Unspoken Promises

by Gabbie S. Duran

  Handing Abigail the pizza once again, I lay out the blanket and pull her to sit next to me on it. Opening up the box, I hand her a slice of pizza as she says, “How do you know about this place?” she warily asks. I can hear the cautiousness in her words, as if testing me. “I accidently found this place a couple days after Emily died. I sort of got lost while I was driving around attempting to forget what happened. I stopped to figure out where I was. I hadn’t noticed the view until I was forced to take in my surroundings. I haven’t been here since then,” I reveal, remembering the sorrow I felt on that day. My words strike me as I take them in myself. In my heart, the moment seems like only yesterday, instead of the months that have gone by.

  “It’s beautiful,” Abigail says, looking back down at the city. “Just as beautiful as you,” I add, earning me a smile. Within minutes we’re eating our pizza as the sun is gradually setting. Taking a chance, I move to wrap myself behind Abigail, and she willingly leans back against my chest, allowing me to wrap her in my arms. We sit in silence together as we watch the sunset on the horizon. When all that’s left is the glow of the setting sun in the skyline surrounding us, I place a kiss below Abigail’s ear. “Thank you for bringing me here,” I hear her whisper. I tilt her chin up with my hand so she is facing me, greedy with the need to kiss her.

  Our kiss is gentle and sweet. “I love you,” I say against her lips. I feel her smile before she returns the kiss, but doesn’t return the words. I’m feeling dejected from her lack of response, but she surprises me when she responds. “I love you, too,” she whispers. It’s enough to tell me I have hope, which is all I can wish for at this point.

  MY PHONE STARTS vibrating in my back pocket as I’m leaving class and walking back to my car. Digging it out of my pocket, I grow disappointed when I see the screen. I had hoped it would be Abigail. She hasn’t called me since the day I took her atop of the mountain, but I’ve managed to get her to respond to my text messages.

  The name on the screen doesn’t help suppress my disappointment, either. “What’s up, Lisa?” I clip into the phone, not bothering to disguise my agitation. I called her over a week ago to inquire how she was doing, which I’m already regretting. “Why haven’t you called me?” she whines into the phone.

  “I’ve been busy,” I lie back to her, already wanting to end the call. She hasn’t stopped calling or texting me since I first contacted her. It was beginning to get annoying.

  “Too busy to ask how the mother of your child is doing?” she asks. “I haven’t been feeling well, by the way,” she irritably adds.

  “I’m sorry,” I reply, not knowing what else to say. “Lisa, unless it’s something important, I really have to go,” I tell her, already dreading what she might say.

  “I was calling to tell you that I made a doctor’s appointment for next week and you’re going with me,” she demands.

  Sighing to myself, I keep walking towards the sports building, slowing my pace as I near it. “Fine, text me the date and time and I’ll pick you up,” I say.

  “You can’t avoid me forever, Matt. It’s not fair,” she whines. “I’m not avoiding you, I just got other things on my mind right now,” I tell her, which is true. “I’m sorry, but I really have to go, Lisa. I’ll call you later,” I add for good measure, but from the snicker on the other end of the line before I end the call, I know she doesn’t believe me.

  The call only makes me think of Abigail again and the promise I made to her. It’s only been a couple of days since the homecoming game, but the days are beginning to feel endless since Abigail left. Every night I fall asleep I’m wishing she were next to me.

  A minute later my phone is already ringing again. “What now?” I angrily answer, thinking it’s Lisa calling me back.

  “I’m sorry, is this Mr. Garcia? Abigail Adams’ assistant?” the voice on the other end of the line asks.

  Immediately I resent answering the way I did. “I’m sorry. Yes it is.”

  The voice pipes up. “My name is Thomas Pierce. I’m calling on behalf of Rebecca McDonald from Running World Magazine. Mrs. McDonald had briefly spoken with Ms. Adams in San Francisco in regards to doing an interview for our magazine,” he reminds me. “I was calling to set up a time and date for said interview.”

