Unspoken Promises

by Gabbie S. Duran

  I feel like my soul has been taken completely from me. My heart is no longer there because he took it with him when he walked way. My purpose to live is no longer within me.

  The convulsions of my crying have taken over my body and I feel like I can’t breathe, the rain taking over my lungs and now drowning me. I’m frantically gasping for air, but the pain has taken over. I accept that I no longer have a reason to live.

  ABIGAIL AWAKENS ME as she twitches in my arms. I should have expected it since it’s been occurring more often these last two nights, leaving me with a restless night. It’s as if she’s having a nightmare, but when I try waking her, she grows angry from me doing so. I’ve tried asking her about her dreams, but she seems to not remember anything in the morning.

  Tonight, though, she’s stirred four times already. I know she’s still asleep, but it’s still worries me. Tightening my hold on her body, I rub my hand up and down her back to try to soothe her. Her contented sigh into my neck tells me it’s working, but soon I’m proven wrong.

  “Don’t leave me!” she shouts as she sits up, damn near scaring the shit out of me, making me sit up with her. “It’s okay beautiful, I’m right here,” I say as I pull her into my arms to whisper the words.

  The room is dark, but with a faint glow coming in through the window I can see her eyes are wide open. She’s clearly frightened. “Shhh, it’s okay, beautiful. I’m right here,” I continue whispering in her ear, once again soothing her with my hand.

  Her face is buried into my neck now and I can feel the tears trickling down my skin. “Do you want to talk about it?” I cautiously ask her. I’m disappointed when I feel her respond with a shake of her head.

  “Please,” I plead. “I think it will make you feel better.”

  I’m expecting silence from her, but she surprises me. “I dreamt you were leaving,” she faintly whispers against my ear. “I would never leave you, beautiful. I promise,” I reassure her, although bewildered by her words.

  “You can’t say that, Matt.”

  I’m disheartened she doesn’t believe me. “Yes, I can, because I love you,” I insist. She doesn’t argue this time, but I don’t push any further. Eventually I feel her body become lax against my own and by the calm sound of her breathing, I know she’s fallen back to sleep. Her hold on me has tightened as if doubting my words. Readjusting our bodies so we can lie back down, I lay her across my chest before I feel her shutter from her silent crying.

  It’s almost dawn and instead of falling asleep with her, I lay awake reflecting over her words. The alarm soon goes off and it isn’t until then that Abigail stirs again. I continue trying to rouse her awake by kissing my way down her shoulder and up to her ear. “It’s time to wake up, beautiful.”

  She mumbles. “Sex or pancakes, you’re pick,” I say to her, knowing she will get up for either choice. Sleepy eyed, she looks at me. “That’s not fair. It’s like asking if I want to breathe,” she protests before closing her eyes once more.

  Throwing my head back to laugh, I soon feel her hand creeping its way down my stomach before wrapping itself around my shaft. I allow her to stroke me and it isn’t long before I’m hard and ready for her.

  Pushing her on her back, I position myself between her legs as she uses her hand to guide me inside of her. “Screw pancakes,” I moan, completely filling her.

  At first I take my time rocking my hips into her body, but she demands more. Her hips lift against my body as I continue to glide in and out of her, urging me deeper into her. Her desperate moans grow loader and desperate, telling me she’s close to her release. I plunge harder and faster against her body, wanting to pleasure her. I can already feel her walls tightening and within seconds I hear her screaming my name as she comes; pumping a couple more times I’m soon following her over the edge. Exhausted and spent, I rest above her with my elbows at her side to keep me extended above her body, refusing to pull myself from her body just yet. Her legs are still tightly wound around my waist and her arms are still holding me, telling me she isn’t ready to let me go either.

  “Now that you’re done, Julio is waiting for you,” Trey shouts from the other end of the door, making us both laugh. I sit both Abigail and I up, keeping her legs wrapped around my waist. “Now I’m hungry,” I hear her breathlessly say into my ear as her body slumps against mine.

