Give Yourself Away

by Barbara Elsborg

  He knew March would lift his arm and try. Fail!

  March liked making Caleb laugh. They found the same things amusing. He almost felt as though he could finish Caleb’s sentences sometimes. But turning Caleb on was a superpower he’d never give up. As hot as Caleb was making him feel, he could see the heat in Caleb’s flushed face and one glance at the tent in the guy’s pants had blocked March’s throat.

  Caleb swept his hands over March’s chest, his fingers skimming the rise and fall of his muscles, and March thought it had been worth every fucking minute spent exercising. Caleb moved closer until their erections were brushing against each other and it was as if there were no layers of fabric between them.

  March swallowed his groan. “What are you going to do next? Maybe I need some warning so I don’t fall over.” He tried to sound confident but anxiety bubbled under the surface. He wanted to get this right.

  “We’re taking it slow, remember?” Caleb circled his hips so their cocks made even more contact and March’s balls tingled. “There’s plenty we can do without actually fucking.”

  “Slow…right. I know that, but not sure certain parts of my anatomy got the message.”

  Caleb leaned against him and whispered in his ear, “You want me to bring you off with my hand, my mouth, my cock?”

  March’s entire body went up in flames. “Yes. Any. No. All.”

  “Want to do it yourself while I watch? Maybe while I come too?”

  “Yes,” March croaked. I’m not saying no to anything.

  “Like me to put a finger in your arse? Two fingers? Three?”

  “Fuck.” March slid a hand between them and clamped down at the base of his cock.

  Caleb pulled March’s hand away and threaded his fingers in his. “Want me to take you to the brink and stop you in your tracks?”

  “Don’t you dare.” March’s voice was even hoarser.

  Caleb laughed.

  March wrapped a hand around the back of Caleb’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss, and although March thought he had his head straight about this, his control had been gobbled up in the rush and was now lost in a lust-fueled mist. Slow seemed too optimistic. Fast, sadly inevitable. Unless…

  March broke free of Caleb’s delicious mouth. “Can you stop me in my tracks?”

  “I have a few tricks and, of course, Harry Potter’s wand if all else fails.”

  March guffawed. “Yeah, I’ve already felt that.” He rubbed Caleb’s hand with his thumb. “Thing is…I might come the moment you touch my cock.”

  “That’s okay.”

  He took a deep breath. “You know what happened that first time we kissed, right?”

  “I did wonder why you’d changed your pants.”

  March winced. “I have more control than that usually.”

  Caleb snorted. “Yeah, but your ‘usually’ was with a woman.”

  “Shit.” March froze. “What if I can’t last more than a couple of minutes with a guy?”

  “Then no one will ever want you and you’ll die of shame, a sad, lonely old man whose only pleasure is his own hand, until repetitive strain injury wrecks even that.”

  March growled. “Not helping.” But talking was pulling him back from the brink. “First time never counts anyway. What was yours like?”

  Caleb reacted as though he’d had a bucket of cold water flung on his face.

  “Shit. I’m sorry,” March blurted.

  “It’s okay. I don’t talk about it. You didn’t know. But the plus side of my disastrous first time means I’m going to make this the best thing you’ve ever experienced.”

  “Better than fresh-baked bread?”

  Caleb sagged. “Well maybe not as good as that.”

  “Or a cold beer on a hot day?”

  “You’re raising the bar too high. Damn it. I’ll knock your socks off, okay? Now the pressure is all on me.” Caleb stroked his face. “Stop worrying. We don’t have to go that far tonight. Anticipation is everything.”

  “You’re not going to let me come?”

  “Oh you’re going to come. Trust me.”

  Caleb fumbled as he unfastened the button of March’s pants and spread them open. He shook even more as he traced March’s erection under his shorts, a dark spot blooming on the material where he’d leaked precome.

  “See me trembling?” Caleb said as he wrapped his fingers around March’s cock.

  March was finding it increasingly difficult to stop the breathy gasps lurching from his mouth.

  Caleb groaned. “Who stole the air out of this room?”