  I cannot help but ask, “Will she be paid for this interview?”

  “Of course,” he replies.

  I can’t help the smile that comes across my lips. This is the perfect excuse I need for me to speak to Abigail again. “What time is best for you?” I ask, hoping he will say something soon.

  “The earliest we can do is Saturday,” he states. At the same time I hear the ping on my phone telling me I have a text message. Ignoring it, I continue my conversation. “Saturday would be perfect. Where and what time would you like to meet?” I enthusiastically ask him.

  I spend the next few minutes wrapping up the details with the gentleman on the phone. Ending the call, my earlier excitement is now replaced with doubt. They insisted on an early shoot due to the predicted weather. It meant it required Abigail to wake up at the crack of dawn. Abigail is not going to be happy about having to wake before ten A.M., but I’ll deal with her on that matter. I was not going to let her miss this opportunity. She earned this interview and it’s exactly what she needs to get her publically back into the modeling world.

  Opening up my text app, I take in Lisa’s message, noticing the appointment is next Friday. I guess I’m going to have to skip class for the appointment. As I’m putting my phone back into my pocket, I’m already thinking of ways that I can convince Abigail to get up that early, but just as quickly it occurs to me and I already know she isn’t going to resist my offer. With a confident smile on my face, I enter the building, excited about my plans.

  MY PHONE STARTS singing the words to Red. I know it’s Matt because it’s the ringtone I’ve designated for him. I hesitate to answer, but when the musical tone comes to an end I grow disappointed.

  Ever since the night we watched the sunset together, I’ve been more than confused. My heart is aching from wanting to forgive him, but the will to keep him at a distance is what keeps me from doing so. I hate how he can easily make me feel as if his mistake had never happened. Nor that it doesn’t exist. That night I let myself get whisked away by Matt as if we were still dating and our love was stronger than ever. For that hour as I sat tightly wrapped in his arms, I had completely forgotten about our troubled relationship. It wasn’t until he was driving me back to Kelly’s that I was reminded we were no longer living in a fantasy of a happily ever after.

  My thoughts are broken when I hear my phone announcing I have a text message. Curiosity is my weakness and I’m already opening it up to read it.

  I have a job for you. – Matt.

  He conveys, simple, and to the point.

  The urge for more details is the reason why I’m quickly calling him. “Hey, beautiful,” he answers within the first ring. He sounds amused, as if he knew I wouldn’t resist the bait. “I love you,” he adds, knowing the vulnerability I have to those words.

  “Matt, please get to the point,” I irritably snap at him, trying to mask my vulnerability.

  I hear him disappointingly sigh on the other end. “I got a phone call from that running magazine. They want you to do an interview and a photo shoot.”

  “Really?” I ask, unable to contain my excitement.

  “Yes, I already told them you would do it,” he informs me.

  “Shouldn’t you have asked me first if I wanted to do it?”

  “No,” he answers. “You need to start working again. I’m not letting you turn down any opportunities that will get you back into modeling,” he states, the tone in his voice refusing to allow me to challenge him. It adds to the fueling flames coursing through my body that began only seconds ago. “I already told them you would do it. You’re scheduled for tomorrow.”

  “Fine,” I clip out to him. I’m about to inform him to send me the detailed information when
I hear a hard knock on the door, along with a simple, “Good,” from the other end of the phone.

  The knock startles me. Immediately, I’m frightful of who’s on the other side.

  “Matt, there’s someone at my door,” I fearfully whisper into the phone.

  “It’s me beautiful.” My once frightened mind is replaced with confusion. “What the hell are you doing here?” I irritably ask, already climbing out of bed to make my way over to the front door, peeking through the peephole to verify it’s really him. I see him standing there with the phone against his ear and waving back to me.

  “I know you’re behind the door, Abigail. I heard you walking up to it,” he states, laughing into the phone, further irritating me.