  “Sorry, beautiful, no time for pancakes now,” I inform her with a chuckle, my lips tasting her salty skin. “Next time I say you mix while you thrust. I get both pancakes and sex,” she mumbles in return.

  I cannot help but laugh at her words imagining the image of her request. “Maybe next time, beautiful,” I say already climbing out of bed with her still in my arms, walking us both to the bathroom.

  Taking the quickest shower we can both take, we’re soon entering the living room to find Julio and Trey watching TV as we walk in. “Do you have everything you need?” I ask Julio, earning me a curt nod. Grabbing our luggage already sitting near the doorway, I rush Abigail out of the door, hearing complaints that she’s still hungry.

  “They don’t taste the same,” Abigail complains after eating her first bite of the McDonald’s pancakes I’ve ordered from the drive-thru. Looking over to her, she has her nose scrunched up as she continues to chew. I smile, feeling reassured she will never like anyone else’s pancakes but my own. “Next time you’ll think twice about your choice of breakfast,” I badger her over her decision.

  Soon we’re at the airport with Julio checking in ahead of us. It’s when he pulls his coat jacket back to remove his gun from its holster that I hear a shocked Abigail. “Why does Julio have a gun?” she shrieks.

  Her eyes stay locked onto Julio as I urge her to the next available attendant. “I’ll explain in a minute.”

  Shooting me with glare, she says, “You knew about it?”

  “Abigail, right now is not the time to be discussing this.”

  Ignoring my words, she continues her protest. “How long has he been carrying a gun?”

  “He’s only been carrying for a couple of days,” I answer, handing the attendant my ID and ticket information.

  “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” she utters, already crossing her arms over her chest like a stubborn child. “Now you know how I feel when you keep shit from me,” I mumble.

  From the corner of my eye I can see Abigail now staring daggers off into the distance. She’s purposely ignoring me, which is allowing me a break before the storm in which I know will come. It’s when we’re seated in the lounge of our terminal that I choose to approach the subject.

  “Abigail, I don’t know why you’re so upset. It’s for your protection.”

  Still staring off into the distance, she continues ignoring me for a couple of minutes before she speaks. “I’m scared of guns,” she quietly states barely above a whisper. Shocked, I look over to her. Her eyes are glassy, but I can see she’s forcing herself to stay composed.

  Wrapping my arm around her, I pull her closer to me so I can kiss her on her temple. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry,” I apologize. “But with everything that’s going on with Bill, I’d rather Julio be carrying it,” I explain.

  Surprising me, she nods her head in understanding. “It doesn’t mean I have to like it,” she replies.

  I cannot argue with her words. Instead I hold her as we sit in silence until it’s time to board the plane. Even if she had continued arguing the subject, she wasn’t going to win this fight. Her life was more important to me than her fear.

  I BARELY HAVE time to check into the hotel before I’m whisked away in a town car hired to take me to the runway show. I’m both excited and anxious the entire ride there, but it’s when I’m sitting in the make-up chair and surrounded by the chaos of everyone around me I realize, I feel at home.

  The production manager announces the ten minute warning call and I’m whisked off to the dressing area to change. Next I’m standing in a line with my eyes closed helping myself find the zone I’ve
become so familiar with. On cue, they point to me and I take my first step onto the catwalk to an abundance of flashing lights. I feel in control with every step I take, a small voice guiding me every step of the way.

  Shoulders back, look straight ahead. Keep walking until you reach the end of the platform, stop, freeze into a pose, now turn.

  Continuing the same routine as I walk my way back, I head straight into the direction of backstage where I’m ushered to an area with a rack of clothing and production assistants holding up makeshift dressing rooms on the spot. Within a minute I’m stripped and dressed into my next outfit. I have enough time to breathe before I’m pushed back into line, but strangely the entire routine feels familiar and without hesitating, I’m doing it all over again; the catwalk being my center stage high.

  The entire show goes by in a repeated blur until the final walk thru and the crowd is proudly applauding us. With the show over, I’m gathering my personal effects backstage when Matt finds me.

