? Nowhere!’

  ‘Hush, my darling. It’s going to be all right. We are safe here. There is nothing to worry about. If there are any Japanese here, they aren’t interested in us. They’ll be watching the shipping in the channel. It’s nothing like Russia at all.’

  Mama began to cry softly, and Boyd held her tightly.

  ‘Not again.’ Mama’s whole body was shaking now. ‘I can’t do it again.’

  He turned to Lily as he held Mama close to him. ‘Lil, go and get the children. Make sure all the doors are locked after you come in.’

  She fled, slamming the door behind her. Her feet had wings as she flew across the house paddock and up the hill to her brothers and sisters. The evening darkened and in the pine forest, she saw shadows she had never noticed before.

  * * *

  Life resumed a semblance of normality, and Lily was happy when Jack’s visits became more frequent. On the mornings she was home, as soon as the morning chores were done, she would run down to the jetty and wait for the mail launch. A couple of times she caught Mama’s eye on her as she pulled the screen door closed, but her smile was indulgent for once. The days that she glimpsed the khaki-shirted airman sitting at the bow as the launch approached the bay, her happiness was complete.

  The next time he turned up was on the mail launch just after breakfast.

  ‘You’re early, Jack. You must have taken the night launch down to Cannon Valley from Bowen and picked up the mail launch?’ Dad looked up as he sorted through the fishing nets that were strewn along the verandah.

  ‘No, I drove down.’ Jack beamed as he held Lily’s gaze and a ripple of anticipation warmed her.

  ‘Drove?’ Dad frowned.

  ‘Roger and Charlie and I threw in two quid each one day last week,’ Jack told Dad as he threw his kit bag onto the verandah. ‘We were out on Mrs Atkins’ porch and an old codger with no teeth and a box full of rotten, pulpy tomatoes pulled up in the street. Smoke was pouring out of the engine and he got out and kicked the tyres with a tirade of language like none of us had ever heard before. Strewth, the air was almost blue! He saw us sitting there and he asked if we wanted to buy the old truck or the tomatoes so he could go to the pub.’ Jack put his head back and laughed along with Dad.

  Lily stared at him and moistened her lips. She loved seeing Jack laugh. It didn’t happen often.

  ‘The old bloke sold us the car, and then gave Mrs Atkins the stinking box of rotten tomatoes for the seeds before he hurried off to the pub. Between the three of us, we got the old beast going. The deal is Roger and Charlie drive it around the town, and when I’ve got leave, I can drive down here.’

  ‘Where is it now?’ Dad asked.

  ‘Parked over at Cannon Valley, near the spring.’ Jack smiled at Lily. ‘Close to where I met Liliana and the kids at the picnic on Boxing Day. I’ve got to go back first thing tomorrow and drive back to Bowen by mid-afternoon.’

  Dad shook his head as he picked up the nets and threw them over the verandah to the grass. His eyes narrowed as he looked at Jack. ‘You’re keen to drive all the way down here to visit us for just one night. I know how bad that road is, especially after the rain we had last week.’

  As the heat ran into her face, Jack’s reddened in a self-conscious flush. Lily didn’t know who had the pinkest cheeks.

  * * *

  Each time Jack had at least two days leave, he headed to the island, but it was harder to settle each time he returned to the base. Sometimes he thought he was going crazy; it was like living two lives. One day he’d be on the island with Liliana, watching butterflies in the glade, herding goats or having a leisurely cup of tea on the verandah overlooking Sawmill Bay, safe, happy and cocooned within the warmth and
the routine of the Ellis family. Then within twenty-four hours, he’d be out over the Coral Sea, imprisoned in a cold metal tube, jolted about by turbulence as the Cat engines roared. He would peer through the observation window, looking for Japanese fighter planes whose single goal was to shoot down the aircraft he was in. If he wasn’t peering down to the sea, he’d be recording the number of bombs they dropped over a harbour on that mission.

  Each time Jack left the island, he worried that it would be the last time and that he’d never see Liliana again.

  On the return from his fourth visit, he parked outside Mrs Atkins’ house after the long drive up from Cannon Valley. Roger and Charlie were sitting in the dark on the front verandah with half a dozen empty bottles on the floor beside them. Jack sat on the step and looked out over the town. He could see the Cats on the hard stand from here.

  ‘You’re quiet tonight, mate.’ Roger belched as he reached for the bottle that he and Charlie were sharing.

  ‘I’m thinking about the next mission, and the next one, and the one after that …’ He gestured with his head towards the harbour. ‘Do you have any idea what it’s like to be up in one of those metal contraptions? Not knowing if it’s going to get off the water with the weight of the bombs on board. Always on the lookout for a bloody Japanese fighter, and then the run home, wondering if you’re going to be shot out of the sky.’

  He reached into his pocket for a cigarette and shoved it between his lips, but his hands were shaking too much to strike the match. Roger took the matches from Jack, pulled out another cigarette, cupped his hand around it until the tip glowed and passed it over to Jack. ‘Sorry, mate. It’s pretty easy for us here on base.’

  CHAPTER