  “You did.”

  Caleb’s laughter burst into March’s heart, and if there had been a sliver of a shadow of a doubt as to what the fuck he was doing, it vanished in that moment. Why had he waited so long?

  “I think you’ll find you’re the thief,” Caleb said. “The moment I’m near you, my lungs stop functioning.”

  Still staring into March’s eyes, he slid his hand inside the waistband of March’s shorts and tiptoed his fingers down to his balls.

  March blinked once. “Remember what I said? Either I press down on my balls or you do, or this is over before it begins.”

  Caleb slid his other hand inside and took a tight hold of the base of March’s cock.

  March’s need to come dropped a couple of notches.

  “You shave and you wondered if you were gay?” Caleb asked.

  “Straight men don’t shave?” March put a look of mock astonishment on his face.

  March groaned when Caleb moved his hands away from his dick, but cut off the sound when Caleb eased both shorts and pants down together. March toed off his shoes and stepped free of his clothes.

  “I did knock your socks off,” Caleb said with a grin.

  “You’re looking at my bare feet when other bits of me are more interesting?”

  “I adore bare feet. I adore your bare feet.” He let his gaze wander up March’s body and whistled. “I knew you had to have a beautiful cock. A guy as gorgeous as you couldn’t have an ugly dick.”

  March let out a choked laugh. “What’s beautiful about it? It’s just an average—”

  “Average what?”

  “Wand.”

  Caleb tsked. “This is not just an average wand. It’s a deluxe model. It’s the perfect length, perfect girth, traced by jeweled veins perfect for exploring with my tongue. The head’s dark and shiny, and that cheeky little slit keeps winking at me and offering tiny pearls of precome. And your balls? Heavy and tight. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. On sale on eBay. Offers, please.”

  March thought Caleb was pulling his leg, but the way Caleb looked at him told him he wasn’t.

  “You have a great body,” Caleb said. “I know I’m embarrassing you but you do.”

  “I thought breathing on me, licking and mouthing me was bad, but looking at me and talking about me has the same effect,” March said in a choked voice. “Actually, before I disgrace myself completely, maybe I should pay a quick trip to the bathroom.”

  “You’re not going anywhere.” Caleb dropped to his knees and took most of him down in one long swallow.

  “Oh fuck, fuck, fuck. How can…? What…? Shit.” March shuddered.

  Caleb swallowed against the head, squeezing the muscles of his throat before pulling back to work March in and out of his mouth. March leaned against the door, frozen with shock, immobilized by lust, unmanned by a mouth. Caleb wrapped one hand around the base of March’s cock and pressed down hard enough to suppress his need to come. Caleb circled his tongue around the head, licking, slurping, fluttering, and it was a moment before March registered most of the strange sounds were coming from him and not Caleb. But his throat stopped up when Caleb ran his teeth up and down his shaft. No one had ever done that before. There was an edge of danger to it that flipped his switches an
d made his knees shake.

  When Caleb dipped his tongue into the slit, then looked up at him with precome glistening on the tip of his tongue, March moaned.

  Caleb swallowed, licked his lips and smiled. “You taste good.” He brushed his face and hair against March’s dick, winding March’s guts into a tight knot, but at least Caleb kept a firm hold at the base of his cock.

  When Caleb took him in his mouth again, the sensation of heat and pressure had March arching toward him, thrusting more of his dick between Caleb’s lips. I want to fuck his mouth. Oh shit. Tell him. His hips were already telling him.

  “Can I…fuck your mouth?”

  Caleb nodded.

  Christ, I said that out loud. But Caleb had nodded. March threaded his fingers in Caleb’s hair, careful to avoid the place he’d been hurt, and shifted his hips slowly back and forth. I can go slow. For a few seconds at least.

  Caleb groaned around his cock, groaned again when March laid his hand over Caleb’s cheek and felt the place where his dick surged in that beautiful mouth.

  March’s hips sped up; he thrust harder, then deeper, as he stared into Caleb’s dark eyes. He never wanted to stop doing this. Never, never, never. Then he gasped as he flew.