  I yank open the door, already scowling at him, as we both end our phone calls. Without an invitation, he steps into the apartment carrying grocery bags with him. “You haven’t answered my question,” I inform him as my eyes follow him into the kitchen after shutting the door. My arms are tightly crossed at my chest as my eyes glower at him, still waiting for an answer.

  “I’m staying the night,” he casually replies, already removing the items from the grocery bags. “You have to be at the shoot by seven A.M.” he adds, surprising me to a gasp. I’m undecided over which has shocked me more, the fact that he thinks he’s spending the night or that I have to get up so darn early. His chuckle isn’t helping to defuse my mood.

  “I knew you’d take some convincing to get up early, so I brought stuff to make you pancakes in the morning.”

  Dammit, the promise of his pancakes is enough for me to cave to any of his request. He clearly knows I’ve missed his pancakes, since he’s declaring to make them. Gradually, I take the leaded steps needed to get me to the kitchen, but stop at the entrance of the doorway. Leaning my body against the frame, I keep my arms defensively crossed across my chest to prevent me from unwillingly reaching out to Matt.

  Yes. Distance is my weapon.

  “You’re not staying the night, Matt,” I grimly tell him.

  Ignoring my reply, he continues removing the items from the grocery bags, placing them on the counter. “I don’t see what the big deal is. You’re going to have the place to yourself tonight,” he states.

  My mouth falls open. “How did you know that Kelly wasn’t going to be here?”

  He chuckles before answering, “I made sure of it,” adding a wink after his reply.

  No wonder why David had come over and insisted Kelly pack an overnight bag. At first I had felt a pang of jealousy knowing why he wanted her to stay the night at his place. Now I’m pissed he would let Matt manipulate him to get me home alone.

  Placing the eggs into the fridge, he leaves everything else on the counter and slowly walks his away over to where I’m standing. His lips are mischievously curved up to the side and his eyes look dark as he keeps them locked onto mine. My breath hitches and my heart flutters with excitement. I know that look. It’s the look he gives me when he’s hungry for something, and I’m pretty sure that something is me.

  Still striving to catch my breath, I say, “I’ll see you in the morning,” my voice raspy as he reaches out to me. His hands find my hips, pulling me towards him, forcing me to lean against him. Taking in his unique smell, I’m reminded of how much I miss being in his arms. My body is already igniting as I remember how easily he can satisfy my every need, the twinge of sparks exploding from the simplest of touch.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he answers, his husky voice breaking my carnal thoughts.

  I can feel the warmth of his breath as his lips brush against my ear, mocking my desire. “Do you want a kiss, beautiful?” he asks in a husky tone. The sound of his voice sends a chill down to my toes as his nose nuzzles my neck. My body is already drained of its blood from the realization of knowing how close I am to caving to his request.

  I remove his hand from my hip to try to pull away. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Matt,” I reply, still trying to dislodge myself from his arms.

  Pulling me tighter against his chest, he whispers in my ear, “Abigail, I’m not giving up on us.”

  “You have to stop doing—” are the only words I get out before I’m rendered speechless from his lips crashing down upon mine.

  The kiss is simple, but I’m still left breathless. “I knew that would shut you up,” his warm breath utters against my lips and he’s kissing me again. My eyes find the darkness behind my closed lids and I savor the taste of his mouth as I greedily return his kiss. My hands are gripping at his shirt, pulling him closer to me. The feeling of his tongue moving against my own awakens my need to have him. I’m cursed when it comes to the willpower to deny him.

  How am I supposed to keep the walls of my heart guarded against him when my body is defying what is needed to keeping him afar? All my thoughts of refusing him are forgotten when I feel him reach down and lift me up against his body, my legs automatically wrapping around his waist to hold on tight.

  Within seconds we’re in Kelly’s room, my back against the mattress of her bed. “Kelly is not going to appreciate us doing this on her bed,” I say against his lips, but holding him firmly on top of me, resisting letting him go.