  Throwing myself into his arms, he catches me in a swirling hug. “You were amazing out there, beautiful,” he proudly states.

  “Really?” I ask, now feeling doubtful of myself.

  “Really,” he answers before giving me a kiss. “You were so hot I think we need to leave already so I can congratulate you back at the hotel,” his seductive words creating an image in my mind.

  “Promise?” I breathlessly ask. I’m about to kiss him when I hear someone call my name. Turning to see who it is, the blood drains from my body and my heart plummets into the depths of my stomach as I take the person in.

  “Kaden,” my heart stops beating and I’m rendered speechless trying to figure out what he’s doing here.

  Ignoring the fact that Matt is standing next to me, he comes straight towards me to give me a kiss, but I quickly pull my face away to avoid his kiss. He looks confused before saying, “It’s good to see you again,” as his eyes rake down my body. “You look different with clothes on,” he finishes with a crooked grin before I see Matt’s fist make contact with his jaw.

  Kaden attacks back by shoving against Matt’s body with his shoulder. I’m frantically trying to break them up, but Julio is already at my side beating me to it as he pulls Kaden away from Matt. From the fury in Matt’s eyes, I know he’s ready to attack Kaden once more, forcing me to step in. “Matt, calm down!” I shout in an attempt to get his attention, but it takes me holding his body back with my hands against his chest to stop him. Instead of looking at me his eyes are following Julio as he leads Kaden out of the area.

  “Who the fuck is he, and what does he mean with your clothes on?” he furiously shouts.

  “We did a photo shoot together last month,” I explain trying to calm his enraged temper, still stunned over what happened. “You failed to mention the shoot was with a guy,” Matt sneers. “What the fuck was he doing in it?” he asks, pointing at the direction Julio left to.

  “It’s not what you think,” I defensively say, still trying to defuse his anger, but it isn’t working. “And I didn’t mention it because I knew you wouldn’t be happy with it,” I throw back at him.

  “Is he the reason why you didn’t want me there?”

  “No! I swear I didn’t know he’d be there. I didn’t even know what type of shoot it was until that morning,” I defensively proclaim. “I don’t know why you’re so angry. I wasn’t fucking him, unlike when you’re half naked with the opposite sex,” I throw back at him.

  Pushing away from me as if I’ve slapped him, he looks back at me stunned. “I’m sorry,” I let out, regretting my words. “It was nothing more than a job,” I quietly whisper, remembering the shame I felt leaving the photo shoot.

  “How do you expect me to trust you when you keep things from me?” he bellows out. “You kept the fact that you were half naked with a guy, on the job, from me.”

  “You expect me to believe you would’ve been cool with all the details?”

  “I just want to know why you couldn’t tell me?” he asks.

  “I knew you would react this way. I knew you would get pissed over my doing a lingerie shoot with a half-naked model!” I shout back at him, trying to prove my point. “This is what I do, Matt. This is my career. You knew it when I met you. You’re either going to have to learn to deal with it…” I say, still pondering what to say next.

  “Or what, Abigail?” he growls out, looking furious at this point.

  “Or nothing, Matt, because I’m not giving you a choice,” I snarl back at him, already turning to walk away. My blood is boiling as I walk my way to the car. My once ecstatic frame of mind has now been replaced with fury.

  The entire car ride back to the hotel is made in utter silence. By the time we arrive my fury has, for some odd reason, been replaced with disappointment. Matt’s reaction proves he will never truly accept what my job entails, which is the reason why I need to do what’s best for me, which may just pull us apart.

  I’M SITTING ON the balcony of the hotel with a beer in my hand, my eyes locked onto the skyline in the distance as Abigail’s words repeat themselves in my head. The moment she threw them at me, I was hit with the realization of the truth. It was her career and I knew she wouldn’t allow anything or anyone to choose different for her. She had enough of that in her past.

  As I’d watched her on the runway today, I had never felt more proud of anyone in my life. I now understood how Emily felt from every accomplishment I had made for her. But now that the tables are turned, I have to learn to face the demons I kept pushing away. Abigail is a model and would always be. There was no denying she was born to be.