  “Jesus!” Orgasm seemed to come from nowhere. His hips jerked hard as he filled Caleb’s mouth with come. Each spurt was accompanied by a wrench of pleasure deep in his gut and March wanted to do it again, even before he’d stopped coming.

  Caleb finally let him free with a quiet pop and licked him clean. March pulled him to his feet. There was a smear of come at the side of his mouth and March wiped it off with his thumb.

  “That was…un-fucking-believable,” March whispered. He put his thumb in his mouth and sucked it. “I do taste good.”

  Caleb whimpered. “Bathroom?”

  “Through the bedroom. Second door on the right. You okay?”

  “Give me a minute.” Caleb bolted.

  March slid after him. He knew he shouldn’t have looked through the crack in the door, but when Caleb yanked down his pants and jerked off over the toilet, March stood frozen. Moments later, Caleb was cursing and wiping his come off the toilet lid. He flushed, zipped up, washed his hands, sprayed March’s aftershave in the air and stepped out, straight into March.

  March pressed him up against the door. “Don’t you dare do that again.”

  Caleb groaned. “Never jerk off? I’ll die of frustration.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “You weren’t supposed to see that.”

  “Aren’t you allowed to want me as much as I want you?” March asked.

  “I didn’t want you to feel you had to reciprocate.”

  “Do I strike you as the kind of the guy who would feel that?”

  “No,” Caleb muttered. “For a guy new to this, you’re very confident.”

  “I’m just getting into my stride. I’ve discovered I like ordering you around. Take your clothes off.”

  “Not my T-shirt.”

  March sighed. “I can turn off the lights.”

  “I will if it’s dark enough. But you have to promise not to look.”

  Telling March he couldn’t look at Caleb’s back was like dangling a chicken over an alligator’s nose and expecting it to be ignored. He wondered if it was a sort of test, though. Caleb had been hurt by an ex who’d not only cheated on him but hit him. March had to prove he could be trusted.

  He tugged Caleb into the bedroom and closed the door. It was dark but not pitch black. Please take off your clothes. His silent plea was answered and Caleb stripped, his T-shirt the last item to go. That blowjob had been the best he’d ever had. Should he have told him? March hadn’t known how good they could be. He’d had a few half-hearted ones from a couple of women, but he liked the raw physicality of being with a guy, one who knew exactly what worked, who’d let him do what he wanted. March had liked being in charge, liked how Caleb let him be in charge. He liked Caleb’s scent, the way Caleb held him. How could he go back now?

  I’m not going back. This is what I want. It’s always been what I wanted. The only reason I’ve waited is guilt.

  Caleb stood naked in front of him, his cock back to semi-hard. The thrill of having turned Caleb on made March’s heart gallop. Caleb wasn’t as broad and muscular as he was. He looked as if a strong breeze would blow him away. March wanted to be that breeze, but not to blow him away, only closer.

  They stared at each other for a long moment before Caleb stepped forward and their lips crashed together. They gasped into each other’s mouths, hands surging and sweeping and grabbing until March slid his hands down the sides of Caleb’s body and caught his wrists. He dragged Caleb’s arms above his head as he pushed him back against the wall. How could the taste of him be so intoxicating? The feel of him be so exciting? Their hips rocked together, bodies in rut as March fucked Caleb’s mouth with his tongue.

  Then Caleb switched and shoved March against the wall, and somehow that was just as hot. Caleb pushed his knee between March’s thighs, rubbing his hip harder against March’s cock as their kisses grew deeper and wilder. They might have only just come, but March could feel them both hardening. Caleb circled his pelvis, mashing their cocks together, and March shuddered with pleasure, fire shooting up and down his spine.

  All the things March had wondered whether he’d want to do—let another man stick his cock in him, let another man lick his arsehole, let another man come inside him and let himself come inside a another man… Now he knew. The wondering was over. He knew.

  Caleb pulled back to take a breath and March smiled.

  “What’s that smile for?” Caleb asked. “You look like Mr. Cat Who Got the Cream. And I think that was me.” He winked.