  “I’m pretty sure they’ve fucked on my bed. Payback is a bitch,” he says, smiling against my lips.

  I’m already yanking his shirt off, my lips returning to kiss him every so often between managing to rip each other’s clothes off. Within seconds our bodies are naked against each other. My legs again wrapped around his waist, eagerly pulling him to me.

  Abruptly, he yanks his head back, breaking our kiss, pulling his body away. “I’ve got to get a condom,” he quietly says, surprising me he even has one. I’m left perplexed by his words as I look up to him. “I don’t want to risk getting you pregnant,” he explains, looking apologetic for stopping. The words are like a bucket of cold water awakening me. His declaration is a reminder of why I’ve been erecting the walls around my heart.

  I scramble away from him. “What’s wrong?” he asks, his eyes searching mine for an explanation. Sitting at the head of the bed, I bring my knees up to my chest trying to cover my naked body.

  “We shouldn’t be doing this,” I rasp around the lump which is now lodged in my throat. He looks shocked, but just as quickly his expression turns remorseful as he briefly drops his head to sigh. Lifting it again, it’s now full of regret. “Abigail, I don’t know how many times I have to apologize. I know you don’t want to hear it anymore, but I truly do mean it. I will always regret my mistakes, but I don’t understand why they have to tear us apart?”

  I grow angry at his words. “You got her pregnant, Matt. She is the one that is going to be having your baby,” I argue back at him. Already having the courage, I continue. “That should have been me!” I throw back at him before I can stop myself from saying the words. I cannot hide the yearning of my words for it to be true.

  He looks taken aback, as if I’ve physically slapped him. “Abigail,” he softly says my name. “You don’t think I wish it were you having my baby instead of her?” he asks, his words breaking as he asks them.

  I cannot help the tear that escapes my eye, but I let it fall as I gravely sit across from him, mourning the loss at the chance. The ache from my shattered heart has resurfaced and is a painful reminder of why I have to keep myself guarded against Matt. “How do you think I feel knowing that from now on she will always come first?” I know the words may sound selfish, but they are how I feel.

  With sincerity in his eyes, he says, “I will never put her before you, Abigail.”

  “You have to, Matt. At least for the baby,” I answer.

  My words suddenly strike him, the realization clear in his eyes when he takes them in. “You’re right,” he answers, my heart dropping into the pit of my stomach as he agrees. “I will always put my child first, but she will never take your place. I will always choose you,” he declares.

  I take in his words, my heart skipping a beat. They’
re the words I desperately want to hear, but are they the words that I should be allowing him to say?

  As if my silence is what he was hoping for, he leans forward grabbing my hand to tug me to sit on his lap. Relinquishing my need to continue fighting him, I grant him his request and return to his body as he wraps his arms around me, allowing him to hold me. My face finds the crook of his neck as we silently sit there in the dark.

  It isn’t long before he gently places a kiss below my ear. I know it was to comfort me, but the warmth of his skin against my face provokes my desire again. My inner demons push my earlier words away with the need to taste him. Bravely, I place an open mouth kiss against his skin, taking in the taste of him. I keep kissing my way up his chin and I can feel his body go stiff against mine.

  His hands provocatively begin gliding against my body, engraving a trail of electricity from his touch. The heat from his palms is igniting a flame inside of me, awakening my desire, eagerly succumbing to his touch.

  I can feel his erection nudging against my thigh. Knowing he’s ready for me makes me want him inside of me right now. Lifting my body up, Matt helps me straddle his waist and slowly sink down onto him, taking him completely inside my body. The feeling of being filled by him prompts me to moan. I’m about to move, when his hands grip my waist, preventing me from moving. “Beautiful, I really should put a condom on,” he forcefully says against my mouth, the words sounding strained as he says them.

  Still gripping his head, I confess, “I’m on birth control.”