  Finishing off my beer, I stand up and head back inside to try talk to her. I know I need to apologize for being a stubborn asshole, but my pride had kept me from doing it since we argued. Instead we’ve both been stubbornly ignoring each other since we stepped into the car. I’d intended to talk to her as soon as we arrived at the hotel, but she rushed to the bedroom and quickly shut the door behind her, leaving me the chance to drink my misery away alone on the balcony.

  It wasn’t until I was on my last beer that I realized I’d reverted back to doing what I had done before I met Abigail. I was shutting out the world and attempting to drink the misery away. Placing the empty bottle on the coffee table, I stumble my way over to the room to Abigail, hoping she isn’t still too upset. When I enter, I see her ending a phone call with a smile spread across her face as she stares down at her phone. Her smile alone is lighting up the room as it removes the darkened cloud I had dragged back in with me.

  I can tell she hasn’t heard me enter, which allows me to stare at her beautiful face as she smiles. When she looks up, her body jolts as if frightened from seeing me. Cautiously, so not to stumble from my drunken haze, I walk my way over to her and join her in the bed. “Can I see your phone?” I ask her, already holding my hand out.

  Clutching the phone to her chest, she asks, “Why?”

  “I want to change the ring tone,” I answer, demanding for the phone once more. This time she willingly hands it over and I go straight to looking for the song I kept thinking about for the last hour. Handing the phone back to her, I dig mine out of my pocket and call her. The lyrics of Hanging By A Moment are announcing themselves in the silence of the room.

  She awards me with a genuine smile as she leans in to kiss me. Without hesitating, I deepen the kiss. “You’re lucky I love the taste of beer in your mouth,” I hear her mumble against my lips.

  I pull her down on top of me so I can lay her across my chest, needing to hold her in my arms. Without any hesitation, she makes herself comfortable on my body and my hand is already rubbing her back. “I’m sorry,” I whisper into her ear.

  “It was just a photo shoot, Matt,” she responds into my neck.

  “No more secrets,” I ask of her and she nods her head to answer. “We just have to trust each other and no longer keep secrets from one another. It’s how this all started.”

  “I know, but I love you too much t
o lose you over something stupid like this,” she states.

  Her words are a reminder of the asshole I became when my jealousy took over me earlier. “I’m sorry,” I repeat, hugging her tighter. “Can we just put this all behind us, please?” she pleads.

  Pulling my head away so I can kiss her, my lips find hers, needing to show her just how much I love her. Her kiss is like ambrosia or a drug I will never get enough of, as is her body. Stripping her out of her clothes, I do the same with mine, wanting to be one with her. I have an urgency to be inside of her.

  Making sure she’s looking into my eyes, I enter her. With my eyes never leaving hers, I slowly make love to her. It isn’t rushed, as it was this morning. I want her to understand just how much she means to me, how much I truly do love her, and I do it by reminding her every couple of minutes as I whisper it into her ear as I take us to our world of ecstasy.

  MATT IS LAYING in my arms with his head on my chest as he quietly breathes in his sleep. He had fallen asleep almost immediately after we made love. Ironically, it’s usually me who immediately attempts to fall asleep afterwards, but the alcohol in his system may be the reason why. Instead, I hold Matt in my arms as my mind wanders back to right before he entered the room.

  “Hello Ms. Adams. I want to congratulate you on such an amazing show. The designer, Rebecca Russell, had nothing but praise for your performance today,” the production director announces.

  “Thank you,” I shyly respond.

  “I’m calling to ask if you’re currently in a contract with an agency at this time?”

  “No, I’m not,” I answer. As I’m about to ask why, she enthusiastically continues. “Oh great! We wouldn’t normally be doing this, but the designer was so impressed with your performance today she is insisting I add you to the show as her primary model.” If I weren’t already stunned from her words, the next set would have thrown me into shock. “She has insisted we offer you a contract for the remainder of the tour. I hope your passport is up to date, because you’re going to need it,” she playfully teases.