  “I want all of it.”

  “All of what?”

  “This. You. I feel like I’ve been blind and can suddenly see. I had no fucking idea. I thought, but I didn’t know. Now I do.”

  He released Caleb’s wrists and dropped his hands to Caleb’s butt, spreading his palms and squeezing.

  “So what’s different with a guy?” Caleb asked. March slid his cock against Caleb’s, and Caleb chuckled. “Apart from that.”

  “We don’t have to hold back. We were both instantly turned on. We know exactly what we like and we like a lot of it and that’s okay. Wanting sex and having sex is okay. Thinking about having it is okay too because when you’re with a guy you know he’s thinking the same as you.

  “You have no idea how hard it is to make a woman come. They all need touching in a different place, in a different way. You have to work at it. They have to work at it. If they lose concentration for a moment, that’s it, you’ve lost them.

  “But you only have to look at my dick to make me hot, and I swear if you looked long enough, I’d come without you touching me.”

  Was that a flicker of concern on Caleb’s face? If so, it quickly vanished but, shit, he shouldn’t have blurted all that.

  “I want to do everything,” March said, tugging him across the room.

  “You need to slow down.”

  But Caleb allowed himself to be pulled onto the bed next to March and they lay on their sides, staring at each other.

  “No full-on fucking,” Caleb said.

  March bit back his disappointment. “Why?”

  “Condoms, lube, electric probes?”

  “I have condoms and I’m assuming the last was a joke, but…” March hissed, “…there has to be a chemist open somewhere within a fifty-mile radius.”

  Caleb snorted.

  “I’ll drive and you can go in,” March said.

  “Oh right and the little old lady who serves me isn’t going to wonder why I need a ton of lube at this time of the night? It’ll be like that advert where the customer asks for hemorrhoid medication in a quiet voice and the assistant yells, �
��Got a customer here with piles. Which aisle’s the cream?’”

  March laughed. “So what are we going to do?”

  Caleb shuffled down the bed. “I’m going to map your body with my tongue.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Tye told himself he was waiting. Waiting for the chance to escape. Waiting for Liam to tire of him, tire of his green eyes. Waiting for one of them to die. Tye no longer had any concept of time. He no longer knew how old he was. He did know years had passed.

  He grew grateful for Liam’s visits. Then, enraged by his thankfulness, Tye switched in an instant, lashed out and paid the price. Or dropped into silent noncompliance and paid the price for that too.

  Life fell into a pattern.

  Be good.

  Be bad.

  Be nothing.

  Tye broke the pattern by not speaking. Broke it by pretending to warm to Liam. Broke it by reverting to his sullen norm.

  Liam took away his books. Took away his games.

  Tye kept dancing.

  When Liam took away his birds, Tye faltered. He wondered what the point was in noncooperation when all it did was make his situation worse. Liam wasn’t going to let him go. The guy would continue to do whatever he wanted, regardless of the way Tye reacted.

  So Tye behaved and Liam gave him his birds back, and a DVD player and porn to watch, along with the occasional movie. Most important, he gave him videos of ballet dancers, along with a thong dance belt and ballet shoes, with the instruction that he only wear the belt when he danced.

  Tye tried hard. Ballet moves had to be precise, each part of his body needed to be in a specific position, and if he was the tiniest fraction off, he’d be learning bad habits. The angle of his head, the space between his fingers, the set of his shoulder blades, the placement of his feet—the list was endless. Perfect control over that when he had no control over the rest of his life gave him a sense of satisfaction, gave him hope of freedom because when Tye danced, Liam wasn’t in his head.

  What else did he have to do, apart from imagine himself free? When he thought about leaving the room—the stories in the papers that would follow, the requests to go on TV, the reaction of his parents, the reaction of Baxter’s parents—Tye decided if he managed to get away on his own, then he’d do so quietly, go home without fanfare. What did he have to gain from everyone knowing he’d been a pervert’s sex toy for all these years? Who’d believe he’d been unable to escape? Who’d want a damaged little bird with clipped wings?